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confused about holiday planning
I'm 29 and I've been dating a 27 yo girl for about 8 months now and I thought things were going great. However, recently she planned her holiday season (thanksgiving and christmas) without even asking me what I was doing. Her rationale was that couples only plan things together when they are engaged or married. She tells me she loves me and doesn't understand why I was surprised that she made all her plans (which exclude me) without even talking to me about what she wanted to do. I have no intention of trying to change her plans. I just thought it was common courtesy to discuss it first and hopefully find a way to spend the holidays together. Your thoughts?
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She may technically be right, but I think she should have let you in on what she was planning.
There is nothing wrong with sharing the holidays together at all. I would let it go for now but you might just tell her your feelings about it if you haven't already. I mean, if one of you didn't have plans it may have been a good time to meet the others family. :)
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that does seem kinda weird but hate to burst your bubble but do you ever think that maybe when she goes home for the holidays theres someone else there? even just a friend maybe she doesnt want you to over react or something i dont know exactly but i do know that even teenagers who are only dating for a couple months plan there holidays together i think you are right that she should of discussed them but maybe she wasnt raised learning that courtesy from her parents you cant expect everyone to do the same things as you and act the same and think the same can you? hope i helped!
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well maybe she has a reason why she excluded you but then maybe she doesnt.and you have a good reason to be concerned. so talk to her.
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you are absoulutely right. she should have discussed it with you because you obviously were hoping on spending the holidays with her... right? try telling her you love her very much and was hoping to spend the holidays with her and if it wont be too much trouble to include you in her plans. she might be thrilled that you want to spend time with her or she might be hesitant because she was thinking of spending the holidays with girlfriends or family.
i hope everything goes well.
emily
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Well i see what you mean bout like christmas (i think thanksgiving is pointless) but like if she planned it with her family then maybe it was their dicision too. Just ask politely if you guys would be able to spend sumtime together before or after christmas (or thanksgiving) bc alot of times those are just family holidays you kno? well that*s all i got, sry if i wasn*t much of a help!! xoxo, chelsea
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i think she should have at least invited you even if she knew you couldnt make of w/e. maybe shes not ready to introduce you to her family until you are engaged or somthing. i dont think her intentions were bad, she might have some family problems or something. dont worry too much about it. spend time with your family (if for the last time) because when you are engaged/married you wont be able to do that. hope this helps! <3
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You are right.... after dating for 8 months at the very least she should have invited you to one or a portion of her family events. it's understandable that maybe they have strictly "family" time during the holiday. I think you should take it as a sign to move on. sorry!
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why dont u tell her that thats the only way its going to work out
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I completely agree with you. The holidays are times to share with your family and LOVED ones. Are you not loved by her? I mean, it's not like she should be asking for your permission on every little thing but she should have sat you down and asked you about your thoughts on what was going down. Her thinking that couples only plan things together when they are engaged or married is SO wrong. I'm young, I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year and even when we were only dating eachother for a few months we planned things together. It's really the right thing to talk to the one you love about your plans for the holidays. I thought couples were supposed to spend their holidays together with their families, am I wrong in thinking that? I suppose maybe she thinks that because of the way she was raised. Maybe her family never got together for Christmas and Thanksgiving to celebrate together. So, you (I'm only assuming) were used to being around your family and loved ones for the holidays. I think you should at least talk to her and say, wait a minute. This doesn't seem right to me. It's the holidays we're in love we should spend this together with my family or yours. For instance, maybe spend Christmas eve doing something SHE wanted to do and Christmas day doing what you wanted or vice versa. Same with Thanksgiving. And you're right, it is common courtesy to discuss it and find a common ground at one point.
I hope everything works out for you! Good luck with everything.
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You have every right to be upset and hurt. Ask her how would she feel if you excluded her from your B-day? Even though you are not engaged or married, you are still a couple. Holidays are meant to be spent with the people you love- friends and family. Being excluded would make me feel unimportant to her. Rather than being a part of her life, you are something on the side. Maybe it is time to have a talk and find out where this relationship is going and what you both want and expect. She seems to not be taking the relationship as seriously as you are.
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I agree. If you want to be involved, tell her so. If you guys have been together for that long, then you should be together at some point during the holidays. Talk to her.
<b>♥</b> Melissa
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