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confused about what to do...
hello, i am a 23 year old female. i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for six and a half years. we have had our share of problems, but nothing really bad. i think that our biggest problem is communication. whenever we are involved in a heated discussion, i start crying and he gets mad. i'm a very emotional person and i can't help it. i tell him this all the time. however, sometimes he yells at me and says mean things to me. i have told him that he can't talk to me any kind of way. he never says disrespectful things, but i still feel disrespected by the way he says things. i think that this is something that we can work out if we could communicate better with each other. if i start to cry he gets angry and doesn't want to talk anymore. we recently had an argument, i got really upset and told him that i didn't want to be with him anymore. i didn't mean it and i would like to talk to him about it, but i'm afraid that if i call him, he might make me feel like he doesn't care or doesn't want to talk about it. he has been a major part of my life. he has been there for me through so much. i love him and i know that he love me. what should i do? a part of me feels like if i give it too much time he might not want to be with me. another part of me feels that he needs time to see what he is missing. i'm so confused about what to do.
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"i think that this is something that we can work out if we could communicate better with each other."
That definately seems true. But you have to realize that it's been over six years and you two still can't communicate. You say that sometimes when you get really emotional, he yells at you and says mean things? Maybe he needs time to grow up. Maybe time away is the best thing. If you don't get back together, then maybe thats the best thing that could happen, but maybe, just maybe he'll come crawling back to you after a few more days.
But don't let it get right back to the same old arguments. Maybe, if you two really love each other, you could go to couple therapy.
Try this. If you find yourself getting emotional, then take a break and go do something else for a while before it turns into an argument. Talk to him and tell him that if he finds himself getting upset and mad, then he should take a break, do something else. No one ever gets anything settled if both people are really stressed to the point where the first thing in there head goes out there mouth.
I've been there.
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WTF!THAT DONT MAKE ANY SENSE.
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I think your biggest problem is you have wasted five years of you life, that you can spend with someone else. If someone hasn't proposed marriage in that long of a time, dump him. Life will go on, and you don't have to stand for his abuse. Apparently he is working overtime to push you away.
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well it seems to me like hes under pressure and thats causing him to act this way...well u dont need that kinda treatment from a guy if u really love u him u gotta tell him this truly bugs me and i just want u to act nicer to me please and tell him how much u love him...being a emotional person is not a bad thing at all and he should respect that...when u fight u probably feel really bad i no but u gotta follow ur heart and do wut it tells ya to do
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I think that you should let the situation be. Your constant bickering will get you no where in the long run. Can you actually see yourself get old with this guy if you always argue? Trust me, my grandparents argue all the time. They're not divorced, but they're so miserable together that it's just annoying. Even if you still love him, there's no guarantee that he still feels the same way. Let him come crawling back to you and let him be the one to work things out.
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That's a long time to be together and still not communicate. You need to sit down with him and explain that you guys don't communicate well. To avoid a heated conversation, ask him to please hear you out. Have him let you say all you have to say and then he can give his opinion. This way, you won't be likely to argue and hopefully no tears will be shed. Good luck!
Love, Blonde
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Dear confused about what to do,
I have been there, and done that. Everyone knows that communication is key.. but if he cannot deal with you being emotional, which by the way every girl is, then he is NOT strong enough to be your man. There is obviously some strong feelings there, and first you need to identify what those are.. and then take it from there. Remember, "never a truer word were said in jest"... if you didn't mean it, call him and ask to talk to him about it... if deep down you did mean it... I think it's time to lay this one to rest. I hope this helps.
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You have been together for over six years. If you haven't learned to communicate with eachother by now, you never will. After this long you should know if this is the man you to want to spend the rest of your life with. Is this what you want for your future? If your not sure, then it's time to move on because things are not going to change.
It sounds like you have only been in one real long term relationship. This may be a good time to see what else is out there. Because if you ever marry this guy, I don't think you will be completly happy.
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You really need to be discussing this with him, though I'm sure it's hard to do. Before you start talking, tell him that you'd appreciate it if he listened until you're done. When you're talking, make sure to ONLY stay on this subject. Changing subjects and being mad at him for something else will only make him upset. Talk to him about that vase he broke the next time you two talk [hypothetical, of course].
I think you're doing a good job at thinking this through in your head. You just needed assurance. Give him a bit of time, you're right. But not too long. By the way, try not to have this conversation over the phone if you can help it. Good luck!
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What he probably does after arguing is dwell on the argument. How do the arguments usually get resolved? Who usually apologizes, etc? I know how you feel, sort of. I haven't been in a relationship that long, but I too can get emotional. It devastates me when I get into a fight with someone I care about. I also know what it's like to have problems in communication. I think his getting angry when you cry can be one of two things:
1: He thinks you cry to make him feel bad.
2: He already feels bad, and just lashes out at you for it.
If I were you, I'd get a hold of him. If you wait too long, he'll be convinced that you hate him, and try to move on. It might be a good idea to make him dangle if you were earlier in your relationship, but I think it would be too risky now. Trust me, if any guy is in his situation, it doesn't take long for him to see what he's missing. Talk to him about it. Ask him why he gets so angry, explain how much it hurts you, and tell him that you love him.
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