Don't get me wrong, I love my mum and she's not a bad parent but...
Well it's just us, and she has barely any friends and no one to vent out anger onto. So when she's feeling angry (Which isn't very often don't worry) she vents it all onto me. She'll yell at me for the littliest things, ground me and send me to my room. If I try to defend myself...she hits me.
She's been angry lately and I'm scared she'll hit me. She's been saying threats like one day she'll grab ahold of my throat and won't stop until I pass out and I'm getting scared to just do anything. I get really apologetic and apologize for the littliest things.
I can't talk her out of it because any word that comes out of my mouth she yells at me and gets even angrier. She seems to think that because she's the adult and I'm the child I don't get an opinion or the right to say something.
What do I do? When I tell my dad he thinks I'm just saying it because Mum and I are in a fight. I don't trust teachers or councillors and I don't want my mum to get into trouble.
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category? Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting? AdviceGirl123 answered Wednesday September 12 2007, 7:06 pm: You need to tell people until someone believes you. This is not right for a parent to hit their own child but unfournately it is not uncommon either. So you are not alone. But your house is not a safe environment for you to live in. Go stay with a friend for awhile. If you feel embarresed or intimidated to tell someone that this is going on then go to your best friend and ask them if their mom or dad hits them. If they say no they should still ask you if yours do. Then this is the time for you to be brave and say yes and that you need help with it. Your mom needs help and if you confide in a friend or an adult hopefully they will be the bigger person and tell someone that can get your mom the help she needs. You need to do something even if you are scared. If she isnt going to take care of you then you should take care of yourself and tell someone.
~AdviceGirl123 [ AdviceGirl123's advice column | Ask AdviceGirl123 A Question ]
solidadvice4teens answered Sunday July 29 2007, 9:48 pm: Unless this is a swat on the behind to keep you in line (which it certainly isn't) no parent by law can hit or abuse a child or threaten them like she has with the comment on choking the life out of you. It's a verbally, mentally and physically abusive situation and she can get in a lot of trouble for this.
You ought to talk to your father and tell him what she has been saying and doing to you. Explain it all and hold nothing back and illustrate exactly the difference between normal arguments versus the abuse. Document it on paper (dates/times/scenario/reasons for) and keep that as evidence to back up your case.
If dad won't listen approach other relatives, ministers, friends parents, grandparents etc. with the allegations until somebody takes you seriously and gets your mother and yourself the proper help from mental health personnel and the proper authorities.
Don't sit on this. I KNOW you don't like teachers, prinicpals, guidance counselors or trust them as far as you can fling them. All kids hold this belief. However, these people truly aren't out to get anybody. They will listen and you need to tell them what is going on as they could be your only defence or life line.
What if mom got in a rage and did in fact choke you or cause you to pass out and or expire? Nobody ever said soing the right thing and telling people was easy.
Genrawks2 answered Thursday June 28 2007, 5:43 pm: I'm really sorry you have to go through that. But you know what you have to do to stop it. You already know talking to your mom isn't going to stop, most abusive parents don't. And EVEN if it's not that often or whatnot, it's NO excuse. No parent should hit their child when they're past the age of spanking. And there's a difference between spanking and actually ABUSING the child. And I know it's hard because it's your own mother.. It's going to be impossibly hard, but you know you HAVE to tell someone and get your mother help. And it can't be your dad if he's in denial himself to believe it. I know this probably isn't the answer you'd like to hear and it's the expected answer, but you know you have to do it. Your mom has no right to do that and you need to get HELP. The threats she's giving you puts you in real danger. You have to take action because there's a big chance that it won't stop if you don't.
whatsherface answered Thursday June 28 2007, 10:47 am: i'm really sorry that you have to go through that. = i've been in the same situation with my mom. not that drastic, but close. my mom ticks really easy too so any small thing causes her to get all pissed off & she would hit me, etc.
you really shouldn't just let it slide. talk to someone, a different memeber of your family. tell them EVERYTHING. because it really helps. they could sit her down & talk to her. maybe get her some counseling for her anger problem. because it really does seem like she has one. my mom did. if you don't have any other members of your family that you can talk to, try a friend. or a counselor. because even though you might not trust them that well, they really could come of some help.
letting it slide won't help you at all. your relationship with your mom will just get worse & worse to the point where you'll end up hating her. i didn't get to that point with my mom, because she has gotten better. my aunt talked to her & we went to a family counselor & worked on our communication skills. she still snaps out at me sometimes but she works at it.
so yeah, try getting some help. nothing good can come out of you just letting your mom continue to do what she's doing.
Xenolan answered Thursday June 28 2007, 10:33 am: My sincere condolences for your situation. No one should have to go through what you're going through.
You must take action. This cannot be allowed to continue as it has been. Here is what is at stake:
(1) Your life. People who cannot control their anger are inherently dangerous, and your mother apparently has this problem. The day may come when she hits you just a little too hard.
(2) Your relationship with your parents. Unless this problem is solved, you will grow up resenting or even hating them (and you will have reason to do so). A good relationship between an adult child and his/her parents is a wonderful and valuable thing, and should be salvaged if possible.
(3) Your own children, when you have them. It is a fact that kids who are abused often become abusers themselves.
You are the one who will have to make the call insofar as how much actual danger you're in. If you are fearful for your heath and safety right now, then it may be necessary - no matter how much it scares you to do so - to get outside help. If you don't trust your teachers or councilors, consider whether there is any other adult out there that you can trust. Remember, though, that a school official is required by law to report instances of abuse - if you tell one of your teachers, then something WILL be done about it.
If you do not feel that you are in immediate danger at this time, then there is an alternative. From what you're saying, it seems to me that you are trying to deal with the matter during the heat of the moment, right when your mother is angry or immediately after she's had a blow-up. Try approaching both your parents about it, together, when the situation is calm. Your mother may be in a more receptive frame of mind and better able to see that she's hurting you; and if you're not actually having a fight, your dad won't be able to blow it off as such. Approach the matter with as much calm and maturity as you can; screaming accusations will not help, and neither will sobbing uncontrollably. It may very well be the hardest thing you've ever had to do, but it must be done.
If nothing gets better, then it's definitely time to go outside your family to get help - but no one will be able to say you didn't try to work things out first.
Your only other alternative is to simply deal with it until you're old enough to move out. Before you decide to go that route, though, look again at the list of what's at stake and think hard about whether it is worth the risk.
Erinn_the_bamf answered Thursday June 28 2007, 9:43 am: Sweetie, you know what you have to do. Whether you like it or not you have to tell someone. Yes, it will get your mom in trouble, but what she's doing is wrong. Try telling your dad a few more times. If he still doesn't do anything you have to tell a teacher, a councilor, or call the cops. Your mom will not stop unless you tell someone who can make her stop. Yes, they will most likely take your mother away.
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