Rebekah's advice column

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Q: I have had like a vaginal infection for a while, but I let it go because 1. I'm too embarrassed to go to a doctor and 2. I figured it would just clear up. Now it's swollen on the left side and i can feel a bump. It's on the inside though it's just so swollen I can feel it from the outside. I'm really scared I have no idea what it is. I'm 15/f.

You need to see a doctor as soon as you can. Vaginal/urinal infections can be very serious. And if you are experiencing swelling, then the infection is growing and spreading. Don't be embarassed to see a doctor, you can even request a woman specifically if you aren't comfotable with seeing a man. But see a doctor!

Q: Yeah. I kind of need help!! Me and my best friend r having a huge fight right now and I don't know what to do. We both said things we didnt mean. What should I do? Im so confused? ;0; Please help me. I already apologized but she wont take my apology!!

Don't keep pushing them, but don't just back off either. Just make sure that you make it well known to them that you want to work things out. A resolution cannot move forward until both are ready to put your guard down and talk it through.

Q: Age: 13 (14 in March)
Wieght: 200lbs
Hieght: 5'8
Gender: Male
Current Wieght Loos Program: Wieght Watchers.

I want to get down to 160lbs at least.

*How long will this take?
*When will I notice Pant Size loss?
*What would be a healthy wieght for me?

Whatever you do, don't just not eat. That will make you lose weight but every scrap of food you eat will be absorbed by your body, so you'll end up gaining wait when your body trys to make up for the sudden lack of nourishment.

If you work out, your body will be more phisically fit, but you might not get down to 160 lbs, simply because muscle weighs more than fat.

The best advice, don't drink Soda's and stay away from "quick fix" snacks and meals. Like candy and eating out at places like McDonalds. All of these actually make your body crave more food, and more sugar, as they flood your body with the fat and sugar that they, themselves, possess.

And also the best advice I can give you is, drink lots of water, and stay active. When you're watching tv, or just sitting around, just do small aerobic exercises to keep your body burning annoying calories.

Good Luck :)

Q: Last night I cheated on my boyfriend.
I kissed another guy.
I feel really bad about it.
How can I clear my consience without telling him?
I really don't want to tell him.
What should I do?

You need to tell him. Sure it sucks, but if you want the two of you to even have a chance, then you can't have something like this left in the dark. It will tear the two of you apart if left untold, but don't expect it to be easy for either of you to talk about.

Q: i dont work out very reguarly but every once in a while i get into this exercise freak mode and work out for about a month, mainly on my stomach.

my stomach muscle is very firm, but i have a not so thick layer of fat right over my stomach [i am aware that everyone has to have that layer of fat there] but it's concealing my muscle. my question is-- if i started to do crunches and sit ups on a regular basis would i eventually thin out the layer of fat or do i have to create a specific diet for myself to do that?

yes, it would help tone your stomach, but for results, you have to do exercises consistently, not on and off. Only sticking to exercise for a month or two, will give you little or no results. so keep with it, and just eat right...also, try to keep yourself from getting overly stressed. Too much stress can actually trigger your body to start storing fat and carbs, so exercise regularly, eat more of the good stuff, and relax a bit

Q: i'm wicca and i'm gonna have a baby and well i was wondering if it's wrong if i make my baby learn and follow through with the wicca relligon i really want her/him to belive in what i belive in and i think of it as like the christans and how they make them belive in the whole jesus christ bible stuff no offence to any people who belive in that relligon so is it wrong? plez help

No, you shouldn't be ashamed to teach your children what you believe, but once they are older, make sure that they know that it is THEIR choice to belive it or not. That you aren't making them accept it.

Q:
My mom never wants me to pluck my eyebrows on my own, so she takes away the tweesers. (I don't think I do that bad of a job) But usually, I find the tweesers and fix up my eyebrows.

But I can't find them, and my eyebrows are really growing back. All I have are these big tweesers that open real wide and are really hard to use.

I should get them professionally done, but I'm embarrassed to ask my mom. help asap?

Just tell her that if she doesn't want you to do it yourself, then you would like to get them done professionally. That's it! At least you are keeping yourself beautiful right? (people who don't pluck their eyebrows, but REALLY need to, are kinda scary) so yeah. Just tell her and see what happens.

Q: yeah i figured the sex thing will change my period thanks for the advice i greatly appreciate it

sure thing. if anything else arises, you know where to find me.
good luck

Q:

im 14/f
ok so i had sex with my boyfriend like last week and some days ago we were both virgins so we had sex we used a condom and we did it like for 8 fast seconds without one then we stoped for good

he said he dident cum but i been having to pee alot and im not sure why he promised me he dident cum he said it took him a while to cuase he went in the bathroom to do so

my friend told me i might have to pee alot becuase my body is dehydrated cuase i got a cold sore after i had sex and she said you can get it from lack of water drinking and you get sick she said it happened to her too she would pee every thirty minutes

and that i agree i never ever drink water it all started when my mom brought can soda\'s i went crazy
im not sure oh i havent got my period but im only one day late and sometimes my period dosent come exactly on a date
but im freakin my self out im becoming paranoid my boyfriend told me he dident cum and that hes 110% sure he dident im not sure as to wut to think we used a condom the whole time except the one 8 seconds things wut should i do?

your period is probably off, simply because your body was new to sex, it can mess up your cycle a bit even if you aren't pregnant. About the frequent urinating, if it persists for a while, then I would go to the doc. just to be sure that you don't have an infection or something.

Q: There is this boy at my school. Last week, I did not know him at all. My friend knew him and showed me his myspace. I sent him a message asking if he knew my friend and he said yes and we began talking. We had never talked in person. I told him I would say hi to him sometime at school. I think he was beginning to figure out I had a crush on him. Today he was standing in the lunch line behind me and I thought it was the perfect chance. So I said hi and we talked shortly. Then I said "see you later" and that was it. I don't know what to do. I get shy when it comes to talking to him at school. I feel like I am being annoying over myspace though. Everyone tells me he is down to earth, nice, and funny. I just don't know how to get closer to him. I really want things to work. We can never have any classes together because he is a grade younger. He is so my type and I really want to tell him how I feel, but that would be too fast since we barely know each other.
Any takers?
It's a toughie, but PLEASE help.

First of all, that is awesome! Second, it's a start, and little things like that will grow into larger, more comfortable conversations. When you see him don't hide or whatever, say hi, and if you both have a second, strike up a conversation. It sounds like he may be wondering how to get closer to you as well. So keep showing that you are interested.
Oh, but remember that it will take a bit of time for you guys to be comfortable with talking to each other, it's like that when you meet people you like. Baby steps...

Q: okay, so my mom hates everything about me so, I make up things that happen at school, like I tell my mom that the boy I like has said I'm sry about a billion times to me b/c of something that really happened but he only told me once, should I stop telling her lies to make her happy with my school life( which is better than my home life)or no???

Try not to exaggerate things, it makes it seem like you are seeking attention, or are fishing for compliments.

Q: Well a couple of days ago i had sex with my boyfriend and now when i pee it stings and i have a little blood come out thats pink not that its like my period what do you think it means?

If you just lost your virginity, then it is because having sex tears your hymen and you bleed a little. It should go away soon. If you haven't been a virgin for a while, then if it persists for a couple more days, then ask your doctor, but I think you'll be alright.

Q: VERY LONG BUT I RATE HIGH!

my dad. i dont know how to explain him.. he divorced my mom when i was 3 and i guess my mom walked out on me. she came back so now i see her every other weekend. my dad and her still fight sometimes and he gets frustrated with her easily. everyone at my dads house always says bad stuff about my mom, including my brother, so i defend her as best i can and my dad gets really angry. i live with him & my grandparents & my brother. i cry at least one time a day but i dont cut or anything like that. i just cry alot. hes very agressive, smokes, drinks, and takes pills. i dont know what to do though because im not sure why hes like this and he always takes it out on ME. i cant go to a psychiatrist because he wont let me or anything and i dont wanna tell the police or anything because he doesnt physically hurt me, only emotionally. oh and please dont tell me to talk it out with him because he will not do that :(

well if you have ANY advice then please help. & i am a 15/f if it changes anything :/

Let me just say that you are strong for making it through the divorce. Any type of abuse is painful and leaves emotional, as well as subconcious scars. You need to talk to someone about it regularly...a close friend, religious leader, school counselor, family member, or even someone that you trust online at a sight like this one or elsewhere. Truse me when I say that wounds don't heal if they are constantly filled with lemon juice and hidden away. Talking with someone, the same someone is best, helps. It doesn't make the problem go away, but it gives you someone to help lift the load. (That does NOT make it a burden for them! It's just lightening your own!) I know cause I've been there. I had some problems and had to go through 3 years of counseling, even today it still hurts sometimes. And like you, my parents divorced when I was very young, 10 months old to be exact. Only it was my dad that left. It hurts, and it sucks. It seems that those of us that have divorced families have siblings and relatives with drug, alcohol, or other problems. It often comes as a result. It's good that you stick up for you mom though. Don't stop. You might stand alone, but at least there's someone standing up for her. I imagine that she has gone through a lot, and deserves some credit.

Q: Would you give somebody a rating like a 1 if for an example you wrote something to try to help the questioner person but somebody below told them the say thing but in different words?

I wouldn't, but here is my reasoning: When I answer a question, I don't read any other of the columnest's advice because I don't want it to effect what my advice would be, you know? But I only give advice if there is only 1 or 2 people that have answered, or if it is directly in my inbox.

Q: I was really excited last wednesday because a male friend of mine that I havent seen in 7 months came over to my place to visit me. We had been friends for a couple of years and then he had to move 1200 miles away for a job. We had been staying in touch via email. I always thought we would end up together. Well I was very disapointed when he came to visit me. For one thing; I had a birthday gift for him and he didnt even give me a card! Our birthdays are one week apart and every other year we would exchange gifts. Then he said sarcastically " woman always need attention". He also asked me if I wanted kids. He KNOWS I do; I told him several times. I snapped that of course I did. Then before he left he said the next time he came up we should fool around in my appartment.
He's turned into a complete jerk! He knows I'm not that kind of girl- I want to save myself for marriage. It also told me a lot about his character too. Why would ask me about wanting kids if he already knew the answer? He is in his 40's and has never had his own kids- I think he's a little old to be beating around the bush about something like that. The only nice thing he DID do was tell me he would mail me my birtday gift- probably because he felt guilty- but I still think it was too little too late. We hadnt seen each other in 7 months you would think he'd want to make a good impression!
Does anyone have any insight into this?

I think moving into a romantic relationship with him would be a bad idea. He seems to not be too concerned with what you think, or want. And he just sounds like he has alterior motives.

Q: F/13
Ok heres the low down this guy that i went out with for like a week went to this one dance without me (I couldnt make it) and then he called me on his cell and asked if he could dance wit someone cause i wasnt there and i said yeah cause I thought he ment one of my friends *we are all good friends* BUT he ment his ex and she was all over him and yeah i was angry
but over the weekend he kept asking if i had broke up and i never did but he called it off and he's been going out with his ex ever since *like 2 months ago

Now she told me they have broke up and im happy cause i wanted to get back together wit him but i was just starting to get over him and i dont know if he likes me any more even though my friends say he does and i dont want his ex to be mad at me cause shes a friend of mine What should I do?
should i forget about it or go for him ???? plz help i rate

First of all, that stuff sucks. But if his ex is one of your friends, then why was she all over him in the first place? She has no right to be mad at you when she was all over him when you guys were going out. But aside from that, if you really like him, then you should go for him, but I'd be careful about getting too involved too fast. Cause you never know...he might be a huge flirt, and that could have been the reason for her being all over him.

Q: ok.. well i like this guy and he is morman, im christian , and well i was wondering what i can do or not do around him and what the differences are?
thanks

I have a lot of Mormon family. And to find out exactly what he is comfortable with, talk to him. Trust me, he most like will be glad you asked, cause he's probably wondering the same thing about you.

Q: I met this guy last friday and we had a great time hanging out w/e and we exchanged emails and hes was born in another country and he told me that he loves me in his native language. What does this mean? he won't tell me what it means but i looked it up and thats wat it means.

P.S He's friends with my best friend thats how we met

It's actually really a romantic step for a guy to tell you that in another language, I think. It's putting a personal touch to it. And being his native language, it's even more personal, because it is a part of who he is, rather than something he picked up. so, I think he likes you a lot.

Q: okay i have this x- friend. we were friends for about a year and then all of a sudden she started getting weird. like she said she was bi and then said she was joking, but i dont think she was. and shes really creepy to be around, like she got a weird haircut, but i dont wanna talk to her. am i wrong?

People can change for no apparent reason. But whether you want to accept her or not, you should always still be at the very least civil to each other, after all, you were friends, right?

Q: What is the importance of stars?

That all depends on your point of interest...
Spiritual: Souls of people that have passed on and look upon you.
Scientific: Huge balls of gas that give off light that takes thousands of years to reach your eyes.
Ancient: Tell stories about hero's and myths
Nomadic: A way of keeping on course to a destination.
Astrological: Way of peeking into your past, present, and future
Inspirational: Memories, Dreams, Hopes, The laughs of children caught on tear drops and carried away by the wind.
Artistic: They are beautiful
City Kids: They're just so blasted fun to look at!
Like I said, it all depends on how you want to look at it.

bio

I'm a very openminded person who loves to have fun and figure things out. I guess you could say I am a "deep thinker" because I actually enjoy thinking about the kind of things that no one else will mention because they're afraid of offending someone. I hope to one day, for at least a while, be an Advice Columnest for a large Newspaper or Magazine. And I figure, what could be a better way to learn how, and be truly comfortable with it then doing it?
I'm not here to judge you, I don't care if what you believe in isn't exactly the most widely accepted, or what your sexual preference is or anything like that. The only reason I'm here is to give advice.So ask me any kind of question, I am not specific on any particular topic, and then I'll tell you what I think.

Or, if you would prefer, you can e-mail me at Bekhales@yahoo.com