mikelarose's advice column

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Q: i'll try and keep this short!:

natural hair color: super dark brown, almost black looking.
current hair color: medium dark brown.

i want a blondish-copperish hair color, do i bleach my hair first, then put the color in? i don't know how i'm supposed to go about this.

thank you all for the help!

Alright look. Do not just bleach your hair. First of all, its really not good for it. Second if your going from brown to blond i highly reccomend getting it done because going blond is really tricky and will look like shit if it isnt done right.

Q: Here is my story. Sorry this is long, pls bear with me.

I was in a long in a 7-year relationship with my ex. He is a good man and loyal but I felt taken for granted in the relationship. After 7 years I decided to break-up. He ended up sending me txts msgs though I never replied. Two months after I met my current boyfriend. He is sweet, makes me feel so important, special and loved. We are happy together but since my current and I are both living in a country different from ours, he was sent home due to some immigration problems. He is not back until now (over a yr now) but we commucate evryday thru chat and phone. He has been doing successful business before but things has changed, now he is financially broke and his attempts to do business again always failed. Six months after I met my current boyfriend, my ex came back being more persistent, almost crying and begging to take him back. He said, he has now relaized all the mistakes he has done and he has now changed and even proposed a marriage. At first, I ignored him but as several months passed by becoz of his persistence and my confusion with my current relationship I open the communication with my ex again. I am already 30 yrs old and I want to get married soon, I don't want to play games, this situation is making me crazy. I know my ex is obviously the better choice but I feel I love and miss my current boyfriend BUT his financial situation is scaring me. I don't mean to depend on him, I have a good job and can take care of myself but I also want a husband who is financially stable and can help me build a good family financially. My ex, is a good man, financially stable, ready and available right now but my feelings for him has changed, it isnt like before. I really don't know what to do. I know the best thing is to leave them both, be by myself but I am just so scared basically of everything (of hurting any of them, of maybe realising I made a mistake and will regret my decision(if I choose the ex or current) forever , of being guilty to leave my current in his lowest, of deciding to choose one and finally realize I still love the other and be in pain of missing him, of being alone. I am petrified. I just feel sick and crazy. I sometimes really have no idea who is the one I love anymore, I don't know love and complete happiness anymore and I really dont know what to do! Help pls..Thank you!

I know this is bizzare taking adive from a 16 year old, but what I have learned is that if you can put a guy second ( your ex) he will always be second to you. If he isnt good enough to be considered first then that is your sub conious telling you that you really dont want to be with him. I know you said your already thirty and want to settle down, which is great, but do not settle for second best. Also, my mom always says that believe it or not money matters, because even if you persued the realtionship you are more than likly to be fighting over money. However if you love this guy money may not matter.
I wish you luck :)

Q: Background info: Recently my dad has Started webcaming with "people" he has met online. He says that they are "guys" from other countrys that are nice nd he just talks with.

the other night i was sitting in the living room watching t.v && on my computor. my dad was also in the living room on his computor on webcam. He coverd the side of his face and I saw him blow the camra a kiss TWICE!. && the night before someone had sent him a kissy message the ones that make a kissy sound. I dont care what anyone thinks but I consider this cheating. weather its emotional cheating or actual sex cheating its still cheating.

Now im positive my mom doesnt know about this but I cant be the one to tell her.

Background info on my mom: Shes really old almost sixty has battled cancer for 6 years and if I tell her thiis She WONT be able to handle it i just know that....

Question: What do I do. I don't know how to handle this information. all I could do was cry. I was so mad that he would have the nerve to do that with me in the room. I dont even know if there is a right answer to what i should do but this has really emotionaly screwd with me. I have bad enough trust isues in relationships and now I just feel like theres absolutely no hope! what do i dooo please help.

Honestly, do not get involved in your parents relationship it really is not your problem. Well i mean its your problem, but getting involved is really not good. However you should confront your dad and tell him you know whats going on, and beg him not to lie, and explain to him how it feels and tell him he needs to be the one to tell your mom.

Q: ok so i like it when guys kiss me neck when we makeout and i got a new boyfriend how do i get him to kiss my neck without telling him to?

If you want to avoid an akward conversation, do it to them first. Most guys want to please the girl and if they find it pleasing theyll try it. ya know. if he doesnt pick up on it after a couple of days, youll have to go with the straight forward approach. :)

Q: My friend and I want to cheer next year REALLY badly. There's a couple of things.

One, we have to go to camp to have a chance at the squad, and we need $600. how do we get $600 in 3 or 4 months?

Two, most of the people there are experienced for at least 1 year. I have no cheer experience. Any thoughts to improve/learn?

Three, the thing we do have going is that we've been dancing for 10 years. We thought that might help. How can we incorporate that to help?

Four, we have no experience, like I said, just dancing. How can we learn at no cost?

Any other advice?

Thanks!

Well, there are alot of ways to make money. you could do car washes, odd jobs, ask your parents to start paying you for good grades. You could start babysitting. Find anything.

Next, dont worry about cheer experience, they really consider how well you preform your dance routine really good. They are looking for SHARP moves, tight routine, that you have a smile on.

Also, you should work on your jumps, those are very important. If you dont have a friend in cheer who could help you try youtubing it.

Besides having a friend teaching you, or youtube, there isnt really a way to learn?

Q: How do i know when i will start my period? i am 13 and i need to know the signs of beginning my period!!!

It is really hard to tell. Girls are all very different and so are their periods. I started mine after 5th grade, my friend taylor didnt start hers till last year I think. Just be patient, be happy you havnt started they suck and make you misrable. Dont feel immature because of it, peoples bodies are just different.

Q: How do I get over him? It's been 3 months and I'm still struggling.
Female,14

This is going to sound cliche but you have to be patient. I know its soo hard to go from being with someone, being so dependent on them, spending so much time with them, and then breaking up and being alone, and seeing all this spare time you have to that use to be spent with him. You have to preoccupy yourself with other things and find new interests to keep you busy. spending time with your friends is always good, going out and having a good time never hurts. you have to remember you were fine before him and youll be fine after him. good luck :)

Q: ive been wanting a tongue piercing for about two years now. it started when i noticed a lot of people had then, and how pretty they looked. even my favourite singer of my favourite band had one.

i asked my dad a year ago, and he didnt really like the idea of a large needle going through his daughters tongue. now, i asked him again, and he still doesnt like the idea, or the idea of my enamel being chipped to death, but i think hes going to let me anyways. he just said i needed to talk to my mom.

the only problem is my mom is way hardheaded, and she and i have never had a level of communication. compared the way she was when she was my age, im a total screw-up and shes a goodie goodie.

so i caved one day and asked her. as i suspected, she wouldnt listen to a thing i said and basically said no. she said she wanted to think about it. which usually means, she'll say no. but she didnt give me a good reason. she just thinks its gross because its a wound and bacteria can collect in there and whatnot.

i wanna know how i can get her to just stop fighting and listen to me. she never ever does and im tired of it.

thanks.

I dont know how old you are but you have to act completly adult when you talk to her. Not whiney but really mature and you have to make sure to state your case. You have to explain to your mom you are responcible and your not going to let yourself get an infection and if you do it will be your responcibilty to take care of it. You also have to remind her its your body and just because she doesnt like it, you are your own individual person who can make their own decisions and if you cant make it now how can you exspect to make them ever. Also you have to explain to her its not a fad it is something you have been thinking about for a long time and have done your research.

Q: 18/f

so i met this boy mark last summer at one of my friends graduation parties. for some reason, ever since then i've had a crush on him. my friend caitlin told me that he liked me towards the end of the summer. well of course, we both went off to college. we were always flirty when we came home on breaks though and during winter break i thought that he liked me still/again, but you can never be sure with him..towards the end of winter break things got weird and i think he liked a girl that went to his school. turns out he hated his school so now he's at community college for this semester. my question is should i tell him that i like him? i'm afraid it will make things awkward which i don't want at all, but i want him to know. it's just very difficult for me to tell him i don't know how or what to say to him. can anyone help? thank you!

from what you said my advice is just go for it, in all honesty you dont have that much to loose,
maybe a little pride, maybe there is a risk of embarrassment.

first, you dont have to be like hello i like you. ask him out on a cute date, or something more subtle like coffee,ice cream or lunch. you could be forward and throw it out there but a date might be a little more effective as far as exploring your feelings go. if he likes you back, yahoo.

second, since your both in college, IF you tell him you like him and he doesnt return the feelings ( which i suggest you do on one of your break), you can always avoid the akward thing by going back to college and wait a little while ( untill you think he forgot about it or that its behind you) before texting him outta the blue and just act like nothing happend. guys dont like drama and they actually like having girls who are friends and would be cool with just acting like it didnt happen to have that friendship expecially if he likes you ( as a friend now )now.

Q: this senior at my school started looking at me in the hallways back in october and so i told his friend that i thought he was cute. nothing happened though so i figured he wasnt interested even though i knew he was shy. we would still look at each other though. so recently a few weeks ago my good friend is going out with one of his friends and said she could set us up. i was reluctant since nothing happened before but i decided to go for it. she tells her boyfriend to tell the guy (alex)that i thought he was hott and that i wanted to hang out but he didnt tell alex that it was me. i figured he would know it was me though. the weekend we were supposed to all hang out me, alex, my friend and her bf, they got in a fight so it didnt end up happening and i was pretty dissapointed. the next weekend i didnt even know we were going to her bf's house but we went and half way through alex comes and i had no idea he was coming although it was in the back of my head. everyone was pressuring me to go up to him and i kept telling them that i would make my move when i was ready. before i know it my friends bf goes up to him and tells him i wanna hook up. so i follow my friend and basically we hooked up even though it was pretty awkd in the beginning but anyway so that was two weeks ago. the following week in school it was so awkd cause the whole school was talking about it and i avoided him cause i was nervous and didnt know what he thought about it. i thought maybe he was embarassed. he doesnt usually hook up with people i hear. but basically im just so confused cause i like this guy and have been waiting so long for something to happen and it finally did. but we havent talked since then...i know hes shy but i am too and im the one that has made all the moves, ive done everything to show him i like him, he knows i think hes hott, i initiated the hook up, i asked for his number. i have no idea what he thinks! ugh part of me says to just forget it and move on but another part feels like i finally got him so i dont wanna lose him since i have the chance. last week we didnt look at each other at all, but this week we have been making eye contact everyyy day but havent talked. last monday he asked my friend if i talk about him and she said no..idk if thats a good thing. i have no idea what to do. maybe he just wanted to hook up? idk. what do you think he thinks of us hooking up? should i even bother anymore? what would you do? plus his friends always talk about it so it makes me feel awkrd. any advice is reallyy appreciated

Do not be silly!
This guy is obviosuly shy and deffinitely into you. If you got his number text him and say whats up. Sometimes you have to go for what you want and if he asked about you..HE WANTS YOU. Start smiling at him when yall make eye contact. Show him youre still interested. He probably avoided you after because he wasnt sure how you felt about him. Basically my advice is..GO FOR IT :)

Q: I had sex not long ago, we used a condom and my boyfriend pulled out way before he ejaculated, but i've got this horrible feeling that i might be pregnant. Do you think this is possible? I mean he didn't cum and we used a condom!

But i'm really tired all the time and i'm peeing loads... both of which are signs of pregnancy.

I still have two weeks left until my period is due, so its still too early to actually take a pregnancy test. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice?

thanks in advice. xx

Well there is pre-ejaculative fluid that sometimes leaks. Honestly try not to freak out you might not be, sometimes you can trick your mind into showing pregnancy signs. Just stay calm all you can do is wait it out :( im sorry.

Q: i need your guys advice on this..so this is like the millionth time hes "blown me off" he doesn't really blow me off but he has this list of chores his dad makes him do and he knows that if he doesnt do them he can't go out or anything. hes basically lazy and its starting to get to me because he always makes plans with me and then cant last minute because he didnt do his chores..what do you guys think i should do? i texted him telling him i had to talk to him...what should i say? and what do i do? i need advice thankss

16/f 17/m

The best way to go about this is be nice but be seriouse. You could say
"You know I feel like we havnt been spending alot of time together because you keep forgetting to do your chores and I really feel like your always blowing me off and it is really starting to bother me"
you have to tell him the problem and how you feel but not attack him because guys are a little defencive.

Q: 18 female.
guys think i'm pretty, so i have confidence but i am just the WORST when it comes to talking to a guy. i've been good friends with this guy for awhile, you would think i would be 100% comfortable with him but everytime i see him i get those butterflies and its like the first time we met all over again. i get all shy at first, i don't say much because i don't want to end up saying something stupid. when we text i always end up sounding needy, when really i'm trying to be flirty. for instance on wednesday we were wrestling and flirting and then we were texting after i left and i was like i'm soo mad at you for giving me a bruise, it's going to take alot for me to not be upset with you and he was like ha stop. and i was like no i'm mad(being like sarcastic) and i was like if you give me a massage i will not be mad ;) and he was like nah too much work and i was like wow your gonna get it next time i see you, and i'm not saying its going to be good and he was like what am i gettin haha and i was like you'll see, its not gonna be good for you lol. and then i like kept saying that he needed to like do this and that for me to not be "mad" at him. its my way of flirting but i realized i sound REALLY needy, which is going to push him away. i don't know really how to be sexy when with him in person and texting. i just end up sounding dumb. how can i change this. i want him to know i WANT him, if you know what i mean. i'm lost :(

Okay, well the fact you realize you're being a little too aggressive is a reaaly thing. Listen, it is okay to flirt you just need to decide where the line is. It seems like your trying really hard to get your point across. Guys usually get a little freaked out if a girl comes on too strong. I think the best way to go about this would be too just tell him you like him straight up. But make sure you really like "this" guy and your not just desperate for just "a" guy. Sometimes people get lonley and go for their best guy friend because you know they already care about you. This might not be the case. However, just throwing it out there. Look when you hang out with him just keep reminding yourself this is your best friend who you hang out with all the time. Try waiting for him to flirt with you. Say something cute or flirtatious once and see if he returns the gesture, if not, just go back into friend mode. You don't have to completly throw yourself out there to make a point. I'm telling you, the best thing to do is just be honest and straight forward, but not untill your confident he might be interested. Ask him how his love life is going.

bio

Hey I'm Mikela(Muh-Kayla), and I'm a sophomore in high school. I'm really outgoing and talkitive. I'm a really laid back person, always down for a good time. I'm a really level headed person. My family is amazing. I'm a pretty easy person to talk to, and I love helping people with their problems, so holla at cha girl :)