xo.Name.ox Kirby
I answer ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. I don't care what it's about, I will try to help. I've got a lot of good advice up my sleeve and I LOVE to help. :)
I really try not to be mean, but just to give some people a wake-up call. Sometimes people need it. Sometimes I need it. lol. Well, ask questions and you'll get answers.
~K~
Gender: Female
Occupation: student
Member Since: January 16, 2005
Answers: 114
Last Update: February 14, 2006
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There's this girl that I am friends with and we seemed to have a really good relationship at first, but ever since she realized she can tell me anything (I'm really good at keeping secrets) she only tells me her problems. It seems like every time I see her she has some sort of depressing story and she always expects me to help her! I'm an advicenator myself, so I do give a lot of good advice, but she keeps pelting me with all of these things that really aren't that big of a deal, but she overreacts and gets really upset about them. Now I never want to be around her because I don't want to get sad, but I think she sort of needs me now and I don't know what to do! She gets upset about EVERYTHING, like if she sees the guy she has a crush on hugging another girl (hugging is a big thing at our school, everyone hugs everyone else) she will freak out and start crying and get really mad at that person and then just expect me to fix it! It seems like my best friend and I are just her counselors and that we are expected to change everything that goes wrong for her. We think she may actually need psychological help, but we have no idea how to say this because she will get really upset, and talking to her parents is not an option. Help! I'm posting this in the morning because I know there is another sob story at school waiting for me, and I'm hoping it'll be the last one! (link)
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Well this is a difficult one because now I believe she is dependent on you to help. You might want to encourage her to see the counselor or a therapist becaause you just aren't trained to help her with these problems. You should also tell her that they know how to fix these problems much better so she thinks that you don't know how and will instead go to the counselor who can.
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13/f
Me and this boy have been really close friends for a year. Now he's started hanging around the other guys, who are all jerks. They were beating up on a kid one day and it made me mad. I stood up for the kid and the boys all ended up getting in trouble by a teacher. Now my friend is mad at me because I embarrassed him in front of his friends. I was just doing what I think is right! Well, now he says he hates me and is tired of the "bull shit". I love him and I don't want to lose him but I have no idea what to do now. None of his new friends like me (they think I'm a psycho) and I feel like he cares more about what they think than he cares about me. It's really really depressing. Write back soon, please & thank you. (link)
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I have been in a similar situation. You're not going to like what I have to say.
First off, he's trying to be popular. He's 13. He wants to be "cool". Second, what you did for the boy was RIGHT. Now kid deserves to be picked on and if he can't see that you were doing the RIGHT thing then you're friendship doesn't mean very much to him.
You can try talking to him. In person. With his new "friends" NOT around. It's hard to find a time and place to do that sort of thing but try it. If that doesn't work out, on to 'Plan B'.
Try to call him (but not obsessively, only once every two weeks, trust me on this one). Try to talk to him then. Be serious, don't cry, talk to him, present you're issues in a polite manner. Ask him why he's doing what he's doing and why is he treating you the way he is.
And now, 'Plan C'. All I have to say is if he doesn't see the error of his ways and apologize...HE ISN'T WORTH IT. He's turning in to one of those jerks and if you can't stop it, then there's a problem. It takes a long time (this is REALLLLLLY know about) but you can do it. You might cry, you might get really angry, but DON'T let yourself talk to him. Just cherish the memories. Try to put them away for a time when you can handle them.
If you need to talk more (I have some more stuff to tell you) my email is pink_is_pimpin09@yahoo.com and my screenname for AIM is SoSunKiSsEd09
I hope this helps and I know what you're going through. It's tough to lose a friend (especially a guy friend). Don't let it get you down. You deserve to be happy and no boy can change that.
-K-
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ok well, my friend, i really like him alot, but were like best friends, so i dont wanna mess that up. but anyway, last night i came home, and i wasnt at school yesterday. So i was online and he came on and usually i IM him first, and i was typing to him, but he IMed me first, and he was like... I MISSED YOU SO MUCH TODAY! and i was really surprised because i didnt think he would say that because i thought he was mad at me and i'd been thinking about it all day while i was away, and no matter what me and my friend were talking about his name always came out of my mouth. So anyway then we were talking and he was like, listen to this song i found today, and he made me listen to let me hold you by omarion and bowwow, and he was like, when i heard it i had to have you listen to it. And then i had to go and i was like, im gonna go, im dead tired. and he was like, go to bed, and that kinda surprised me because usually he's just like w/e bye. i know this sounds kinda gay, but does this mean anything? (link)
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Wow. I have to say that I think he is trying to show that he likes you. It's good that you have been friends so it's not a 'jump in the pool and find out what's in it' kinda relationship. If you really like him, then I say GO FOR IT!!! I went out with one of my best guy friends and when we broke up, we were still best friends. It was a little bit awkward at first, but I still talk to him alllllll the time.
~Hope that helped~
~K~
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Hi. I'm a fellow Advicenator. I have my own column, if you ask, I could leave you feedback with my username. Although I've always been good at advice...I feel lost right now. Maybe I do know the answer, but I just need to hear it from someone else.
For the past few years...Something hasn't been right with me. I'm tired of not fitting in, I'm tired of always needing to get good grades, I'm tired of people not telling me anything, tired of being ignored, hurt... I'm one of those 4.0+ GPA students. Friends would describe me as hyper. Heck, that's even part of my username. But all this time it's been a cover up of how I really feel. Crying by myself sometimes make me feel better, but time doesn't heal, like they say. Things get worse for me.
This year seemed to work out so well. Until last Friday I realized that this year has all been a lie. A friend told me about something my other friends have been hiding from me. I found out that the people I LOVED, my FRIENDS, were talking trash about my boyfriend and me.
They don't realize that WE HAVE ALL CHANGED. I know I have changed, and I accept that. I accept that they have changed as well. We all want our "old" friends back, but what can we do? I miss them, but I cannot change what has happened between us. My boyfriend has brightened up my life. I thought they would be happy for me. What's funny is THEY were the people that pressured me into saying YES to my boyfriend sooner than I expected. (I don't regret it at all.) I could have gone for months, not giving him an answer. "OMG, say yes already" "Oh, he's a nice guy" I remember lots of quotes, CLEARLY. And now, here they are, talking trash?
My REAL friends are supposed to be there for me. They're supposed to talk to me, even if it's something I don't want to hear. They need to at least try to see things my point of view, and NOT talk trash behind my back. They need to either talk to me about it or keep it to themselves and NOT spread around how I'm such a changed and horrible person.
The only person that is giving me the will to live is my boyfriend. I feel bad he has to see me like this. He tells me he knows how I feel, but he doesn't care because he has me. I'd like to say the same, but honestly, it hurts too much. I love him, but the pain won't go away.
I don't know what to do.
At first I wanted to like yell at my "friends" and go rawr! But then as these few days passed I just wanted to forget. But then I can't forget the pain... I see them every day. I think to myself, maybe if I forget, we can all pretend it never happened because I don't want to ruin things even more. But then I tell myself how could I pretend when something like this has happened? My brain goes back and forth...all the time.
I want to thank you for taking the time to read this. I apologize for the length...I really needed to get that out... Please...I need some wise words. (link)
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I've been in a very similar situation where my friends who I had loved and cared for so much wrote me this stupid note (ho cowardly is it to write a note?) telling me EVERYTHING that was wrong with me. They've done that twice and you know what, I went back to them even after that. That was a mistake and a good thing. You can go back to them, but then again, would you WANT to?
You can't avoid them forever, I tried. I've had the same feelings as you. In my situation, I was too vain but all last year they kept telling me to have confidence and be confident. When I finally do have confidence, they crush it. They more than crushed it, they made it dissappear. It's like your boyfriend, they pressured you to say yes, you did, and then they talk about both of you.
You need to talk to your 'friends' about this. Tell them that they've hurt you and that instead of being back stabbers, they could've told you to your face and then you guys could've actually talked about it or something. Or you could just tell them that they are bitches and they deserve each other, but I wouldn't. lol.
What you need to do is breathe and talk about it with someone. That's what I had to do. I had to talk about it with someone 'cause I was getting to the point where I wasn't me anymore. You can't let that happen. You need to talk about it and then decide to talk to your friends or not. I don't have a lot of time, but you can leave me a message in my inbox or IM me or e-mail because I'd love to you help you out more because I've been in a situation like yours. Feel free.
~Hope that helps~
~K~
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ok... my best friends and i were sitting at lunch and we had to move because other ppl were sitting there. so when sarah got her lunch she went and sat at her old table. so i said " hey, sarah why aren't you sitting by us? she said in a attitude idk i just don't want to sit by you guys. so i assumed maybe she was mad at one of us . i said SORRY I ASKED! she said what did i do wrong .? i was so mad right then! so i turned around and started talking to my other friends. then in an attitude she said don't flip your hair at me! i was about to scream. ! i was so confuused and mad. is she mad or not? Please help
signed
confused (link)
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Well, sometimes people need a break. She's not really mad, but probably just wanted to look cool in front of whoever she was sitting with. And even though you don't think you may have said what "why aren't you sitting with us?" with attitude, you may have. My mom tells me all the time not to have attitude when I didn't, so it could have just slipped in. Just talk to her about it.
~Hope that helped~
~K~
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Hi, let me start by saying I'm young. 13f and my best friend died. Her brother was hurt really bad and i feel like it was my fault, cuz they were on their way to pic me up when a drunk driver ran into them. My friend died instantly and her brother is expected to die in the next seven-twelve days. I want to say something to him, but I don't know what and if I don't hurry, it might be too late. You can e-mail me at prettymoonbug@hotmail.com (link)
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It's not your fault. It is the drunk driver's fault and in no possible way your fault. How could you have known there was a drunk driver? You can't blame yourself.
I don't know what to tell you to say to him. I'm sorry that I can't help you there. Just say what you really mean in your heart.
~Hope that helped~
~K~
~Need anything else, just leave a question in my inbox~
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Im so sick of this. I have a friend and one weekend we were suppost to go to the mall together, Well I kinda ditched her.. but anyway the thing is one my birthday she ditched me!! Well today my other friend basically ditched me.. its not like I havent felt it before and I told her about it. She said "It sucks right?" So I said "Well duh.. but wouldnt it suck more if it was on your fricking birthday?!?" and I walked away... I feel bad.. but then I dont want to talk to her. What do I do? (link)
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Well, you shouldn't have ditched her in the first place. You made it seem like it was all her fault and like what you did wasn't wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right but still, your other friend may have had plans or something. You did ditch her before. It's not like your friends are obligated to come. It's nice if they do, but you have to understand, things come up. It's happened to me, but basically, you have to forgive and forget.
~Sorry if I sounded mean, I didn't mean to~
~Hope that helped~
~K~
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My best guy friend him and I have gone out before and we eventualy broke up but we still had feelings for each other but instead we stayed CLOSE friends he knows everything about me.Well I recently found out he has a gf which i never thought would happen so quick and when i found out i was crushed i began crying i felt terrible.I don't know what to do I'm thinking bout stop talking to him it might help but im not sure pleae help me! thank you either way for just reading. (link)
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Well, you definitely wanna keep talking to him. He's your best guy friend. He's gonna feel hurt if you just stop talking to him.
Maybe he got a girlfriend to get over you because he thought you didn't like him anymore. But maybe you should try to move on, too. I mean, would you rather have him as a boyfriend again and then break up after a few months? Or would you rather have a friendship that would last years? I know how you feel, I've been in your situation. My best guy friend and I used to like each other and stuff, but he told me that advice.
Just think about it. Use this advice and pass it on to other people, because other people should know this, too. Would you rather have a boyfriend that lasts months or a friendship that lasts years? You never know, it might turn into something else.
~Hope that helped~
~K~
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My best friend and i never told lies to each other when we were younger but now were both 14 things seem like they changed she's constantly lying to my face and i can't figure out if she's telling the truth or not anymore.What should i do i mean we're both going to different high schools next year and i still want us to be friends...???
-signed
no more lies (link)
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I know how you feel. My two best friends moved to diff schools and I was left with a friend who considered me her best friend and she likes to constantly lie to my face. You just need to tell her to stop. Tell her that best friends don't lie to each other. She's obviously not your best friend if shes lying to you. First asj her nicely to stop then you have to get more aggressive about it.
~Hope that helped~
~K~
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okay--well me and my best friend got into a fight! (it is a guy) i wen to his house yesterday and i was going out with his best friend shawn,but my he(best friend the guy) broke up with him for me(i asked him to) and like 10 mintues after me and shawn broke up..i hugged my best friend
then later my ex shawn called and was excusing me and my best friend of making out--and shawn went to my best friends house and said why did u make out wit (me) jamie! he said he didnt- then shawn told him i said i did- when i didn't and now my BEST friend is mad at me! and when ever i try to talk to him he says mean things and im nice! please help i RATE HIGH!!!! (link)
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Well, you need to sit your best friend down and have a long talk with him. You should probably bring Shawn, too. So that way your best friend can see you tell Shawn that he was lying. If your best friend is really your best friend, then he will believe you. Just talk to them both at the same time in person.
~Hope that helped~
~K~
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My best friend never beleives me she always beleives her mom or ... ANYONE exept me, then i yelled at her because she is my best friend and is sopposed to beleive me, so she got really sad and i feel bad for me making her sad and her not beleiving me. what should i do i need to know now (link)
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Well, if your "Best Friend" doesn't believe you, how is she your best friend? Best friend's are always there for you and will believe what you say. It was wrong for you to yell at her, you should apologize but sit her down and have a long talk about what's going on between you.
~Hope that helped~
~K~
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ok i have this friend were seually sometimes thorses each other sometimes.and we flirt alot ! but he asked out someother girl that he never really talks to i was so shocked i idn't know what to do so i didn't talk to him for a day or 2 or when he looked at me i looked the other way .pretend i never saw him then i fought out they broke up with in a day then he decides to come up to me and hug we out of nowhere ?.....what the crap is that ? (link)
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Hon, that guy is a playa. Can't you see that? But first, you guys should actually be together. It's not entirely his fault. You guys aren't "together" so he can go with any gurl he wants to go with. Hugging you out of nowhere is his idea of an apology. Do what you feel is right.
~Hope that helped~
~K~
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I was hanging out with a group of my friends the other day after school. We were just hanging out having a good time and one of my friends pulls out a joint and lights it. She started passing it around our group of friends and everyone took a puff of it but me. I basically just stood there confused. These innocent girls that I had known since I was 6 years old had just lit up a joint and smoked it. I am completely disgusted by drugs and drinking and I will never do it because it's the worst thing you can do to yourself. They started making fun of me that I wouldn't smoke it. I wasn't hurt that they were making fun of me, but I was just hurt at their stupidity for smoking it. I don't know what to do. They've been my friends for a very long time and have always been loyal to me, but this is something I can't handle. What should I do? Should I tell them they should stop? I'm so confused! Please help. (link)
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These girls, well, I can't say they are on something, 'cause they are, but I think you should defintely tell an adult, but then they will probably hate you. I think first you should confront them. But also, it's your duty as a friend to protect them and tell an adult. I mean, if they can't see that you were trying to help them now, they probably will in the future and will thank you for it later.
~Hope that helped~
~K~
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my friend is having her birthday party tonight, she invited a few of my other friends that arent really friends with her, but this girl didnt invite me and we are really good friends and it kind of makes me jelous of my other friends and a little mad at this girl... what should i do to feel better?? (link)
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Get her a reallllly great gift. I mean, something she'll realllly like. Don't even go to her party, just give it to her at school or drop it off at her doorstep. Jealousy sucks. I would know. Just give her the gift and maybe you should ask her why she didn't invite you.
~Hope that helped~
~K~
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i have a friend who used to be very down to earth and friends with everyone. now she is "popular". Just because of that, she thinks she is better than everyone else, and everyone agrees. she is snobby too, like saying stuff like "omg i hate fat people, old people, smelly people, and people that dont like me." the problem is, i love being friends with her!! she is so much fun to hang out with when there are not other people there. with other people, she seems to think she needs to act like that. when i ask her why she is so mean to me, she says "you are mean to me because you think you are so much better!!!" what should i do?!?! (link)
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You need to find your so called "friend" and bring her back down to earth. It won't do any good to be mean so let's go with Plan B. You confront her somewhere where there's not many people around and tell her how your feeling about her actions. It will be hard, I know from experience, but she's got to know what she's doing now or else it will just get harder and harder to change.
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