Hello, Everyone. I'm here in the interest of giving non-biased, practical and creative advice. I have a special interest for relationships and people from all walks of life. I am considering a career in life coaching and hope I can be of help to those seeking a different perspective to their situations and issues. Please do not hesitate to contact me; no valid question will be dismissed or considered taboo.
Kindest Regards,
Anne Nonimous
Gender: Female
Location: Central Ohio
Occupation: Assistant Manager/Optician
Age: 24
AIM: BabeMarley
Member Since: September 4, 2005
Answers: 50
Last Update: December 15, 2005
Visitors: 5922
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
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When it comes to guys I always rush things. After that, one of two things happens:
One:
I find out that the guy is nothing like I expected. Most of the time it just turn out that he's a immature pervert and his charm and humor are an act. I don't take time to REALLY get to know a guy so I don't find out how they really are until we're close. After that, I completely loose interest (duh) and break it off with them.
Two:
It gets too serious and they are too in to me. It freaks me out because I either won't be ready for it or I won't want it. I just want to date and have fun. Nothing too serious that makes me want to "think of the future" with him. I guess me rushing things makes the guy think that I do want that? So again, I then break it off.
I always find myself in one of the two situations and after a month or so (most of the time less) I'm guyless and moving on to another one. Most of my friends know this about me and lecture me about it all the time but I have no idea how to fix it. I know it happens but I don't know how to keep it from happening.
It's like a routine for me. Meet a guy, go out, break up after a few weeks (because of the above said reasons), and meet another. How can I keep this from always happening?
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Hi There. I think the worst things about relationships is that eventually they all come to an end. If you finally find the one, the idea is to get married and stay with your soul mate, right? So it takes some shopping around to find the guy you're looking for.
I'm not sure that relationships you're not satisfied with are ending abruptly. It sucks if you're stuck in a cycle like this, but it shows you have self confidence to assert yourself in a situation where you aren't happy. There's nothing sadder than the 'I can't do any better than him' syndrome so give yourself some credit that you're smart enough to move past guys that can't fulfill your desires.
When it comes to the individual problems, I think there are a couple of things to consider:
To the problem where boys are immature perverts, sometimes you have to dig a little with guys. I'm going on a limb here and assuming you're on the younger side, and guys in their teens and twenties can put on quite an act because they are self conscious or uncomfortable with letting you know how they really feel and what's on their mind. So they play immature games and put on a show because that's what they think you want to see. Now I'm not saying it's okay for some guy to get fresh with you or act like a jerk. All I'm saying is sometimes you have to spend some quality time with a guy to find out what's going on in that head of his.
With the problem of guys wanting to rush your relationships, I think it's important to be upfront about your expectations. Let him know you don't want something serious. If he has half a braincell he will respect your boundaries. If things are meant to work out then it will happen naturally and you won't feel like you're missing out on anything making a commitment.
Best of luck, and just have fun and let things happen as they will.
Anne Nonimous
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Alright, so I have this friend. Let's call her Diana. Whenever I tell Diana something that I am excited about she just brings me down. She'll tell me "Oh my god, no one cares" or "Does it really seem like I care?", stuff like that. Sometimes she will even hurt me physically also. She always flirts with all of the guys I used to like or even my boyfriend. Diana is very beautiful and she knows it. All of the guys adore here and such. Sometimes she can hurt my feelings so bad that I just want to cry. I really am not trying to be mean about this but how can I help get our friendship back on track? Sometimes when I tell her things I feel like she's jelous. Am I the one doing something wrong? Please help me, this is making me go through a lot of pain! Signed, Best Friend is hurting Me (link)
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Hi There. I don't mean to be blunt, but with friends like this who needs enemies? This girl is using you as a crutch to make herself feel better when in fact she is shallow and insecure. Your time is better spent finding people who are interested in who you are and care about you.
Good Luck!
Anne Nonimous
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ok. well im a girl. im 14. and i wanna know how do you know when your bi, because...i think i am. cause i like girls and guys. but i dont know. cause i like guys a lil more. but im craving to make out with a girl. cause i never have. and anyways. please help me!! (link)
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Hi There. It's common to feel confused about sex and sexuality at your age. Your hormones are churning, your body is changing, you're experimenting with things you've never tried before.
I think almost everyone has curiosity about members of the same sex in a sexual way at one time or another. There's nothing wrong with having these feelings or even acting upon them.
I had a similar phase when I was young, and I kissed a couple of girls when I was in high school. I had fun, and I liked it, but I decided it was just a phase and I'm only attracted to men.
To me, true bisexuality is a question of whether or not you could fall in LOVE, and have a real relationship with either a man or a woman. Sex is significant but real intimacy comes through a lot more than just physical contact. I just couldn't picture myself having a woman as a life partner, and so even though I've experimented I wouldn't consider myself bisexual.
My advice is to follow your feeilngs and let things happen naturally. If you decide chicks are one of the flavors you like, then great. And if not, you're no worse for the wear for hitting on one of them.
Good Luck!
Anne Nonimous
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As stated in my profile. I have been told that I give good advice but I cant take my own.
*Well I've been with my Boyfriend for awhile now, and we are completly happy. He calls me each and everyday and tells me he loves me. And its only every so often that we go a day without seeing each other. I love him to death, i really do.
So lately I've been telling him I want to be with him for a very long time, and he always grabs my hand and smiles and says we have a long time left together babe.
Well at a young age I was rapped by an older guy and then, I actually gave another guy a chance and slept with him and then he cheated on me and broke up with me because I was too insecure.
And this is the Second guy since the incident that I've slept with and he's been there and loved me and hasnt giving me a reason to doubt him. But it's like Im scared of losing the love of my life. I swear every man that I've every loved I've lost...My dad died when i was 13!
Well today I was quiet and he looked me in the eyes and asked me what was wrong and i got all teary eyed and said I dont want to lose you...and he was quiet and said dont think that way i love you and only you and dont want anyone else, dont think your going to lose me we've still got along time together...well you think that would make me feel better right? Well it didnt, im still iffy....
We are leaving to go to mexico tomorrow with my family for about 4 days and then December 18 we are leaving to New Hampshire to stay with his family for two weeks...so i know he is pretty serious about me but Im still scared...i dont know what it is i trust him to death but idk....
-I'm not looking for the answer of: Don't think of him as all the other relationships. Or dont freak out about him, dont be so insecure it'll be okay...i need some serious advice...-
please help* (link)
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Hi There. I'm not sure if I entirely understand the kind of answer you're looking for. It seems like while you praise your boyfriend and say how much you love him desperately, you also pick him apart and are looking for the wrong. You can't spend your relationship anticipating some sort of inevitable demise. That ALONE could be enough to end it.
This guy doesn't seem to have shown you any sign that he's trying to bolt. Keep an open communication with him. Ask him if he is happy. Ask him if there is anything he would like to be different. But when you get hysterical and start accusing him of things like "I know you're going to leave me or cheat on me" you're pushing him away. There are people that push away to avoid being dissapointed or abandoned. If you choose to live your life like this, it will only lead to more loneliness.
Love is a gamble. You take a chance, you invest your time, you give your emotion. With almost every relationship there is pain and loss to some degree. And there are also relationships and companionship and memories.
Don't condemn this guy to being another jerk in your life before he even gets the chance. Let him show you there are people out there that are worth taking a chance on.
Best of Luck,
Anne Nonimous
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I am in ninth grade. I am doing ok in school, like A's, B's and a few C's, but my parents aren't happy. At all. They think that a B- is, and I quote, "terrible". Well, my mom mostly. She thinks that if I have time to do all the internet activity I do, then I sooo have time to do schoolwork. Like, schoolwork is the most important and excited thing in the world, right?? UGH. She was giving me THE hardest time about it. Saying that some of the A-'s---A-'s!!!---were alllmost B+, and is that good enough for my mom?? Nooooo. Just cuz she didn't finish college and only went to Santa Monica and Stern, and wants me and my sisters to be perfect students. She seriously said that I should've done the extra credit in one of my history classes b/c I should if I have the opportunity, even though I'm getting an A in that class. PLEASE. I mean, I'd much rather be having fun. My motto is to live my life to the fullest, while succeeding as well as you can. I DO NOT believe that school comes first, and no matter how hard I try to tell my mom this, she says that it's life, and I have to deal. I even reasoned---didn't argue, I wasn't nasty, I REASONED---w/ her, but her view of an opinion is "giving her lip". Just b/c I am her kid, I have to agree w/ her outlooks. And my sister is NOT helping. She does well in school, and when I even BOTHER to complain about my mom to her, she agrees w/ her. And my mom doesn't even really appreciate the things I already CAN do. Like play guitar, figure things out nice and fast w/o instruction manuals, juggle, write stories and songs, and other stuff. She just cares that I am not getting A+'s ("We feel that you are capable, and you're not showing us that"---well, maybe I'm NOT capable after all!!!), not getting together w/ every person in my class (they all hang out w/ boys!! which i am not allowed to do!!), and not setting my goal as getting A+'s and going to an IV league school. IT. DRIVES. ME. INSANE. There is this rocker chick inside me wanting to come out, but of course, I am forced to be an almost-prep b/c the only clean music is pop. Thank G-D that Jesse McCartney is good (please don't comment on that). Well, I have to go, but PLEEASE advise and don't skip, and don't say to talk. It doesn't work. (I WILL RATE 5 IF U CAN ANSWER THIS AT ALL.) (link)
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I think that you're going through this crappy phase where we all do where you start to look and feel and act like an adult, and your parents still treat you as if you're in diapers. I've been there, so I'm not going to criticize because I was angry and frustrated the way you are when I was your age.
I just wanted to give you a different perspective as to why your mom might be acting so overbearing. Yes, it is a possibility that she's simply being evil and controlling. But it sounds more like she's trying to live vicariously through you. I think when you become a parent you want more than anything to see your children exceed your own accomplishments and live to their fullest potential of what you can provide for them. Maybe your mom wishes she had done more. My parents busted my chops all the time about my grades and later, I realized that if I had worked a little harder then, I would have gotten into a better school and it could have made a big difference.
The fact of the matter is, you're sort of old enough now that you are who you are. Your mom is still trying to hold onto the time when you hung on her every word, and she could really dictate who you were by telilng you what you could and couldn't do. She needs to acknowledge that you might not be a straight A student. She needs to acknowledge that you're not going to be her, or your sister, or anyone else she compares you to. You're not a poor student by any standards. You two need to find a way that you can acknowledge the strengths and talents you DO possess, instead of tearing you down for above average grades.
If she doesn't come around, eventually you'll blow her off and realize the only person you have to live up to is yourself. I suggest trying to find some sort of common ground as this is the stuff that akward holiday gatherings are made of.
Good Luck!
Anne Nonimous
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well i'll have my period for about 5 days and then it will wind down and then when its completely stopped i will masterbate ( i will not still any thing "up there") put ill like press against my bed and then about a 1/2 hour later when i go to the bathroom there is blood everywere so i put a tampon in and when i took it out i got a REALLY heavy period , like extremely heavy and i don't know why it starts back up is it like from the pressure like i'm pushing down with when i masterbate? ill rate any answer PLEASE HELP QUICK ! (link)
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Hi There. It's important to understand that when you have an orgasm, your vagina contracts and spasms and that can force menstrual fluid out of your uterus. The 'wetness' that you feel down from your female ejaculation there can also sort of help your menstrual fluid on its way out. I don't think you have anything to worry about, as what you're saying sounds normal. If you continue to have your period where you seem to be losing a lot of blood, I'd call your gynecologist and make sure you're okay.
Good Luck!
Anne Nonimous
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hiii.
kay well. Im 14 and im a girl. Boys are so inmature now a days. All the guys I go out with are not good boyfriends. All they say to me is " your hot" And I really want a really long good relationship. I know thats not really possible at my age but i see it all the time. I want a guy who loves me for me and does all those cute little sweet things. Ive had a couple in the past like that but they turned out to be ass holes.
Why cant I find that type of guy? (link)
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Hi There. Maybe you should consider the kind of things you've been looking for in a guy. Do you tend to date guys that are popular and attractive?
If being in a relationship with a caring guy is what you're looking for, you need to look for a guy who wants to spend time with you, and compliments you on things that are deeper than the fact you're cute, too. That means sometimes looking outside of the box of only the hottest guys at school.
I bet there's a guy that you're friends with right now that would make a great boyfriend that you've never looked at that way. Maybe you could give someone that you KNOW to be a good friend a chance... hopefully you won't get burned.
Good Luck!
Anne Nonimous
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This guy that I used to sort of have a crush on lately has been showing some undesirable qualities. Well me and my friend went to have lunch at his cafe that he's a chef and owner of. We were sitting down having our lunch and then he started talking really loudly about his friend that owns a porn shop. Then he told us that his friend had caught a guy stealing a pussy in a box and that he tackled him. Then he empasized once again that is was a PUSSY IN A BOX, and laughed.
Now remember, me and my friend were in the middle of eating our lunch when he started talking about this. We never said anything to him, but after we left I told her I thought what he did was in bad taste and she agreed with me.
I'm sort of losing interest in this guy now. I think what he told us was something he should have said outside of his business, and maybe he should have told his guy friends instead of two woman. Were no prudes but really there is a time and place.
Does anyone else think what he did was uncalled for? (link)
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It seems to me like you got a little glimpse of what this guy is like when he's with his friends/not trying to impress someone. If you're offended by his being crass I'd assume you're going to find more discoveries along this line in the future.
There are a million guys out there. No reason to settle for anything less than desirable. Maybe you can find someone who speaks the language of common courtesy and the art of being polite.
Good Luck!
Anne Nonimous
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Hey.
I had a serious question because I'm starting to feel all of these strange feelings. I'm 16/f.
I met this boy a couple months back & ever since have been completely happy. I've seriously never felt like this around anyone before. I wake up every morning just wishing that I was with him. & I try to spend every waking hour I can with him. I'm never usually like this, around boyfriends usually I'm shy & try to spend as little time as possible. But with him it's completely different.
I love talking to him, I love being with him, I love who I am around him. I was just wondering, does this seem like love?
Plus, usually with my relationships I wake up every morning thinking, "Why am I dating him? he's such a waste!" But I haven't had one negative feeling about him ever since I met him. He's so great.
So yeah, does this seem like love? Thanks lovelys. (link)
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I think there are more than one kind of love. To me, true love is something that develops slowly over time.
It seems you're in the beginning phases of love. Maybe you could call it infatuation. Enjoy it, but just remember that the faster you two become inseperable, the faster the "shiny new" feeling wears away.
There's something to be said for leaving him wanting more...
Good Luck!
Anne Nonimous
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I have really bad strep throat and there's puss pockets all over my tonsils and stuff.. will I have to have my tonsils taken out? or is it only for when people get sick ALL the time? I'm so scared of surgery so give details on what they look for if they consider taking tonsils out. Thanks so much! (link)
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I don't know whether or not a doctor would recommend to remove your tonsils, but I wanted to let you know that if he does it isn't THAT bad. I had strep throat every other month for a year before they decided to take mine out. The worst part I recall was recieving the IV and feeling nausea after waking up from anesthesia. I ate some ice cream and soup for a couple of days, and after that felt much better. I haven't had strep throat since, and I'm glad I finally got it taken care of.
Good Luck!
Anne Nonimous
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my boyfriend of over a year and a half recently broke up with me/ decided we should take a break because he was confused about how he was feeling and he wanted a break from being tied down. it was really sudden and it confuses me. he still says he loves me from time to time so that kind of give sme hope that maybe this isn't over for good. do you think he just needs some time without me to see what our relationship was worth? or what? does he jus tneed to be single for a while. Everoyne tells me when loves for real it lasts froever and we both know it was as real as possible.. so do you think he will come back? he neve rreally wants to talk about the situation either but what can i do to convince him to come back or let him know what we're worth? help plz thank you will rate hihgh (link)
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Hi There. I think that instead of sitting at home wondering what he's up to, you should take this opportunity and get out there! Maybe you should take a break from being tied down, too. It's healthy to meet new people. Whether or not you decide to date someone new, or get back together with your ex, it will be a growing experience for you. It will give you a better perspective of what you want in a boyfriend, and a better idea of whether or not your boyfriend fulfills that or if you should get to know someone new. If you two are meant to be, you'll find eachother again. Give him his space... and enjoy yours as well.
Good Luck,
Anne Nonimous
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14/female
ok like i reallly hate my life. But i live in a semi good neighborhood with a good famliy (mom, dad and sister) in a good house and everything but like nothing ever goes my way. Like i dont think im that pretty.. im 14 and only had 1 boyfriend (which only lasted 2 weeks ) and all my other friends have had manyy boyfriends and like all my friends that are girls are prettier than me in my opinion. and i dont really have a bestfriend. i used to but now someone else is her bestfriend. So now i just have like friends, but only like 4 really close friends. I'm naturally a very nice person.. but you know what they say: nice people finish last. Also, im a bit of a pushover. People sometimes just "walk all over me" and i cant really stand up for myself. I am very self-conscious about myself and im not that confident.
But then i think about the poor people or homeless people who probably have 20 times worse life than me and it makes me feel bad that i complain about my life when i should be thankful. So my question.. do you think my life is good or bad? is there anything i can do to improve my life? or should i be thankful instead? (link)
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Hi There. I don't know if this is going to sound too "deep", but my father once gave me some really good advice:
You are completely responsible for your own happiness or unhappiness. It is a conscious decision.
Life is what you make of it.
You have money. Some people have none.
You have friends. Some people are all alone.
You have kindness. Some people only know hatred.
I could go on and on. Unfortunately, people such as yourself usually have to have something really bad happen to them in order to appreciate the good in their lives. Try skipping the tragedy and try looking at the world around you in a different way. If things don't start to look up, at the very least you're not going to be a teenager forever and things are bound to look up.
I hope I didn't sound too harsh. I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just trying to make the point that your life will NEVER be all good or bad. But your attitude towards it can always be changed.
Good Luck,
Anne Nonimo
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i have a friend who ive known for 2 years, we've dated on and off through out those two years, i love him too, but there wont be anymore relationship because he's moving to another state.. his sweet 16 is on the 19th.. which is why i need to get something special for him, does anyone have any cool ideas, cuz i cant think of anything, i can spend up to like $50 maybe a little more, but not a lot
**Thank you to anyone who gives me ideas**
*it needs to be really special too*
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I think a really awesome gift for someone in your position is this:
-A nice photo frame with a picture of the two of you
-A pre-paid phone card for long distance, telling him to call you anytime
I think this is a nice way to give him something meaningful that he can keep, and also telling him that you want to keep in touch after he moves away.
I like making mixed CD's for poeple too, but sometimes it's hard to tell exactly what they like, and when you make sort of a "love mix" then you listen to it again and say "wow, I sound like a big SAP". It's hard to do a mixed love mix without sounding overkill or cheesy.
Good Luck... and I'm sure anything you buy for him will be thoughtful and he'll appreciate it.
Anne Nonimous
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Hey, my name is faith I'm agirl and I'm 11, and I went out with this guy and I broke up with him becouse I liked another guy and I thought it wasn't fair to him.Now he's asking me out again and I think I still like him.Also . my best friend likes him.What should I do? (link)
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Hi Faith. Sorry to hear you're having boy problems. It can be really confusing at your age, especially when one of your friends likes the same guy, too.
First, I think it's important to understand that when you are dating a boy, it's normal to still like or be attracted to other guys, too. Even people who get married as adults are still attracted to other people. It's impossible to turn of the biological impulses that make us have butterflies or get a little nervous around certain people.
What is important is whether or not you ACT upon this attraction and go so far as to cheat on your boyfriend. I think it was very mature of you to decide that if you had a desire to be with someone else, then you shouldn't be with the first guy. That shows that you have a lot of class. So now that he wants you back, do you think that after you get back together, you're not going to want to break up with him over someone else? It's not very fair to keep hurting his feelings like that.
Also, I think it's important for you and your friend to respect eachother's feelings. The most imporant thing is that you two don't let guys come between you, because many guys are going to come and go, but your friends will be here to stay. So do you think dating this guy would upset your friend?
If you still like him, and he still likes you, and your friend understands he is attracted to you and not her, then I'd say to give it another try. If it doesn't work out, then at least you have an experience and will know what to do the next time you have a dilemma like this. I think again the most important thing is that this doesn't become an issue between you and your best friend.
Good Luck, and thank you for asking me your question. I hope I might have given you another way of looking at the situation to help your decision.
Anne Nonimous
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what does it mean WHEN A GIRL SMILES AT ME? when we're walking past each other, and we make eye contact, and she gives me that little smile, you all know the one. does it mean:
1. she thinks i'm cute
2. she thinks i'm hott
3. she wants to talk to me
4. she wants to kiss me
5. she wants to do dirty things to me
6. other
come on ladies, i need to know what you're thinking. i have a pic on my profile, if it helps. (i think it will). (link)
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Dude I think you're overthinking this.
Female smiles at you:
Smile back.
Repeat.
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I'm a 17/F, junior in high school. I'm seriously debating dropping out my senior year. Just finish out school until I'm 18 and no longer legally have to attend. I simply hate school, all it does is cause problems and drama in my life. With the things I've done, I wont get accepted into college anyway, so I figure I'll go to a community college when I'm ready because you don't even have to graduate to go to one of those. I already have a job that I absolutely love, so finding a job because I'm a dropout wont be a problem, and I'll be going to college anyway. Everyone I know is a senior this year, so next year will be miserable when all my friends are gone, and teachers suck, and other people are just self centered assholes, that I don't want to be around anyway. What are the pros and cons of dropping out for me at this point? Is anyone out there a dropout? Any experiences to share? (link)
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Hi There. I screwed around my sophomore year skipping and partying all the time, and naturally I failed. My senior year I went to day school, night school, and summer school to graduate the correct year. I REALLY busted ass. I started going to community college, but decided I didn't like my course of study. I decided to take a break and work for awhile. I cought a break and started working as an optician. I stuck with it and five years later, I'm a licensed optician and asst. mgr in an optometrists office. I think I make a respectable living for someone my age. I'm proud of my accomplishments, but I worked HARD to get where I wanted to be.
In the end, I look back and realize yes, I could have just as easily gotten my GED and would have ended up in the same place. However, I do have a personal satisfaction of knowing I accomplished something that I worked TWELVE YEARS towards and I'm really glad I have a bonafide diploma.
In the end, I think what's important is that if you drop out, you DO get your GED and you DO go to a technical trade school/college/earn a license of some kind. In the end, the person your decision will hurt or benefit is going to be you. But again, just be sure to make the most of your abilties.
Best of Luck,
Anne Nonimous
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I`m moving in a few months, and I`m very scared. I've lived in the same house for all my life, gone to schools right next to each other ( the elm. && middle schools are right next to each other ) progressed through each grade with the same familiar faces all around, and hung out doing nothing with my same group of best friends every weekend. I usually hate change, and I do now too. I love my life exactly the way it is, I find myself crying everynight `cause I don't want to move. I am very fortunate though, I`m moving only about 15 minutes away, but I am going to be at a new school / school district. I have one person I know at this new school, However my current school is so full they are redistricting a few neighborhoods to my new school. So I will know some people. I know yall probably think I`m a greedy wimp for being so sad even when I`ll have some friends, but you don't understand. It's been the same way all my life and I love it, I`m afraid of change, afraid of this move, afraid to leave what I love.
- how do I get over this fear ? How can I make the best of my move? How can I be sure my "friends" now won't forget about me when I move ? (link)
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The anxiety you are experiencing is natural for soeone being removed from their comfortable surroundings. But think of the excitement! You are going to meet an entire new group of friends, while still being able to retain your old ones. It's going to infinitely broaden your horizons. You know everyone in your school, and they all know you. This is an opportunity to re-invent or learn more about yourself. At the very least, if the experience is less than perfect, you are lucky enough to be close to your old friends. At least you're not moving out of state or cross-country. You just might go to your new school and find the grass actually IS greener on the other side.
Good Luck,
Anne Nonimous
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I have been dating this man for almost 2 yrs. We met on the internet and he was just getting out of a bad divorce. We were dating for almost 3 months and he left me. He said its not me its him and he had some things to clear out of his head. I was broken hearted but I understood. 2 weeks later we got back together and 2 weeks later he left-still confused-i still understood. 3 months passed and i missed him so and we started talking again-we got back together. He sold his house and moved in with me and my 2 children. He has also has a son. Things were very good and in April he asked me to marry him-of course i accepted. Ii was planning the weeding for 2007 and he moved it up to 2006. I was ecstatic so i was planning our wedding. There were times when we argued and yes i take blame for some of them. The last argument we had was b/c of the internet and things i found him going on. Well he kept saying it wasnt him and he did not look that stuff up-cookies did it--whatever. Well things escalated from there and one day he said he cant do this any more its not me its him,he doesnt want to be engaged or get married or be with anyone and he left. I was never engaged before so of course i will be all excited. He was married for 10 yrs and yes its scary for him,but why did he leave? The week he left he got distant from me and i knew something was wrong but i didnt think he was going to leave for a 3rd time. He moved up to his parents like 10 minutes from my house. I still talk to him and off and on he comes over. I miss him so much and ask him to come home--but he says its not that easy it was hard to leave he cant just come back.I understand that kind of but if he loves me why is he not coming back? what does he need to think about? I miss him so much but he wont tell me he misses me unless i ask-or he wont tell me he loves me-sometimes he does when i say it other times he says "I know". I am so confused and i know i need to let him go and let him be but it is so hard. What do I do?He knows i want him to come home,he knows i love him,he klnows we can move as slow as we need to we dont need to rush,but yet he wont come back. What can I do? Please help.
thank you
27yr old female (link)
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Hi There. I'm sorry to hear about your angst. I'm currently going through a similar situation so I thought I'd share my two cents.
I'm dating an older man who was with his ex for 10 years, married for about 7. They have a daughter. I have no children. We met through mutual friends and started dating about a year after they split up. We have been living together for a little over a year now. Things have not been easy to say the least.
My beau and his ex are truly seperated, but still married on paper. This is a huge underlying issue in our relationship. I recently gave him the ultimatum that he has until the end of the year to file divorce papers with her or I am moving out and leaving him.
I truly believe him when he states he would never get back together with her (his ex is a raging alchoholic), and yet it seems my commitment and excitement about getting married and starting a new future and family seem greater than his. In order for us to work out, we are going to need to meet somewhere in the middle.
I think that for my guy it's intimidating and difficult to invest so much when you have worked so hard and taken such a big loss. I don't know what the situation was when your guy and his ex split, but my guy walked away with the clothes on his back. He lost 10 years, a house, two cars, and being with his child every day. That's HUGE. It was basically his entire life.
Maybe your guy is having some of the same anxieties. It is difficult for you and me to understand being that we have never been married before. Long term/Live in relationships are definitely significant but I think marriage takes that investment one step further when you commit to a partner for "life". Seeing that promise fail has to be a huge emotional loss for him.
First, I think he is going to need time to move past this divorce. It's impossible to just immediately put this huge situation behind him and jump into another marriage with you. He needs time to deal with his loss and gain his identity back.
The question is, should you sit idly by and wait for him to come around and be ready? It's basically going to come down to whether or not he is fulfilling your needs, despite his best intentions. "I love you" is not enough... if you want to get married and start a family to be happy and he is not going to provide this for you, you need to find someone who will.
I know it is difficult to do this, but I would suggest giving him space. He may come to the realization that he is being selfish and needs to let you go because he DOES care about you, and cannot make you happy at this time. Or, he may realize that he is in fact ready to commit to you and come back. What would be worst in my eyes is for him to keep you at arm's length the way he is, and yet still promise the future to you and tell you he loves you.
Try to put your immediate loneliness and affection for him aside and look at the bigger picture. In the end, him simply "being there" is not going to be enough. You've got to decide if this guy can step up to the responsibility of being your one and only for the rest of your life, or if he simply cannot meet your needs because you two are in different stages of your lives with priorities that do not coincide.
I wish you the best of luck.
Anne Nonimous
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whats the fastest way to get rid of a white head(like a pimple) (link)
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Hi There. I had some pretty heinous acne as a teenager and tried many products, including ones prescribed by my dermatologist. I'm in my twenties now and while it has improved, I still have breakouts around my period.
I tried proactiv and didn't have positive results. The fragrance was too strong and I didn't like the way it left my skin feeling. I became irritated and had to stop using the product before my skin cleared up.
I recently tried another "informercial" acne product called Murad Acne Complex and I've been really pleased with the results. My sensitive, dry skin is in great condition and my face has really cleared up.
I would recommend trying this as a long-term solution.
Good Luck!
Anne Nonimous
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Why is it that all the questions on here are about relationship problems? Don't people realize theres more to life then the opposite sex?
Anyway, I actually do have a question. ha.
17/F ... college next year!
I was wondering what everyones take on college is? I think I'm going to look for an all girls college. Are there many around? Does anyone know of any good ones? If there are boys around I will get distracted and won't do my work. I can wait for a boy, I dont need one when I'm in college. I want to get great grades and do all my work constantly.
Also, do you think this will effect how I view my college experience? Part of the actual experience is dorm life, parties, etc. Do you think I will regret choosing an all girls school when I'm rolling in money because I stuck to my studies? (link)
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Hi There. Everyone's experience is completely different. I think college is what you make of it. The point is that you have an endless amount of options. You can commit yourself to being successful in any environment.
Going to an all-girl's school is a personal choice. But remember, you're not living in a vacuum. It's not like men aren't in sight, or that you don't see them on weekends or outside of class. They just don't share the same room while you listen to lectures. To me I don't think you would meet an equally diverse group of people, and most of college is about experience and friendships. Making it about men or parties or living in the library studying is a choice.
You have your whole life ahead of you and can move in any direction. Work hard and enjoy being young and without great responsibility and you can't go wrong.
Good Luck,
Anne Nonimous
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