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My friend's death...
Well, my best friend died exactly a year ago as of yesterday. I'm not sure if many of you are familiar with my question I posted last year about her death, but so you can hear the whole story here's the link: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I've had a hard time dealing with her death, mentally and physically and I've been really depressed. I still blame myself for her death every day because I still feel that if I were there it wouldn't have happened.
I really need help coping with it... I've tried to keep myself busy with fencing, my boyfriend, my friends and schoolwork.. But nothing really seems to keep my mind fully off of what happened.
This past week, when her anniversary came up was when I really started to get depressed. I've gone to therapy because of her death and also because of other problems and my therapist keeps telling me that it wasn't my fault and that I couldn't have prevented it from happening. But if you really think about it, I COULD saved her. She kept begging me to go to the party with her but I said no because I wanted to be with my boyfriend. I think that if I wasn't being so selfish in wanting to spend so much time with my boyfriend, then I WOULD have gone to the party. My ex boyfriend WOULDN'T have slipped X in her drink he WOULDN'T have raped her and she WOULDN'T be dead.
I talk to her family almost every day and they always tell me that it's not my fault... But I still feel like it is.
How can I stop feeling like this is my fault? And how can I finally get closure on her death?
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Well there is no way you could have stopped it...cause even if you were there he would still have done it prob and then yeah she would still be dead... you just have to accpect its not your fault even tho its hard.my friend Alex killed himself and i always thought maybe if i was a better friend and if i was just w/him before he shot himself then eveyrthing would be ok...but i accpected the fact that he is gone and it wasnt my fault cause even if i was there he would have done it....and yeah i was in threapy for awhile about it and everything...just try 2 tell yourself it wasnt your fault ..sorry if this didnt help xoxox Jenny xoxo
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Wow, first off, I'm really sorry for your best friends death, but another thing is you need to realize that this was not your fault.
What happened was totally unexpected. You had no way to foresee that she was going to die. She was in the wrong situation at the wrong time, and maybe in a sense, she had fulfilled her time on earth. Maybe there was nothing left for her here and God decided to take her. I cant really counsel you in this and try to convince you it isnt your fault, because I doubt a person over advicenators would be able to do that.
I recommend seeking spiritual guidance. If you arent religous, now is a time to seek God, and if you are, now is a time to become closer. Talk to a Pastory, Preacher, Bishop, Rabbi, whatever religion you are, just talk to the leader. Surprising enough THEY HAVE GOOD ANSWERS. When my Uncle died, my Pastor helped me through it very much (I felt extremely guilty when he died because the last time I saw him I hardly talked to him, I never said goodbye, I never told him I loved him (he had been paralyzed, it was terribly awkward) and I felt soo guilty for that) It's been two years and now I feel completely healed, but for months I was crying and depressed and just...lacking emotions. My Pastor and praying and attending religious services healed me (although I will never be fully healed). I wish you the BEST of luck, and I hope some day you will finally make peace with the past and fulfill your life in happiness.
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I realize you feel like its your fault but its not, you kept on telling her not to drink and not to go to parties. Your ex would have stil slipped ecstasy in her drink, and he probably would have done it to yours too, but you didnt go. Dont blame yourself, ive blamed mi self for mi dads death and its just not something you should do. You have tried everything to stop her from drinking but she just wouldnt listen. Its not your fault you protected her while you could and you saved her before she ended up dieing, by telling her not to drink you were trying to save her life so you did what you should have, if you need to talk, just e-mail me, im sooo sorry for what has happened to you and im willing to talk whenever you need someone to talk too so e-mail me: boxer_lover2389@yahoo.com i really do hope i helped
XoKaraXo
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sweetie you told her not to drink it its not your fault if you would of been at the party with her you would be dead right now too theres NOTHING you could've done so dont blame yourself you have no right to do that and if you want to i would love to talk to you anytime you want to and i am soo sorry! email me at xoxobrunnette044@aim.com!
rate please
P.S. I HOPE I HELPED!
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It's not your fault, as you know. You know that, but it's just hard for you to believe it.
You told her not to take drinks from parties. She didn't listen. She decided to take it. She made her own decision. There wasn't anything you could have done.
You can guide someone and help them make a step in the right direction, but it's their responsibility to take that step. Your friend didn't listen to you. It's not your fault that she didn't listen; like I said, it was her decision to take your advice or not.
You did the right thing by telling her that it wasn't good to take drinks from parties. You were being a good friend. You showed that you care about her.
The guy put ecstacy in the drink and gave it to her. She drank it. You did nothing wrong.
It's good that you're trying to keep yourself busy and that you aren't sitting around, moping and doing nothing. I didn't know your friend, but I'm pretty sure that she wants you to be happy. Please, keep trying, and I hope that all goes well.
If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥Manders
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i know how u feel my friend died on boxing day in vancouver you pobably saw it on the news anyway the only way you can forget about her death is if you make a new friend and forget about your past and remember its not your fault and it never will be
p.s. keep in touch this is my email Angel_cutie_19@hotmail.com im glad i finally found someone who feels my pain
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Hey,
I don't believe that its your fault. Because thats the way life is. You know. One day we maybe living and the next day it's over. I have recently been depressed over my grandma. I Will Tell you the story, if you want. Just drop an Inbox and I will be more than happy to tell you! ♥.
It wasn't your fault. You had NO control over what would have happend that night. So please don't be so hard on yourself. I know how you feel.
-GD
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