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i seem needy, i want to be sexy though.
18 female.
guys think i'm pretty, so i have confidence but i am just the WORST when it comes to talking to a guy. i've been good friends with this guy for awhile, you would think i would be 100% comfortable with him but everytime i see him i get those butterflies and its like the first time we met all over again. i get all shy at first, i don't say much because i don't want to end up saying something stupid. when we text i always end up sounding needy, when really i'm trying to be flirty. for instance on wednesday we were wrestling and flirting and then we were texting after i left and i was like i'm soo mad at you for giving me a bruise, it's going to take alot for me to not be upset with you and he was like ha stop. and i was like no i'm mad(being like sarcastic) and i was like if you give me a massage i will not be mad ;) and he was like nah too much work and i was like wow your gonna get it next time i see you, and i'm not saying its going to be good and he was like what am i gettin haha and i was like you'll see, its not gonna be good for you lol. and then i like kept saying that he needed to like do this and that for me to not be "mad" at him. its my way of flirting but i realized i sound REALLY needy, which is going to push him away. i don't know really how to be sexy when with him in person and texting. i just end up sounding dumb. how can i change this. i want him to know i WANT him, if you know what i mean. i'm lost :(
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Okay, well the fact you realize you're being a little too aggressive is a reaaly thing. Listen, it is okay to flirt you just need to decide where the line is. It seems like your trying really hard to get your point across. Guys usually get a little freaked out if a girl comes on too strong. I think the best way to go about this would be too just tell him you like him straight up. But make sure you really like "this" guy and your not just desperate for just "a" guy. Sometimes people get lonley and go for their best guy friend because you know they already care about you. This might not be the case. However, just throwing it out there. Look when you hang out with him just keep reminding yourself this is your best friend who you hang out with all the time. Try waiting for him to flirt with you. Say something cute or flirtatious once and see if he returns the gesture, if not, just go back into friend mode. You don't have to completly throw yourself out there to make a point. I'm telling you, the best thing to do is just be honest and straight forward, but not untill your confident he might be interested. Ask him how his love life is going.
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Hmm.
First, is try to modify your "needy filter"
You know how you recognized your behavior as not coming off as what you wanted? Work on recognizing that behavior before you do it, so you can nip it in the bud. Try to remember what goes through your head BEFORE you do things like that, and try to stop yourself when you feel similar things going through your head in the future.
Ok.
So, what you did, was make a flirty suggestion and he didn't give you the affirmative response you wanted. So you kept pressing him.
Heres the thing. You want acknowledgment. You know you like him, and you're staking yourself and your emotions on getting the same response back. Its an easy thing to do.
He's teasing you back when you tease him, thats not a bad thing.
How would I recommend having handled it? After the "you'll see" line, bide my time until the next time I see him and do something fun to punish him. Extensive tickling, a nipple twist, or maybe just the hardest open handed smack on his ass you can manage.
It lets you do the flirting, follow through, but it completely avoids that "needy" atmosphere. Model future interactions on this, don't stake yourself on a specific response, because it sounds like he pretty obviously likes you.
A few specific tips.
- Smile alot. I don't know how often you smile in response to him, but if you don't smile at him regularly, start. Its good positive reinforcement.
- Make eye contact. Force yourself to not look at everything but him. Look at his eyes, see how they respond to you. Wear something a little sexier than usual and watch his eyes widen in excited surprise when he sees you, or flit over you taking you in. Recognize things like this as signs that he's very attracted to you and likes you alot.
- Come up with some subtle hints you can slip in. One of the best girl-lines I've ever seen delivered was when a girl was really close friends with a guy, and they were very affectionate, and it made her want him romantically.
So one day, he went to hug her goodbye as was custom with them, and she pushed him away. She refused the hug, smiled mischievously, and said "You have to kiss me before you can hug me"
He asked her out later that day.
I mention this because guys can be completely oblivious to hints. Without experience guys have zero clue what half of the things women do mean. We have hopes, but no actual workable idea. So we will sit there hoping for a clue we CAN understand and the girl gets frustrated at how he could miss the many varied signals she's sending.
Its not that he's not interested, or even that you're doing it wrong, we're just oblivious. If we don't know what it means half the time we won't even know to look for it.
Be a bit more blatant. Drop hints that ARENT ambiguous in their wording even if theyre ambiguous in their delivery. Ask him in a joking tone why he hasn't asked you out yet and see what comes back at you.
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Try different things and try not to over-do it. What you've said above, Even though you think you were being flirty if I was the guy I would probably be annoyed. I'm not saying this to be mean or anything so forgive me here.
1. What you said sounded like you were taking it too literally. Although you were flirting you were texting him and sometimes people see things differently with words than with action.
2. I'm not saying you do, but for a heads up try not to be to clingy as most of the time it draws the guy in the other direction.
(Flirting Tips:)
1. Eye contact is important, It shows them that you are interested in what they are talking about (Smile, while you are making contact might throw them a clue that you are interested in not only what they are saying but them as well) If you know this guy personally then why not go for it and ask him out? Ask him to the movies, etc.
(Things I Forgot add below me,)
You could also try wearing makeup, doing your hair, changing your clothing when you see him (Try not to give the wrong impression though) ;)
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