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Crying
I was with my girlfriend for 2 years when she got pregnant. It wasn't a planned pregnancy but we decided that we would deal with it. The first week that she brought that baby home things were good. We got a little apartment and I was working full time during the day and she would work a couple hours at night just until I could support us with only my job. Well one day I got home from work and she was gone. She left a note saying that she wasn't ready for a child and that she's leaving our daughter with me. It's been a week since then. I've been doing the best I can but I don't know the first thing about being a parent and I have no one to ask about it. I grew up in foster homes my whole life. I love my little girl to death but I just don't know what to do anymore. She doesn't stop crying. I've tried feeding her, changing her, rocking her, everything that I can think and she keeps crying. I brought her to the doctor and he said that there is nothing physically wrong wtih her. I don't know what to do. If anyone has idea of what could be causing this please let me know. I would also appreciate it if any one knows anything about taking care of a 3 week old baby. Please help me.
Jack
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Hi Jack. I am very sorry about your situation. I am a single mother to an 8 month old girl. There are a few things that may help you. First, go tothrough the basics.
*is she hungry?
*does she need changed?
*does she want to be walked around?
*is she just bored?
*try changing her position
*try putting something new in front of her
*take her for a short car ride
*give her a warm bath
*change her clothes into something lighter/heavier (depending on the weather)
*feel her tummy. if it feels hard, try mylicon.
*try talking to her
*has she slept recently? if not she may be over tired.
If none of this help, she may just want to cry. sometimes babies just get frustrated, and dont really need anything. There is nothing wrong with letting her cry if you have gone through everything, and she needs nothing. I would reccomend trying to find a support group for young or single parents in your area. Also, I would reccomend investing in a parenting book. I have read four of them, and have found that the best one for me was "what to expect: the first year" It will tell you everything from how to hold her to when to take her to the doctor. I wish you the best of luck with your daughter. Parenting can be a beautiful thing. Just keep your head up, and be the best influence on your daughter that you can.
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I agree with Orions, it sounds like she has colic. Or even a gassy belly, burping her after every few ounces of feedings will help with this, and Gerber even makes "Gas Drops" you should be able to get ahold of at any store, near the baby things.
Warm baths at night might help, and I love Johnson and Johnson's Lavender and Chamomile baby bath, not only are the smells soothing to babies, it'll make her smell good.. ;)
Hrm.. and if your having problems getting her to sleep through the night, though at 3 weeks is common. You might want to talk to your doctor about giving her a little bit of rice cereal in her bottles, for her night-time bottle. =)
And I wanted to add, that I applaud you, you don't need a mother to raise a child, and your gonna be fine. I'm not going to say it'll be peaches and cream, but it sounds like your already doing a fine job.
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Good luck Jack. Being a single parent isn't easy.
First of all, you can tell those idiots who are saying that the child needs her biological mother to go shove it. A child does need a consistent, loving, attentive care giver, but neither biology nor gender trump behavior.
Second, your going to need a support system. Even single parents don't raise a kid all by themselves. Relatives, friends, parent groups, and Aid to Families with Dependent Children can all help you out. You will also need to look into the laws in your state about abandonment.
Now, onto the crying and general baby advice.
When you pick her up, hold her close to your body, so she can hear your heart beat and feel your chest move as you breathe. Rock your body or pace around the room, for some reason, babies find movement soothing.
Have her mostly upright when you feed her. Make sure she burps after every feeding. It's ok if a little bit of spit up comes up with a burp, but it should be just a little bit.
I assume she doesn't have diaper rash (the skin on her butt and vulva should be the same color as the rest of her). When cleaning a girls diaper, always wipe from the front to the back - same when she gets bathed after the umbilical cord / belly button heals. You will not need to use any sort of soap on her vulva, btw. Infant poop is fairly runny and doesn't tend to look and smell much like poop. If she is constipated, I would suggest that you substitute apple juice for orange juice in the other suggestion - it's less acidic, but should also help her clean out her system. I can't imagine that she's constipated at this age, however, that might be good to remember in a few months.
If it helps keep her quiet, it's perfectly ok to let the baby sleep in the bed with you. It's quite rare for a person of any age to roll over in their sleep and smother a baby and it almost never happens to a parent. In many cultures it's considered normal.
I'm not sure what else to suggest at this point. Please don't hesitate to ask for more advice.
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Hi Jack,
I am a mother of a one year old. I remembered reading in a book that if you swaddle your baby girl and rock her from side to side that she could calm down. It reminds them of being in the womb. I don't know if you were there when your girlfriend had an ultrasound but if you make a shushing sound kind of like that when your baby's wrapped up it can calm them as well. Good advice from Orionsfire on the vacuum and car rides.
There's a book called Happiest Baby on the Block that can really help also.
Every baby is different so hopefully something or all with help.
Feel free to email me if you have any questions.
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Send one to my inbox anytime. Babys tend to pick up on what your feeling. If your stressed that probably isn't helping much! She may have a touch of colic. Is she going to the bathroom ok? I mean pooping? Is it normal or is it hard like a rock? I'm trying not to sound stupid but if it is, get some baby orange juice. Put just a little bit...maybe a tablespoon in a bottle of water (baby bottle). She may be having gas pains. And that will help her go. My son had colic and cried 24/7 until someone FINALLY told me to do that. I bout went nuts. Anyway, don't use much of the juice because it's very high in acid and not good to give her very much until she's a little older. Sure hope it helps. :)
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awww..you're so sweet. i'm sorry your girlfriend or wife or whatever she was to you left you alone with your doughter...i know its hard being a singel parent and expeically when you're a guy. hmm well since you already went to the doctor and he said there's nothing wrong with her...then i dont know...babys usually cry alot when they're lil they need as much attention as they could get. you need to feed her each and every 4 hrs play wit her...hold her...i dont know get a babysitter if you can or something...atleast till she gets a year old then everything will b better :) xoxo effy
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well jack it looks like your in a tough position. there isnt really a specific reason why your baby is crying. my cousin does that all the time. it must be difficult being a parent and i cant really say i know how you feel. because i dont. all i know is that you should really try playing with her or singing to her or reading to her. if she still keeps crying then it must be something wrong. babies arent supposed to cry all the time. you should really try checking on her health and trying to buy her some things that she'll need to keep her satisfied. i'm not saying spoil her, just give her everything she needs and try to be both mommy and daddy. im really sorry for the position your girlfriend put you in but you cant abandon your baby. you have to do whats best for her and even if the doctor says theres nothing wrong with her, get another doctor's opinion. and keep checking until she shows some signs that there's nothing physically or emotionally wrong with her. good luck to you and your baby and god bless you. hope i helped some
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okay Jack hunny,
Crying is a nautral thing for the baby. Doctors are perfessionals and now a lot of stuff about health, if he said that your baby is okay, then she problemby is. Most likely she misses her mommmy. Did you try giving her a nunnner? one of those things to suck on? It not you at all... babys can be really crabby. if there is anything that you do to her that makes her stop keep on doing it. Most babys like when your silly wiht them. Maybe get a friend or one of her grandparents to come and accompany you.. maybe they will do something that will make her stop crying. i don't know much about babys but hopefully this will help.. im with you 110% and if you need any more support or anything feel free to ask or anything!! i mean it :-)
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Aww!! Well I know why she is crying... the baby misses her mother. She needs her so thats why she wont stop crying. She will keep crying and crying but there is really nothing that you can do to make her stop becuse she will always miss her. Its good that you are taking care of her. How could she do that to you and the baby! I really dont know how you can take care of a 3 week old baby , but you have to show her that you are her father. You love that baby no matter what! Play with her and do anything like a father would. When she grows up a little it will be a little easier on you! I wish ya the best of luck! X0`
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AWW! well im glad you are being responsible and keeping the baby...that shows that you are an adequit father. hold her a lot, play water sounds to calm her, and sing to her. if your gf was breast-feeding, she might be cranky because of that. get her pacifier to keep her quiet or give her a soothing bath. (that would get anyone to shut up). lemme know if you need any more help. <3
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I'm not sure if you've ever heard of this, but postpardom depression is normally the type of depression brand-new mothers go through right after they have their baby. Back in the early 90's and late 80's, there was this huge fiasco with new mothers killing their newborn children because of postpardom depression. That's probably why she left to be honest. I just want to tell you that you are so brave taking care of this little girl all on your own. The best I could tell you is to try to find a way to at the very least contact her parents or even someone who you know she'd be in contact with to find out where she is. That's horrible that she left you with that huge responsibility. She could be crying because she's hungry, has gas (which could lead to pooping alot and diarrhea. When she's eating try to keep her proped up and not so much on her back because she could choke, always burp her after she's eaten. When she's not eating make sure she has a pacifier in her mouth because it helps to calm them down. And she's a baby, she's going to cry. Another thing I would suggest is bringing her back to the hospital and go to the maternity ward and tell them everything that's going on. I guarentee you, you'll get much better information out of them than the 13-14 year old girls on this site. I know a little bit because I have 2 nieces and a nephew and I babysit for young children. Reccomendations for people on this site to ask would be MFS (he's a daddy himself) Flutterbyme_8i8 (She's a single mother with a little girl) or OrionsFire (She's a mother also but married.) I wish you the best of luck with your little girl and I really hope everything works out for you!
EDIT: Well you got the advice out of one of the people I reccomended.
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Jack, I'd be happy to help you out. It sounds like your little girl could have colic, which would make her cranky at night. Sometimes taking her for a car ride or running the vacuum cleaner can calm colicky babies, otherwise I am sure there are a million people who could give helpful advice if you do a search online. You don't need to be raised by a family to take care of a baby, so don't feel like you are an inadequate father. If you have any instant messengers, please feel free to add me and I'd be more then happy to talk to you.
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