I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
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My daughter is 14 and I’ve been married to my husband since she was three. He has always been there for her as a great stepdad. My daughter’s room is downstairs and even though she is 14 he still goes downstairs every night to sleep next to her after I fall asleep at 3:00am. Then comes back up every morning around 7am. I know nothing is going on and my daughter is completely comfortable around him, she says nothing but good things. I have talked to her and she insists that she is fine with him doing this. However, I am not fine with this because she is fourteen and doesn’t need a grown adult sleeping next to her every night. I told him how I felt and that he doesn’t need to do that anymore but all he says is “you can’t tell me what to do” “you are a control freak” and disregards how I feel. He then said “well I’ll go downstairs and sleep on the couch near her since you don’t want me in the bed”which makes no sense at all! He told me I am just trying to “control” where he sleeps and my daughter doesn’t have a problem with it so he isn’t stopping. He told me I am the only one who thinks something is wrong with it and that I am jealous! I could not believe it when he said that. What is wrong here?!!!! I wanted to punch him in the face when he said that. He always turns it around on me and makes me look like I crazy for thinking this way. I just want to scream! He claims he goes down there because she likes to talk until she falls asleep but at 3am in the morning you should be sleep not talking! She is fourteen for goodness sake how long will he be doing this? I just feel uncomfortable about the whole thing for some reason and at this point this whole situation makes me want to just leave this marriage. She isn’t five anymore. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I just overreacting? (link)
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There is a ton of red flags here and you have sensed that there are and know that something is wrong here no two ways. There certainly is a lot amiss. The fact that he is so defensive and dismissive of you indicates that there is something he may be hiding.
The thing is if your daughter is being abused she may not be someone who can or wants to turn against her father and expose it to anyone or divulge it because he's the abuser and may/may not have threatened her. When the abuser is someone you know it's harder for someone to come forward about what is happening and perhaps she can't make sense of it all or is afraid.
You really need to talk to her and let her know that she is not in any trouble and no matter if he is her father or not you need to know and have her tell 100% straight up if she's being abused sexually or not. I agree with Stephanie below who thinks there is a strong possibility of this.
No grown man regardless of being her father avoid his wife entirely and goes to sleep next to his 14 year-old daughter all night. It's just not normal and you have every right to draw attention to the fact that this is wrong.
The thing is why are you still with this guy? If he has no regard for you or your daughter and is acting in this manner or defending it you need to take her and get out of the situation. There's a lot that points to the fact that this guy is bad news whether he's abusing her or not. There's no respect, love or anything there. You need to find out the truth about what is going on and then find a way to get him out of the picture either way. You'll never be happy in your own home until you do.
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I don't really know how to start, so I'm just gonna jump right in. Let's say that I am the mother of seven beautiful, wonderful, amazing, talented children including six boys and one girl. We were gonna quit after the fourth child, but we're surprised by a set of triplets There's hardly a day that goes by that I don't feel like a bad mother. I deal with guilt and self hatred almost on a daily basis because of it.
There are so many things that make me feel like a bad mom. I'm always worried about how well I'm raising my children. They're good kids. They're all well behaved, well mannered, kind, loving, compassionate, selfless, generous people. People compliment me on how sweet my children are and every time, I wonder how much credit I can take for it. Yes, I did always try to raise them to have all of those qualities, but sometimes I think I just got lucky with naturally good kids and a husband who knew how to raise them well. I don't have much confidence in myself to successfully raise them to be so great.
I constantly feel inadequate and inferior as a mother. I worry if my children get enough attention from me, if they always feel loved by me, if they ever feel neglected or if ever do overlook a need one of them has, if I can always protect them and keep them healthy, and if I'm doing anything that could damage them. I feel like I simply don't deserve them and like they need and deserve a better mother. I can't even provide them with health insurance. They're on my husband's insurance because the museum I work for doesn't make enough money to provide it's employees with benefits. If anything happens to my husband and one of my children falls I'll or is in an accident, we're up a creek without a paddle.
My husband and I are apparently prone to multiple births as our first two children were a set of fraternal twin boys, Aaron and Corbin. Today was Corbin's birthday and yesterday was Aaron's. Aaron was born just before midnight on October 20. and Corbin came just after midnight on October 21. Long story short, we didn't have much of a chance to celebrate Aaron's birthday. My dad's birthday was Friday and we had his party on Saturday. We were busy all day Sunday with Church stuff and important errands, so although he got a special dinner the night of his birthday, that wasn't enough for me to feel like he'd gotten a good enough birthday. He wanted to go to a certain store this evening and look at their elaborate Christmas decorations. They always decorate for Christmas way early and Aaron loves anything to do with Christmas, so he wanted to celebrate his birthday by take a long walk around that store, but I had to tell him that we couldn't today because it was Corbin's birthday. I promised we would tomorrow, but Corbin had to be in charge of our plans for this evening.
Now here's the thing that prompted me to come to this site tonight. Aaron was disappointed that we couldn't go to that store tonight and jealous that his brother was having a better birthday than he'd had. I felt guilty about the way Aaron's birthday turned out and I felt resentful of the situation. At that time, just for a moment, a short, short moment that I deeply regret and am ashamed of. I felt myself almost resenting Corbin for being the reason I couldn't give Aaron what he wanted for his birthday today. I didn't mean to. I couldn't control it, it just happened. It wasn't a deep resentment, it was extremely mild one and it wasn't one where I felt even the tiniest bit of hatred for Corbin. I still loved him as much as always and I didn't wish in that moment that I'd never had him or anything like that, but I can't get over the fact that even for a second, I resented my own son for something that wasn't even his fault.
A lot of people think that resentment is synonymous with hatred, but it's not. The internet defines resentment as a feeling of displeasure or indignation at a remark, act, person, etc. regarded as causing insult or injury. It's possible to feel displeased with or indignant about something or someone without hating that something or someone. I honestly have never hated one of my children. I've always loved Corbin more than I could ever express even in that one tiny moment of resentment, but I can't forgive myself for feeling that way. Even though many people misunderstand what resentment is, it's still not a feeling you're supposed to have towards your own child or children. I absolutely hate the thought of how Corbin would feel if he knew about this. He is so extremely precious to me, the last thing in the world I'd ever want to do is hurt him.
My biggest problem is that I wish I could say that this is the first time this has ever happened, but it's not. I had another very mild, unintentional moment of resentment towards my sons, Daniel and Josh once for something that would take too long to explain, but was a stupid reason to feel that way. I kind of resented Aaron tonight for being the reason I resented Corbin. I once resented my son, Mitch for making an insensitive joke about a tragedy that embarrassed me a little in front of people. Most ridiculously, I resented my son, Gage for being too awesome and making my other children feel inferior. Who resents their child for being too awesome? My resentment never lasts long. It lasts about literally one second and then it's replaced with terrible guilt and remorse. I've never hated any of them or wished them away or anything like that, but I still feel so bad about this. People tell me that it's normal to resent your children or any other loved ones at one time or another, but I don't see how it can be.
I'm a terrible, terrible mother. I hate myself so much sometimes and I know I do not deserve my children. I love them so much and I want to deserve them, but I've lost faith in myself to ever do so. What am I gonna do? How can I ever live with myself after this? How can I live with knowing I don't deserve my children? How can I deal with knowing I suck as a mother?
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Your issue really has nothing to do with the kids. It's about you and this feeling or inadequacy and inferiority that you have. Where does it stem from? It's time to figure that out because it's ruining your life and relationships with constant neverending dread.
It's mental in nature. I'm NOT a doctor but you do seem to feel awfully depressed one moment and then very happy the next so I would look into that and what's really behind the feelings you constantly get.
Secondly, and I will be blunt with my choice of words I have seen a lot of shitty parents and you don't rank remotely close to one. You have done the best that you can possibly do with what you have for your family and kids and that's all anyone can ask of you as a parent.
Do take credit for how they turned out and the fact they are wonderful people because you set that example and went out of your way to ensure that they were. Allow yourself to be praised for that and accept it. It's a good thing and warrented people think that. Accept good instead of looking to turn things into negative.
Every parent even if they won't admit it have had resentment towards their children though fleeting especially if they've done something completely selfish or negative as your son did over not getting exactly what he wanted. He wasn't grateful.
You really can't feel guilty for not being able to provide everything they want either. You did your best with what you had in terms of money and resources. Perhaps you can arrange something special for him later but don't think you're a terrible mother because you aren't.
To reiterate really look into it perhaps with a therapist or doctor your constant inferiority and feelings of inadequacy, guilt and being depressed one moment and happy the next. It may have something to do with all of this.
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Im 12 yrs old and i hate my eyebrows who ever sees me or looked at me they say oh you're brows are so thick and they are connected with you're hair i reply yeah ik and smile it seems that I am careless but im really tired of them i asked my mom about plucking them but she regrets so please guys help me
And sorry if I have any mistakes cause im from lebanon and I'm trying my best in English
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I would explain that people are teasing you about them constantly and that you feel the only way to get them to stop is to fix it. It is best to go to a salon where they sculpt eyebrows and thread them. Regardless, you have to see yourself as beautiful no matter what anyone else may say. If your mother sees it is affecting your self esteem she may do something. You can't convince anyone of anything but you can present reasons and argument for your cause.
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My mom has full custody of my nephew and has been raising him since he was 3 he is 13 now. My mom has been raising him because my sister and his dad were both found unfit. His dad hasn't had any involvement in his life since he was born, but the other day he sent him a friend request on facebook. He told my nephew to call him. My nephew asked his grandma if he could call him? She said yes and dad said he was coming to see him. He hasn't bought anything for Christmas or birthdays or even called. I remember last year on his birthday his dad walked by the house and my nephew was outside and his dad didn't say a word to his son. Should we allow visitation? (link)
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Don't judge this man so fast. For all you know there may not have been a single day that went by where he has not thought of or longed for him. It is a judge that kept him away and found him unable to parent. Maybe he has put his life back together and wants to be involved. Perhaps you mom has pushed him away and blocked him all this time. Maybe the Facebook request was a last effort to reach out.
I think your nephew should be told the reasons his father and mother were not in his life and allow him to decide if he wants to know his father or have contact outside of writing him right now or if at all. If he wants to see him in a controlled setting at first seems fine unless there is legal reason they shouldn't.
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Does anybody know of a mental institution or psych ward near Murfreesboro or Nashville, Tennessee that will accept a girl of 12 years of age? (link)
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What usually happens is that if a parent suspects their child to be in crisis or mentally ill they must take them to an ER. An on call psychiatrist will figure out the nature of the illness and then make arrangements to have the child sent to a hospital for children. There usually isn't a ward for kids in most local hospitals almost always for adults.
The children's hospital will have a psychiatric ward for children in this age group. A doctor told me once that they make the diagnosis at a local hospital and then put in a transfer via ambulance. Even if there are institutions near you it's not as simple as going to one and asking that they take her.
Leave this up to the ER doctors to figure out and have them make the arrangements if they are necessary and it's a crisis situation as it's what they do every day and can get her help immediately.
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Hello,
I'm 26 years old and I'm ready to have a baby. I have a master's degree in education and I have a great job. I'm financially stable right now. I own a house. I have the space, time, and resources to have a baby. I got my period when I was 9 years old. I don't know how long I'll be fertile enough to get pregnant. I'm ready to be a mom. But, I have some issues with relationships right now.
First of all, I have some issues with sex, overall. For the most part, I find sex to be very painful. It's not something I enjoy. I have been diagnosed with a condition called vaginismus, which means that my vagina pretty much rejects sex. It closes up when a penis is trying to enter. I find the idea of oral sex repulsive. I don't understand why anyone would want to stick someone else's genitals in their mouth. I don't mean to sound insulting to other people, as I know that pretty much everyone does it. But, I'm just trying to point out how disgusting I find it!
To be honest, I don't think anyone would want to marry me with these issues. Who would want to marry a girl who doesn't want to give them a blow job? I've thought about this for a while, and while I'm ready to give up the dream of getting married, I'm not ready to give up becoming a mom. It's what I've always wanted. But, without a partner to make babies with, I'm left with the option of adoption or a donor.
I am adopted. I'm very okay with adopting a child. But, it's extremely difficult, and as a single parent, it is even more difficult to adopt. It's actually nearly impossible. A lot of people think it's easy, but they are actually very misinformed. First of all, it costs a lot of money. My parents nearly paid $40,000 in legal fees to adopt me as an infant. As a single parent, that too would be a lot to pay in legal fees! Not to mention that single adopters are at the bottom of the waiting list. But, as an adoptee, I could relate to the child in ways that maybe other people could not. However, with the donor, I have some fears. I know that donors can father a maximum of 20 children or something like that. That's quite a bit of children. It seems like that would be traumatic for someone to know that they have 20 siblings out there and not know who they are. I know my biological family, so I don't have the issue of being afraid to marry someone I'm related to or something like that. It's a little different being adopted because even if you don't know who your siblings are, most people wouldn't assume they have 20.
My question is this. Have any of you used a donor? What is your experience like? How would you describe your child's feelings towards it?
Any information is helpful.
Thank you! Best!
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Never say never. While the condition manifests itself as physical in nature there is conflicting opinion medically that it may also be psychological too. There is a connection with people who have been sexually assaulted, experienced trauma, abuse in childhood or otherwise and even domestic violence.
Also, if you have always anticipated pain prior to the diagnosis with penetration I have read that plays a factor. But as you know there can be other reasons. I have read in Psychology Today that finding a therapist and working through any issues or approach to sexuality could help the condition.
I'm positive and know if it were me that no matter this problem that most guys would be with you because they loved you and not count a physical issue that you can't help against you.
There is a lot of ways to enjoy intimacy without vaginal intercourse with your partner. I'm not sure where you got the idea that oral sex is vile. It may not sound real appealing but if a person bathes and practices proper hygene your/his genitals are no less clean that other body parts.
Its okay if you have no desire to do this ever but by the same token if you are the recipient it may in fact be a release for you and way to experience sex in a positive way that will not cause pain. It's nothing to be fearful or disgusted about regardless decision but it's one way you could be sexual with a partner.
As for giving I can understand how you feel and it's okay if you want to do this and totally normal if not. There are condoms flavored or without spermicide on them that are available in novelty stores that may or may not change your stance.
Apart from adoption there is of course surrogacy. I would talk to your doctor about always wanting to be a parent but unable to have intercourse and ask him/her about options and ideas on how to make this a reality despite the obstacle. I would go from there as believe me there's many women and alot of patients of their's dealing with same issue. You might learn something helpful I hope.
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My 11 y/o daughter used to eat many different types of foods, vegetables, fruit, meat, etc... even if she didn't care for a particular vegetable, she'd still manage to eat it anyways.
Since about three weeks ago, she's only wanted to eat one thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner: Two scrambled eggs and one maple sausage. Sometimes she'll have orange juice/ a breakfast essential drink to go with it.
I've tried arguing, offering special meals, but she only wants to stick with eggs and sausage. I'm worried she might eventually lack the nutrients she needs.
Is this just a phase? (link)
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Try talking to her about it. If not satisfied with what she tells you then take her to the doctor and discuss with them what is up. My suspicion is that she may have classmates who told her if you get X,Y,Z meal all the time you'll lose weight or not be fat and or she got this message somewhere.
She may have eating related problems you don't know about and or developing.Are you sure she has been eating and keeping down all that you have fed her in the 3 weeks prior? This sounds odd for only beginning 3 weeks ago.
You need to emphasize that she can eat whatever she wants but limiting her diet to one thing only will screw up her diet and growth.
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I am 11 and still sleep with my mom
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You never mentioned why you are sleeping with your mom. Is it space issues or something different? All I can say is that at 11-years-old with changing bodies and age that you need privacy for one thing, your own bed for another and not to sleep with her any longer. It was fine when little but certainly not right now. Talk to her about it and move to your own bed as it's not right.
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My daughter is 11 years old.She has been a healthy and happy kid.For about two days,i noticed the following things in her:
1)Sudden loss of appetite.
2)Mood swings.
3)I caught her crying at night.
4)She even cant sleep at night.
5)Act like being scared.
Please help me.Her cute jokes and laughs were gone.She looks very small like of her age. (link)
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The best thing to do is talk to her. Tell her she can say anything and it won't upset you. Explain you have notice that she doesn't want to eat lately, her moods have changed, she acts scared, won't sleep and cries herself to sleep when she does.
The constant mood swings do have me concerned. She may not be bipolar or depressed but rapid cycle mood swings all the time plus the other symptoms and anxiety are consistent with people suffering from depression and or bipolar disorder.
If she's unable to answer what's happening tell her it's not a punishment but you want her to talk to a doctor about what's going on and that she can do so without you in the room so long as she follows the recommendations and treatment if any.
Abuse is possible as is intense bullying so you have to ask directly about that and rule it out. I doubt it's PMS but perhaps her moods and being upset could be the precursor to menarche as that's the only other thing I can think of and it's a real shot in the dark. I would just talk to her as she will likely reveal what is going on and you can then determine whether she needs some professional help especially if you think it won't just fade away.
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So I have this guy friend and he has asked me if I could sleep over his house, we are best friends but my mom always says " Absolutely not!". Why is she not letting me. I really want to sleep over his house but my mom is like WAY OVER PROTECTIVE. Any way I can convince her to let me stay the night. ANYTHING WILL DO! Please like HELP ME! (link)
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Well, it's NOT you she doesn't trust it's him. He may be the nicest person ever but mom thinks this puts you in a bad position. She's concerned about you engaging in sex even if this whole thing is innocent.
Most parents would be uneasy for this reason. All you can do is tell her sex is the last thing that would happen. You could also have her speak to his parents an ensure adult supervision or ask your mom if he can stay at your place and her supervise. Why do you want him over so badly?
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I don't know if he means to be, but he has embarrassed me badly by saying things that hurt others' feelings. He insulted his teacher's daughter on the last day of school this past year when he thought telling her, "I like your sister" was a big compliment, even if he told her she should wish she looked more like her sister. She had come to eat lunch with her mom and when he continued with, "She's got a hot body and she knows how to work it" and made inappropriate remarks about the sister, he mad her feel so uncomfortable that she left the school. That's NOT okay, and when I heard, I knew she had probably told her mom all about it and she probably didn't like him anymore. I was sure of it when I heard he had gotten in trouble on the same day for calling a classmate ugly, I've tried talking to him, but he seems to just get worse, like he has zero empathy. Any advice? (link)
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It's much more than social ineptitude and not knowing you can think one thing but not say it about another. That's not computing. I think you should take him to a doctor and get a referral for a psychiatrist.
He's not "crazy" but what fuels this is likely a medical thing such as aspbergers or a less severe learning problem where making cruel or socially unacceptable remarks is one of the symptoms and in some cases a lack of empathy towards others too. I would start there as he does need help because he's incapable of seeing he has an ongoing issue that is affecting his life.
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My daughter thinks I expect her to be perfect in everything. I don't mean to convey this message. I just want her to do her best and maybe this is seen as wanting her to be perfect. Everytime I try to help her with something or give her advice, I receive a big backlash from her. Again, she tells me I am not her coach or I want her to be perfect. I am just trying to be a helpful mom. Any suggestions? (link)
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Tell her that you won't offer assistance with school work or anything else unless she directly asks for it. See what she thinks then. Tell her the only pressure on her shoulders is the unjust pressure she's placing on her own self.
Let her know that you don't want perfection but rather for her to be happy and that whatever she produces you know is her best work and that's all that matters as long as she tried that's all and there's no other expectation.
Show that through action and she should see it. You can't convince her of that which she doesn't want to believe but you can try and spell it out to her in a discussion.
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i work at a day care and there is a little girl who is five and is special needs and there are also problems at home she always comes to the day care stinking like her parents never give her a bath and she is a huge bully to the other kids she hits them pushes them kicks them throws things at them i just dont know how to handle it any ideas (link)
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Talk to her about what is happening at home and gain her trust. There may be something more awful happening to her that you don't see.
Talk to your supervisor about her poor hygiene, get clearance to bathe her and get her a nice outfit and send her home with a note that she must come bathed. The parents might get the point.
I would work privately with her and your supervisor on her social skills and how others respond to her. let her know being a bully isn't tolerated. Take into account her special needs and try to get her on the right track.
It might be hellish at first. I think her parents have thrown in the towel or don't know how to care for her. Bail her out to the best of your ability.
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me and my boyfriend are trying to work this thing out where i tell my dad i'm sleeping over my friends house. then i tell her parents im only staying for a few hours just to hangout. then i say oh my ride is here and i leave and my ride is actually my boyfriend. and were gonna go back to his friends house and spend the night. then he would drop me off in the morning back at my house.
so i went and told my dad i wanted to sleepover. my mom is out of town for the weekend. my dad said okay but i have to give him my friends house number and moms name. hes probably gonna talk to her mom which is something i have to avoid in order to pull this off. what do i do? (link)
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You will get busted and caught in lie. It may not be this time but it will happen. If one person makes a mistake they'll find out. Also, you're putting a ton of pressure on your friend's to save your bacon and carry out a ruse.
When their parents figure out that their kid is lying to protect you that's when you'll have major issues. Nobody will trust you for any reason thereafter. What to do? don't go ahead with the plan you conceived this weekend.
Be honest and approach your mother in a note or in person. Tell her what you originally had planned to do to protect yourself from them knowing you are sexually active. Yes, you don't want to do his but you must. It'll be hard but they will respect you for not lying.
Ask your mother to put you on birth control as you want to be safe and wanted her to know so you didn't have to sneak around any longer. Parents like responsible kids and they don't want you to be the next Juno either. They'd rather you told them than end up with a baby, no job, money or education. Think about it! It makes pure sense. It's your only option.
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hes seventeen, I'm sixteen, we're both going to be juniors.. we've been going out since new years day. we'had sex a lot of times, all protected. I'm allergic to latex, so we have to get the non-latex condoms... and I'm on birth control. but, I normally start my period in the last week of each month, and I haven't started yet.
he just told me on Monday he's moving to Texas in two weeks.. (we live in Indiana. ) I'm going to wait a few days before taking a pregnancy test, but i'm still scared. what should I do? I told I'm there's a possibility I'm pregnant, and he said if it comes down to it j can move with him. hes living with his brother abd his wife, and they're really sweet... my mom will literally kill me, because I'm hoping to get a scholarship for swimming to go to college... im really not wanting to get an abortion, but having it will ruin my swimming career.
please help me... (link)
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Calm down. Right now you have a ton of what if statements running through your head. That's normal given the circumstances but WHAT IF isn't FACT. You don't know if you're pregnant until you take a pregnancy test which you haven't done (yet). You could be perfectly fine.
You used condoms and none broke (I assumed) and you're on BC. You've done all you can do to be safe short of abstinence. It's also possible sometimes to have late periods or even to psychologically scare yourself out of one (or so I read somewhere).
Right now it's best to be calm and not worry about your swimming career or any of that. Head to a local drugstore and buy one of the digital pregnancy tests (more accurate and easy to use) and then get the result. Freaking out before finding out is bad.
You can also get tested at a planned parenthood clinic anonymously or at teen clinics in some high schools these days. Bottom line take the test and find out for certain. As for mom and dad if you're pregnant be honest. They might be pissed off but once that fades they'll always be there for you. When have they ever let you down?
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I am a mother of 5, with the two youngest being my step children, ages 14 and 12. My husband and I have the children full time with the exception of every other weekend, they spend with their mom. Ok this is the situation. I have been their step mom for ten years.I have watched them grow, have attended school functions, teacher parent conferences, school trips, all althletic functions, etc... The birth mom, we will call suzy, treats the two different. The oldest gets everything she askes for.. from clothes, shopping, weekend trips, etc.. The youngest gets an occasional shirt or small item. She is very angry at her mom and says things like I hate my mom, I hate my sister, my mom loves her more than me, my mom promises me things and never keeps her promises, etc.. I am becoming very concerned with her anger. I have done very well at keeping my mouth shut when it involves their mother. And I want the youngest to have her lime lit, to feel special, etc..However, I do not want to stoop to the level of their mother and include one in something special and not the other... We always include all 5 of our kids, no matter what we do..we always have..I just dont understand how a mother can put one child so much higher than the other...And she is hurting...I always insure her that she is loved just as equal and all the other children we have...But she always poses the question, "why does my mom love ____ more than me." I dont have an answer for her..My advide has always been, I can't answer for your mom, thats something you will have to ask her. Is there any suggestions to help me out in this situation? What more can I do? Am I giving her the wrong advice? Please help....Desperate step mom.... (link)
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Take the birth mother to task. Tell her that she needs to know what her youngest is thinking about herself and their relationship. That needs to be repaired and the two need counseling.
Maybe the mother doesn't see what she is doing or perhaps she does favor the other child. If you confront her for your step-daughter's sake maybe the relationship will change and heal. Be sure your step-daughter knows none of this is her fault and that her birth mother has a lot more problems than she knows of to work out.
Teach your step-daughter to forgive her birth mother because she knows not what she is doing to her. Get her to drop the resentment towards this woman and remember that she counts to you, your family and sister. Tell her not to hate her sister as her sister loves her and cant control what her mother does.
The sister can in fact tell mom how her sibling feels and refuse all these gifts or insist things be equal for them both. She has a mouth so she should say something about it and you should back her up.
If you believe the relationship to be detrimental to your step-daughter and have evidence of this kind of behavior you can always talk to your husband about finding a way legally so their contact is very limited and supervised. That way she does not get emotionally shattered by this anymore.
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I work in a restaurant that is a mixture between fast food and sit down. You place your order at a register and we bring the food to your table when you're ready. It is a kid-friendly enviornment, we even have a kids eat free night. Does this warrant parents to allow their children to misbehave, make a mess on purpose, run around screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs, etc? There are some kids who will sit in their seats throwing food on the floor and the parents, rather than disciplining, will laugh at their children and make comments such as "Oh Johnny, how adorable", etc. It's ridiculous.
My job is to take orders, make food, and keep the dining room clean. Yes, I know it's inevitable for people to make messes, but it's ridiculous for parents to condone it, and LAUGH while it's being done.
Are there any polite things I can say to these people or is it one of those grin and bear it, vent to co-workers when they're gone types of situations? It's just really bugs me to have more food on the floor than what they ate (no exaggeration either).
If you're a parent who has allowed this, why? Why do you feel it's okay? I understand that it's my job, but there are so many other "behind-the-scene" things I do, that being forced to clean up a mess that could have been easily prevented by a parent saying "susie, please don't throw that on the floor". If you're a parent who will discipline their child rather than play along - Thanks!
I also don't mind when a child accidentally spills something - kids will be kids. I'm not here to complain (although I apologize because it probably sounds as if I am). I just want to know if there's anything I can do and WHY parents allow this misbehavior? (link)
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Talk to your manager before you try the following. You need to know they approve of saying it first. Tell the guests "Excuse me but my manager has asked me to ask you to please keep your children quietly seated at the table and from throwing food on the floor or running around the restaurant. "
If they protest explain how this affects your ability to serve food and run a proper establishment. Call a manager over if need be and have him/her settle it.
You do have a right to ask anyone who is causing trouble in a restaurant to leave if they have been warned repeatedly and or are violent or verbally/physically abusive to staff. If their kids are destroying the restaurant and bothering other guests you can ask them to leave and try Chuckee Cheese down the street.
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Don't get me wrong, I love my mum and she's not a bad parent but...
Well it's just us, and she has barely any friends and no one to vent out anger onto. So when she's feeling angry (Which isn't very often don't worry) she vents it all onto me. She'll yell at me for the littliest things, ground me and send me to my room. If I try to defend myself...she hits me.
She's been angry lately and I'm scared she'll hit me. She's been saying threats like one day she'll grab ahold of my throat and won't stop until I pass out and I'm getting scared to just do anything. I get really apologetic and apologize for the littliest things.
I can't talk her out of it because any word that comes out of my mouth she yells at me and gets even angrier. She seems to think that because she's the adult and I'm the child I don't get an opinion or the right to say something.
What do I do? When I tell my dad he thinks I'm just saying it because Mum and I are in a fight. I don't trust teachers or councillors and I don't want my mum to get into trouble. (link)
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Unless this is a swat on the behind to keep you in line (which it certainly isn't) no parent by law can hit or abuse a child or threaten them like she has with the comment on choking the life out of you. It's a verbally, mentally and physically abusive situation and she can get in a lot of trouble for this.
You ought to talk to your father and tell him what she has been saying and doing to you. Explain it all and hold nothing back and illustrate exactly the difference between normal arguments versus the abuse. Document it on paper (dates/times/scenario/reasons for) and keep that as evidence to back up your case.
If dad won't listen approach other relatives, ministers, friends parents, grandparents etc. with the allegations until somebody takes you seriously and gets your mother and yourself the proper help from mental health personnel and the proper authorities.
Don't sit on this. I KNOW you don't like teachers, prinicpals, guidance counselors or trust them as far as you can fling them. All kids hold this belief. However, these people truly aren't out to get anybody. They will listen and you need to tell them what is going on as they could be your only defence or life line.
What if mom got in a rage and did in fact choke you or cause you to pass out and or expire? Nobody ever said soing the right thing and telling people was easy.
It needs to be done for your safety and to improve your life and help your mother eventually learn to be a loving parent and see what she is doing is harmful. The authorities will start the ball rolling on that.
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Alright, so I constantly get good grades and awards, and stuff like that.. and I do chores and everything, but my mom never takes me anywhere! Whenever I want to go places, my mom will say she's too tired or make up an excuse, but then she goes off with her bf and goes to a restaurant or someplace like that.
I obviously can't drive or anything, and I'm sure none of my friends would drive me anywhere either, unless we're going together somewhere, but what if I want to go shopping or something by myself? I just want to be able to go somewhere! & I'm not allowed to take taxis either & no, walking isn't an option.. plzzz..
What do I do!? I'm going crazy being at home.. (link)
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Here's what I would do if I were you. Tell your teacher exactly what you told us and that you need and yearn to be independant.
Ask him to call your mother in for a chat and raise the concern that he thinks that she should let you be more independant, take transit, go out with friends or to places on your own because you are street smart as well as to let you find a job to earn money over the summer.
Your teacher can point out these things for you as they are concerned about your progress too. You could also have a friend's mother or an adult relative point the same things out to your mom for you.
That would be a mature way of handling it. Asking her directly Why don't you take me anywhere? or something like that leads her to be on the defensive and to a fight all the time.
Try having an adult you both know well who is responsible raise your concerns for you with her and see how things go. Once other adults are critical of her and how she handles your independence and growing up she will be forced to re-examine things and make changes.
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I"m seriously doubting anyone can help me with my problems but here goes anyway. I have a daughter that just turned 18. She is so lost, she has given me problems since she was 11, well now shes 18 and her life consists of black men,crack and sleeping with as many as she can. She was recently disgnosed with a veneral disease and confessed to her oldest sister that she may of slept with a man who was HIV. She is a leading influence on her 13 yr. old sister who is following in her path as hard as she can. I"ve had to get the law to look the 13 yr. old twice this week. She is failing school and I can't reach her. She and her sister are so full of hate towards me, I;ve been called so many foul names, I can't take much more. I'm thinking of sending the 13 yr.old to boot camp. I tried to send my 18 yr. old last year, but they called me to come and get her because she was threating staff. I am a decent person, I dont drink, smoke, I work hard, I feel like its my fault, they are this way. I so depressed, I think it would be better to be dead sometimes, if I didnt have to keep watch on my 82 yr. old father, I saw a therapist once ,but they cost to much. what do I do? (link)
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Your 11-year-old really needs a spanking and to be taught how to respect her mother. I think some theraphy sessions or better yet a psychiatrist is needed to get her life in order and turned around before she becomes like her sister.
This kid needs an outlet to vent and talking to a psychiatrist will do that. This person can point out to her that she's on a collisson course with disaster but still has the power to change her life unlike her sister. She needs to see where her sister's behavior will lead her.
I don't know if the police will still do this for concerned parents but maybe you can have her tour a police station, country jail, court house and have people within the judicail system and police giv e her a tour and sit down and explain what happens to people like her sister or herself if they continue this lifestyle.
I hate to say this as I know how hard it is to turn your back on your own child but you need to cut your 18-year-old lose, stop supporting her financially and don't let her live with you anymore.
Insist she become a responsible adult and get off drugs or you, her sister, nor father will not speak to her again or consider her to be part of your family until she does so.
Point out you're 11-year-old is forbidden to interact with her as well. Stay firm to this and let her learn lessons as I'm sure she will be forced to turn her life around before she hits rock bottom if her family doesn't want her around until she cleans up.
If for any reason you feel her actions could lead to death or this strategy will not work get the family together and stage an emergency intervention after you have found a facility to take her in that are not intimidated by her and will put a stop to threats and lashing out. She needs it.
If nothing works with the 11-year-old keep calling boot-camps etc until you find one that can handle her and know how to difuse her behaviour, threats, acting out and being violent.
Good luck!
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