I'm a 21 year-old graduate student. I've been in several serious relationships and consider myself to be fairly knowledgeable on the subject. I've also had a difficult family situation and can sympathize with relative induced drama/trauma. I really enjoy people and like to problem-solve. If I weren't in my chosen field (politics/law), I would have probably pursued psychology.
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio
Occupation: Graduate Assistant
Age: 21
Member Since: June 22, 2007
Answers: 16
Last Update: February 25, 2008
Visitors: 4254
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ok i do not smoke but I was wondering what you guys thought about the smoking bans. Not in bars or restaurants but the ones that affect the outside of buildings such as colleges and universities. (link)
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My state is one of several that he recently passed a smoking ban. I had a hard time deciding whether or not to vote for the ban, but eventually ended up supporting it. Here's why:
1. It is an individual's right to choose to engage in any legal activity like smoking; however, it is also an individuals right to choose not to. Nonsmokers should not have to been unwilling exposed to smoke in public places.
2. Some argue that nonsmokers could choose not to go places where they would be exposed to smoke. But I feel that it is unfair to force the people who are not engaging in the offensive behavior to make this choice.
3. Employees are also exposed to second hand smoke. It isn't fair for someone to have to endure a preventable health risk to keep their job.
4. According to the harm principle, a person's rights only extend so far as that they do not harm others. For example, persons over 21 have the right to consume alcohol; however, they do not have the right to do so while operating a vehicle. I believe that it is a well-documented fact that second-hand smoke is harmful to others.
5. If smokers are unhappy about the regulations, they can always (at least theoretically) choose not to smoke.
Note: The smoking ban is rarely enforced. Although it has cut down the amount of smoke encountered in public places, people still smoke close to buildings and in other banned areas.
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I am going to be trying out for a movie relatively soon, within the next 6 months to a year and I want some practice in looking that part now that I have acting the part down. I need to lose a bit of weight and need to learn how to apply a more natural make up. I also have layers and need to grow my hair out long into 1 length. I want to be lite enough to lift up without trouble but not disgusting skinny. I also have pretty long(middle of my back), brown hair and my eyes change from a brown to a green color. Any questions to help answer mine will be answered! Thanks!
~Sam (link)
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I wouldn't change anything until there's something obviously uncastable about your appearance now. If you have the acting skills and they want you for the part, someone will tell you if you need to change something. Do you know exactly what they're looking for? If not you could be hurting your changes by altering your appearance. You shouldn't try to fit a generic mold of what you think others consider attractive. Your unique qualities may help you stand out. Whatever you decide, make sure you're comfortable with the way you look.
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What are some good ways to destress on the spot because i cant just walk away from my problems like everyone always expectx people to do. thanks (link)
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Focus on something other than whatever's stressing you out. For example, if you're beginning to get frustrated with someone take a deep breath and look at something else for a few seconds. This is really a mind over matter situation think about Family Guy, your grandma, your to-do list, anything else. If you're alone stop whatever you're doing, close your eyes, and sit quietly until you're calm again.
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ok well just recently my friend sent me a message over myspace saying that we havent hung out in forever and we should. i havent hung out with him since last summer and he is a year older then me and we were always good friends. well he messaged me and said how about friday? and i said sure. so then i just started gettin texts from him and i think he thinks were more then friends and this is gonna be a date type thing. weve never been more then friends and i dont like him like that. i dont want to go out on friday with him anymore beause i dont want him thinkin its a date but i dont wanna blow him off either but i dont wanna tell him that i think we should just be friends because i think he will back off and wont talk to me cuz thats his personality. what do i do? (link)
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Well you have a couple of options. You can lie, tell the truth, or employ a more subtle I don't like you tactic and hope he gets the hint. Tell friend boy that you can't wait to see him Friday because he's always been like a brother/cousin to you. Ask him for guy advice. Try to set him up with your friends. Tease him about random girls. The options are endless; he just needs to get the point: boy friend not boyfriend. If he doesn't want to hang out with you anymore then maybe you weren't that good of friends to start with. ~Dani (f/20)
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So I have an ex that's in Cali. for training to be in the army.I talked to him for the first time today since months ago.We broke up end of October.After dumping me for his ex.. that lasted less than a month then he tried to get back with me and I denied his offer.He tried for a long time and then he finially gave up, and I was talking to a guy.I ended up with him and he is currently with his girlfriend who he dumped me for.Supposively she's pregnant and their getting married in July.Which is ridiculous because she might not be pregnant.I mean, he has his doubts and today I told him to do whatever will make him happy.He understands , but then again, he's a coward.For one, he hit her.Which is wayy off the line.Which was a while back when he went to his ex after me.Anyways, he told me he called me because they drowned him and they told them to call whomever they think changed their life in some way and had feelings for.And he thought of me.And he told me a flash memory of us when he asked me out.By then, I was like... oh god.. and he stopped telling me details of what he could remember.He also told me that he admitted to his current that he still loved me and that kills her to hear that.And he gets angry when she's talks her stuff about me, which then he sticks up for me when he doesn't even talk to me or have any communication with me.I couldn't admit to him that I miss him or love him.That would be wrong of me to do when I have a boyfriend.And tried to ask me If I missed him and I said I wasn't going to answer that.And he also asked if I ever thought about him and he added that I came to mind every once in awhile to see what I was doing, if I was drinking , am I happy.So I told him obviously because I called him.( I called him a few days ago not knowing he was in Cali for the army., but he didn't answer) And I hate admitting at all that I even had thought about him.I really don't know what to do in the situation though.It's really hard.So I went to the movies with my boyfriend tonight and I called my ex back later on when I got back..I'm not sure why.He told me to call when I wanted or whatever.And he answered shocked and he couldn't understand why I called back, which he thought I wouldn't talk to him again.But yeahh.. I just don't know what to do.I don't want to do anything to hurt my boyfriend and our relationship.I've been with him for almost 3 months.I don't even know what I'm asking.Sorry for being so long.So I guess I'm asking what do I do in this situation.I wouldn't ever go back to my ex.He did me wrong and he knows it and he even told me what he did wrong.Soo.... yeah.I'm just trying to move on.. (link)
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It sounds to me like you never got closure with your ex. He needs to know that you're with someone else now and that you're happy. Let him know that you hope you finds happiness too but that you have moved on. You can still talk to him if you want, but I don't really see the point.
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16/m
Alright so Ive just begun to have an active sex life and Im really worried. Yesterday my gf and I were about to have sex and I could not get and maintain an erection. I had one earlier when we were still in foreplay but when it came time for sex I couldnt get one.
We ended up finishing up in otherways but whats going on? im really worried about this. I dont want my girlfriend to think that I dont like her or i think shes ugly because she really isnt. Do I have erectile dysfunction?
(link)
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The reason you can't get or in this case maintain an erection is quite simply because you're nervous. Is the whole sex thing still a little akward for you? Your girlfriend should know that it's not her, your, or anyone's fault. You just get so worked up that you can't...umm..perform. Try prolonging foreplay and see if that helps. Oh and PS you're way too young to have ED. ~Dani (f/20)
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How do you make your arms fatter any excercises my arms are really skinny and i look like a stick in tops thank you (link)
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Okay first there are three main parts of your arm: your forearms (from wrist to elbow), your biceps (the front of your arm that should bulge when flexed), and your triceps (the backs of your arms). Different excercise will work different muscle groups. I going to assume that you want to work all three. So first you're going to need so weights. To build muscle you should pick a weight that you can safety lift 10-15 times without resting but no more. Use the weights to do curls (starting with straight arms and rolling them in to your chest), extensions (striaghtening bent arms up or to the side), and triceps kick backs (bend slightly forward at the waist bend your arms so the weights are at your shoulders and then straighten them behind you). Good old fashioned push-ups and pull-ups sound should work for you, too. ~Dani (f/20)
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Im 16 and my dad died when i was 8 and my mom recently got married to a guy who used to be in the army. I have two sister and now i have 3 step brothers. He is like way strict and his kids are like perfect angels but me and my sisters have never really been raised that strict and for lack of better words are pretty wild. my mom never really punished us for things( ive never been grounded and ive never ahd a curfew) and now this guy is trying to control us and take over our lives. What should i do? (link)
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Talk to mom about your new stepfather. They (your parents) should sit down and have a discussion about their expectations for the six of you and what discipline is appropriate. I'm not going to lie; life with your new stepfather will probably be stricter than want you're used to. You should also try to get to know the guy. Maybe if he knows and understands you better he'll loosen up on the rules and curfews. You should also try to show your parents that you're responsible and can be trusted with freedom. For example, if you abide by their crappy curfew for a few weeks, they should be more willing to renegotiate.
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Hi everyone. I really need some help understanding my boyfriend.. This is ridiculously long so... but advice is soo greatly appreciated. Please.
All right, so my boyfriend & I have been together for almost five years (we're both 21, so we've been together since we were 16). We've been through so many different things; bad, good, everything. Last year we broke up because he felt like he wasn't ready to fully commit to me. After months of being, I guess people would call it, "friends with benefits" we still acted as if we still together anyway. We broke up because he wanted to experiece the partying thing & the whole nine. *rolls eyes* In February, he wanted me back. He said he didn't want to go backwards anymore by messing with other girls. He wanted to move forward & that meant by being with me again & rebuilding our relationship. Things have been great between us ever since. Our relationship felt incredibly real & I believed that this was the real deal, that we were finally on the same level now that he got all that stuff out of his system.
Tonight he texted me this: "I'm in miserable state of mind right now and its not because of u. Youre everything in a girl a guy would want. I'm in a state of depression right now. And its not fair for you."
He thought it'd be best if he was alone.. that he needs to figure things out in his life. It was out of nowhere. I know he has different shit going on in his life but I didn't know it was that serious. I mean yeah its serious but it never seemed to effect him this much before..... & I don't understand why he can't be with me. Maybe I sound selfish, I don't know. But I was depressed for 8 years & knowing how it feels, I would have thought that instead of pushing people away, that instead you'd want to keep the people you love close. & he says he loves me & still wants to be with me & that knows he's making a huge mistake. He says he wants to marry me & everything but he just can't be with me. I just can't seem to understand.
I didn't want to be selfish so I let him go. He's doing it for himself & I can't hate him for it. I told him to think on it but he seems sure that its best for him to be alone. I don't know how sure he can actually be since he said it just came out of nowhere right then & there. I don't think he's lying & I know there's no other girl or anything so its not a bullshit ass excuse just to leave me. I just think he needs more time to think about what he's doing with me.
Before we talked on the phone, in the text I said to him that I'm not going through another break up & then him realizing he made a mistake & then us getting back together again. I told him I'm not going through that shit again because it hurts & if its over then its over for good. But after talking on the phone & understanding that he's doing it for himself & not because he wants to go out & be a guy, I regret saying that. Because it would be wrong for me to walk away because its not like he's breaking up with me to be with someone else, you know. But he said to me that he doesn't want me to ever take him back because he doesn't want to keep doing this to me & because its not fair... & we won't talk or see each other ever again... He knows how much it hurts me. He's right, it does. But still... he's going through depression & I can't hold that against him.
I guess I'm writing this because I want to know what you guys think about this whole thing. Why would someone who is depressed want to break up with a person who loves & cares about them & wants to help them to get better? Is it even good for him to push me away when he knows he loves me & still wants to be with me? Is he being selfish or am I being selfish by still wanting to stand by him? & are we really over for good? He usually knows when he makes a mistake & comes back to me & when we say we won't speak or see each other again, he always ends up calling eventually. I just don't know about this time because its just so much more serious. What can I do? Should I just let him be?
Any & all advice or thoughts would be great. Sorry about the length. Thank you so much. (link)
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I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation; it really hurts to watch someone you're close to go through something like this. One important thing to remember is that his depression is not your fault nor your responsibility. It's great that you're being empathic, but you shouldn't allow your ex to drag you down with him. A good realationship needs two healthy individuals who want to make it work. Right now he's not healthy and even if he wants to make it work he's not in the right frame of mind.
I would advise you to let him know that you'll be there for him if he needs support but that you plan on moving on. Then do it. Go out with your friends. Get more involved in school/work. Meet other guys who are at a better point in their lives. If you want to, go out on a few dates. Just because he's depressed doesn't mean you should be, too. Remember that your life will go on with or without him. ~Dani, f/20
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16/F
To put it simply, I have a fake boyfriend. His name is "Nick." The reason I did this is because all my friends have boyfriends, and I really want one too. Problem is, there are no guys I am even slightly attracted to where I live. So "Nick" has been pretty great for me. I get to brag about him and everything, but I'm still lonely.
Reccently, I started talking over Instant Messenger with this guy, we'll call him Cameron. Cameron lives in South America but is pretty much fluent in English. We talk almost every day, he's so cute, and he actually seems like he cares about me. I know I will probably never meet Cameron, so don't tell me that. I already know.
I'm just so upset that every guy I'm interested in lives so far away. And here, I know everyone at my school, and I'm not interested in any of the guys here. Yet I want a boyfriend so badly, which is why I have a fake one.
What should I do? Should I "break up" with my fake boyfriend? Should I stay with my fake boyfriend even when I am talking to Cameron? Or should I try to look harder for a guy here when school starts back up again?
And don't tell me that being single is okay. Because for me right now, it's not. And also do not tell me that I will "find someone eventually."
(link)
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I completely agree that you should "break up" with your fake boyfriend. A fake boyfriend is in no way similiar to a real boyfriend. There's no real point in continuing to lie to your friends, and real guys will be scared away by your fictional perfect man.
I see no harm in having an online realationship with Cameron. The only thing you need to realize here is that since you'll be so far apart you should both be free to see other people if the opportunity arises. His companionship should keep you company until an available close-to-home guy enters your life. And hey, when that does happen, won't you be glad you're available?
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14/f
I'm not sure that I'm completely straight. The idea of lesbian sex doesn't gross me out or anything, it kind of turns me on. like i would do it without protesting. A lot of times I get these huge crushes on girls because they're really attractive. I feel pretty much equally attracted to guys and girls. I'd rather go on a date with/marry a guy, and I first noticed guys, not girls (like when i was little). But still...
Do you think I'm Bi? or Trisexual? I just think I'm a little bit too attracted to females to be "straight".
any advice appreciated.
(link)
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Some researchers think that everyone falls on a continum between being completely gay and only attracted to the same sex and being totally straight and only attracted to the opposite sex. From what you say if you have sexual feelings for both men and women, you are probably bisexual. As you get older, your orientation and dating preferences will become clear, so I wouldn't stress out about it too much now.
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ok
15/m
i have a bit of a problem
i can't talk to girls to save my life
i try, and i fail...miserably
like...i'll post on her wall or something, then she'll say something back and i have no idea what to say next so i just post something like "yea..." or "uh huh..." and i know i sound like i'm completely uninterested in the conversation but i actually want to try and talk to girls i'm just really, really bad at it...i cant keep a conversation going! it happened all the time at events like football games throughout the school year- i'd meet someone i liked, but i wouldn't be able to hold a conversation to save my life! so can anyone give me some tips or something to help me out? i just need some help...there's this girl i really like and wanna ask her out eventually but if i can't hardly talk to her then that will be impossible!
thank you so much in advance! (link)
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I'm going to assume that you have no problem talking to other guys (or people in general). Talking to girls in the early stages is not much different than talking to guys. Imagine you were talking to a close friend. What would you say? For the sake of your confidence, I'd advise you to pretend that she already likes you. Now that not too far of a stretch, you're a nice guy who's interested in her, so why shouldn't she like you? The best way to have a conversation with someone you don't know well is to get them to talk about themselves that way it takes the pressure of you and you get to know them.
Here's a sample getting to know you type consversation:
You: "Hey Kylie what'd you think of that math test?"
Her: It was alright not the worst.
You: I didn't understand the way Mrs. Blank explains how to find the slope. Do you understand the stuff she writes on the board?"
There you have it: a conversation! And if you're really lucky one of these consversation could lead to an opportunity to hang out. Let's say Kylie gets the way Mrs. Blank outlines her lectures. Then you could ask her if she wants to get a pizza and go over the notes before your next math test. Getting to know a girl is nothing complicated. Making girl friends (or girlfriends) is a lot like making guy friends. You just have to take it one "hi" at a time. -Dani (f/20)
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ok this will probably sound really silly... but i think i might be pregnant, im 17 and i have never had sex... but me and my bf have fooled around semi naked within the last 3weeks... my period is 2weeks late. now what is the probability that i might be pregnant?? help im really worried and i have told my mum about my period being late but she doesnt know about the bf stuff.
any help would bee greatly appreciated asap!
thanks xxxx (link)
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I'm really sorry about your stressful situation. The key element in this pregnancy issue is ejaculate (his). In order for you to be pregnant, you would have had to have gotten sperm inside you. Did he come on or near your vagina (even though thin panties)? Could you have touched it and then touched yourself (thus transfering the sperm)? If you're sure that no sperm could have possibly gotten in then there is no way you're pregnant. But if one of these scenarios sounds familiar then you might want to take a home pregnancy test (which would be effective now because you're two weeks late).
If I were you I wouldn't rush to tell mom, it's very unlikely that you are pregnant. You'll probably get your period as soon as you stop worrying about it. (Stress can screw up your menstrual cycle). That pregnancy test may calm your fears. I took on once when I was late even though it was highly unlikely that I was pregnant and seeing the negative result really helped. Good luck! Dani, 20
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will it calse more pain or can he streach me open if his penise is to big? (link)
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It depends on what you're used to. You'll need a lot of foreplay and should probably start out with positions where he can't get really deep access (not doggie). If you're well lubricated and go slow everything should be fine.
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i would like to kno can i brack my hymen by fingering myself? (link)
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Not necessarily. It depends on the current of your hymen, how many fingers you use, how gentle you are,etc. I think you're pretty safe, and the status of hymen has nothing to do with your virginity.
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here are these to really great girls im trying to find out which one i should date, i cant choose!
i need help sooo bad
okayy #1 is Jessica she is very nice, very outgoing, pretty, loves to cook, loves to paint and express herself. I reallly reallly like her a lot.
here is a pic of #1
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=5zm2kgl
#2 this is Haley, she is nice, kind of outgoing, patient, loves to flirt, and loves to kiss, and hug, and very demanding girl. i like her a lot too.
heres a pic of #2
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=5xhrxuw
which one? i dont know, im having a SUPER hard time
thanks!! (link)
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You failed to mention which girl is more interested in you. Relationships aren't a one way street, and if you're willing to put in time and effort then the girl you choose should be too.
Is it possible that you could she both and get to know them better before making a decision? I would also suggest talking with friends who have seen you with both and asking who they prefer.
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