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confused between two good men
Here is my story. Sorry this is long, pls bear with me.
I was in a long in a 7-year relationship with my ex. He is a good man and loyal but I felt taken for granted in the relationship. After 7 years I decided to break-up. He ended up sending me txts msgs though I never replied. Two months after I met my current boyfriend. He is sweet, makes me feel so important, special and loved. We are happy together but since my current and I are both living in a country different from ours, he was sent home due to some immigration problems. He is not back until now (over a yr now) but we commucate evryday thru chat and phone. He has been doing successful business before but things has changed, now he is financially broke and his attempts to do business again always failed. Six months after I met my current boyfriend, my ex came back being more persistent, almost crying and begging to take him back. He said, he has now relaized all the mistakes he has done and he has now changed and even proposed a marriage. At first, I ignored him but as several months passed by becoz of his persistence and my confusion with my current relationship I open the communication with my ex again. I am already 30 yrs old and I want to get married soon, I don't want to play games, this situation is making me crazy. I know my ex is obviously the better choice but I feel I love and miss my current boyfriend BUT his financial situation is scaring me. I don't mean to depend on him, I have a good job and can take care of myself but I also want a husband who is financially stable and can help me build a good family financially. My ex, is a good man, financially stable, ready and available right now but my feelings for him has changed, it isnt like before. I really don't know what to do. I know the best thing is to leave them both, be by myself but I am just so scared basically of everything (of hurting any of them, of maybe realising I made a mistake and will regret my decision(if I choose the ex or current) forever , of being guilty to leave my current in his lowest, of deciding to choose one and finally realize I still love the other and be in pain of missing him, of being alone. I am petrified. I just feel sick and crazy. I sometimes really have no idea who is the one I love anymore, I don't know love and complete happiness anymore and I really dont know what to do! Help pls..Thank you!
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I know this is bizzare taking adive from a 16 year old, but what I have learned is that if you can put a guy second ( your ex) he will always be second to you. If he isnt good enough to be considered first then that is your sub conious telling you that you really dont want to be with him. I know you said your already thirty and want to settle down, which is great, but do not settle for second best. Also, my mom always says that believe it or not money matters, because even if you persued the realtionship you are more than likly to be fighting over money. However if you love this guy money may not matter.
I wish you luck :)
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The truth is your going to feel bad no matter what you chose. I would say though that your current needs too understand your needs. That you want to have a family and have a husband and right now he can't do that. But your ex also needs to realize that you are in a good relationship and should respect that. You shouldn't let the financal aspect of your current affect your desicion. What he needs is to come back to america to get his feet back on the ground. But with these hard-ships you have to also realize that neither have a good job unless its medical or something to that effect. You need to decide which one you love being with more. Which one makes you forget about your problems at the end of the day. Which one can help you through hard times and the one that is truly going to be there for you no matter what you need, then I think you will find your answer. But remember there is no wrong choice but there also isn't a right choice your going to feel bad and regret no matter who you chose. It's human nature.
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If you truly love your current boyfriend, you will stick by him no matter what. But, if you are looking for a man who will provide you with financial security and a family, maybe your current one isn't the one for you. You have to ask yourself this: "Why did I feel like I was being taken for granted from [ex boyfriend's name here]?" "Will I feel the same after another 7 years?" Sometimes the hardest things we need to do are the things we must do to ensure OUR OWN happiness, and sometimes you do need to be selfish and take care of yourself first. The question is...what do you want out of life and who is best to give you what you, yourself, wants?
Nothing in this life is ever easy, if it was easy...we would all be bored out of our minds.
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