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please help !!
Hi my friend katie is a little over weight... but the thing is i dont think she realizes it and its not a big deal that she has a few extra pounds but its the clothes she wears. She wears really tiny mini skirts and tight shirts that do not flatter her at all. Everyone makes fun of her behind her back for it and she doesn't realize it how can i confront her about this without hurting her feelings, she is a really sensitive girl and she cares about what she looks like more than anything.. very superficial so i don't want to hurt her feelings, I think that it would hurt her ore if she heard what people said about her.. please help
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i think that if you have like 20 dollers you should get her some clothes that fit her and ask her if she likes them and if she does then take her shopping but let her pay. take some pictures of her and show her but see if she says anything about the way she dresses if not go with the shopping thing and keep all the miniskirts away from her. write back asap
always lil attitude
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Take her shopping! Point out clothess that have more coverage and are bigger, but are still cute. Is she wearing embarrassing tube tops? Tell her tank tops are in instead! Be nice about it, don't just flat out say, "You're to big to wear that." Instead, look at some magazines, and comment on how you don't like the MODEL'S revealing clothing, maybe she'll take a hint. Then hit the mall!
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Type up an ANONYMOUS note and put it in her locker...there's a good way. Tell her nicely how you feel, but don't let her know who you are...and don't let anybody see you put the note in her locker. If she confronts YOU about it, say "what note?"
When you put the note in her locker don't act any different towards her, because then she'll suspect something. Just act as you normally would towards her and pretend like nothing is wrong. Trust me, I don't think it will hurt your friendship, (especially if she doesn't know who it is) and if it does hurt your friendship...she wouldn't be worth it because you were just trying to help her.
If for any reason she finds out it was you and is mad about it, and then she won't talk to you anymore...then just put another note in her locker saying "I only did this to help because people were laughing about your mini skirts...and I felt badly for you". (Something like that).
Also, when you are both at a store together, and she is about to pick out a revealing article of clothing, then push her towards something that's a lot more appropriate and something that's "less-slutty".
If she asks how you like a mini skirt...just say "It's not my style, I think it's pretty ugly actually". That may SOUND harsh, buit really it isn't. You're just speaking your mind. And even if it SOUNDS harsh, then just think about how it's going to help her in the long-run, because she may not be made fun of anymore.
Hope this helped!
~GL~
~*!*~GeSsYkA~*!*~
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I don't think that you should actually tell your friend that people are making fun of her. A lot of the time, people who seem oblivious are actually hiding a lot of insecurities. I'll bet that on some level, your friend already suspects that she gets made fun of. She can probably also sense that something about her look is making you cringe internally. If you tell her outright, she might change out of hurt or humiliation, but she might also see you as having turned against her.
The good news is that making somebody feel good about themselves is usually as good a way or better to get them to change their behavior. If your friend is really as sensitive as you say, and if she pays attention to clothes and to her appearance, you have a great chance to build up her confidence AND to help her get a better sense of style at the same time.
Sometimes your friend must wear things that look good, right? Maybe she wears a nice looking shirt with the trashy miniskirt, or a pair of jeans that fit well with a too-tight top. Why not compliment her on the things she wears that look good or fit well? Be enthusiastic about it, but be sincere too - people can hear a fake compliment. And don't compliment something just because it's better than the rest of her wardrobe. You can manage to be honest sometimes without having to be blunt.
When you two are out shopping together, try complimenting the things you think look good on her - but always do it sincerely. The fitting room is one of the few places you get to criticize someone's outfits without being overly mean. Since your friend hasn't bought the midriff T-shirt yet, you can give it an "ewww" or the thumbs down without it reflecting directly on her. Be funny about the bad outfits she picks off the rack - after all, it's only clothes when it comes down to it. Make the experience fun and keep things light, don't let it become some big mission for either of you.
Finally, if you jog or work out, why not invite your friend to join you? Don't make it about her weight - instead make it sound like you have trouble disciplining yourself to go exercise and need a workout buddy to help you. Or mention that you would really like the company. A lot of the time, when people get fit, they start to become more aware of their bodies and to get a more realistic sense of how those bodies look and what they can do.
None of these things will change your friend overnight - but ultimately, isn't it better to take a few extra weeks to help her be a happier, more confident person who also happens to dress well?
Finally, I want to say kudos for standing by your friend and for being so concerned with her feelings. A lot of times it can be hard to associate yourself with someone who gets made fun of. In that situation, a lot of people drop friends or get frustrated with them. I think you will ultimately be glad that you stuck by a friend in need.
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You have to trick your friend. That's the way these things work.
You watch TV and say things like, "wow, you'd look really good in that!"
You people watch and encourage her to mock others who aren't dressing in a body appropriate way.
Sounds harsh but it isn't. There are many ways to let Katie know that she's not pulling it off and a ton of them don't involve her even being mentioned. Best of all though, if she thinks it's her own idea she'll start taking more pride in her appearance overall and with that will eventually be gained a friend you don't ever feel the need to defend.
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Wow,that's tough. My advice to you would be to call her up one day, and invite her shopping. You can make sure you pick out clothes you think would flatter her.You could say: "You should try this on,it would look totally great on you." That way you can help her with out hurting her feelings. She's bound to try it on if her friend thinks it's great.Good luck!!
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Maybe the next time you two go shopping together or are looking for clothes you could show her something a little more covering that you think would look good on her. That way her feelings aren't hurt and you people will stop making fun of her behind her back.
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trust me on this i have a friend exsactly like that i told her and she kno's b-cuz like everybody makes fun of her and if shes really ur riend she'll understand
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You probably don't want to confront her and tell her strait forward "you are chubby." Even though appearance isn't everything, just let her know that the clothes that she wears aren't exactly trendy. You can suggest going to the mall and buying clothes or getting her clothes that you think better suit her for her birthday and other occasions. Sooner or later, she will pick up your hints and maybe even adapt to a new style. Try it and if this strategy doesn't work then just mail me. Just don't hurt her feelings. Watch yourself
-Joce
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go shopping together and pick out things that would suit her, as friend always listen to their friend opinions on things like fashion, ask her how she feels when she goes out and if she is fine and feels confident enough then let her be, as the people who say things about her will look silly when they no how much confidence she has in herself.
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Katie, tell your friendhow you feel, and do not
talkbehind her back . By telling your friend this, she will know that you care about her .
Tell her what others are saying before others
really hurt your friends feelings . I think she wouldn't mind the truth coming from you . It all
depends on the way you break it down to her .
Try to be understanding . Email me at Courtney@hwynet.com.By .
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Suggest going on a shopping spree with her. Tell her what she looks good in and what she doesn't look good in; even if you don't buy anything, she might adapt to what you say from her own wardrobe.
If that isn't a convenient option, be honest with her. Don't be mean or harsh, just open and honest. I'm sure she'd rather hear it from you than hear it from some nasty kid who only tells her to torment her.
You sound like an awesome friend-Just be honest.
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