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too nosey...
just warning you, this may get long!
last night me and my boyfriend of nearly 3 years were in my room and sleeping. not fooling around, literally sleeping. then my dad comes in and freaks out bitching like we had sex or something.
the situation is that i'm the only girl in the family and they treat me like crap. i do the dishes almost every night, take care of my sick grandma, do the laundry, clean the house, and do well in school yet they still look down upon me like i can't be trusted. i am a very responsible girl and i have had enough of them snooping through my room and checking up on me.
the only possible reason why i think they could be acting like this is that we don't communicate very well with each other, let alone get along. maybe bitching is their way of talking to me? even so, that doesn't explain the overprotectiveness!
my question is what can i do to make them trust me? i feel like i've done everything, all ending in failure.
i used to really HATE them for what they put me through, but when they made an effort to BE NICE things got better. our relationship has improved over the past two of months, but after what happened last night, my grudge against them has returned.
please help, i don't know what else i can do. it seems like nothing is ever good enough for them...
-frustrated
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
you could try taking things out with them about that nite and tak ta them bout how you think that they don't trust ya n that they could possibly trust ya a little more.......
hope it helped..
rate me plse!
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Sorry my first answer did't do it for you.I do agree that they should be more respectful of your feelings.They shouldn't be rude to your boyfriend either.
If you have tried and still can't communicate with them I don't know how to help you. I am only telling you what I would do in the situation, I have always gotten along with my kid's friends. And the occassional one that I didn't like I tolerated until they came to their senses ( they always did).
Maybe their behavior is a cultural thing I really don't know.I can only work with what is written by you.You sound like a hard worker.
I will wish you well in your studies.Good luck with the boyfriend. If he is uncomfortable around your family could you go to his home?
I really wish I could help.If you think of anything else feel free to vent at me. No need to rate, would just like to be of SOME help,okay?
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As an 18yr old only girl from an Asian family, there really isn't anything you can do about their overprotectiveness. All you can do is try and realise that it is out of concern and love for you, not any desire to keep you trapped like Cinderella.
If you are really stifled where you are, then you need to start thinking about how to gain your independence. Go away to college or if you are working, plan to move outof home sometime soon. It is a last resort as you will seen as shirking your responsibilities towards your grandmother, but eventually you have to forge a life of your own. In the meantime, try to deal with the grudge by understanding that their motives are good, even though their actions may not be. It may help you accept the situation for a little longer until you are ready to move out.
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You are right, you are an adult and you deserve to be trusted.
I am not from a traditional asian family, but I am from a conservative Christian family. I understand that this is not the same, you probably have it a lot rougher than I ever did. However, there are a few things that I would like to point out.
I am twenty-two and still my parents little girl. They were over-protective in the past, and though things have changed between us, they always will be to a degree. This is probably the same for you. It doesn't matter how old you get, you will always be their child. And please try to remember that, being a parent is scary this day in age. There is a lot that parents want to protect their children from. Alchol, drugs, violence, sexually transmitted diseases, and early pregnancy.
I am only pointing this out because, maybe if you can understand where they are coming from it will be easier to help them understand where you are.
I realize that you and your boyfriend were not doing anything wrong. You have a right to feel indignant, they shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. But they did. And as long as you are living in their house, you have to make allowances for such behavior, no matter how ridiculous it is.
For example, I am in my early twenties and currently living with my grandparents and mother. My family knows that I am not a virgin. However, the idea of me sleeping with a man in their home makes them uncomfortable. (Even if I am only sleeping in the same bed and not engaging in sexual activity.) Because of this, I do not allow any male to sleep in my room. If a situation arose where a male friend or boyfriend needed or wanted to spend the night at my house, I would ask him to comply with their rules. Which means, sleeping on the couch or in the guest bedroom.
One way for you to get them to trust you is to show them that you respect their feelings. I don't know how you feel about this, but if I were you I would first apologize and tell them that you understand how they feel. THEN explain the situation. (Again, this might not be good advice, I don't know how they would react.)
As for the excessive chores and responsibilities, I assume this largely has to do with your family's culture. I don't know what to say about this, except for maybe, when things between you improve and the time seems right, express to them that you feel overwhelmed by your chores and would appreciate some help. (Again, I don't know if that's possible.)
About the bitching, I assume this does come from an inability to communicate well. I'm also guessing that this inability to communicate comes from a cultural gap. Your parents are still living by their asian traditions. While I am sure your recognize these traditions, you also have to realize that you have one foot in another culture.
All I can really suggest is trying to understand them while you are under their roof, and if that gets unbearable, maybe you need to get out from under their roof. I fear I may not have been much help, but if you would like to discuss the matter further please leave a note in my inbox or feedback. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope things get better for you ;)
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well take a test and prove to them you are not pregnant or had sex! Then point out everything they make you do. Ask them to help you around the house! If they tell you say,"But i always do it!"
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well if your 18 you are consedered an adult! Your free to do what ever you want! Your parents should always trust you in what ever you do! And dont be afraid to tell them how you feel about them going threw your stuff.your an adult! you should be treated like one!
*aSh*
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You are an adult. They cannot tell you what to do. If you seriously get sick of them, nab a good job, and get out and move into an apartment. Tell them you're an adult and are old enough to make your own decisions. If your parents cant understand that, they're retarded.
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i guess i know what you feel, because i'm an asian female as well. asian parents tend to stick to their roots and sometimes it's hard to get them to think out of the box. i've been through hell to get them to understand me and my ways, and eventually, things came out pretty well. im eighteen now and i have a boyfriend of two and a half years, but when i was fourteen.. man.. they literally killed me. i know you dont want to hear it, but it is better to talk to them about your situation. you're an adult, and from what i see, you seem to be mature. let them know that. and let them know that you are living in america, not somewhere in asia. things are different here, whether or not they like it... i hope things work out with you.. if you'd like to talk, leave me a message.
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Sometimes parents make you feel like a failure because they want you to feel dissapointed that you let them down so that way you push yourself to do better when really theyre pleased with you. Asian parents are usually the most overreactant parents. You're 18? What are they freaking out about? You're legally an adult. I think you should talk to them about it. If they take it the wrong way then explain it to them. If they just keep yelling at you and stuff then just stop talking to them and wait for them to apologize. But probably wasn't very wise to sleep with your boyfriend when your parents are right there.
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Have a family talk about this. A talk, not a fight, where you sit down and all calmly speak your minds. Maybe you could do one of those things where you pass an object around and whoever is holding it is the only one who can speak. If that doesn't work, look up a family counselor.
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You need to tell your parents about the way you feel because we are all entitiled to our privacy and you should not have to do all the jobs you do i mean you and your boyfriend were not having sex or anything you were sleeping and the reason they are over protective is because being the only girl in the family they don't want you to leave them deep down they really love you but they are hidding there feeling i don't think that they should go though your stuff or accuse you and your boyfriend of doing things so talk to them and tell them exactly how you feel......
I hope my advice will help you and please rate me
Thanks
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You really just need to talk to them. Tell them exactly how you feel. It sounds like they care, but don't know how to show it. They don't know how you feel, so you've got to tell them. Tell them that you're old enough to have privacy. Just communicate with them every day and just talk about your day or whatever, and they'll get more comfortable talking to you and trust you more. Also, if they still don't get that you're doing all this work, stop doing it for awhile and see if they notice. Good luck!
Hope I helped!
♥ Erin
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Well, since you're the only girl in the family, they're really worried about you, specially your father. He's always worried about his "little girl", but you have to make him understand you're not a little girl anymore, youre a lady. Of course they will be over protective and stuff, but you should be proud to be the reponsible one. And some parents dont even care about their kids.
Talk to your brothers and force them to do the dishes. Or you can make a new rule in the family, each washes what he/she used. We do that in our family, and we leave our brother's dish unwashed. Anyway, I think you're having a 'trust' problem with you parents, so confront them, if they say something you dont like, say "why dont you trust me!" with a frustrated tone, to let them know that its upsetting you.
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