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ANY CHANCE OF ME & EX-BOYFRIEND GETTING BACK TOGETHER?
Okay this might be kind of confusing but bear with me please. So at the end of summer last year, I met this guy, Joe, through my best friend, Liz. Joe dated one of Liz's good friends, Grace. They dated for about 2 & 1/2 years and then at the beginning of summer, they broke up. So now its September, and Joe with his friend come by Liz's house, and I'm there with her. So I meet Joe, I knew who he was and about him & Grace and I thought he was pretty cute. He thought I was really cute too. He liked me and all. I wasn't even THINKING about me and him together, the thought of US never came to mind. I felt like I had no chance. Grace (his ex) was unbelievably gorgeous and so much different from me.Well anyways, so we started hanging out. He'd come by more often and we were both very shy. Later I found out that one of the reasons he fell for me was because I was so quiet. But anyways, so we would hang out; play tennis and just hang out with friends. I also got drunk for the very first time with him -- and that's a very goodmemory. I remember how he was so worried about me geeting home and everything that day. Ahh memories. We went downtown by the lake and shopped and everything. Then one day, we were walking, just the two of us, and we kiss. Later on the walk home, he told me about how he wanted to kiss me sooner but that didn't work out cause it was never good timing with his friends and all. So yes, then the following week we would hang out and kiss :) and talked online. He asked me do I see him as a boyfriend and all that and talked about us dating. The next time we hung out, he asked me out. It was perfect. I never met a guy like him. Never dated ANYONE like that. Too perfect for words. It was awesome, the best time of my life. Everything was going great, I couldn't have been happier. He was a bad boy, ditching school, band with his friends, typical guy stuff. But I was always able to count on him. He always chose me over his friends, and even stopped drinking. We went to different schools, and then I started working with my dad, so things got harder. He had his friends drop him off whenever just so he can see me -- it was like a dream come true. My prince charming had come. But meanwhile, Grace (the ex) found out and went crazy. She hated me and my friend/her friend for letting it even happen. She had people watching me and threating me all the time on the interenet that they're going to kick my ass for dating Joe. But I didn't care. My friendshad my back. I remember when Joe was over and I wasn't supposed to have anyone over, and he was over and my dad came home, haha... he ran out the back door and jumped the gate and everything barefoot. Lol poor him left his shoes. He had written me a song and everything, we even wrote each other notes in school. Now back to the psycho ex-gf, well me and her were sort of friends, we just knew each other because of my best friend Liz. She would always follow me & Joe, (she had a car so was EVERYWHERE) and yeah. Then one day, me and joe sort of got into an argument. Me and my friend Liz and some of his friends were all walking around the nieghborhood onour way to chill at this one park. His ex would drive by and stop and talk to Joe's friends. We were with a bunch of friends all walking when these little 12=14 year old were with us and they were talking shit to joe about me and just because bitches and giving me and my friend attitude so I wasn't gonna deal with it and me and my friend Liz turned around and left. He didn't even bother to go after me or call. I regret doing that, I know he must have gotten mad, I remember when I hung up on him, that upset him also. but anyways, so the same day I call him. And I call again. And I call again. No answer. Same thing the following day, Saturday. Then Sunday I call all day. Finallly I try one last time on SUnday night and Grace picks up. And she said he's with her now and all those times he wasn't with me, he was with her. I dropped the phone. It was crazy, my friends wanted to go right over there and beat her up. But I thought about and decided just to forget it. Lateron, I signed online and he was on -- so I instant messaged him. And I yelled at him and everything and then signed off and cried. And cried. I thought I got over him, I was into another guy -- well then he chose another girl over me, and yeah. Then he came back and I rejected him and all that because I'm not gonna deal with someone liek that. SO I really don't even know what I'm asking. Him and Grace have been together ever since. I ran into both of them the other day at a store which was really awkward, he was with his friends in the store and I was with mine. Then they left the store and his girlfriend -- Grace -- and his sister come in. Then they leave and are waiting outside in the car for us. We goto our car and trhey pull up and then she says something and flicks us off and drives off. But anways, I just can't seem to get over him. Its crazy cause this all happened quite a while ago. Maybe its just because he was my first SERIOUS boyfriend? I have no idea what to do... and I really want to believe that one day WE WILLE get back together. I just hope and pray something along the way will happen and we will be together.Like today for example, I felt like breaking down and crying. I went with my friends downtown, on the train. And they were with their bf's and it reminded me how we used to be like that. Last time I took the train was with him. We went to musuems on Columbus Day. Memories :( It was just so heartbreaking. Do you think that we will get back together? People say "THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT!" and I wanna follow that, because well thats how I met him. I wasn't even looking for a boyfriend. ANd now every guy I look at or my friends want me to meet/date, I just can't. And it kills me because I want to be with him and no one elsre. DO you thinkin it's possible for us to get back together? Maybe later on in life? It was my mistake because I was always so shy and not really OUT with my feelings, and I regret not telling him how I feel, he always thought I didn't like him or anything. Although we dated for only about 2 months, the memrories and the times we had together even before we began officially "dating" ... they mean soo much. I just wish I had another chance. Do you think it's possible for us to ever get back together? Do you think he ever thinks about me the way I think about him? Is there ANY chance of us getting back together in the future?
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Well, I'd have to say, firstly, that bad boys are very cute, but not always the greatest kinds of guys to date. I think you got into a relationship way too fast with this guy. I have made that mistake before, in fact, I just made that mistake a few days ago. Obviously when a really cute guy asks you out, your imediate reaction is YES! But, we do not always make the best choices.
Now, you probably want me to say, that there is a chance you could get back together. And actually, there is a chance. But let's think, if you got back together with him, knowing that Grace is still there, and that he could be cheating on you, how would you feel? I wouldn't want to go out with someone who would do what he did to you, and he could have easily taken the relationship alot farther than he did. Naturally, you are trying to cling on to this relationship, probably since he was your first serious boyfriend. But, you need to let go. You can do ALOT better! trust me, someday some guy is going to come along and you two will fall in love, and joe will be saying, "Darn. I can't believe I lost her."
So don't call him anymore, don't IM him. You are way too good for him and his stupid psycho girlfriend. So basically to wrap all this up, yes there could be a chance, but I really don't think it would be worth it.
Thanks for writing to me!
--Johanna
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Hi there, thanks for your question and sorry about the late reply!
Wow you poor thing, that is never nice to go through. If it helps I'll relate it to something that happened to me that was similar. I was sort of involved with this guy who had previously been involved with someone who was equally as crazy as your Grace! Anyway (as this is the shortened version lol) I found out about 3 and a half months later I found out he'd been sleeping with her for almost a month. So my advice to you is to do exactly what I did...never speak to him again and delete all evidence he was ever in your life. How DARE he treat you like this? You seem like such a nice girl and deserve far better than this. He didn't even have the courage and decency to break up with you - he had her do it for him...you do NOT want to be dating a coward. The other thing of course is that psycho exes are always very scary and I'll warrent that if you two ever were to get back together she'd constantly be on your back, and no one wants that. I know how hard it can be, and you will cry and miss him and feel rubbish...could take months, I expect the thing you'll miss the most is his friendship. But eventually it WILL get better. Once you've mourned the loss then go out, get yourself some new clothes or shoes, get a new haircut and go and show the world just what you're made of! Go out with your girlfriends and have a laugh. I really don't reccommed trying to get back with him at all, it's bound to get far too messy and I don't believe he's anywhere NEAR good enough for you! If you want anymore advice or support I'm happy to give it so just drop me a line :)
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heyyy ummm to be honest you should really ask Erikanne to give you advice on this rust me just tell her everything she is great at it belives just ask her.
xo ♥
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Hey I went through something similar to this and it didn't work out. But yes if you really believe you still like him enough to put your self in that situation again then yeah you could get back together. I mean if you start to move on and do other things and activites to keep your mind off of him then either he'll come back or even better some one better will come along!Oh and yeah i think he thinks about you the same way, even though i'm not a boy i've come to learn that boys do sometimes feel the same way and do think. He did you dirty so yup absolutly he thinks about you, his conscience definetly gets to him. But i wish you the best of luck and hope i helped.
XOXO
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sorry to say sweetheart but he is your ex for a reason. i went through something..and even a year after me and my first true love broke up i wanted him back...just leave him be and give yourself time to get over him. thats what i did. dont talk to him dont look at him...just leave it be...and then...try callin him on his bday or something to say happy bday (thats what i did) and now me and my ex are cool. he appreciated the fact that i remembered his bday...guys arent all complete jerks....they appreciate the little stuff sometimes...well..me and my ex are cool now..and a friendship is better than nothing. even if you and your ex never get back together..just try for a friendship...thats the best advice i can give..just make sure that you get over him beofre you try to be his friend again. coz if you arent over him and try to be his friend it wont work. coz you'll be hurting the whole time. best of luck sweet heart. hope you find someone who treats you right...
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Your story is a painful and difficult one to read:I have gone through some uncomfortable breakups in my time, but none so bad as this.
What makes the situation so confusing is the way that Joe went back to Grace after they had what appeared and was such an extreme breakup. But as strange as it seems, the contrast between you and Grace is the catalyst which pulled him back to her side. It is not that he didn't genuinely love you-perhaps he on one level still does, it's more likely than not. But they had a two and a half year relationship before you even came into the picture-the dynamics, the chemistry of their relationship was set like a timebonb waiting to go off. And off it went, with you as the unfortunate and innocent victim. That is the reason why a relationship between you and Joe is futile, and likely to bring much misery. Any relationship you had in the future would, I believe, be doomed to follow the same unfortunate pattern of intimacy and love between you being shattered by the intrusion of Grace, with whom Joe has this poisonous and symbitoic relationship.
My greatest concern now is for your emotional safety. Tell your friends that you're not ready to date right now, there's nothing wrong in waiting for a while- you're only young and young people(probably especially women) place too much importance on dating. Enjoy life as much as you can. Weep when you need. Remember Joe with love, knowing that the love you offered him was valuable. He just wasn't strong enough to take it, he's one of those men who needs an abusive and domineering woman- in short,a bitch- to make the world seem the right way up. When you're older you'll pity both of them. Now, you need to grieve.
Do keep me posted as to how you are doing. I also suggest that you drop this same question in Razhie's inbox-her advice will probably differ very little from mine, but it tends to be better expressed.
All the best, Lucretia x.
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Wow, so much has happened to you and I can relate to some of the things you went through. You need to stop beaing so hard on yourself because it's not worth it. First of all, Grace was never a true friend. I'm going to be completley honest with you and don't take it the wrong way or anything, but it seems like he used you. Joe and Grace have been dating for 2 and 1/2 years and when they broke up he probablly thought it was over for good. That is a really long time for a relationship. He needed to get over her, so then you came along. He thought you were attractive and he liked you but he wanted to get over her, so he thought that moving on to someone else would help and you just happened to be the one he liked. I'm not just saying this to make you feel bad or anything, but plenty of guys who try to move on do bull like that. He seemed to like you a lot and he had a lot of fun with you, but once Grace came back into the picture, he was back to her because that's all he wanted the whole time. Grace seemed to be very jelous of yours and Joe's relationship and she did everything in her power to break you guys apart, and sadly, she accomplished it. I know that you really want to get over him, and if you can't that's perfectly fine. Your friends just want you to date other guys so you can forget about him and move on, and if you can't, don't force yourself. Take as much time as you need to because by forcing yourself to get over someone is only going to make you feel worse. The memories are the worst things about break ups. Once you start to move on, they flashback and just make you think and you get one of those moments where you just want to break down and cry. If you really need to cry, let it out. Don't hold anything in. Now, crying forever won't make you feel better and you shouldn't do it. He is just a guy and even if he was something special to you, it's not the end of the world. In the future, you will find someone who will be perfect for you. I wish that I could tell you that you guys will be together in the future, but right now it's really too soon to tell. Maybe one day you guys will be together again and happier than ever. Maybe you guys broke up for a reason. Everything happens for a reason and if it's meant to me, things will fall back into place again. Don't wait around wishing you guys would go back to normal and that you regret things. Regreting this is the worst thing. I bet you didn't want to change anything at the moment when you were with him. It's not your fault, it's his. He missed out on a great person like you and he is the one who should be regreting things, not you. You deserve a lot better and just stop making yourself feel bad. You can't change the past and like I said, things happen for a reason. Keep trying to move on. Listen to your friends. Go out and meet new guys, get to know them, flirt, be yourself and just have fun. Stop thinking about Joe and your old memories when you can make tons of new ones with other people. You shoulnd't be thinking about a new boyfriends or anything because you have a long time to "find" one. :]
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Well, I can tell by all the energy you put into your comments, how very much you feel for him and for the two of you.
This must be really really really hard for you, and as I look back at my younger years, with boyfriends, I can remember similar moments. Young hearts hurt so deeply because so many of the experiences we have when younger mean so very much to us since they are often our first ones with so much emotion invested.
My heart goes out to you dear heart, and I wish I was there in person, face to face and heart to heart with you to talk/chat with you about this issue. But I'm not, so I'll do my best to help you get through it.
First things first. I feel it's very important that you not blame yourself for anything.... everything that's happened has happened for a reason, there are no accidents and if we choose to learn and grow from and through each experience, the good and the not so good, then we grow as human beings and become better and better human beings.
In this case.... yes, you had a chance to have a good friendship/relationship and for whatever reasons it didn't live a long life. Doesn't mean it can't again, it certainly is within the range of possibility, for anything can happen. I wouldn't wait around hoping it will, you would be wise to go on with your life.
What I might do.... if this feels right to you, is to write him a short letter, handwritten so it's more personal and get it to him in a way that no one else(we know who) will have access to it. Pour out your real feelings and comments and thoughts on the issue, just like you have with me. But keep it simple, short and to the point. Write whatever feels most important to you at the time to express and share.
Let him know how it has affected you, how you miss all the good things you enjoyed about him and even perhaps wish him the very best in every aspect of his life and ask him if he would remain your good friend and spend a little time with you from time to time as any two friends might. You don't have to be sorry for anything, just express yourself openly and freely. Don't beg or plead, just be as a good friend would be.
If he's truly as you say he is, then he will read between the lines of your direct, honest, and heartfelt written expressions. And if he's truly a good person, he'll see the value and worth of remaining your friend and perhaps will see through some of the games the other girl seems to be playing with herself and her life. Such activity is a waste of human potential in my view and doesn't last and isn't real and will have to give way to what is right and real at some time along life's journey.
Also, I would suggest you begin seeing yourself as a fine human being, a beautiful young woman with value and worth and purpose. A person who deserves unlimited goodness and is brave and courageous and will open many new doors and welcome countless opportunities in the days, weeks and years ahead. We all deserve much love and goodness and happiness in our lives and to have our hearts sing of rejoice and peace and love.
So as you begin to see yourself in clearer light, your inner beauty will begin to shine outward and those meant to be in your life for whatever reason, will 'see' that and feel that and wish that vibrational integrity in their circle of friends and acquaintances. It's that inner beauty that will carry you through life and bring your dreams to come true, for this is our true power and our true expression in life.
If you don't feel comfortable about writing to him, then perhaps a friendly chat/talk in person where there will be no surprise interruptions will help him understand your feelings and you his. Perhaps he truly didn't understand how you felt because of your shyness and if he's shy too, then perhaps he simply returned to a place where his shyness with someone is overshadowed by their agressiveness.
I feel also that you would be wise to relax a little more with this. Afterall, truly it is not the end of your life, the end of his. And I know how one's memories can haunt us forever, it seems. So perhaps you might wish to find somethiing to do with your spare time, so your thoughts are focused more on something new. Perhaps volunteering around your local area, especially with the elderly folks who often have no visitors or reasons to celebrate, will help you appreciate who you are, what you really have and your life in general.
Just don't focus on him or the two of you so much especially if it's affecting the quality of your school work and grades.
I would let him know though somehow, that you would wish to be his friend if nothing else, because when it comes to that infamous bottomline, you really do like him and appreciate him as a good person, one you want as a good friend.
I hope this helps, I'm sure there's much more that I could talk about, but let's start here OK? OK! I'm glad you contacted me... it's been such a joy chatting with you, because I can tell you're a really good person and worth sharing with.
Let me know how this goes or if you wish to chat further.... I hope this all works out and you find yourself focusing your time and energy on those things that truly add to your life and your day to day activities. You have so much more living to do, don't get to hung up on this segment of your life.... there is so much remaining to live and to learn and to experience. So much more! It may not all be fun and games, and there may be some pain and a little suffering, but I always see those experiences as the ones that make me stronger, better and more determined to find what truly makes me happy inside.
Blessings to you dear heart and I hope you have a very Happy Heart Day tomorrow....Salanda
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hye omg that story was so long and sad = [. that should be like a book or movie or something lol. anyways back to your question. well at first i thought he was a very nice guy and evertyhing. but then after he went back with grace i think he is a very bad boyfriend type person. but this is half your fault for walking away. im sure that it would have happened eventually but you caused it to happen ebfore it would have. so my answer to you is you wont get back together with him because even fi you do he will go crawling back to grace. sorry. cait ♥
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wow long story. but i know wat you mean. i have had friends go throught the same thing. and i think maybe if you give it time it will work its self out. if you guys are still friends then talk to him. Also having to see him with Gracie is going to be hard but talkin to both of them is the one thing that will make you feel better and then u will find out how he feels.
i hope i helped and if you need any more help don't be afraid to ask.
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