Member Since: December 17, 2011
Answers: 1
Last Update: December 17, 2011
Visitors: 1016
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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hello! just like the rest of you, i have this too of course. it started with depression and anxiety/panic disorder when i was 13, i am now 19. after crying so much and so much negative thinking, my mind just blocked everything off i suppose. i even remember the first time i stopped feeling...this is the first time i've ever really talked about it, but i've been meaning to write down some stuff on my case anyways. not really doing this for feedback, because it probably won't get any but just doing it for myself. i'm gonna try and create a list with things that i encounter generally in my every day life, see if you guys have some of these..maybe use some of these to show a therapist one day..
- i never know what to say people
- i don't get the feelings from my memories that i used to when thinking about the past
- my memory has definitely worsened..i can't remember song lyrics or anything like that
- i can laugh or cry, but both are really forced and for a split second...i can literally stop after two seconds..
- my thoughts are very sporadic..just all over the place
- i use logic to respond to people
- i forget quickly, i think just because nothing is of importance...even feels like a tad of maybe adhd sometimes
- i can't experience anything
- i live in my mind...i thought of this earlier but it feels like i'm playing a first person shooter game in real life...without the shooting part ha but to the people that don't understand this analogy, basically whatever i do, i, myself don't feel it
- this is one that i haven't seen from the rest of you guys...if i have to give a speech or talk in front of people, i don't feel "nervous" or "scared" i just get a headache...that's how it is with all emotions actually..i think we all have emotions but our bodies just process them differently
- can't make my mind up about anything
- if i ever feel positive or develop a change, i'll wake up the next day and be back at 0%
- i still get negative irrational thinking, which i think is the root of the problem that started all...this is something i think i could figure out with a therapist someday but basically i have trained my mind to give a negative thought to every positive thought. it's like my mind WANTS the negative ones
- i have no emotion connected to negative NOR positive thoughts, and i'm very good at not dwelling
- i have a list of filler phrases that i with people...for instance if someone asks me what's up i might respond with "what's up" awkwardly, but not awkward for me
- i think this is a mindset that i've also created for myself...i'm pretty sure i can change it, but again it's brief
- i really do think something is physically wrong in my brain...back to the headaches, the only part of my brain that experiences anything is the frontal part and it feels like there's a void in there ALL the time
- i feel the same every day
- i'm not very "fun"...i can be but it's not natural...i become fun when trying to impress girls or anything like that..which is why many of us don't have real friends
- i have real friends, and i do feel connected to my parents but it's not the same...i'm only connected to my parents because my parents are such awesome people who try connecting to me
- i don't truly value anything
- i do things like Facebook, play xbox and other things but i don't actually enjoy any of it...i don't really know why i do it, i guess its so natural for me to mask interest that it's become a part of me and i do it to pass time
- i have found that sweating and just general exercise is the ONLY thing that makes me feel a little different..i suppose because of how strenuous on the body is, but it soothes me and a lot of times i look for self improvement after a good workout. one night i even tried meditating..that was a good night!
- i don't feel the real effects of alcohol or smoking weed...i mean i feel different, but i don't experience what other people experience. i just become jittery and less able to speak clearly. no real alter in mood
- my brain is NEVER exhausted! i can study all day, i can sit on the computer all day, my brain will feel nothing. it's 8 am and i'm still up from the day before and my brain feels as alert as yesterday.
- i lack imagination...therefore i don't really say anything with purpose
- i was what i think is considered in love last year with this girl, but what sucks is my body didn't know how to respond to love so i had this very awkward way i was around her and that's basically what ended it with us.
there are tons more and i might make another list soon. but the great thing about it is that i'm STILL able to be successful no matter the circumstances! all my friends see me as a "cool" guy and people always want to hang out with me. sure i don't know where i'm going with my life, nor where i want to but i'm ahead of a lot of people who don't have what i have. and that is common sense, and self awareness. like you guys, for having something like that for this long i start to look at it positively too! oh, and the best part girls most of the time see me as "mysterious"! sorry if this seemed like a rant, but i did this moreso for myself only...hence the run on sentences lol. but yeah, i hope everyone here one day finds what makes themselves "happy" or at least a meaning for this life! if anyone wants to email me to talk or anything my email is p5_ar@yahoo.com and i'm Petar Arabov on Facebook. roll tide!
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