|
Taking the next step... (this is long)
Hi everyone!
My name is Todd, and I am a 15-year-old teenager. Well, my question is whether or not I should take the next step. Let me explain.
About close to a year ago, I met this girl, Andrea, in my Freshman year, and she and I didn't date, but we were good friends. We were both the same age, but I was about a month older. Through the months, we knew more and more about each other from our last names to what candy we like.
As strange as it seems, I've never had a relationship, much less my first kiss. I am trying to see if Andrea likes me or not, but more than a friendship. Some relationships can be harsh, so I don't want to try that, but I just want to know if she has the same or at least similar feelings that I do for her.
I am always glad to be around her, and sometimes I hang around her more than some of my other friends. I've also noticed that when I am with her at lunch, she wants these other girls at the table to go away, since they're annoying, but I'm not sure if it's just because she wants to be alone with me or something, since she and I usually sit alone.
As far as hanging out goes, she and I have hung out at my home once, and we've seen each other at school. I've been trying to hang out with her more, but she has a dysfunctional family which makes it tough for us to hang out on weekends. She is also depressed, so I try to help her through it.
I have been trying to show her that I love her by telling her that I care about her, how much I do care about her, and by doing things for her, like buying her gifts or getting things for her. Whoa, lot of "her"s in that one. Well, anyway, she never freaks out, but she always smiles and sometimes nods her head up and down a little bit. She might say things like "that's nice" or "thanks", but I never really can tell if she is nervous or anxious. I remember when I told her that I did really care about her, she smiled but she kind of laughed, and she said "I'm sorry for laughing...".
So, I would like to ask if I should take the next step and try asking her out. My parents have said I shouldn't because of her family, and some of my friends have said to go for it, just because she's single.
Thanks for reading this.
Todd
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
What I think you should try is confront here! Tell her how you feel. The worst thing that will happen is that she wont have that much feelins 4 you just try you never kno she might become ur 1st gf!
saM
saM
SaM
]
well, asking her out would be a big step, but try not to load it all on her at once. try to start by saying something like, "So since we are friends and we can trust each other, i was woundering if i could share something with you." then, try to tell her that you would like to take her out on a date to see if things could be more between the two of you.Remember that not all relationships work, and sometimes being friends is all there is. BUT!, don't give up hope, you two sound like you'd be great together. I hope everthing works out! Might as well ask her now, and not regret not asking her later! good luck!
]
you seem like u really like this girl and I know how u feel but just from a girls point of view. Well I think that if you guys are friends that it would be easy to talk to her. Like you said you comfort her when she is depressed and maybe she just dosen't see that you like her. What you need to do is just come out and just tell her how you feel and she might just as well feel the same way. Well i hoped I helped. Just go For it.
]
Well...dont just buy things for her all the time that can get kind of annoying and she needs a friend not material things. Just point blankly ask her " can u ever see us together?" The worse thing she can say is NO..
]
I know that lots of people have answered, but let me take a whack at it.
You are a resally sweet guy, and guess what, that is what she needs. Sometimes girls in dysfunctional families tend to not want to get in relationships for fear of turning out like her own family. Tell her that she can trust you, and that you won't hurt her like everyone else does, becasue you care for her, and want her to be happy. I know this is probly going to sound dumb, but you could be her " Knight In Shining Armor ". Even if she does reject you, it could be just like I said before she is scared, so if she says no, keep caring for her, being there for her, like always, eventually she will get it, and will look at you one day and it will click, that she really likes you, and wants to be with you. Sorry that was long. I hope I really helped, because you deserve a good answer. Good luck!
]
Todd, look you're a nice guy. I can tell. It really boils down to whether or not you want to go out with her. And you do. So you really have nothing to lose by asking her. But be careful. There's two possible sceneraios I see here. The first one is the one you want:she really cares a lot about you too and would love to be your girlfriend. The second is the ugly one, the one I get: She cares about you, yeah, but only as a friend and she doesn't have the heart to tell you. When she nods and smiles, does she say "I really care about you a lot too?" and then kind of gaze into your eyes, like kiss me asshole. If she doesn't, that's not so good. Stop buying her stuff. If she laughed, that's really bad. Ask her out, but don't expect the world here man. If she says no, then it's ok.
]
carefull, don't get too attached to her and stop buying her stuff, and showing her you care, maybe once every 6 months or so untill you are in a relationship with her, for now it shows you care by simply being her friend and taking of your time to be around her. In short don't get clingy too soon!
For now she is your friend and thats it.
I KNOW that when she laughted it must have been bad for you.
If you like her enough to take the first step go for it, else don't bugger up a good friendship.
Be the man and lead the relationship where you want it to go.
]
First of all, thank you so much for typing correctly and giving us your age at the top. That actually made me want to answer your question!
I think that you guys are best friends, and in my book, to be a best friend, you care about each other, so she obviously has SOME feelings for you. The only reason I can see for NOT asking her out would be that it might be weird if she didn't feel the same way.
I think that you should just hang out outside school more, and if it's just the two of you, then that's dating, pretty much (except for the kisses and stuff), so if she's willing to hang out with you, then ask her out on an official date!
Good luck!
]
Well Todd,
I have read what you have to say, i am 14 years old, and i can see exactly where you are coming from, i have sort of been in a similar situation.
From what i have read, you and this girl definatly have some sort of connection. What happens from here can lie in your hands, you see for the past few months i have been reasearching many different things. One thing that i found very useful was body language, if you master the art of readin body language it can help you by knowing exactly what the other person is thinking or feeling without them having to tell you. I suggest maybe a little look into reading body language can be very useful to you. It may open your eyes to see what she is really feeling.
It is obvious from what you have written that you would like to take it to the next step otherwise you would have never written in asking for advice on what to do. I believe that your parents, her parents, your friends or anybody for that matter shouldnt control what you do and how you feel about her. If you feel as if you want to take it a step further then go for it, just dont do it because someone has influenced you. I am saying this from experiance, it can end badly, trust me.
I think it is good that you are always there for her in her time of need, this is crucial if you are going to gain her trust, no i am not saying you should just be there to get with her, but be there for yourself, like you would not like to get anything out of helping her..if that makes sence.
As you have mentioned disfunctional family, this can cause a problem. I know many people whos families have got in the way of their relationships, just make sure you know that you are able to deal with any problems that this relationship could cause you from the other family. It is always best to be on the good side of the family, as it can have many advantages. Rather being on the bad side can get you into trouble and having a girls parents on you case while you are trying to get their daughter isnt exactly the best way to go about it, so just make sure you know what you are doing
In my lifetime, i have liked many girls, but very few i have felt really strongly about, i have acted how i thought neccesary, and went with whatever happened. Till this day i still look back and try and learn from everything that i did wrong. I have found that telling a girl you like her can sometimes work for you, but only if she feels the same way back, otherwise it can go a little wrong from there. Even sometimes jumping ahead of things and asking someone out straight away can work in your favour or can go against you. I have also found using body language in this case can come in very handy, from this you can see if any attraction is going on between you and you will be able to send out the right signals. I have come up with a 7 day plan to get a girl, :D. Took me a while but still needs to be tested properly. Another option you can take is slowly try and "woo" her. Like make suttle moves indicating that you like her. If it is going to happen then she will respond back and you both will end up going out. But obviously you know her alot better than i do so you have to deicde yourself how to approach the situation.
I strongly reccomend looking into body language though. Hope i have helped
Sanj
]
I personally have too completely different sides to this...I'll give you both...pick the one that suits you best.
on one hand, I say yes. you guys are close and if you already sit together and try to be together, I say by all means go for it!
On the other hand, dysfunctional families are hard to deal with. My ex's family was all messed up and my family didn't like him or his family. he was depressed but we brought joy to each others lives. Also, you guys are friends...what if it doesnt work out? I think she already accepts the fact you like her tho.. hmm
ok I've made up my mind (after thinking out loud for a while...) and I say go for it!! goodluck && let me know if you need anything else. <3
P.S. Thank you for using good spelling, grammar, etc. It made my day!
]
I think its about time to ask her out.
If we all waited for the stars to line up just right and for all the persons family to get their lives together...we'd all be waiting forever!
I don't know the extent of her family's dysfunction of course. Your parents may have very valid reasons for telling you that. They may also just not want you getting hurt.
If her families problems aren't something that will interfere with your relationship, then I don't think you need to take them into consideration. The girl can't be blamed because her family isn't the best in the world.
You already have a good friendship, and other than the weekends being messed up her family isn't affecting that.
Ask her out. Good luck. :)
]
More Questions: |