Member Since: March 18, 2004
Answers: 2
Last Update: March 18, 2004
Visitors: 656
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I have ran away and im typing this on a computer in a cafe in Oregon. (im from california) Im pretty fucked up right now, im 13, and ive been gone for 2 weeks. What the hell should i do? I was mad at the time i ran away and if i go back im fucked. I'm trying to reach canada... what should i do... should i go back or keep moving? (link)
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Okay, most of the people answering this are assholes. Folks, you don't know anything about this person or why they might have run away.
To the person writing, if you get this, scroll down to "alpha"'s answer and call the Nat'l Runaway Switchboard. They have helped people I know.
Whatever your situation, you need to call someone for help. I lived in Oregon for a few years and knew too many teenagers who were living on the streets. It is not something you want to try.
I don't know what you are running away from, but for now you need someplace safe to sleep and adults you can trust. There are people out there who can help. If you are in Portland and need a place to stay, try going to Outside-In. They are on 13th St. downtown, just by the freeway. Whatever you do, call the number that alpha gave.
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Hi my friend katie is a little over weight... but the thing is i dont think she realizes it and its not a big deal that she has a few extra pounds but its the clothes she wears. She wears really tiny mini skirts and tight shirts that do not flatter her at all. Everyone makes fun of her behind her back for it and she doesn't realize it how can i confront her about this without hurting her feelings, she is a really sensitive girl and she cares about what she looks like more than anything.. very superficial so i don't want to hurt her feelings, I think that it would hurt her ore if she heard what people said about her.. please help (link)
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I don't think that you should actually tell your friend that people are making fun of her. A lot of the time, people who seem oblivious are actually hiding a lot of insecurities. I'll bet that on some level, your friend already suspects that she gets made fun of. She can probably also sense that something about her look is making you cringe internally. If you tell her outright, she might change out of hurt or humiliation, but she might also see you as having turned against her.
The good news is that making somebody feel good about themselves is usually as good a way or better to get them to change their behavior. If your friend is really as sensitive as you say, and if she pays attention to clothes and to her appearance, you have a great chance to build up her confidence AND to help her get a better sense of style at the same time.
Sometimes your friend must wear things that look good, right? Maybe she wears a nice looking shirt with the trashy miniskirt, or a pair of jeans that fit well with a too-tight top. Why not compliment her on the things she wears that look good or fit well? Be enthusiastic about it, but be sincere too - people can hear a fake compliment. And don't compliment something just because it's better than the rest of her wardrobe. You can manage to be honest sometimes without having to be blunt.
When you two are out shopping together, try complimenting the things you think look good on her - but always do it sincerely. The fitting room is one of the few places you get to criticize someone's outfits without being overly mean. Since your friend hasn't bought the midriff T-shirt yet, you can give it an "ewww" or the thumbs down without it reflecting directly on her. Be funny about the bad outfits she picks off the rack - after all, it's only clothes when it comes down to it. Make the experience fun and keep things light, don't let it become some big mission for either of you.
Finally, if you jog or work out, why not invite your friend to join you? Don't make it about her weight - instead make it sound like you have trouble disciplining yourself to go exercise and need a workout buddy to help you. Or mention that you would really like the company. A lot of the time, when people get fit, they start to become more aware of their bodies and to get a more realistic sense of how those bodies look and what they can do.
None of these things will change your friend overnight - but ultimately, isn't it better to take a few extra weeks to help her be a happier, more confident person who also happens to dress well?
Finally, I want to say kudos for standing by your friend and for being so concerned with her feelings. A lot of times it can be hard to associate yourself with someone who gets made fun of. In that situation, a lot of people drop friends or get frustrated with them. I think you will ultimately be glad that you stuck by a friend in need.
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