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My mommys a drunk
My mom is an alchoalic..shes not the type that hits people but the type that gets drunk then lays down on the couch and passes out..but shes so embarrasing..like ill have a friend over and she'll be drunk on the coach and i dont know what to say! but my ? is how can i talk to her about her illness? and does anyone else have an alchoalic parent because i would really like to talk to some people and here there stories..so leave me your screen name so we can talk thanks!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Well I'm sorry about your mother. I dont have an alcoholic parent but my oldest brother was a drug addict and he was also an alcoholic. My advice to you is to talk to your mother and tell her how it makes you feel and how it affects you and any other family member. The tricky part about this is you really have to do it when shes sober other wise she might not fully understand or remember. My screen name is Devilsangel0027 on aim.
hope this helps
ashley
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My dad was a bad alcoholic. I can tell you a lot of things I've done, and my family has done to help him stop. He's been sober for about three or four years now. My s/n is Lock And Load271, and I'd be happy to help you out with this. I know I should be typing in advise on here, but I think that these types of problems are best talked about through a conversation. ya know? sooo, if you want to know anything, i'll be MORE than happy to hear from ya!
Taylor <3*<3
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Let her know how much it bothers you that she is an alcoholic and say in a non offensive way, that you would like her to get some help if she can't stop drinking. Tell her you're concerned and let her know exactly how you're feeling. She should listen to you and if she doesn't you might want to get proffesional help.
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Yeah, I've been there. You can go to Ala-Teen, an organization for teenagers who have alcoholic parents. Look it up online or in the phone book for local meetings.
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I would talk to her about her illness and tell her how you feel about her passing out every day and when your friends come over, it's embarassing to you. Tell her not only do you feel embarassed, but you feel scared and worried that she could die of an early age because of her disgusting habit. Show her that you care about her and make sure she understands how you feel and doesn't take it the wrong way. She may get offended if she is drunk so you might want to tell her when she's sober. She should understand and if she doesn't, take her to a doctor so she can know how dangerous drinking is and how badly it can effect her body dramatically. Not only can she die, but she can become seriously ill and have to go to the emergency room and this is a very serious problem. Tell her that if she does drink, to not do it so much as to get drunk every day/night. She should understand.
If you have any more questions, all you have to do is ask.
Best of luck
Take a look at my column.
LoVe BrItTaNy
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It's a good idea to start dealing with the alcoholic in your life. Don't expect that person to change -- she has to want to do so before that happens -- but it can be a huge relief just to quit pretending that nothing is wrong.
A counselor I went to once called it the "elephant in the living room" syndrome. There's a big dead pink elephant in the living room, and everyone keeps tiptoeing around it, pretending it's not there. Meanwhile, you've got this big pink rotting carcass stinking up your house, and no one is doing anything about it.
The best things you can do for yourself are:
* Talk about it. Tell the counselor at school (really). They may not be able to change your situation, but it's a relief to talk about it -- the embarrassment, the pain at seeing a loved one spiral downward, the anger that she's not what you want and need, the frustration that you can't change her, etc.
* Tell your mom that you are going to start attending Al-Anon (a support group for family members of alcoholics). Honestly, Al-Anon didn't help me much, but many family members of alcoholics find it helpful to talk with others who are dealing with similar issues. The biggest lesson they give is to "Let go." This means to recognize over and over again that you are not responsible for that person's life; you are responsible only for yours. This means your only responsibility is to manage your own decisions, including to decide what you want and what you'll put up with. (Even a child has rights. You can tell your counselor you don't want to live with your mom anymore or that you want Social Services to talk with her. Not that you'd go that far, but at least know that it's a possibility. You're responsible for what you choose to live with.)
* Tell your mom that you aren't going to ignore the fact that she is an alcoholic anymore. Tell her you're talking frankly with the counselor at school. Tell her you're worried about her and you're angry at her. Tell her that if she's drunk on the sofa when your friends come over, you're not going to lie and say she's sick; you'll just tell your friends, "My mom's an alcoholic and she's drunk. I hate to see her like that, but it's her life. Just ignore her." And tell her how you feel about her when you have to tell people things like that. Just remember that it's not your job to cover for her. That's part of "enabling" behavior.
* Don't feel like it's your job to reform, confront, or educate your mom. She knows this is not good for her. Talk to her if you want to, but realize that no one is responsible for her life but HER. This is her flaw, not yours. You are responsible for yourself -- not for reforming her or even covering for her. (Example: If she wants you to call her boss and say she's too sick to come in to work, inform her that she doesn't want you to get on the phone, because you would simply say, "I'm sorry, but my mom is an alcoholic and is too drunk or hungover to come into work.")
* Find something that fills that emotional hole inside you. You're bound to have one; alcoholics are so busy comforting themselves with the booze that they don't have much left over to give someone else. You don't have the parent you deserve. So find perhaps a mentor at school, church, or elsewhere who can be a solid influence in your life. Even online friends who can commiserate with you are helpful. Perhaps talk to your school counselor about this.
* Find things to do that make you feel good, whether it's volunteering at the animal shelter, visiting old folks' homes, working at Habitat for Humanity, or other charity work. When you give love, it feels great. It also feels good to develop a skill and share your triumphs with other people -- whether that's beading, painting, knitting, writing, or something else. Take up a hobby and start an onling blog about it. (I'm a knitter, myself.)
I hope this helps. Feel free to write again. I grew up in a home with a non-abusive but very, very depressing drunken stepfather. He used to hide vodka bottles around the house, including once in the water reservoir tank of the toilet (which I found because it "clinked" when I sat down). I've been there.
Best,
TheSouthernChick
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my friends parents are alcholics and so are my cousins...just sit down with your mom and explain that shes embrassing and you care so much about her that you want her to stop drinking...its ok for her to drink once and a while but not everyday...
there is a reason that shes drinking though...it might be stress or a problem that she cant handle...but talk to her about it cuz talking is the only way to stop her problem
good luck and much lovee
kriss <33
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talk to your mom there are meetings called aa it stand for acholics anonamis (i think the spelled wrong)there she will get one on one help !she will get a sponcer and tons of people to help her there are conventions she can go to in aa . talk to your mom and tell her how u feel..some one that i know had the same problem and went into the aa program and has now been sobar for 4 years it really works but ur mom has to be willing to make and effort i guarentee there are aa meeting in your town call the local operator or look in the phone book
hope i was of some help
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Well,
I'm really sorry that you have like that with her! But you can tell her how you feel about her health and how embarassing she is to you when your friends are over. Tell her that you don't like it when she drinks because it worries you that one day, she could pass out and... never wake up. Tell her exactly how you feel. I DO have a parent that drinks... my dad. He goes out with his friends and is crazy when he's drunk but he only gets drunk every once in a while. He still drinks but not half as much as my nana. She gets drunk at 9:00 a.m. and when I was 13, she flipped me off and she hit me because I had two ice cream sandwiches. She slapped me across the face and my parents got REALLY mad and didn't speak to her for a couple years and then, she apoligized. She made me feel like I wasn't good enough. She called me ugly and called me names and once tried to kill me but I was a baby... I don't remember all that much. She's terrible. She's my "Step-grandma" but she calls herself my REAL grandma. I don't love her at all. I know that it's wrong to say that about my family but I don't. I used to live with her so I kind of know how you feel... it's a terrible feeling because she embarassed me, too. She would come with my mom to pick me up at school and yell my name out the window when she was drunk. It was so embarassing. I used to walk right past the car and pretend I didn't know her! Hahahahaha! Well, the point to MY story is to show you that you're not alone and even if it may seem like the most terrible thing in the world, it's not. Sure, it's embarassing and makes you worry. I mean, she's your mother for God's sake. But like I said, talk to her and see how she reacts to what you tell her. Email me if you just want to talk or if you need more advice. My email address is... kitty_kats123@yahoo.com O.K? Email me ANYTIME OF THE DAY. I check my email every day and I'm also on advicenators every day if you want to send an email to my inbox, as well. Either one is O.K with me.
Best of luck!
Hope I helped!
View my column!
~~~Kayla~~~
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ok well...so is mine. And i have some stories that i would never tell anyone! well I would just ask her if I could talk to her about something and tell her you have a problem with her drinking problem and its bothering you.
hOPE iT wORKS!
-kayla
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