I'm 22/m and my sister just turned 16. We're very close with one another and usually can share anything. Recently, however, she has become more sexually explorative, which is fine, but now seems to be obsessed by it. She told me yesterday that she wants to hook up with this 19 year old freshman in college that I know. They're not dating, but are considering getting to know each other. My sister used to be so righteous and moral and I feel that she's going to just end up hurt with this new sexual discovery. She's thinking about getting ahotel room with this guy this weekend. What should I do? I don't want her to get hurt and frankly, I don't want her to turn into a slut. Thanks =Concerned Brother=
nocturnalkid answered Friday March 11 2005, 7:14 pm: Talk to her. Sit down and tell her that you love her and that you're concerned by her behaviour. Don't be accusatory, and do let her know that you find nothing wrong with her being sexually liberated, but let her know how hard it is to sit back and watch her change so drastically. Ask her to slow down her behaviour, not for your sake, but for hers. [ nocturnalkid's advice column | Ask nocturnalkid A Question ]
xopoet69ox answered Wednesday March 2 2005, 6:05 pm: i think you should drop hints that its stupid and that this guy could have aids or something.i think its really sweet that you care so just show her how much you do care and hopefully she'll listen. tell me how it turns out [ xopoet69ox's advice column | Ask xopoet69ox A Question ]
Anjela answered Friday February 18 2005, 2:51 am: If i was this girls brother...1st off the guy wouldnt be alive and 2nd the sister would get some sense talked into her [ Anjela's advice column | Ask Anjela A Question ]
jokerzgrl answered Thursday February 17 2005, 1:59 pm: You should have her talk to girls who did whst she did and ended up geting hurt. I think she may need to see the situation first hand in order to understand it. Have you also tried talking to her? She may get defensive, but let her know that you love her, and don't want her to ge hurt. I'm 16 myself, and I know what its like to have my eyes on older guys, but I also know the laws, tell her that this guy could go to jail if he messes around with her. Sex is something to be taken seriously, and it looks like shes not taking it seriously enough. If your sister has ahd this major personality change, you need to find out what the problem is and try to work it out with her. And whatever her decision, you should be her big brother.
MAd Love,
Victoria [ jokerzgrl's advice column | Ask jokerzgrl A Question ]
brown23 answered Tuesday February 15 2005, 4:27 pm: I think you should just tell her that it isnt the right thing. I mean, dont yell at her, bit ask her to really think about it and what choice shes making. Ask her about what would happen if she got pregnant.
itsallabOutkimbO answered Tuesday February 15 2005, 3:31 pm: awww it seems like you really care about your sister. this seems pretty serious so i think you need to sit her down and have a talk with her. she shouldn't be getting together with a guy in a hotel room that is 19, let alone the fact that she barely knows him. do what your heart tells you to. goodluck <3 [ itsallabOutkimbO's advice column | Ask itsallabOutkimbO A Question ]
SakuraSong answered Tuesday February 15 2005, 3:04 pm: Talk with this date of hers. I could have helped you if only she was in the "starting to get intrested"stage. Becasue then, you can tell her about the risks of underage sex. getting pregnate is no joke, and it can be very painfull both emotionally and physically. and you can also tell her wat she wanted to noe about sex (you have to see throug those nasty days to save her) without the garbled lil kids version of it. Maybe it's becasue of dodged or unasked questions that she had wanted to noe but never got the chance. So she's trying to make up for it. But if it cant help your sister, then use it to help other people that you love. [ SakuraSong's advice column | Ask SakuraSong A Question ]
MakalahLea answered Tuesday February 15 2005, 11:33 am: In situations like this there are few things that you really can do. Pull her aside before this "date" and talk to her, telling her that you think she is too young to be contemplating sex by itself let alone sex with someone older than her in that age bracket. Later in life age differences rarely matter (26 year old dating a 29 year old) because both are adults and have adult things in common. But, as a teenager a space of a few years can make the relationship be unfairly balanced unless both parties are equally mature and capable. In most, not all, cases a 16 year old has nothing whatsoever in common with a 19 year old because the lifestyles are different, the thought process are different, the lifestations are different. Try talking to her and explaining all of this and your concern for her heart and her future well being. You could also try talking to her "date" and informing him that in most states it is statutory rape for anyone over the age of 18 to sleep with a minor. That might give him pause.
Its a good thing that you are a concerned older brother. That role gives you few rights though. You can talk to her and him about this, you can even talk to an adult in your life about it (which I am not speaking against, dont misunderstand) but you have to be ready for the possible repercussions. She might feel bullied, pushed or controlled. If your concern is more for her personally as your sister than it is for her opinion of you or of your image, you should take the risk.
If she does decide to go ahead with this, make sure that she is prepared emotionally and practically (pregnancy information/statistics, safe sex materials such as condoms and so forth) otherwise she might not think to prepare herself. If you are a man of faith, pray for her. If you two attend a church you can always talk to your pastor about this. The bottom line is though, she has to make her own decision because she has free will and freedom as an American. Talk to her and him, take any other measures that you feel nessessary then if she does it anyway, you have done all that you can. The only thing left is to be there for her if the bottom falls out. Be loving and supportive of her no matter what and she will respect your position a lot more than if you come at her as a berating adult.
TheTeenGirl answered Tuesday February 15 2005, 9:26 am: Tell someone, tell your mom, shes too young for a guy at 19. You have to warn her, and tell her why you have to tell, and even if she doesn't like, you tell. You don't want your sister a mother at 16. That 19 year old is probably just wanting that one thing from her, and you have to make sure he does not get it, whether she wants it or not, you are doing the right thing, please tell someone, she needs someone more near her age.
selectopaque answered Tuesday February 15 2005, 6:47 am: You have to start being her protective older brother. If you know this 19 year old guy, kick his ass if he tries to go near your sister. Thats not right, does he know that your sister is only 16?
Your sister might hate you for a while, but I'm posative that she will appreciate it in the future. That's all that really matters, right?
Try to make sure your sister knows that she can always come talk to you for anything. But you do need to start to worry about her try to help her make the right decisions.
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