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Split Personality
Sometimes I don't know who I am anymore. For the most part ive become a really sophisticated, goody good with really STRONG morals. I always do homework and go to church. I never -- cheat, steal, drink, cuss, smoke, do drugs, ditch school, party, sneak out, have sex, listen to rap, etc. But sometimes i get sick of being like that. Sometimes i just want to bust out my old dirty, rap collection and live life a little. But then later the goody/serious side of me DESPISES rap because its so degrading and disgusting. The thing is.. it's not about rap music. (That was just an example of how im like two different people within hours or days.) I really dont think i have a split personality or anything to that extreme. I just dont know who I am anymore. One part of me wants to stay moral, and the other part of me wants to break free and live. How do I find out who i truely am when both of these WAY DIFFERENT personalities keep showing?
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Not all rap is degrading, even though most mainstream stuff is. 'When I'm Gone' by Eminem is a really good example of a non-degrading rap song. Watch it on Youtube here:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
It's about his daughter and how guilty he feels for not spending more time with her. It makes me cry.
My point is, you can have your cake and eat it too, if you look hard enough. Research rap music on the internet and find some that sounds good but also agrees with your conscience.
On a similar note, staying true to your morals and really "breaking free" and living don't have to be separate things. The things you listed make you feel alive because they're forbidden, so it gets your blood pumping to think about them. But there are other ways to get that rush, too! I feel alive when I sing out loud, explore places I haven't been before (I like to drive around until I find somewhere interesting), when I run...I could write a book on the things that make me feel alive. It's different from person to person, so start looking for those things that give you a rush and are acceptable (even encouraged) by society. I get a rush when I help someone (which is one reason why I give advice). Pretty much everyone agrees that helping others is a good thing. :) So go out and scream at the top of your lungs, do something nice for a stranger or a friend, dance to a song you love, start a garden, watch a beautiful sunrise, visit a national park...There are so many things in life to enjoy!
Those two "different personalities" aren't really different or separate at all: they're both you and there's nothing that says they have to oppose each other. Every person in the world feels like this at some point and it's totally natural. Find a way to unite those parts of yourself and I guarantee that you will be a much happier, well-rounded person. I think that you've gotten so caught up in being a good person that you've forgotten that there are ways to enjoy yourself without going against your moral code. Don't do things because they are the "right" thing to do; do it because it feels right to you! Obviously drinking, smoking, and things like this don't feel right to you. At the same time, I bet you've never thought of watching a sunrise as the right thing to do. But doesn't it feel natural and right to enjoy something like a sunrise?
Follow your heart and find those things that make you feel alive. A lot of teens look to drugs and alcohol for that, but they're missing so many amazing things right under their noses. Playing in the snow, stomping on fallen leaves in autumn, listening to an orchestra play a beautiful song... Look for these things and hold on to them when you find them. Once you do, I bet your feeling of being torn in two will vanish completely. I hope this helps you and I wish you good luck in your search to feel alive. :)
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That is perfectly understandable. Those things are exciting, even if we don't agree with them, and if they are taboo, uh, (showing my age) I mean forbidden, then that makes them more exciting. And maybe it is you who have set up the "forbidden" part. But I still think you are on the right track, because this is a time in your life where you have to accomplish things so that you can be taken seriously when you are an adult. Work hard to make good grades, get ahead and the less time you take off for distractions, the better position you will be in to be successful.
Now that said. Once you do reach all of those goals, or are well on your way. You can induldge in these things, and no one will be there to judge you. You can enjoy them, but not loose track of your path in life. None of those things are bad when taken in the doses that don't interfer with your goals. I think that adults get so worried that we are going to stray off the path and go on to a life of depravity and mayhem. And it does happen.
That is something you'll understand when you have kids. Right now it sounds like you are doing the right thing, but you are too hard on yourself.
Here is one way to look at it. Rap music, partying, cussing, smoking.....those things are not leaving the planet. You can do them as much as you want later in life. As long as they don't cause you to loose yourself, your job, the respect of your family and friends, etc.
Hope this helps.
- Michele
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Stop listening to the bible, n people in your life that are telling you that having a lil fun is a bad thing. Do something you want to do for once...and dont let ur concious speak for a lil while. If you feel comfortable doing that, and you feel like yourself...and you dont regret what your doing...then thats who you really are.Stop litening to the world around you, and do what your heart wants to do, and you will find who you really are.
-goodluck
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You need to let go once in awhile...try to ignore your true thoughts for awhile and go out and act like a nut, we all need to sometimes, it's not healthy if we don't.
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Perhaps you should try believing in morals that do not cause you to despise things or people that are not in keeping with those morals. It seems to me that your "morals" are making you far too judgemental.
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whoa-ho. well, isn't this a great question. i say, let your wild side roam free. if you cant live life now, when can you? as i like to say: if not now, when? you dont have multiple personalities, just two side to the same one. he reason the wilder side is showing up is because you are wanting to start knowing the world outside the little box youve built around your mind. in the words of Pink Floyd: TEAR DOWN THE WALL! and as for the whole being straight-edge thing, thats got nothing to do with rebelion or what-not. well, at least it shouldnt be about that. if u want to do drugs, do them. BUT!!!! be responsible about it. use them as an extention of ur already heavy set faith. use them as a mind expantion into the deeper truths of your faith, whatever faith that may be. as for the finding out who you really are, only you can find that out. and only you can tell when you are ready to find yourself. when that time comes, do what feels right in your heart to help that journey.
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Live life!!! I know that you wanna be good and theres nothing wrong with that but theres also nothing wrong with having fun! Your only gonna be a teenager once and never again so you wanna have fun right now! I think you should hang out with more energetic and fun people!! Live your life now you cant go back later! x0
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Finding out who you are isn't easy. I know this. I mean most people who know me can say I'm INCREDIBLY quiet..others can say I'm loud and crazy, and that's what they like about me. In school I'm the invisible girl.. and at home or with my friends I'm the one who everyone laughs with, and who cracks jokes. With some people I can tell them off to their face, while with others I'm a coward who cant stick up for what she believes.
I've done what I can to try to find myself.. I'm not saying follow this path because it's not the way to go. I've cut myself and I've stolen things before..I've bitched at my parents and thrown fits, and cheated on a math midterm and a lot of my tests lately...I've contemplated doing other things too, but I'm glad I didn't. Other then that I'm a good person. I have sides that range from being depressed, angered, outgoing, quiet, etc... I don't know how to find myself either...and most people don't know who they are until one day it just comes to them. I know it seems hard to grasp the concept of not even knowing who you are, and having to live in a world where you cant even trust yourself, but it's something that has to be analyzed before coming to the conclusion.
Although the people around you may seem fit on who they are, honestly.. the chance of them knowing at the time may be very slim too. Why do you think people do negative things.. or some peopel are just loud and outgoing but inside they're so lost and confused? It's because they don't know who they are. It's a pretty scary thought not to know who you are, but you have to do what you think is right. This is a tough situation...
Sometimes I'll be in my room all depressed blasting my music and hating the world. Other days I'll wanna just flip out in happiness and like run around in the street singing random phrases..or just stand out in the rain and have fun...and love life.
I'm sorry I'm giving you so many examples of my own life, but this is something I can really relate too. I don't know how well I can answer this question but just...stick to your morals and don't go against what you feel, because going against what you feel is just a lie that won't end up helping you in the long run.
I really hope I helped you..
Who you are will come, it's like one day you'll just feel as if you're looking in on yourself, and finally realizing all that you've become...so make what you want to see in the future something that will make you proud..
`jeSsie
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Try breaking out the old one -- Maybe your meant to stay clean and be good its a better life style to live...if its worked for you this long maybe its supposed to be this way, talk to someone about it -- Itll help to get it off your chest
You could always go ut one night and try the "different" more edgy you and see if you like it, but if you do like it then you might get hooked but everything happenes for a reason -- follow how you feel
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