|
overprotective mother
I just got out of 9th grade and my mother still will barely let me do anything. She won't let me go to the beach unless there's an adult there. I can't go anywhere with anyone unless she meets their parents first. She flips out when guys call. I wouldn't care so much but a lot of times a miss out on doing fun stuff because no one elses parents chaperone, they just drop their kids off places, and then I'm not allowed to go. Forget parties, because there are no parents she can confirm with that i'll be safe and not drinking or doing drugs. Does she expect me to never do anything in highschool? She doesn't trust my judgement, and doesn't understand that I won't make the same mistakes she did. I'm tempted to start lying 2 her and sneaking around so that I'm not stuck at home all weekend doing nothing. Soon my friends are going to be able to drive and she says I can't ride in their cars. I'm going to have a lot of boring weekends! How do I show her that I'm responsible so that I can go places? What can I say to her that will help her let go a little and not be so protective?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
sit down and talk to your mom.
tell her that you are not going to do anything she thinks is inappropriate.
tell her your not going to do drugs.
tell her your not going to have sex.
tell her your not going to get into trouble.
you're grown up now hun. you should be able to go out with your friends and party. i know how you feel because my parents were exactly like that when i was in 8th grade last year. you're in high school & if they keep you away from things that normal teenagers do, you wont get to live.
tell her that <3
good luck & i hope you get what you want.
lemme know how it turns out.
]
I don't recommend sneaking out. If you get caught, it will just make your mom even more overprotective.
I understand some of the things from your mom's side, and some from yours. Riding in your friend's cars might be an insurance issue. If you don't have the right type of insurance, and you're injured in an accident in one of their cars, your mom might have to foot the bill.
However, your mom should let you have at least a few more freedoms. Talk to her seriously, and let her know that you would like an opportunity to show her that you are responsible and that you have good judgment. Ask her for some things that you can do to show her that you can make good decisions. Something like meeting one friend at the beach for an hour or so, and coming home exactly on time, or something like that. When she does start giving you responsibilties, be sure to follow her directions to the letter. It may be annoying to always leave before the fun is over, or always call and let her know where you are, but it's the only way to show her that you are serious.
I'll tell you something that worked with my mom. (My mom is a little strange, so this might not apply to your mom.) The first few times I met friends at the mall, my mom actually went with us. After three or four times of hanging out with us and seeing what we did, she was way more comfortable to let us go alone. My friends were totally understanding about it. At first I had to call and check in several times, but eventually she let that go, too.
I hope things work out for you!
]
tell her that because of how she is its making you not want to listen at all when parents are that protective its just gonna suck for you when you getolder because you will have never been around anything so youll be out trying everything new bc youve never been aroudn it and will eventually fuck you up because you wont pay atention to school bc youll be having to much fun partyingshe should still know whats going on but not like she is
]
Lying to her and sneaking around is a very bad idea. If you get caught, you'll only confirm her fears, and you can forget about ever getting to do anything. If you have a cell phone, she can simply call you to see where you are at any given time. (Believe me, I'm nearly 18 and my mom still does that ALL THE DAMN TIME.) If you don't, that's a reason you could give for her to get you one.
Short of that, you can point out any and every recent time you have shown responsibility and intelligence.
]
I had the same problem when i was your age (im 22 now) and i did what some of the other people said. Start small and ask your mom to let you go on a small outing. start with just girls first if your mom doesnt like boys. tell her you will call her every hour and DONT forget to call her when your supposed to. its a pain in the butt but its worth it if you get a lil more freedom. for the first few times dont ask to stay out later then she tells you to just say ok and be home at that time. after a few times that she sees you can be responsible and not get into trouble she should give you a bit more freedom. The person who said to have friends over at your house was a great idea. i used to do that. after a few times of having your friends over to just watch movies or whatever your mom will see that the people you hang out with arent so bad.
The best thing that worked with my mom was comparing to other people. something like "would you rather let me go to the movies with a couple girls unsupervised or have me sneak out and go to a drinking party with a bunch of drunk guys?"
works every time. i strongly suggest against the sneaking around. it never works and it will just make your parents not trust you even more. If your just honest and up front with your mom it she will see you can be responsible and it should all work out :)
Hope i helped! msg me if you need anything else.
~Princs~
]
Hey, Well mom's are always a tough situation. I think you should try writing her a letter, explaining to her that you want her to trust you more. Tell her the responsible things that you've done in the past. Tell her that she doesn't have reason not to trust you (that I know about anyway lol) But while you're writing this. Tell her that you understand how she wants you protected, tell her that you know how to handle yourself in situations. Make sure that you tell her you love her, but that you want to be able to have a little bit of freedom. This letter should lead to a conversation. In the conversation, the worst thing you could do is raise your voice. Just keep it calm and don't scream. I hope I helped some....please rate....good luck...if you have any other questions don't hesitate to ask
]
It's not you she doesn't trust. It's the hilarious "them." People who don't teach their children to be responsible by not being attentive to what they are doing. She doesn't realize that she needs to let up at least a little.
You need to make a deal with her. You'll call her at appointed times and tell her what is going on. She will let you hang out with friends. Can you invite your friends to your house? If you can find a friend who is into introducing her mother to your mom, then there is some security in them at least knowing each other's name. And then you can go visit. The more your mom knows about your life, hopefully the more she will begin to let go.
But doing nothing and being probhibitive just breeds the rebel.
]
Well first, if you start to sneak around, you WILL get caught, and then there you go, you completely ruined your chance and you just proved to them that you couldn't be trusted.
What you need to do is sit her down and talk to her like civilized adults. Even though you are just a teen. If I were you I wouldn't bring up the "I'm not going to make the same mistakes as you did" unless it's a last resort, that comment always got me in trouble (my mom got pregnant before she was married and she was only 19, I love my big brother, but I always use that against her and always get in trouble for it)
But you defintitly should sit down and just talk to her like adults. Tell her how you feel, and maybe make some compromises. Hopefully she'll lighten up a little. Like she'll let you go to the mall and movies without an adult, but she can do the driving so she knows exactly where you are. And if you have a phone, you call and check in every once in a while. (trust me, much better than not getting to go out at all)
Ummm, just sit her down and talk, if she won't listen or continuously interupts you then the only other way is to write down how you feel. But things in writing almost always sound worse and more mean than they should so make sure in the letter or e-mail or whatever that she knows you love her and that you know she's only trying to protect you, but it's overprotection and you need some kind of freedom.
Maybe she'll at least let you go to games at the school, that way she can go too, or at least there are teachers and cops (at least at our high school games, but that's usually only for football with the cops) and it's a much safer enviornment.
Just sit her down and be like "Mom we really need to have a serious talk"
Now don't start just attacking her, do one little thing at a time and let her get in some talking, but don't let her control the conversation completely.
"Mom I think you're much too protective" I know you love me and want to protect me, and I love you too, but we need to compromise on some things to make us both happy"
Can you take it from there? Leave on in my inbox if you still need anything. <3 Kate <3
]
More Questions: |