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My Boyfriend's a Freeloader and I'm Sick of it
My boyfriend, Tate is a freeloader. When we go to dinner with my family, he doesn't care about seeing them, he cares about getting a free meal. Last week, my cousins were in town and my aunt invited us to dinner at an italian place Tate hates. He always makes me make excuses for why he can't go when we go there. At first, Tate told me to try and make dinner at another place. I told him he might as well not go because if we scheduled it around him, my uncle wouldn't get to go and my cousins wanted dinner with their dad while they were in town. He
made me schedule it around him anyway so he could get his free meal and when it was still going to be at the italian place, he made me make an excuse for him again. Then my three year old blabbed the truth and embarrassed me bad, especially since the way Tate put it was rather rude and she repeated it verbatim. I'd rather him not come if he cares so little. What should I do?
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There's more to this--a lot more than him being a free-loader, incredibly self-centered and getting you to schedule as well as make everything revolve around his tastes and desires.
You need to develop a backbone and use it consistently. Tell him that if he doesn't want to go to suit himself and that everyone will miss his presence and you go. If he doesn't want to be there than that's his problem. Let your friends/family know why and don't make excuses for this guy.
It's a pretty (f-word) state of affairs when he can't be bothered to interact with your family (his future family) for any reason unless it benefits him and it's even bloody worse when your 3-year-old blurts out what he thinks of these people.
I don't know why you love this guy but if I were you I would seriously start to re-consider as he's a self-centered SOB that will in the end make you and your daughter whom he sets unprecedented bad example for miserable unless there's good things you haven't told us.
It's all about ME when it comes to him and not YOU, your kid and your family. You want a guy who can at least tolerate if not embrace everything/everyone that comes with being around you.
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Not invite him.
Seriously. When you know he going to be an ass, he isn't invited.
I work in theatre, and that sometimes means going to show by friends and coworkers that aren't good.
I used to have a boyfriend who I did not always invite. He couldn't be polite. He wanted to come with me, but refused to just shut up and put up. He felt he had to share his opinion and he didn't have enough knowledge of the industry or my friendships to know how to go about it.
So he didn't get to come.
Sure, he got a bit hurt by this, but it's vitally important to me and my career, so I put my foot down. Behave or be not invited.
Your family is equally, if not more, important to your life.
So if he can't act appropriately, he doesn't get to participate. End of story.
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