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My Son is Cruel. What Should I do?
I don't know if he means to be, but he has embarrassed me badly by saying things that hurt others' feelings. He insulted his teacher's daughter on the last day of school this past year when he thought telling her, "I like your sister" was a big compliment, even if he told her she should wish she looked more like her sister. She had come to eat lunch with her mom and when he continued with, "She's got a hot body and she knows how to work it" and made inappropriate remarks about the sister, he mad her feel so uncomfortable that she left the school. That's NOT okay, and when I heard, I knew she had probably told her mom all about it and she probably didn't like him anymore. I was sure of it when I heard he had gotten in trouble on the same day for calling a classmate ugly, I've tried talking to him, but he seems to just get worse, like he has zero empathy. Any advice?
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Well, this kid needs to learn some respect. We live in a culture that ignore honor. Every single time he starts to make a horrible remark, you pull him to the side, punish him and keep on going. Punishing him may not be limited to talking but also to grounding him from important things. Or make him apologize directly to the person - he will become embarassed - hopefully. Put him in his place, this is no way to be talking to people.
You know what this could turn into? Emotional abuse to his future spouse. Nip it in the butt no matter how hard it will be. :D
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It's much more than social ineptitude and not knowing you can think one thing but not say it about another. That's not computing. I think you should take him to a doctor and get a referral for a psychiatrist.
He's not "crazy" but what fuels this is likely a medical thing such as aspbergers or a less severe learning problem where making cruel or socially unacceptable remarks is one of the symptoms and in some cases a lack of empathy towards others too. I would start there as he does need help because he's incapable of seeing he has an ongoing issue that is affecting his life.
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Punish him?
I mean, depending on how old he is, this is the kind of rudeness you can punish. This isn't 'chewing with your mouth open' rude. This is "You'll get your ass whipped by the other guys in a bar if you keep speaking to women this way." rude.
This is well with in your purview as a mother to punish, especially when you witness it yourself. If he doesn't get it when you explain it, remove privileges when he disrespects females around him. Make it clear he needs to stop, even if he doesn't get why.
Create consequences for this behavoir now, and talk to him about the consequences for this behavoir if it continues into adulthood (failed relationships, getting fired or passed over for promotions because you interact with women inappropriately, getting beat up by the other guys in the bar because you were a total asshole to some girl).
You might also look into therapy for him if you think he is genuinely having difficulty understanding empathy and the impact of his behavoir on others.
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