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August 13, 2009Answers:
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I seem to have a way with words that often comfort my friends. I am often asked advice and I have not heard a complaint from anyone who has taken it and as for the ones who didn't i usually hear a "I should have listened to you" sooner or later. If you have any questions I will be glad to hear them but remember my advice is only an opinion from the knowledge that I have and you take my advice at your own risk. I plan to make this my career by majoring in journalism and minoring in psychology and am using this for experience so feel free to give me your feed back. I'm very good at giving advice on family affairs and relationships. I have had my own personal experience and have had friends with very different situations that i was able to help them through. I will always answer your question if you send it to me, so feel free to ask anytime.
advice
i've been friends with my best guy friend for about 5 years now. we use to be really close but lately we've drifted. the problem is; the things he does to me makes me wonder if he even is a good friend. i need an outsiders view because of course i love him, we're really close so i wouldn't be able to be like "hes not a good friend to me"
if i were to text him when i was drunk and say something like..."i love you best friend" he would never say anything back. whenever we text he's ALWAYS the one to end the conversation by not texting back to something i said. when i tell him my problems, he doesn't even try to help and console me he just says.."that sucks." he doesn't seem to like ANY guy that i talk to, even if i'm just friends with them. he'll be like.. your friends with him!!!? why!! he never calls or texts me to hangout, i'm always the one who has to text him. when we're together with a group of people and there are girls he will flirt with them and try to make me jealous, which just annoys me. it seems like he will only call me "best friend" when he tries to get something out of me, like when he really wants something. i mean just things like that, that makes me think... is he being a true good friend? is this something that typical guys do?
don't get me wrong he does to alot of good things! he accepts me for me. he's seen me with no make-up, my hair not done and scrubbing and he doesn't care. he always can tell when something is wrong. when we're hanging out he can always make me laugh and have a goodtime. seeing him makes my bad days better. he's the only guy who i can truly trust. he's the only one who i will fight with and know that i am mad at and should be mad at, yet i can NEVER stay mad at him. i've talked to him about him seeming like we're not "best friends" anymore and everytime i bring it up he doesn't seem to understand and thinks im crazy for thinking any of that. it's like he doesnt know that hes being like that towards me and that i do overanalyze everything.
am i overanalyzing? should i be worried about our friendship?
It sounds to me like he wants to be a little more than just friends and if not than he might just be very protective of you. I think he is a good friend you just don't understand him. A lot of guys don't know what to talk about and I know all my guy friends just randomly stop talking to me and yea it gets annoying but it's normal. Just send a text message saying "Hello?" or just send a question mark that will let him know you weren't done talking to him. Also him not liking any of the guys you date could be that he is very protective and doesn't want to see you hurt or he actually has feelings for you. Either way he isn't a bad friend he is just a guy.
hello my name is debbie im 16 and im from washington i have this friend steven hes my x we dated in his 7th and my 8th grade year it was amazing im totaly head over heels in love id kill my self for him well in the middle of the year i moved so we broke up then we stoped talking for a long time well this summer we started talking again we ended up dating for 2 days but hes no alowed to date till hes 16 hes 14 im 16 and he doesnt want to lie to his parents by dating me. well hes going to fort and im going to bay (highschool) so well never get to see eachother plus i just found ou that he loves someone else and he wants to be with her but i want to be with him so much to see him with her would kill me. but i want him to be happy because i love him and all i want is to make him happy.and he keeps saying that some day well be but it seems like everytime we have a little bit of a chance something happends and the more we try to make it happen the more it doesnt and i dont want to wait till hes 16 cause ill be 18 he'll probably meet someone else help pleeze!!!!!
Well it is always hard to have long distance realtionships. If you really care for him than you can drive to see him after school to spend time with him. Don't make it official cause he doesn't want to lie to his parents, but there is nothing wrong with him hanging out with you. This way you can keep his interest and see him at the same time. Also don't try to get him to want you, you need to let him do the chasing. just be yourself and tease him a little bit. Make sure he forgets about that other girl. Don't go see him to much though he might think your desperate, just give him little tastes of what it would be like to be with you. Also don't always believe what you hear if he hasn't told you about it it could just be a rumor.
So the only guy I truely have feelings for and I now live about 2 hours away from eachother. His name is jason and I went to go hang out with him about 3 days ago and I was supposed to go to my dads at ten pm to stay the night then I would go home the next morning. Well while we were hanging out we drank a bit and I noticed he was spending alot of time with my homegirl mariah and it pissed me off so I made out with his best freind matt. Then like 2 hourse later me and mariah walked to round table to meet this girl that wanted to hang out with us. Her name is leighanne and she is not allowed to chill with me alone so her mom sat in the parking lot of the pizza place, and me and mariah told her if she wanted 2 drink that we would go get the bottle and bring it back 4 her. So when she gave us the money we bought a bottle of vodka and went back to jasons house (ditching leighanne with her money/bottle). Anyways me mariah jason matt and this guy martino all drank the bottle then we went to a place where there was more drink and we drank there then left. We went to this pond where me and jason had a really long talk about our relationship that turned in to a huge fight. Mariah and Matt left and Jason told me he wanted me to stay the night at his house so we could talk some more. Me not caring about my ten pm curfew went back to his house with him and martino. .......Well I guess earlier Leighanne (the girl we ditched/jacked) snuck out the back of the pizza place with her boyfreind and when her dad caught her it was already 12:30 am. My dad was with her dadd and they were looking for us so when they found her since she was obviously mad at me for ditching her she told my dad where jason lived. So My dad shows up at jasons house and is telling his parents im a runaway which is not even close to true. I was simply 2hours late. THEN I see leighanne walk up with her dad and I was unabled to stop myself from putting my hands on her. I guess I hurt her really bad (thats what my dad says). But besides that Jason is so mad all that drama was brought to his house and he refuses my calls and wont reply my myspace messages, He even told mariah he is pissed at me cuz he thinks i was a runaway. I am unabled to explain to him anything plus he was already upset with me that day for making out with matt and our fight. Since im so far away from him also I cant just go find him and talk to him in person. I feel like it may really be over between us and that hurts especially that it ended this way! Plus I really want to call and make sure leighanne is ok and talk to her. I know I was EXTREMELY messed up to her that day but at one time she was my best friend. That day just pretty much fucked up my life! :::My parents dont trust me to come home on time! I lost A best friend! And may have lost the love of my life.
The Boy.
First you need to give him a little bit to cool off.
After that send him some short messages that way he cant really ignore what they say. Start with "I'm sorry I was really drunk and i'm not a run away" to " please talk to me I don't want to lose you." Those simple messages will grab his attention and eventually break him. If he doesn't respond within a week though you might be in trouble.
The Friend.
I would start by apologizing like no other and maybe buying her a replacement bottle for the one you took. You need to let her know that you were completely drunk and that you didn't mean for any of that to happen. your just going to have to do a lot of kissing up to try to make that work.
Your parents.
Eventually they will trust you again but your going to have to earn it. It's going to take some time but make sure your on your best behavior.
Advice columnists give advice. This site is not for advice columnists.
Hear me out.
Most people here are concerned about their ratings or how many questions they've answered, to give themselves an illusion of being perfect.
When somebody actually comes along who needs some help, but its a touchy subject that would take too long to answer or might bring down your rating, there are a golden few who actually bother answering. And what if the person who asked really needs some serious help?
But it's safer to stick to your comfort zone, answer the easy questions such as "What color should I die my hair?" and "How do I get free Jonas Brothers tickets?"
For those of you with paid accounts, you can see what question I asked last. And you'll realize that as of right now, only one person answered. One person. And I was sincerely hoping for more guidance and advice because I don't know what else to do.
It seems unless the question is all-out shocking or all-out stupid, a question like mine will fly under the radar. And I'm used to by now flying under the radar. That's why I'm in such a mess with myself.
I'm just getting sick of this. Telling someone which stores carry skinny jeans and how to cheat on a test is not advice. Helping someone through a problem is advice.
Watch me get a million responses to this one.
I hate those questions too, I don't have a paid account but if you send me your question I would be happy to help.
Hey okay this is quite a long story so il do my best to sum it up ina nutshell.
basicly at then end of school before summer myself and 2 of my other best friends fell out with a girl in school litteraly over nothing.
she over exagterated the whole thing,she went home to her sister crying and told her that we were bullying her and spreading sh*t about her.
now she was one of our really good friends wed never do that to her or anyone it was just some good natured fun we were all having even she was at the time just teasing each other over stuff like we always do and we didnt take it too far,it went on during english class and we were all laughing and even the teacher was there so shes proof that we werent bullying her or anything it was just a classic case of give and cant take,
we were just saying to each other shes an attention seeker too,she started screaming and crying in the school corrider the next day over it in front of everyone making us out to be bitches. so we havnt talked since then,i'm ok with that though because shes extremly childish and I dont need people like that in my life.
the problem is her sister has it out for us,we were out last night and me and my friend were making our way to the bar and someone shoved into us really hard and knocked our drink flying we turned around and it was *laura her sister,she screamed watch where your going at us and started yelling and starting a fight with us we just laughed told her to grow up and walked away.
but it wasnt the first time it happend she did it a few weeks back to just my friend when i wasnt there and shes been writing stuff over facebook to her sister about us,and telling some of our guy friends that were tramps and not to hang around with us. I mean her sisters 20 and were 16 for god sake its really starting to annoy me so I was wondering should I confront my ex friend about it and tell her to just stay out of my life and tell her sister to stop harrasing me because I didnt even do anything? or should I pay no attention to either of them?
I really don't know what to do considering im back to school tomorrow and its so awkward when shes there and I cant talk to certain friends if shes tlaking to them and stuff you know? so im dreading it =/I mean before this happend I was half thinking of making up with her on monday so theres no awkwardness in school I was even going to apologise for doing nothing wrong for the second time! (I tried before school ended because she put on this big show and started crying and apologised to my other friend over it on the last day because shes moving we then found out it was just an act because she was still being bitchy towards us after)... anyway
so anyone any advice about this situation? im at a loss.
anything will help
You should confront her about it only because its involving other friend's that had nothing to do with it. You don't want to blow them off just because she is there it would just be easier to be the bigger person even if you didn't do anything wrong just so you can move on with your life.
Just remember keep your friends close keep you enemies closer.
19f
so my best guy friend, we've been close for about 6 years now or so got in a fight last night.
he's a really popular kid, all the girls want him, but he never let that get to his head. he currently broke up with his girlfriend of a long time and now feels the need to be a player! and still hang out with his ex at the same time?! i don't want him to be like that! he's my best friend!
so i heard from people what he was doing to girls, like saying he'll hang out with them and then at the last minute say oh i have to go to my uncles, and then go hang out with his ex.
so i confronted him last night, well in a text, maybe not the best way to go buuuuut, this is what happened...
i was like i heard what you're doing to girls! it's not nice! and i told him how i heard about ditching a girl to hang out with his ex and lying about it and he was like what? and then i was like stop being a player mister! and he was like what are you talking about? and i was like don't play dumb, you're playing girls and it's not right. and he was like i don't know what you're talking about and neither do you. and i was like yeah i do! and he was what the hell are you talking about? he was like ok whatever linds. and i was like don't get mad at me! you don't have to hide this from me, so much for being best friends. and he was like ok sure yeah i know. and i was like ok smartass, maybe we should just not be friends anymore since you're going to act like this towards me..
and he never texted back! and then i find out he was with his ex! that boy, god i don't know! i just want whats best for him because i care about him as my friend and don't want him to be known as a player who hurts girls.
before he never treated me like this, like a jerk! ever since he hasn't been "officially" with his ex he's acted weird towards me and i hate it. and now, i don't even know if we're friends anymore? and now he's lying to me, acting like he doesn't know what i was talking about when he knows EXACTLY what he did.
I think that in this situation you should have waited to hear his side first the girls you were talking to could have been making it up and you would't even know because you accused him of it instead of asking him about it. If I were you I would apologize and try to get his side of the story. Tell him that you heard some things about the way he was treating girls and it upset you. Than ask him whats going on with his ex. From what you told me on the text it sounds like he doesn't know what you were talking about and you may have jumped to the wrong conclusion. Just apologize and start over again.
17/f.
i'm dating this one guy, who well. isn't captain of the football team or whatever, he isn't cool, but hes so nice & i like him a lot. I've never liked jocky/popular boys like my friends have. I just like sweet nice guys, who are into music & stuff. Well, my friends are ggetting so annoying about it! I never bring him up, because they will just be rude. They'll be like "why are you dating him, he is so weird", "you could do better" & so on. its just little remarks any chance they get to say it. & i really don't appreciate it! i like him, and their opinions really won't change it. but its just getting to the point of unbearable to deal with. i tell them to stop, and they won't. i can't stop being friends with them, because it is my whole group of friends, and that's all i really have for friends. so yeah.. how can i get through to them to tell them to stop?
I know how you feel I am the same way and I am dating the same guy. I admire that you like him no matter what people say. As for your friends your going to have to tell them how you feel and give them an ultimatum. Either they accept your dating him or they find another friend. If they care about you than they need to respect your relationship like you would respect theirs. If they keep saying bad things about him than you need to walk away and not talk to them. If they are truly your friends than they should accept your boyfriend for who he is and respect you enough not to talk bad about him.
Okay so basically,I am 19 & I had a misscarriage almost 2 months ago, suffered rape about 3 years ago and suffer with panic attacks and quite severe depression.
The other day I got into a conversation with a friend as I text him saying, are you awake. This was about midnight, he text back with yeah why, I said I feel down and sad, and just wanted to talk to someone.
He asked me what was up and I just said, I was watching a program on tv called ''Underage & Pregnant'', I knew I didn't wanna watch it but at the same time, I had this urge to, so I did. And it left me feeling low.
He basically said, your not the only one whos been through this, my girlfriend had a miscarriage too and we didnt even know she was pregnant, your always so low and upset and your not the only one, and hes pissed off with it.
I text back saying I have a right to be upset still though :( and he said your still doing it, you know i been through the same thing but your still saying about you being upset.''
At that point I felt utterly crap, I truely feel selfish and almost like I am not allowed to grieve for my unborn child. I dont know what to do, and this has made me feel really bad. Could someone expres their opinion on the matter,
I knew
Well you have been through a lot but you have to realize that other people have problems to. I'm not saying you shouldn't talk about it i'm just saying that sometimes you need to see if the other person your talking to is doing okay as well. I think he was a little insensitive about the whole situation and you had just watched the program so you had a right to be upset. I don't think you should feel guilty about the conversation, but the next time you have a conversation try not to be negative the whole time and make sure you ask how their doing. One more thing from what you told me you sound like you have had a troubled past and i think you might want to consider getting some help so you can try to move on with your life. Don't ever forget what happened but don't let it consume your life.
Sunday is my best friend's daughter's birthday party. I'm her daughter's godmother, so she invited me & my boyfriend. I'd love to go, but the only problem is her boyfriend might be there. We used to be good friends with him, but there was a bunch of drama a while back so now me & my boyfriend really don't get along with him.
Do you think we should go to the party, or should we stay home to avoid any possible drama?
Go to the party there is no need to miss events just cause you don't like someone. Just avoid him during the party and if he tries to start something all you have to do is leave your best friend will understand and she will be happy you made an attempt to be there.
okay well. i keep making excuses for a guy that wants to come over.
i think he has a girlfriend.
i dont think he should come over if he has a girlfriend.
but im nervous if he doesnt have one.
help!
i cant keep making up excuses.
its makin me feel really bad.
The next time he asks to come over just playfully say "would your girlfriend be ok with that?" If he says yes tell him you don't feel comfortable having him over and if he says he doesn't have one than invite him over.