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how to pick
i am a 16yr old girl, and i havent been in a relationship recently bc i was raped/abused by my ex. and honestly im afraid of being in a relationship because of the past. i know i shouldnt let that effect anything in the future, because its done and over with... but i cant help to think what happens if someone hurts me again like my ex? and i no not every one on this planet is a sick minded freak like my ex was... but i cant help to wonder. there are numerous guys who like me, including 2 of my ex/bfs, who treated me with so much respect... but there is another guy who does like me, and i guess i like him too... but hes not really my type... hes sort of a dork, and yeahh. i know that doesnt matter, what im getting at is, if i do choose any of these, how do i make sure they wont hurt me like my other ex, and who do i pick??
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well since two of your ex boyfriends treated with you with a lot of respect maaybe you should go with one of them becase they already know you and stuff an you know them and if one of them tries to do anything like that to you get help or something and dont let it happen again you dont need that stuff in your life i mean your only 16 and i have been raped also and its hard to move on but do what you feel is right to you and the ex bfs seem to respect you so maybe go after one of them good luck with that i hope things go well
~Tarajima
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You will just have to use your best judgement. If you get to know the guy you are dating pretty well you may have to explain what happened. That way if you flash back on him one day he doesn't freak out about it. Are you getting help for the trauma you suffered? If not you really should because it may creep up on you when you least expect it. It is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So, if you haven't gotten help already in dealing with the whole thing, please consider it. :)
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Follow your heart thats all I can really tell you because your heart will make the right chocie...Your heart will choose the best guy and if you cant trust him or dont feel safe break it off because you should feel safe in a realtionship.
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well sweetie, truthfully i've been in a situation similer to yours. i know it hurts like hell but it will take a while to get over. as for these boiz, make sure you know them well enough. usually tha ones that will treat you the best are right in front of your eyes. but you have to look for them. maybe an old friend who's helped you with all your trouble. someone who's always been there. just follow your heart. and not every guy is a creep. there are the selected few. just live your life. you're still very young and a guy will come to you soon enough. hope i helped! take care.
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HOney if you were raped in a past relationship, you can't expect to be over it so soon. It takes a long time. many women never get over it. many women, instead, turn to food and get fat to ensure that men won't be attracted to them anymore and they won't be inthe position that you now find yourself in. What to do. Should I or shouldn't I. I think you should work towards having a normal life again and normal relationships, but don't rush it. Can you get some help? Is there someone you can talk to?
What you need to talk about is how you ended up in that relationship with that asshole, and how you can prevent it from happening again. Now life holds NO guarantees, but you can make decisions and live in a manner that will MINIMIZE the chance of it happening again. The choices you make will be very important. Women who are victimnized are often victimized again. Don't let yourself go down that road, but don't think that you have all the answers,you are only 16. I'll bet when you met that boy you didn't think for one second that he would do that to you. Some girls even when confronted with evidence, that a guy they like hurt someone else, they think "it will be different with me" and as it turns out. It is not different. Men don't change, not often and not for you (us). they change only when they are made to see the light, and that happens rarely because they fight it every step. Women are special and women are nuturing and women are easily taken advantage of, so we have to be smart in our choices. I hope you can get some help. And I wish you luck in the future. And sometimes, well you know, a guy who worships the ground you walk on is better than one who is a real hottie, but hits you. He ain't so cute, when his fist is coming at your face.
Look for guys that are not vindictive. Then find a cute one. Good luck to you.
Michele
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well I wouldnt go out with any of your ex b/fs close friends.. because theyve got to be soidve like him! guys seem real nice on the outside cuz they want to impress, but then you get to know them. You have to get to know eacho one of them, their interests and stuff! go on a date with each one and then you decide! I dont think you'll make a bad decision..
--emily
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First off let me say that what happened to you sucks and it should not EVER happen to anyone. I don't know what goes on in men's heads these days, but they are getting pretty f'cked up. And I <i>sort of</i> know what you're going through. I wasn't raped, but I was cheated on and verbally abused. Who you pick is something that none of us can decide for you, the decision is ultimately yours and yours alone- We don't know what these guys are like, we don't know if they can carry on a conversation, how they act around you or anything. YOU know all of that. So as far as us helping you who to choose, we can't decide that for you. All I can tell you is to choose someone who you know is going to respect you (I'll get to that in a second), someone who loves you for YOU someone you can depend on, and someone you can trust. I'm sure after going through an ordeal like that it's hard to trust ANY guy that comes your way. It's going to be hard, trust me it is, but every day you have to try to become stronger. It's so hard to tell who is going to be the one who is going to hurt you and who isn't.. It's sort of like an instinct. Start out with talking to them first, getting to know who they really are. Maybe you could talk to a few of their ex-girlfriends and see how they treated them. As for the two of your ex-boyfriends- You said that they treated you with so much respect. Why not one of them? Sure, it's going to be a little weird getting back together with them but you can always work to make things better. You really have to go with your gut on things now, follow your heart. I'm really not sure if that was much help, but if you need anything more just drop it in my box and I'll be sure to get back to you. I really hope everything works out for you. =)
♥
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Well,
that, to me, seems horrifying! But the truth is... you can't dwell on it for the rest of your life. No matter what, you're going to get married and have kids. Just be thankful you're alive. Usually, people like him rape you... and then they kill you so you won't tell the police! You're still living your life... if I were you, I wouldn't pick anyone that KNOWS your exboyfriend. I would get someone who treats you right with respect and kindness that you deserve, someone who calls you just to say he loves you, someone who can't go a night without calling to say goodnight, someone that cares about so much that he willing to do just about anything to protect your life. That's what type of person you need. You shouldn't pick anyone that knows your ex because then, if that person breaks up with you, they'll probably go back to your ex and talk about you... trust me, you don't want that to happen. It probably won't but you'd rather be safe than sorry, right?
Hope I helped!
Make the right choice!
Best of luck!
View my column!
~~~Kayla~~~
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