I've been absent from this site a while, but I'm making a comeback. So... I'm sixteen. I'm a nerd, atheist, I love philosophy and science, I love reading and video games, and I'm a little obsessed with Nethack. I like punk and rock music and really anything that I hear and like. That's a little basic background information on me, and as for advice... I prefer you email me, I check it regularly and I just updated it. You can send me an email for any reason and I'll respond, I can't guarantee the same for messages n the site. I always try, but it's difficult to keep up with everything, you know? Well... I guess that's it.
E-mail: rawrilikenachos@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Kentucky
Occupation: N/A
Age: 14
Member Since: February 18, 2013
Answers: 15
Last Update: October 27, 2018
Visitors: 1688
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CW: rape
Two weeks ago now, I engaged in sexual interactions with my boyfriend. I told him that I didn’t want anything to happen to me down there, because at the time I was uncomfortable with it, and also I had just had a UTI and I really didn’t want to inflame it, but that I would go down on him. He was angry that I wouldn’t let him, and even though I persisted he was still sexual, and made advances… I escaped to the bathroom and showered so I would be able to get away. When I got back, he was still really sexual and took the towel away.
I felt wrong about it, but I knew from experience that if I said no, he’d get angry and I’d end up paying for it. I’m a victim of rape myself, and sometimes I can’t have sex or do sexual things, but he told me I need to at least try to feel the mood, instead of just giving up before, which is completely fair. I tend to decide early on that I’m not okay instead of trying it first. So I tried and while it was uncomfortable, I knew that I could. I engaged in oral sex with him and he put his legs up, which is usually his cue that he wants anal play. I asked him if I could, and he said yes. I performed anal cunnilingus, and he came really quickly, and mentioned it and said it was great. Afterwards he had a counseling session to go to almost immediately after, so I stayed in my room while he left. I felt really good that I had made him get there so quickly (usually it takes twenty minutes, this time was more like 8 which is rare). I masturbated because I was proud of myself, and then met up with him after his session. He asked how my time since he last saw me had been, and I told him that I had orgasmed thinking about it…he blew up and was really angry. He felt used, like I had just used his body for my own pleasure, and said that he had thought that he would get to go down on me and he regretted it now because he didn’t. I felt really horrible. He had to go to class after that, and even though I know it’s wrong to do, I thought to myself that no, I get to have the right to my orgasms, and it’s okay for me to say no especially if it’s because of pain. When I told him that, he told me that I had sexually assaulted him because he wasn’t getting what he thought he signed up for, getting to go down on me, and I apologized over and over again. I must not have been clear enough. I wish I could be better, but this week is the anniversary of one of my rapes, and I just can’t be sexual. I know I should just try, but I can’t.
Things… haven’t been going well. I opened up to a friend about some things, and they said a lot of the relationship was controlling and bad for me, so I started bringing up conversations about breaking up, with that event as part of it. But today, he told me that I raped him. He told me that he didn’t want any of it, that he felt pressured to say yes to it and like he couldn’t say no. I didn’t know at the time. I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t. He revealed to me today that he had shook his head no at one point. I didn’t see it, but that doesn’t excuse it. I feel so horrible, and I apologized so much even though apologizing doesn’t cover it. I never thought I would be a rapist, I never thought I could become one of the monsters who have affected my life so much over the years. I have nightmares every night, I have PTSD and major depression and anxiety from it, and I can’t believe I could have done this to someone else.
How do I turn myself in? I never pressed charges against any of my rapists, but now I regret that. I know I’m a monster and that I need to be held accountable. Is it possible for me to file a report on myself? Accidental rape isn’t a thing, you can’t accidentally rape someone. Maybe the worst part is that even though I know what it’s like to be a survivor, I have wonders about whether he’s lying and manipulating me so I don’t leave him, which is horrible of me and I know it. I’m coming to this forum because I don’t have anyone else to talk to, I wasn’t allowed to talk to my friends and now they’ve drifted apart. How do I fix this? I’m desperately in need of advice, I can’t believe I did this, but I need help from someone, even if it’s a stranger. Please, help me. How do I make things right?
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Oh honey. If anything, he raped you. Take solace in the knowledge that a complete stranger thinks he's as manipulative and awful as you do. You need to leave him. You may not have talked to your friends or family in a while, but I guarantee they'll take you back. He is so wrong about everything. He's manipulating and gaslighting you. He's using your experience being raped against you. You are not a rapist, you're really not. Don't tell the cops you raped him, because there's a good chance that when you do, he'll change the story so it seems like you really did rape him, instead of this bullshit he's told you now.
And just so you know, your pain is valid. Any reason for not wanting to engage in sexual activity is good enough, but especially trauma from rape. He should be compassionate, especially around the anniversary of it. He is wrong, not you. Please leave and do not look back. It'll only get worse.
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My mom has been raising my nephew since he was 3 and he is 13 now his dad hasn't been in his life at all. He hasn't bought him anything for birthdays or Christmas. He has never wanted to be involved in his life in any way before then the the other day he sent him a friend request on facebook and told him to call him so my mom let him call him and he said he was coming to see him, but my mom does not know if she should allow visitation or not? Would supervised visitation be okay? (link)
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Your mom should definitely have a conversation with your nephew's dad to discuss his intentions. Thirteen years without contact with a child says a lot about a parent, and unless this man shows a very sincere desire to connect with his son, he should not be allowed visitation. I think once your mom has a feel for the situation, your nephew should be asked what he wants. Your nephew's safety and emotional and physical well-being are most important here. I don't know what kind of man his father is, but even if he's "normal" enough besides completely neglecting his kid, I can tell you from personal experience that this kind of thing can really screw with a kid. And keep in mind that many dads like this may intend to reconnect with their child and then leave when things get too hard or they get whatever they want from the relationship. Maybe the man just feels guilty, and thinks a few days with the kid and some presents will make up for his absence. Or maybe he truly does want to reconnect with the kid. Your mother and potentially you, depending on your family's dynamic, should speak to your nephew's father. I personally believe that no matter what he may say, at first visitation should be supervised. Be careful here.
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Hello!
As the headline says, im trying to be a better man, and being able to do some self defense is never bad idea. I heared that some martial arts are tied with some sort of philosophy and through it teaching other things for life then just "beating people" (because beating people is NOT my desire in the first place). I will be most grateful if you give me any suggestions i could follow.
Thank you! (link)
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I know very little about martial arts overall, but I can guarantee there is more to it than just beating people. I defintely respect your desire to be able to defend yourself without just beating people. I have my own philosophy, personally, that happens to agree with yours and, to my knowledge, that of martial arts. Regarding the no-senseless beatings, at least. I won't drone on about it to you, as it is your choice to make, and not mine.I bring it up to say, you should do as you do based on your own beliefs, not on what someone tells you, so I hope you can follow that. That isn't to say your beliefs can't inspire the same actions from you as those of someone with an entirely different belief, so even if you don't dedicate yourself to the philosophy of martial arts, I hope you find something in it. I would recommend general exercising, conditioning, strengthening, etc., of course, and whatever you feel is best for yourself. Good luck!
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What is the meaning of this thing called life. (link)
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Forty-two.
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M/15
So most of the time I hang out with my freinds the subject of who would you have sex with comes up. My freinds usaly have a mental numbered list of who they want to have sex with and are shock when I reveal to them that I dont really think about that to much. Also they dont want a relationship with the people they want to have sex with. They just want to bang them and move to then next one and I feel like that thats messed up and it kinds makes me mad when they talk about girls like that. When I think of some one I care about I think of how we would spend time together or how I can make them feel like they are special to me. Dose that make me strange? (link)
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Not at all, you sound like a wonderful person. It's somewhat sickening that the guys you hang out with behave in a way that makes you think you're odd for not thinking of girls that way. Even if you are strange, it's in a very good way.
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My question is that is being quite a form of rude ignorance. This cousin of mine have been nothing but silent ever since we moved in together. She rarely expresses her opinion and completely ignores my existence. We have been staying together for more than 1year but we speak on formal terms. Do you think she just dislikes me or is it really embedded in her behaviour? I don't expect her to become instantly talkative but wish to see her atleast put some effort in talking to me. What should I do to not get affected by this? (link)
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Well, there could be several variables in this scenario. What was her behavior prior to you living together? Did you have a strained relationship? Did you, in some way, offend her or hurt her? Is she perhaps just that way with everyone? The best I can think to tell you with this limited information is to try to discuss it with her- ask her what's wrong, and go from there.
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I found disturbing porn on my bf's laptop, what should I do about it?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a whole now Recently I was using his computer and was trying to remember the name of the website he always uses he wasn't answering his phone so I decided to check the history I found it along with some disturbing porn. I found all types of porn he is 25, SO I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIM VIEWING. I'm just saying that because many people may think I was mad that he did that, I'm not. Infact, he hasn't looked at barely any porn since we got together. What disturbed me was the nature of the content. Such as women in chains getting beaten badly then effed. And more disturbingly incest porn like brothers and sister doing various things So much disturbing material. I have to wonder if he'll ever be satisfied with what is considered normal sexual behavior and normal looking women that don't have fake breasts, etc. I find what he viewed werid and I don't know how to mention it to him or what to do about it please help :( (link)
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Well, honestly. You say he doesn't watch much porn since you've been in a relationship, so that's always a good sign. And you've got to keep in mind... porn is like sex to the nth degree. No of it is realistic, and one can't assume that just because someone likes watching something like bondage or incest in porn, doesn't mean they want to partake in it. He's dating you, not his sister. You've been dating for a while, and never had he asked to put you in chains or beaten you, has he? I don't think you need to worry about it, but I can understand the concern. However, many people watch violent movies, yet that doesn't lead the average civilian to be a murderer. Porn is fantasy, not reality!
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Hey I'm a 14 year old girl and I feel like such a loser. I'm just so different from all of my classmates. They like to pretend that they don't care, and that they're too cool for things, and stuff like that so it makes me feel stupid when I get enthusiastic or excited about something. I also watch sci fi shows and read too many books and excel in science and history class. I correct the teacher a lot and go into long winded explanations because I get excited about the subject. I apologize too much even when I didn't do anything. I write poems that I never show anyone because not even my own mother would understand my depressed inner thoughts. And to top it all off, I have a dreadful case of social anxiety, so I replay and disect conversations in my head until my thoughts about how stupid I am eat me alive. How can I fix myself? What's even wrong with me? (link)
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There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're intelligent and real. You can't let your superficial classmates get to you- they'll realize one day how wrong they are. Or maybe they won't, which makes it all the more sad. Either way, they're superficial and I hate to be cliche and use such at trite phrase, but their lives will end after high school. You'll be their future boss, because nerds and smart people rule the effing world. There's nothing wrong with writing poetry you never let anyone read, I do it myself. Makes me feel better. As far as the social anxiety is concerned, I understand over-analyzing things until I feel like a complete idiot. Just remember that the things eating you alive, most people probably didn't even notice. And if they did, hey, no one's perfect, right?
Also- check this site out. nerdfighters.ning.com
You may not like it, but you may also find there's a lot of people on there you can relate to, at least a little bit. DFTBA, my friend!
You can send me a message, if you want to for any reason. I check it regularly!
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'fingering girl, may have precum on finger, but girl took ipill after the incident....will she be pregnant? (link)
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Well, it's possible. Though unlikely- think about this. Precum has a very small amount of sperm in it, and you only say it MIGHT have been on your finger. So, mathematically and logically speaking, the probability is very small, but not nonexistent, I suppose.
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Hello I saw your Comment on the I don't feel emotions anymore thread and Your ... I don't really know how to describe it? Symptoms I suppose. Are very similar to mine, more so than the others. I have only recently noticed this but looking back it must have been going on for months before this "realization." I hope you don't think me too direct I am 14 and really hope that i can talk to someone who is in a similar position i suppose You can reach me on thomasthebeast15@gmail.com
Again sorry for being so direct. I understand not wanting to, that is fine, also.
Yours Faithfully
thomasthebeast15@gmail.com
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Hey, I actually just sent you an email. Haven't been on here in a while, so I just saw your message today.
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Here are some things I do like: Greenday, 311, Sum41, Rise Against, Linkinpark, the Beatles, Nirvana, Zebrahead, Propagandhi. (link)
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Cool, I forgot to put Blink182 and Offspring on the list, and I'll check out the other two yousuggested, thanks!
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What are your top...lets say 3...reasons to live? What makes you happy to be here? (link)
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Here I shall deliver my briliant answer:
1. To learn.
2. Because I breathe and eat.
3. There is nothing after life, I believe, so I might as well enjoy my time.
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I'm with a guy I've been with for 18 months, who is usually a dream guy.
However, he has a very short temper, and with snap at me over nothing. He also calls me annoying to other girls, and has said to my face multiple times that he's sick of 'having to handle me' and 'I'm Impossible to deal with'. His favourite things to call me are delusional and ridiculous. He will happily reduce me to tears and then say 'you can't just cry every time you have to face the truth'. He is usually this nasty after I ask him to control his temper, which he claims is 'baiting him' so I 'bring it on myself'
I dont feel like I should have to put up with this, but I love him so much, and we can have wonderful times together
This isn't really an abusive relationship but I didn't know what category to put it in.
Am I over reacting? What do I do to make it stop? Trying to reason with him Doesn't work :( (link)
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Ok, this is obviously a bad position to be in. I`ve been diagnosed with depression, it fucks you up, don`t let him do that to you.
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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I`m a 13 year old female. I honestly have no real advice. At first I saw this as a curse, then I assumed it was a defense mechanism, to dull pain. I thought it might possibly be a gift. I even considered faking emotions. But, at this point, I just see it as who I am, how I am, and I`ve almost moved on. Unlike most of you, I can feel emotions. But it`s never more than a little, and it`s always late. I don`t know why I don`t feel emotions and others do. I`ve never felt concerned, only curious. When my uncle Jacob died, I just stood there, watching my siste3r cry with my mom, and my grandmother looking at his baby pictures. I used to think I thought it was a joke, and I did for a minute, but I never even felt sad at all. I loved him, at that point it was a strong feeling, and I wanted to be upset, to not be odd, to not care, but I honestly couldn`t be upset or cry. I only cried once, for a minute, when I saw my mom still so depressed, five years afterward. I stopped feeling pleasure or pain or anything, basically, because of my dad, and it`s a long story, but basically, he doesn`t want to be a real father. Many people think its wrong to dislike my dad. Some think I should love him, some think I should hate him, but I just don`t like him, but I`m mostly blank. I`ve talked to a therapist about it, and she only told me to "Draw sadness." I don`t know how to sadness, and I really don`t understand sadness much any more. I was depressed, and I guess I still am. I haven`t felt any emotion for about 6 or seven months. For a while, I didn`t notice them slip away, but now its obvious. Hindsight is 20/20, huh? Either way, it`s really upset my parents. They say they want the old, happy, bubbly me back. I guess I just can`t be bubbly anymore. And, obviously, I can`t feel happy, at least not much, or I wouldn`t be here. I`ve been researching, and I think citalopram, the medication I`m on for depression, could be the cause. I don`t know, but medication could be a cause, chemical imbalances in your brain, defense mechanisms. I am almost certain it`s because of my medication.
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Hi! I'm a 13 year old girl and I'm getting my ears pierced for my 14th birthday which is in a month. I don't have any other piercings or tattoos or anything like that and I'm just getting the regular ear lobe piercing on both ears, and I don't ever plan to get another piercing.
My whole family supports me and they think it's a great birthday thing, my Mum suggested bringing Panadol or something just in case I get a headache? I'm most likely getting it done at my local chemist or doctors office, so they will be done by a highly trained professional.
Is there anything very important I should know? Is there anything I should take with me? (link)
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Hi, I`m thirteen too, and I am not very qualified to answer, because I`ve had my ears pierced 4 times. It`s been in the same spot, where you got them, and this isn`t really important, but whatever. Anyways, it doesn`t hurt that bad.
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