born2baprincess's advice column

askborn2baprincess

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: Alrighty... I'm going to ask you guys for your opinion of this situation I am in. My parents aren't close.... At all. They're basically room mates, and not even anymore since my dad JUST got this taveling job. This is like his 2nd month. Anyway, my parents have always faught. Since I could remember. I remember being like 7 and having to tell my crying brother and sister that mommy and daddy are okay, they're just a little mad at eachother. Ya know? So the fighting doenst bother me at all anymore... Kinda annoying... But doesn't bother me. Well, my mom does love my dad. But my dad rather be a jerk to her at times. Really bad. My mom is so emotionally wrecked but this its nuts. My mom and I are very close... Very. She tells me EVERYTHING. So.. Im going to get to my problem thing. It goes back to when i was like 9 (I'm now 14)... My dad was away on business for about a month or so, and my mom had an affair. The thing was she told me right then, and there. Which I totally respect because not very many parents can be that truthful. My siblings were too young to even get what an affair was so she just told me until my sister was old enough. Anyway, I saw the way he treated my mom for that month or so... and I thought... Hey she's happy. You all have no idea the stuff that my dad puts my mom through. But I was kind of uncomfortable. I wouldn't talk to her lover. I don't remember if he knew I knew. But he always wondered why I wasnt as close ti him as my bro and sis. But we moved away. And my mom talked about him for a while and still does here and there. So it was back to my mom, and my dad... Fighting, arguing, and unhappy. For a while. My mom became super depressed. And even I, for sometimes she'd vent by expressing her thoughts and feelings with me. So I was kind of upset. But dude, I'm like 14... Kind of hard to understand all the way. But yeah... So my dad took this travel job, and my mom has always, always, always been suspocous of him cheating... (lol hmm)... Anyway, My mom has this friend here. And I always thought something was between them... But my mom ALWAYS told me they were just friends. Until tonight he came over (my dads away), But he told my mom the kids had to be in bed. My mom knew I was up... She just told me to be quiet while he was here. Sooo... They talked and stuff and after he left my mom wanted to talk to me. And we talked about me for a while then we talked about her and her friend. She was telling me how her friend made her so happy and that he noticed my mom lost alot of weight, but my dad never said anything... And things that her friend did that my dad doesnt... So I was like... Okay... she's just looking for a friend. It's cool it makes her happy. And then she told me about an argument my dad and her had before he left about how my dad treats her, and how she was going to have sex with someone new. And my mom told me how she was taking about it with my sister. And yeah put 2 and 2 together... So I don't know what to do, or even what to think. I'm kinda immune to like getting mad about it.. I just don't think I like him... But I want to know everyones oppinion or what you think I should do. I mean I bet you're like.. wow.. you should go on jerry springer... lol, no, but really... I dunno why they don't devorce. My mom does care about my dad so much but I guess shes sick of the hurt and abuse.... LOL hmm yeah... What do you all think?

ok first of all before I say nething I am soOoOoOo sorry u have to go through this. Ur so young. Have u ever sat down with ur mom and talking to her about getting help? cuz she doesnt derserve to be unhappy nobody does. Or maybe a family conselor...sometimes that really doesnt help. Ur dad seems really rude. Someitmes work does it. Maybe hes the one that needs help. If ur dad is really easy to talk to then ask him...whats up with u and mom lately??u two sound really unhappy" Although some dads arent really so easy to talk to. Be there for ur mom though let know u love her with erything. The Children in life seem to make the parents feel better. Dont let nething stress her out. That can lead to some other stuff and I dont want u and eryone else in the family to suffer from that. People wonder why the ladies always stay with the guys that dont make them happy. My friends parents are like that. Its just us gurlz though..!!! Its not good though. Talk to ur mom and see if she wants to get help xOxO*Shannon

Q: i have one of the greatest guys in my life EVER! hes so sweet and ive never had anyone love me more than him.he treats me like his princess and when he holds me i feel more safe than anytime ever. and i can let him do things that norally i wuld totally freak out with any other guy. and i know that he wont even rush me into things that i dont want to be rushed into. it dosent matter to him as long as he is with me. and we joke around and talk about getting married and having kids and everything. and we really are in love that much. but hes not my boyfriend. we have two problems....1-were only 14 and 16.(im 14 hes 16) and 2- he lives 2 hours away from me. but we act like were a couple. seriously. i dont even know why we arent. everytime he thinks he can handle distance he ends up not being able to. i love this guy so much tho. yeah yeah....i know its ridiculous since im only 14 but i seriously am. please help me! do i ask him out even tho ive always believed that the guy shuld be the one to do it? and even if we do get together how do we deal with the distance? HELP and tell me what you thnk i shoud do!

Hey chickadee~!! It really sucks that u found the love of ur life that lives 2 hours away. He sounds really kewl. About the long distance thing trying to commuicate more can help. The good thing is u can drive soon which really helps and so can he?? But sometimes parents dont let that happen...grrrr..Dealing with long distance takes more time than having a boyfriend live close. It means more and its way more difficult. So be paitent and confident in urself. Let him know exactly how u feel ((if u havent done so)) He sounds totally understanding. About asking him out...thats a hard ?..ask urself do u really wanna be hurt... cuz u said he has a hard time with the long distance. Sometimes things are better when u arent going out. The guy feels that he doesnt have a commitment. Maybe he hasnt asked u cuz of that. It puts more stress on the guy. Except if u two get really close and the communication gets good.. I say GO FOR IT!!!! U obviously love him. Like I say going out with an older guy has its advantages. Well if u need nemore help lemme know. By the way ur problem was a toughy lol Holler xOxO*Shannon

Q: whats a good way to get over someone? (ex boyfriend)
please help me! thanks!

Have a gurlz night out!!!!! Those are always fun xOxO*Shannon

Q: is it weird that i don't like anyone? i mean all my friends obsess over who they like, but i seriously can't think of anyone that i like. and im 14!

My best friend goes through the same thing u do!!! Its okay that u dont like neone. Being different is kewl neways. U just havent found that special guy yet. U will soon though. Dont stress over it kay?!? And u wanna know something else. When u like a guy it can get pretty darn stressful. U watch a lot of what they do and get jelous when they are around other gurlz and they make u cry!! so stick with ur gurlz for a while they will need ya when their crushes make them sad. Just remember the time will come for u eventually and u will need them.... Stay true!!! and be ur own person!! xOxO* Shannon

Q: i have a real big problem.. my best friend cuts herself.. she doesnt seem to think that theres anything wrong with it. but there deff. is. and the reason she does it is bcuz the kid she likes isnt going out with her but he likes her. and i keep talking to her telling her that she needs to stop bcuz shes gona end up killing herself one day. and she keeps saying i know i know im gona stop. but she never does. and she told me not to tell her mom or any guidence counclers or anyone. how i can help her stop hurting herslef without telling anyone about it??

honestly without telling neone u cant stop her....She really needs help. Tell her counselor and they will prolly call her parents. Ur friend will get mad at u when she finds out u really did tell, but she will thank u in the end most likely. Being a cutter is more serious then neone thinks. Like u say she can wind up killing herself. She should never get depressed over a guy. Thats the worse thing. Theres plenty of men out there that are going to make us cry. Trust me. So u need to get her help. She really needs it. xOxO* Shannon

Q: I might be suicidal. i dont know but i do think about killling myself a lot
so i guess i am... so someone help... and actually help!

*smile* be happy!!! ok if you are really suicidal u really need some help. Talk to someone u can trust. Maybe u can go to a hospital. I've heard its the best thing u can do for urself. The way to end life isnt to kill urself or hurt ur self in neway. There more to life and yea things get hard. Besides people that love u will miss u. Dont be selfish and put others down. Then again do what is best for u and right now thats to get help. U dont wanna be depressed do ya? I dont want u to. I hate seeing people upset. Im still here though... u can email me netime okie dokie elmowrldismywrld@yahoo.com xOxO*Shannon

Q: Ok well i like this kid, but i dunno hes a year older than me, im 13 hes 14.. i know that doesnt matter cuz ive went out with ppl b4 that were that age n i had no problem with it. But hes goin to the high school.. n im still gunna be in middle school.. n i duno he might find new girls. N i think now he kinda wants to be friends w/benefits for now or maybe he wants to go out with me.. but i dunno?! He seems like a player tho, n hes gotten alot farther than me.. i've only got til like makeing out n hes done like everything but sex. Im afraid he might use me, even tho it doesnt seem like it. Shud i give em a chance? Thanks i rate good! x0x confused babe

Hey hun!!! We all go go through this crap with guyz. Friends w/benifets.....I wanted to go that route before. Its kinda stupid though. Why would u wanna have sex with a guy and go that far when ur not even with him? Honestly u really need to like the guy and be going out. If he really is a player ((ery skewl as those)) then dont even try it. He honestly would be using u for some @$$ and thats really wrong. It wouldnt even mean nething to him as much has it prolly would to u. Being in middle skewl and liking someone in high skewl can be tough. There are A LOT more people in high skewl. Atleast talk to him and tell him how u feel if u havent done so. Maybe somethin good will happen. If not it wasnt meant to be. All I gotta say is friends with benifets is messed up in my opinion.xOxO* Shannon

Q: im 14 years old i havent had my first kiss yet or a b/f yet and im starting to fell like im to fat and ugly and ill never find anyone what should i do about this?

Smile and feel happy about being u. Its the best thing u can do for urself. Rushing into things can make erything worse. Ur first kiss will more than likely be special if u wait for that right person. The time will come when its what should happen. Im sure ur a pretty person. Dont say nething bad to bring urself down. Promise me that kay?!? Your wonderful. BoYs ArE gReAt but u derserve the best....so be picky!!! If u havent yet try to flirt more its fun once u get the hang of it. Just dont lead guys on okie dokie. Dont feel weird cuz when u get ur first kiss ur going to remember it for the rest of ur life. ((that is if u want it to be special)) xOxO* Shannon

Q: Iam 18 years old and just got into a new relationship with an older guy. Hes 22. Im still a virgin and he isnt. He told me when and if Im ready to have sex with him then that will be an issue that we sit down and discuss. Iam very mature and know exactly what I want out of life. Im a great person..so Im told. I really do think that I am emotionally and physically ready to have sex. Its just that Im so self concious and think that I wont be any good. Not just at sex, but kissing and oral sex. I havent kissed a guy in 4 years and Im terrified to mess up. How should I handle this? How can I make myself feel better about this?

*Calm down* this guy knows that u arent experienced obviously since he knows ur a virgin. He understands. Be sure to tell him erything u just said, but a lil different. Most older guys are more mature so it will be easier. I'm not saying eryone is but u know how that goes. He should love u more for who u are, not for how good at sex or kissing. Besides practice makes perfect lol :) So do nething that ur comfortable with. This guy seems to really care since he can wait to have sex with u.

Q: this is for anyone whose parents divorced, i just need to get a general idea of what it's gonna be like at divorce court. we're going to court at the end of september. my dad has had a girlfriend for around three years and last summer (2003) she had a baby boy. i am thirteen and my little brother is 11. will i get to tell my side of the story? will my brother? how long will it take? thanks for reading this and please don't answer if you've never been to divorce court.

I totally know wut ur going through. My parents got divorced when I was 2. Yea I was very young so I didnt have ne control over nething. It turned out my mom was the one who got to take custody of me. Now Im 14 and still going through divorce. Thats only cuz it was brought up again with my parents. U and ur brother will both get to share ur side of the story. Be sure to tell the judge wut ur father says and how he says it. Same with ur Mom. Tell them who treats u better. The judges will understand. They will believe u over ur dad or ur mom. Stay firm though and dont get scared to tell ur feelings. Both u and ur brother will make a decision who u wanna live with. Although the judges will make the decision whos more responsiable. Good Luck and I hope I helped you more

Q: On Friday I was with this boy it was our first time hanging out we've been friends for almost a year. We made out and stuff and he went up my shirt. He kept asking to finger me and I said no and then he would ask again and again. I dunno I think this is a little werid don't you? We're not going out like bf and gf but I can see us doing that. I really do like him but should I let him?? and please don't tell me o0o wait until ur comforable bc I don't want him doing it then never talking to me again. sry if this is long

First of all... I think u shouldnt let him. I dont know this guy but it sounds like hes going for u cuz he wants some. ((if u know what I mean)) Thats really disrespectful. Also in my opinion letting a guy finger u is kind of slutty. Its ur life and ur man though. U two should atleast be going out to do nething like that u know?

Q: hey there, ok my question is im 14 and ive been having my period for 2 years now. thing is that it is very irregular, i can get it today and not get till..october.. you know...like that.. but until im 17 thats supposed to be within the normal. anyway, for 2 weeks now, ive been drastically dirtying my panties..why is that? please explain detailed. thank you!!

Dont worry about it. It will soon be regular. If not u can go see a doctor and they can put u on the pill. Most of the time with gurlz the regular flow happens with in 2-3 years after u start. Its normal for some gurlz we are all different. ya know

Q: My bf jokes around with me all the time like he'll say
"your dumb" jk. Or eww who would want to go out with you? then he says no im jk your beatafull. (don't know how to spell it lol) Is he just flirting or is he really thinking that and just saying jk? we've been going out for 8 months and I really don't think he would say somthing like that. but tell me what you think!

I honestly I think hes just bothering u to make u laugh. If it upsets u though talk to him about it. He'll understand. He prolly doesnt mean it. 8 months is a LoOoOong time. It really sounds like he loves ya and feels right when hes with u. okie dokie?

Q: OK heres the thing me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost a year, and hes a grade younger than me, so next year ill be in a different school an im wondering if othr people are goin to make fun of me and stuff, i rlly like him but im afraid that it might ruin my reputaion, also im afraid wht will appen if he was to brake up wit me? will my reputaion be ruined forevr? PLEASE HELP ME!! I RATE HIGH!!

ok well I gotta ? for u out of these people who would u rather chill with? People that dont respect u cuz of your b/f or the guy that makes u happy. If u really love/like ur b/f it shouldn't matter how old he is. If people dont want to respect u for u. Then they dont need u. You would deserve better friends then that . The people that do accept it are the true ones. Dont care what other people think though. Its none of their biz. Also if ur b/f loves/likes u then he also shouldnt care what ppl say about u. ighty

bio

mY NaMe iS [ShAnNoN] aNd iM a BlOnDe.
yOu DoNt likE mE? yOu DOnT kNoW mE yEt. I lOvE tO hAnG w/mY fRiEnDs aNd PlaY sOcCeR. I lIkE tO SwIm. I lOvE HeLpIng pEoPlE w/ThEiR PrObLeMs. sO iF u WaNnA kNoW sOmEtHin jUsT aSk. I'LL tRy My BeSt tO hElP oUt iGhT?Ã�Â¿?

I try to give my honest opinion on things. I never let people pull me down, but sometimes I just cant help except let them hurt me. I try to stay firm about things.

*Smile* Would u rather cheer eryone else up or bring eryone down? Smileing can always make another persons day.

-ShAnNon-