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Poison Pen Letters From My Step Mother - What Can I Do?
This is a VERY long story so bear with me.
My father got re-married about three years ago. The woman he married, Karen, was perfectly nice until their wedding day, when she did a total Jekyll and Hyde (sp?) and went totally psycho. She started taking my stuff, hiding it or ripping it up, but never admitting that it was her. For a couple of years now my father's side of the family accused me of making it all up. However, about a year ago now, Karen sent a completely bitchy email, the details of which I won't bother going in to, which meant I stopped seeing her and my father's side of the family. Since then she has sent many more nasty texts and emails accusing me of all sorts and threatening to take the child benefit away from my mother, etc etc etc (I am aware that she couldn't legally do this).
Recently, her 'psycho stuff' has become a lot worse. She started sending odd letters - the address on the envelope disguised as a child's writing and saying on the back of the envelope, 'from Ryan' (Ryan is my younger cousin). Inside would be photographs of me, often cut up so I am the only one in the picture, and stuck onto a background of coloured card or paper. We knew she must be sending these because she is the only one, other than my father, with the access to these particular photographs (me on holiday with my father and Karen).
So, my (paternal) Nan confronted her and Karen has admitted that she sent the letters. She says it is because my father goes to work away a lot and she gets 'bored'. I personally feel that that doens't even qualify as an excuse to do what she has done - for weeks we had been terrified of who these letters were from, and I'm still scared to go out of the house (even into my backgarden) on my own incase she is lurking around.
Karen has since written a letter of apology to my mother's parents. WHY she sent it to them, I have no idea. My grandad doesn't want to take any further action, but there is no way that I am just sitting here and taking 'I was bored' as an excuse for putting my family through all the crap she has over the years (I have only mentioned a small amount of what she has done here). But what can I do?
She begged my grandad to NOT tell me and my mother that it was her who had sent the letters, but of course we know because WE figured it out in the first place. So, I think that if I do do anything, she will think my grandad has told me she did it, or my mother has put me up to doing whatever I would do. That means she might well hurt my grandad or my mother (I wouldn't put it past her - please no-one reply saying 'she wouldn't do that' because you don't know this woman. I do).
My mother thinks that I deserve an apology, not only from Karen but from all of my father's family for not believing me in the first place, but to me, 'sorry' just wouldn't cut it. 'Sorry' isn't a big enough word to make everything she has done go away. But what can I do? I know I could go to the police but my grandad doesn't think I should take any further action and I don't want to hurt or disappoint him. But on the other hand, there is NO WAY I am taking 'I am bored' as her reason.
There is also the problem that she doesn't know that me and my mother know she is the one who sent the letters. My father also doesn't know a THING about the letters yet, and although I don't get on with him, I want him to know - I'd want to know if my wife was doing something like that.
So, in summary, my question is: What can I do? Because there is no way I will do nothing. And how do I let Karen know that I know what she did? What else could I 'get out' of her other than an apology, something I don't want as I know it would mean nothing (she's already apologised to my grandparents, as I said, but that was only to stop them telling my father).
Sorry this was so long, and thanks in advance for any help. I'm fifteen, female, and don't see any of my father's family other than my Nan, if that helps.
xxx
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you should definitely tell someone that you can trust, and that you know who will believe you. I think an adult will be a better person to tell than a peer, only because adults can do more about it. this is pretty serious, so i think you shuold talk to someone ASAP
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save the e-mails tell your dad and the cops and make sure he knows her e-mail.
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wow that is horrible. i really think this woman is crazy and you should tell your dad AND the police. "i was bored" is NOT an excuse if you were even a little kid! threatening anyone is not right. i want to right more but honestly my brain is just screaming call the cops.
i hope everything works out for you!!!
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I think I read your other post on this one. Am I correct?
You're absolutely right; boredom is not an excuse. There is no justification for that kind of psychotic, immature behaviour. Even if you and your father do not get along, he is your father, and you are thereby at least partially his responsibility. Thus, he should be told (and chastised) for not watching these matters more carefully in the first place. You are entitled the right to safety and freedom of peace of mind, especially in your own home; even if your father doesn't live with you, it's his job to make sure you are safe and free (at least until you're 18).
I think you should talk to your grandfather and your Nan. Explain to them how hurtful it was for everyone to suddenly exclude you from their lives--even if Karen is your dad's new wife, you are his child. Long after they divorce or die, his blood, and theirs, will run through YOUR veins and not hers.
Demand an apology from your father's family; I know it does not suffice, but it's a step. Perhaps after all this, you may not even want to talk to them anyway.
You need to have your grandad and Nan tell your dad the truth, and you need to let Karen know that you figured out she was the culprit. Give her fair forewarning: next time she tries to pull this kind of misconduct, you'll be ready with a restraining order (or, you could possibly file a restraining order now) and a police report on the grounds of harrassment and intimidation. Talk to you family attorney; gather as much evidence as you have along with your grandad's testimony. I understand that he doesn't want to push this farther, and it need not go any farther, but you need to be prepared to take action in case Karen begins harrassing you again.
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fuckinh hell it is long,just tell yr mum what goin on,you should really go into writing as a career.
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i would tell your father rite away. he needs to know. also i would take this to court. she needs help. she might have mental illness, or something. ypu cant let this continue. she moght do something drastic. take action before she hurts, or does something worse, to you and your family members. if your mother wont go to court, and i no your grandparents dont want to, try to convince them, otherwise just go to the police station and tell them. theyll do something. but DEFINATELY call your dad. and pray at night, God can help. ugh i hope i helped and good luck!
X3ReDhEaDX3
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I swear I thought I read this in Dear Abby. Karen needs to be admitted to a mental health institution. It is not a huge leap from threatening letters to action. Surely she can't continue to fool herself into thinking you don't know what is going on.
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Wow, that was really long, but I'm glad I read it. This is a super difficult position you're in, and I would want more than just an apology too. You NEED to somehow notify your father whether it be in person, through e-mail, over the phone, anyway you can and let him know about her. Just be like "Dad, I love you, but I can't help but feel the total opposite about Karen. I think she needs psychiatric help. She's been doing all sorts of things to our family which do not qualify under the categeory of legal. I don't want to have to go to the police, but if you can't get her the help she needs then I have no other options. She's been scaring me a lot lately, and I'm paranoid to even go into my backyard in fear that she will be there up to some other crazy thing. She doesn't know that I know it's her, so I'd rather you not say that I spoke with you (or wrote to you. And please, if you do say something and she feels the need to apologize, make sure she doesn't waste her breath. I can not accept an apology from someone who has scared me to this point. I wish I could keep things civil with her, but seeing the way that she, as a grown woman, is acting I think civil behavior just isn't possible. I'm sorry, but if she doesn't back off and get the help she needs then I WILL take further action, as in calling the POLICE." Then explain to him what she has been doing. And if she doesn't back off then you DEFINITLEY should go to the police. Have you saved any of these letters/pictures? If so bring them with you as evidence. This lady has some type of mental problem and needs help. If she's willing to get that help, work at it, become better, and then apologize to you, then you will know she is truly sorry. I'm sure (though not positive) you'd rather that than seeing her in prison for some type of mental problem, but I think somehow the police should still be involved. Like you can tell them and get a restraining order against her but tell them you don't want to press charges as long as she gets help.
I'm sorry about your situation and I hope everything works out.
*I'm just telling you what I would do. I know I say she has something mentally wrong with her, but I'm no doctor so I can't be 100% sure on that. This is the best advice I can give, so do what you want to do, this is just my opinion.*
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there is no question about it. You need to go to the police and tell them what her crazy ass has been doing. and if you still have them, take some of the letters with you as evidence. If you do that, im not sure what will happen to her exactly, but i am positive that it will be more than telling you that she is sorry and the whole family will have to eat crow for not beleiving you when you told them what was going on.
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You are in a life-threatening situation. I think your best bet would be to move out of that house and into a home of either your mother's or yor maternal gradparents. You have to make sure that your safe from her danger before you act. After you have setteled there, and the tension has died down making her think that you have surrendered, show your father the letters and all of the evidence you own when he's alone, that way he will have a way of believing you because you have got to have proof before they believe that you're telling the truth. By this way, she won't have a clue that you are on to her. Maybe you guys could sue her if it gets any more dangerous. Right now, you shouldn't be worrying about your father's side believing you, but you should trying to bust your step mother to your greatest ability. I really hope that you stay safe, and that you win this battle. I hope I helped!
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