15/f
ive been cutting myself for about two years. its not constant, in fact i stopped for about seix months, but lately ive kindof picked up where i left off and ive been cutting every few days now. i really really want to stop, but everytime i look it up online, i see things like "take a warm bath, go for a run, blahblahblah." and i really dont think that taking a bath or running is going to help me to stop cutting. i need ways on how to stop.
also, is there like an on-line couseling type of thing? where i could talk to a psychologist? i really dont want to tell my parents because they would be so dissappointed in me and wouldnt understand. but i just want someone professional to talk to. besides, i dont know if i could afford seeing a therapist.
please help me to stop cutting.
I really don't think there are legitimate professional psychologists that you can speak to online for free. I really don't think your parents would be as disappointed as you think. They'd be a lot more disappointed in you for not getting yourself help. You have to do what you have to do in order to stop cutting. If you need to seek therapy, that's what you need to do, no matter how your parents feel about it. As far as price goes, I'm sure your parents have insurance on you since you're 15 and living in their house. When I went to therapy, it was only $20 since I had insurance. It's definitely worth the twenty bucks if you think it will stop you from hurting yourself.
I started cutting myself when I was eleven, and I stopped when I was sixteen. For me, therapy isn't what helped. I just eventually realised that cutting was not helping me at all. I felt good for a minute afterwards, but then I felt stupid for doing it. It was just a long, addictive cycle.
People online are talking about doing something that preoccupies your mind so you can push away those urges. That doesn't mean necessarily taking a bath or running down the street. It could be anything that is of interest to you. Something creative is always good; reading, writing, drawing, painting, playing an instrument, sewing, or whatever else you enjoy to do. You could also pick up some after school sports or group activities that would occupy more of your time.
The bottomline is you're going to have to decide that you don't deserve what you're doing to your body. You're going to have to make a decision that what you're doing right now isn't working. It's not making you any happier. You're going to have to find the things that fit your personality that will help you get through it. Whether it's sports, arts, or wearing a rubberband around your wrist to flick yourself with when you get the urge. You have to find something that works for you because every person is an individual. It's your choice to stop, not anyone else's.
If you need to seek therapy for it, do that. You have to be strong, even if the people around you don't understand. This isn't about your family or friends; it's about you and the method that you're using to cope with stress and problems in your life.
The reality is, when you cut, the problems are still there. You might feel better for a few minutes, but those bad feelings always come back, don't they? Until you find healthy coping methods and get to the root of your problems, you're not going to get better.
And trust me, it sucks when you're older and have to take responsibility for having so many scars on your body. I mean, they're in an extremely obvious area. Try going for a job interview and shaking your potential employer's hand. It's not a good situation.
It's great that you want to quit. You are recognising that you have a problem, and you're wanting to work to fix that problem. It's not like you can't quit. You've quit for six months before, then just fallen back into the same old routine. If you go to therapy, they'll teach you different ways to cope when you start feeling that urge to cut. They'll also help you face the real problems that are making you want to do it in the first place. Take the risk of your parents getting disappointed. Talk to them about it. You'll be surprised at how understanding they will eventually be about it. If they don't understand at first, have your therapist talk to them about it. He/She will word it in a way that will make them understand the psychology behind it so they won't feel anger or disappointment in you.
Good luck
inbox me if you need more help,
Darby(:
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Ok, so i am a day dreamer and lately i have been day dreaming about this gorgeous guy that i made up and now he is all i can think about. I draw what he is supposed to look like. I think about him CONSTANTLY. Well, earlier today i saw him. It sounds crazy because i made him up, but i saw him a party. And he looked at me like he knew me but he didnt know from where. When i saw him i thought i was dreaming but i wasnt. It turned out we are going to the same school in fall so i went to talk to him but after that i couldn't find him and someone told me he left. What should i do? Should i pursue him in the fall and try to date him or do you think it was my mind just playing with me?
It's probably just a strange coincidence that you met a guy that looks like your dream guy. If you see him at school in the fall, there's no reason not to get to know him. The guy was probably really there since someone else at the party saw him and said that he had just left. If your 'dream guy' is the typical tall dark and handsome, it would be easy to find a guy that looks similar to that. If your dream guy is a scene kid, it would be nearly impossible not to run into someone that looks similar to him because most of the 'scene' guys look extremely similar.
Darby(:
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Hello,
My good friend's grandmother has just passed away and she seems to be taking it quite hard, she cried a lot, too. Just a while ago, I came to her house and attempted to comfort her, but then I ended up sit down for almost two hours listening to her while she told me stories about her and her grandmother while she was still alive.
I am not a very good comforter so I didn't talk much then, not to mention that I know little about her grandmother. I just sat there and listen and occasionally say one or two sentences. I feel kind of . . . useless and awkward.
So do you have any advice as to what to say or what to give her to cheer her up? It's kind of awkward to just listen the entire time, you see.
Thanks,
P.S. Please don't tell me to put myself in her shoe to know how she feel like the other columnist did. I can't! Even when my grandparents died, I felt a bit sad, but not for long. Because it is inevitable that when you get old, you die. I just take die-of-old-age as part of life.
It's great that you're trying to cheer your friend up, but you're right, it can be difficult. The best thing to do is say, "I'm so sorry this happened. I'm here for you whenever you need me. Even if it's at three in the morning, you can call me anytime."
As far as when you're talking to her, she probably really needed to get those things off her chest. It's okay that you only said a few sentences here and there. If she thought it was awkward or uncomfortable, she wouldn't have talked so much.
When she's telling stories about her grandmother, just nod your head and listen to what she's saying. If she's telling a funny thing that happened, laugh when it's appropriate. At the end of her stories, it would be appropriate to say something along the lines of, "Wow, she sounds like a really great woman. I'm sorry you lost her, but it sounds like she led a full and happy life."
The next thing to do is get her out of her house. It's great to cry and talk things out, but you don't want her to lay in bed and be miserable for too long. Suggest going somewhere or doing something that you know she loves to do. If she likes movies and you know there's one out that she'd like to see, treat her to one. If you have a lot of sleepovers with her, ask her to come over and watch light-hearted comedies to get her mind off of it for a while.
The only things you can really do is be there for her, listen to her, and help her by surprising her with nice things or doing things that she finds fun. She'll get over it with time and support from you and her family, and in the end, she'll appreciate that you were there for her so much during her time of need.
Darby(:
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14/f
(I'm going into 9th grade this fall)
So basically I've never had good self esteem, but lately it's really plummeted. I feel like I'm weird or something...like I act really...weird. I don't know how to describe it. Like one of the weird kids in school. I've always wondered if I was...but I have lots of friends and everything...some are kind of weird and some aren't, but I didn't think they rubbed off on me. But I've been noticing lately...over the summer, I've been doing nothing...hanging out with people once every few weeks. But I had a sleepover with my best friend (who's friends with lots of popular people) and we were like taking turns on the Wii and Facebook and everything and I realised I kept saying things like "I'll own you!"(to the Wii) or "sketchy" and stuff and I felt really stupid because she would give me this look every time I did something I felt was dorky or something... believe me, my best friend is not shallow at all and I love her to death so don't blame it on her or something.
But anyways, I feel really ugly and that I have no friends and no one wants to hang out with me...I just feel like a total loser.
Last week on Facebook I posted some chain note thing where you tagged a bunch of your friends and then they were supposed to say their first impressions of you. So a bunch of people responded and the first to posts were from some of my best friends and they both said "haha, i thought u were quiet and weird...ily:)" which made me feel so stupid. The rest were like "idr" or "nice and quiet". I know I'm really quiet, and I really don't know what to do about it. I never thought it made people think I was weird though.
So could I please get some advice? I need to know how to not get so nervous around people (/being quiet) and whatever else...
Oh also, please don't give me the whole "you shouldn't care about what other people think of you" speech because I really don't care. I've heard that enough. This isn't me wondering how I can be popular or something. I truly just feel like a complete loser.
Thanks
I'm extremely quiet too when I first meet people. Usually after people have known me for a while, they say things like "I thought you were weird when I first met you." or "I thought you were a bitch when I first met you."
Simply because I don't talk my head off the second I meet people. Everyone is different and to me, there's no reason to share every detail of my life the minute a meet a group of people. Even knowing how people think of me at first, I don't really care because I know that once they get to know me, they'll like me. (usually)
The only thing you can do to change the way your first impression comes off is to talk more and follow the conversation. Just take a deep breath, clear your mind, and try to stay on topic. I've always had a hard time following conversations among groups, because I think people are boring most of the time. I just zone out and can't really be arsed to follow what they're saying.
But, if you're the type of person that can follow the conversation, pitch in your opinion every couple minutes. You'll show your personality off, so people won't be able to base their opinion off of you on you being quiet. They'll be forced to listen and get to know you before they pass off any judgement.
Also, I'm not going to give you a 'don't care what people thing' speech, but in reality, being weird is not really a bad thing. I've had plenty of people like me because they think I'm strange. The same personalities get boring from time to time.
Yeah, your friends might have thought you were quiet and weird when they first met you (and I know all too well how frustrating that is) but, they are your friends now. That means they like your weirdness, or they got to know you and they like your personality.
And, just so you know, I think saying things like 'I will own you' to inanimate objects is funny. haha. Your friend probably just doesn't have the same sense of humour as you. You could think she's the weird one too, ya know? Different people just have different personalities, and it's a good thing.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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(15/Female)
I'm pretty confused. I've told my parents more than once that I think I have depression/bipolar/OCD/anxiety, but they won't do anything about it.
I have really bad mood swings and I'm really unstable. The smallest things set me off and I absolutely LOSE IT over almost everything. I'm always tired and I don't have the same motivation that I had when I was little. I used to cut a lot and I still do, just not as much. I have terrible mood swings and sometimes I just lash out on people for basically nothing. If someone I'm around gives off a bad vibe or is in a bad mood, I automatically ajust, I can't help it. I switch moves often and fast, I'm like a whirlpool of emotions all the time..
I contradict myself more than anybody I know and I can NEVER focus anymore, I can never get anything done and I'm lucky if I can even do my homework without getting too bored and not caring enough to finish it. I can't even begin to explain how all over the place my emotions are, I never have a cleared head..
What do I do?
You sound pretty much exactly like me. I can't ever focus on anything. If I'm trying to have a conversation, I space out horribly bad, then I have no idea what's going on. It's so frustrating and it makes people very angry with me.
My moods switch on and off faster than a light switch, too. I never really lose it on anyone. I just go in my room and pace and listen to music until I cool off.
Honestly, if you go to a therapist, they'll be quick to hand you a list of labels. I finally went to a therapist last year and they slapped with 6 different mental issues. Which now, of course, are on my health record.
I stopped going to my therapist. Some might be good, but mine was far too fast to diagnose and prescribe pills that I refused to take. After I stopped going, I developed my creative side more. I've always loved writing, but I took up drawing, painting and making clothes/accessories. Now, when I start feeling my moods shift, I do whatever hobby is most readily available to me. It really helps to calm me down and keep me from getting to that point where I totally flip out.
I honestly think a lot of it is hormones. You might want to talk to your gynecologist and see if there is a birth control you could test and see if it helps level out your hormones, which will level out your moods. that would be the first thing I would do. If that doesn't help, next would be going to a therapist, not a psychiatrist that can prescribe pills. Just a counsellor that you can talk to and get your feelings sorted out with. In the meantime, try building up your creative side and getting support from friends or family.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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I do drugs, they make me happy. I've tried quitting, it doesn't work. My mom found out. She wants me to go to drug rehab. She thinks I have a problem, which I do. But that doesn't mean I want to quit? I think they're pretty fun. I do them when I'm in a bad mood; sad, angry, depressed, jealous, all that. Which just happens to be about everyday. Should I go? or should I just pretend that I'm quitting on my own? It's not like they're ruining my life. I still go to school and get decent grades.
-15, female, iowa
You need to go to rehab. You admitted in your question that you have a problem. You've tried quitting and you can't. You said that you don't want to quit right now, which is part of your drug problem. Not everyone that does drugs is completely helpless, lying on a bathroom floor wishing they could stop. You're not at the bottom yet, but you will be if you keep doing drugs.
Also, because you do drugs when you're feeling negative emotions, that means you're self-medicating. There's obviously pain in your life if you're feeling sad, angry, jealous, and depressed everyday. You can get help for those things, but doing drugs on your own isn't the solution.
It's not ruining your life right now. You're only fifteen, of course you're going to school and getting decent grades still. But when you're 30 years old and you're at the exact same place you are now, doing drugs, you'll see that you have a problem.
Your mother cares enough about you to send you to drug rehab. It's a really good opportunity for you to get help early. A lot of people that need help really badly don't have anyone that cares enough about them to send them to rehab, even when they have a serious drug problem. The longer you do drugs, the harder it is to stop when you realize that you need to. You should take the opportunity while it's right in front of you instead of down the road when you've wasted half of your life.
Darby
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I think that we as a nation should pass legislation requiring people to love their country. My problem is that few other people think this way. Can you help?
The reason few people think the way that you do is that most people know and understand that you can't force someone to love something. If people don't like America, that's part of their free will. How would the nation pass legislation require people to love their country? Would that be a law or something? People can't express their feelings about America unless they're positive feelings of love? That just doesn't make any sense and goes against the whole free speech thing.
Sure, people should be more appreciative for what they have. Other countries are much worse than America, of course. It's great that you have pride in your nation, but no one else has to. The government can't require people to love America either.
Darby
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Iam 20 years old and I have a problem with trusting people a little bit to easy and I want to know how to be not so trusting?
You have to become a better judge of people. You need to understand that not everyone is looking out for your best interest. There are people that only care about themselves. Just because you meet someone and they're nice, doesn't mean they're trustworthy.
Get to know people very well before you really trust them or you will get hurt often. You have to pay attention to people's backgrounds and their histories. Sure, people make mistakes. But when someone cheated on their ex, talks about their best friends behind their backs, or generally has a lot of enemies; you need to keep yourself on alert.
If a guy is willing to cheat on his ex, there's a good sign he's willing to cheat on you. If a new friend you meet tells you a lot of bad things about their other friends, you can expect any secrets you tell him/her to spread like wildfire. If someone has a ton of enemies, no matter what the say, you can assume that everyone else is not to blame.
Just watch your back and go with your gut instinct. If you get feelings that someone cannot be trusted, keep your eye on them before opening up fully.
Good luck(:
Darby
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I'm not really sure what it is. I always think somethings wrong with me. I don't know if it's because I want something to be wrong with me, or because it'd explain some things or what. Why would I want something to be wrong with me if that's the case? I just don't understand it. The second I get a headache, start having pains, start coughing or anything I usualy look it up to see what it could be. Is anyone else like this? Well thanks in advance, take care.
It's called hypochondria and it's fairly common. Whether it's that you're scared something severe is wrong with you or whether you want the attention you would get if something was wrong with you, that's up to you to figure out from how you feel when you're acting like that.
Do you want to be sick so that people would have sympathy for you and talk to you and want you to feel better? OR Do you think it's something severe because you're scared that something is really wrong with you and you don't want to die/go to the hospital etc..
Here's a couple sites to check out:
Go to these two websites and take the tests there to find out if you may have hypochondria. Remember, this is not a diagnosis; it's just a test to see if it could be possible.
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/hypochondria_test.html
AND
http://en.nienteansia.it/tests/hypochondria-test.html
The next two sites are information about hypochondria if you think that may be it:
http://www.drugs.com/enc/hypochondria.html
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/9983.php
Hope this helps,
Darby(:
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14/f
Ok if you looked at the title, obviously, its about cutting. I cut myself. I've been cutting since the beginning of 8th grade. I'm in 9th now. I stopped off and on in 8th grade and I only did my wrists. I stopped for awhile after that cause my friends saw and they sorta helped me.
Then beginning of freshman year I started again. I have stuff going on so I'm doing this for no reason. I think you would know that though.
Then I stopped for a couple months and I started cutting my ankles since no one saw there. Then a couple months I've been cutting myself everyday. I got really bad on this. I started cutting my ankles, waits, wrists, legs, arms, shoulders, and mostly my thighs. I know I should stop but I don't know how. It does make me feel better and it helps me get through the day. I'm 14 and ruining myself. What should I do?
Lastly, I want to know if anyone else has ever gone through this here. And if they were around my age. And if I'm crazy.
My parents never knew about this. But I had a bad influence on my younger brother. He did it once and my parents found out but they didn't really do anything. But its weird how you'll do it to yourself but you start crying when someone else you know does it. Like my friends have done it before and I found out after I started doing it to myself last year.
Thanks, please help.
17/f here.
I started cutting when I was eleven and stopped when I was 15. Cutting is an addiction. And after I cut for four years, I realized that it was a pointless addiction. I had problems before that should have been resolved with therapy, not cutting. Cutting only lead me to have further problems that needed to be resolved.
You need to take a long, hard look at what is making you so upset that you feel the need to do this. Another important step is to tell your parents. They already know your brother did it once. But you need to tell them that you're doing it. It sounds as though they didn't take your brother's case too seriously. You need to tell them that you've been doing this every single day and show them some of the cuts to make it more real to them.
Whether you want to or not, you need to seek therapy. Your ways of coping are never going to work. They're just going to further complicate your issues. You need to stop before you really mess up your body. Cutting causes you to lose blood, which causes you to lose red blood cells that can never be replaced. It can lead to anemia among other things.
Also, once you really get help, you don't want to have those scars all over your body. They make for really bad first impressions, especially at interviews. Trust me.
If you need further assistance, inbox me.
Darby(:
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im highly pessimistic. i can never like a guy for more than 2 weeks because i always think of the flaws. I never think anything is good enough, i definitley dont think im good enough and lack self confidence. im not very happy anymore.
so how do i obtain a positive attitude...focus on peoples good points... not care as much what other people think of me... be less judgemental... stand up for myself... be happy and satisfied with what i have... and HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE.
HELP ha im all messed up
You need to understand that no one is perfect. You're never going to meet a perfect person or be a perfect person. You need to give yourself and other people a chance. Everyone has strong points and weaknesses. Don't immediately size people up the second you meet them and search for negative things about them. You'll never be an enjoyable person to be around if you keep that pessimistic attitude.
The next time you meet somebody, give them a chance. Write down all the positive things about them AND yourself in a journal of some sort. Don't write down any of the negative things. When you do notice negative things, as long as they're not extremely negative, just push the thoughts from your mind.
If the negative things are trivial e.g. they talk too loud, they chew with their mouth open, they brag a little bit too much, just let it go. If the worst thing you can think about somebody is something that really doesn't matter, don't let it affect your potential relationship with them.
It will take work, but you'll be able to retrain the way your mind processes people as a whole. Right now you immediately notice the negatives. But if you keep trying to push those thoughts away and focus on the positives, soon your mind will notice those good things first automatically.
Reminder: This is not to be confused with true negative points. I know you most likely have enough common sense to know this. But if someone is hooked on drugs, is a player, is violent, etc.. That is of course something to be concerned about and would be a good reason not to further your relationship with them.
Hope this helps!
Darby(:
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soooooooo ok this is weird haha
16/f
well im a very hyper funny annoying loud person. im the class clown and i have alot of friends. i have a good life and id consider myself a well liked person that is always busy. everyone calls me crazy because of how spontaneous and trouble making i am. but i am starting to think that i actually am crazy. for instance, i have this inner voice. i call him simon. dont ask haha but the thing is i dont think of it as hearing voices because i know its a voice coming from my mind, not from something outside my body. so i didnt think it was schitzophrenia or anything. but its not my mind either. its like i have two minds. me and simon. but simon only says things about 4 times a day most of the time. i can be thinking of something totally different at the same time simon is thinikng. like ill be showering and my eyes will be closed while im washing my face, then simon will be like someone could be standing right in front of you in the shower and u wouldnt know it. and while he is saying this, my mind is going LA LA LA LA LA LA LA trying to be louder than simon so i dont get freaked out. and this is what bugs me. but sometimes simon can motivate me to do things. like today i was cleaning and simon chipped in and said, clean the sink in less than 30 seconds and you will get an A on your test today. and before i knew it i was scrubbing the sink as fast as i could. also the day after me and my boyfriend got in a fight, almost every task i did, simon said things like do this or your bf will break up with you. or do that and you two will get married. and it makes me do the tasks that simon tells me to do. like even if i really dont want to do the task, i do it anyway. and its anooying because sometimes simon makes me do things i dont want to. not harmful things but just dumb things. like ill be sitting at the couch then simon will chip in and say get the reomte off the other couch or your cat will die tomorow. so even though im too tired to get up, i do anyway. i know this is so rididculous because how would an inner voice control wat happens to me? its so dumb. yet i still keep doing everything it says because im afraid that what if those things do happen. its so annoying, please tell me whats wrong with me! this needs to stop. SIMON NEEDS TO GO. NEED TA GO.
As the user below me said, if you had schizophrenia, you would not be nearly as aware as you are. It sounds like 'Simon' is your way of motivating yourself to do things. Instead of just saying, 'Yeah, I really need to get this clean. I really need to do these chores.' you put up wages for yourself. 'If I don't do this, then this will happen.' Don't try to self-diagnose, you'll only get confused. If you don't believe us, go to your doctor. He'll tell you the same thing. People with schizophrenia are not aware at all that they have mental problems (unless they are properly diagnosed and given medicine. and even then, a lot of them don't understand the situation) You know that there is no Simon. You know that it's you telling yourself to do things. It seems like you're giving yourself too hard of a time about things. 'Clean the sink in thirty seconds.' 'Get the remote of the couch or my cat will die.'
Most people have thoughts like that from time to time. You just need to keep yours in check and not jump to the conclusion that you're 'crazy'
Darby(:
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I get some really intense mood swings sometimes and they've become more frequent lately. One minute I'll be really happy and the next I'll just be seriously annoyed or depressed. I've noticed that most of it happens when I'm at home and I don't really understand it. I mean sure I get into fights with my parents every now and then but lately I've been fighting with my mom about the smallest things and everyday! I could have had the best day at school but it's usually ruined within an hour of my coming home. I don't understand why I've been getting so annoyed with my parents lately. I mean maybe it's just because I'm a teenager and it's that phase the I'm going through but I'm not sure.
And also, there are times when I'm perfectly fine and I start thinking about some stuff and I just get really depressed. I just get a sinking feeling inside me where I just have to cry and I don't know where it comes from! I have a serious problem with pain, I'm pretty much a baby, and I hate seeing blood and I never understood why some people cut themselves but this one time a few weeks ago I just couldn't help it. I just had the urge to do it and I did. Like I said I'm kind of a baby so I didn't cut very deeply and it was only a couple of times but it kinda makes me worried. I don't know whats wrong with me and it's starting to scare me! I don't really know who to talk to about it because I just know my parents won't understand and my friends are great but I really don't think this is just something they'll really be able to help me on. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Your friends would understand if you talked to them about it. Just talk to a couple of your closest friends. Ask them if they've ever felt like that. I think any teenager, or anyone who has been a teenager, would be able to relate. Most people get frustrated with their parents often when they're in their teen years.
Your mood swings are likely caused partially by hormones. The next time you and your parents start to get into a fight, think about whether or not it's really worth it. You said you and your mother have been getting into fights about really small things everyday. Next time, really stop and ask yourself, is this worth getting everyone upset over? Should I just do whatever she's asking and move on? If it's something really small, you might as well comply in whatever way you can.
You also need to retrain your thought processes. You've gotten to the point now where you see home as being a bad place. You say that you have a great day at school but within an hour of getting home, your day is ruined. If you think that, your day is going to start getting "ruined" the second you leave school. Don't convince yourself that your day is going to be bad just because you're going home. This is likely adding to your frustration and all the small fights you're getting into with your mother.
Also, cutting isn't the answer. I can tell by what you said that you're smart enough to know that cutting isn't going to help. It won't make any problems go away. It will actually only further any frustration or sadness you have in you. If you start cutting now, you'll be sitting on your bed three years from now, in the exact same position you are now. Except your arms will be covered in scars.
There are other ways to deal with things. Try talking to your friends. You also need to talk to your mother. Say, "I don't know why we've been fighting so much lately about such small things. I don't want to fight you on everything. It's really starting to get to me."
Your mother probably thinks that you're just being a bratty teenager and that you actually WANT to fight about everything. Once she hears that you don't like this and what is happening because of it, she'll likely ease up. It will also make your relationship stronger. Start going to her for advice about things. She was once a teenager too, and by going to her for advice, she'll feel as though you want her help. This will make you guys closer and less likely to fight also.
Hope this helps,
Darby(:
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I find myself starting to cry often, and at embarrasing moments. I cry in math because its always been very hard and frustrating for me. I tear up when I take piano lessons when I can't understand things. Lately I've just been in those moods where nothing can go right and I cry when I should be fine. Why am i so over emotional? It's not related to my period, it's been like this any day of the month. It's embarrasing to cry over something so unimportant and I just want to stop!
It's most likely hormones. Even if you're not on or around your period, hormones still control your emotions. Especially when you're a teen, and I'm assuming you are. It sounds like you're being too hard on yourself. You need to loosen up and relax. Tell yourself now that you're not going to cry every time you get frustrated about something small. Tell yourself that crying is not going to make you better at math or piano. Give yourself some credit for trying to do these things. You'll get better at them with practice.
Darby(:
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18/F
I have noticed that everyone has their own little ways of soaking up attention when they lack it in their childhood or something, for instance if they do not get enough attention from their parents or something some people might feel the need to wear really extravagant clothes, some people do a certain activity that gets them attention, some people behave badly... etc; well, I personally for some odd reason find this in injuries. Ever since I was little I have always really wanted to break an arm or a leg or something, something that people would pay attention to... Like I wouldn't care about the pain or anything, I just have always wanted somthing like that to happen. I know it is terribly wrong, I know that some people really suffer from that kind of stuff, but for some reason I just can't stop... Recently I sprained my ankle pretty badly (for real) and I was on crutches for a few days, and I like REALLY didn't want for my leg to heal so soon. Sometimes I find myself hoping that I will somehow get in a car accident and get hurt or something... And like I said, I know that is TERRIBLY wrong, and i would never do anything like that to myself on purpose, but I just find the attention that I get for it so rewarding... haha, I know this probably sounds really weird... I just wish I knew a way to stop thinking like this, because obviously if something really bad really DID happen to me I would be pretty miserable...
thanks
You're right. You're lacking attention and have been for years, it seems. You need to understand the things that you can do to get positive attention. Not sympathy, but true proud attention. Getting good grades, going to college, getting an aesthetic hobby. All of these things can get you good, admirable attention. Sure, getting hurt would make people feel sorry for you, but wouldn't you rather people look up to you and be proud of you? I don't think you really want to be hurt. I know you're saying you want to get in a car accident and get a broken leg and whatnot. But that's not really what you want. You just want people to notice you, and being sick or in pain is the easiest way to do it. But if you do something truly great, like graduate college or do volunteer work, you'll see that positive attention is much more rewarding that sympathetic attention.
Hope this helps,
Darby(:
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I am 27 female US resident
I suffer from major depressive disorder, bpd, pstd, and anxiety. I've struggled for years with my mental illnesses and last summer finally got my Associates degree.
I want to go and get my B.A. degree
I am looking at a program that would cost me approx $45K to complete my 2 years. The reason it costs so much is because it's 1. Online 2. For adult learners 3. Has extra support for people with disabilities.
The program offers me a LOT of what I need, on campus and online support, a disability services that really is willing to HELP me and shorter courses (quarter instead of semester).
But am I being crazy to think that $45,000 for a degree is ok? Should I go to a school for $20K that doesn't have any of the support things I need for my mental illnesses?
Am I crazy to think I should invest such a large sum in myself? Should I take the greater risk of not graduating for the cheaper cost, or should I invest more in myself and have a much higher chance of passing?
HELP!
If you think your meds and councelling won't be enough to get you through a $20k two year degree, do the $45k program. It is a lot of money, definitely. But if you get a job that pays $45 or $50k a year, it really isn't that much in retrospect. You will be able to get loans to pay monthly after you get your degree. It's important that you get your B.A. degree because you want it. It's hard to have mental illnesses, but it's great that they have programs that will help people with them. You can remain as normal as everyone else by getting your B.A. and getting a good job, even if it costs more. It sounds like a really good program that has all the kinks worked out and is very professional.
Hope this helps!
Darby(:
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15/f
sorry this is so long.
i used to SI (self injure) like cutting and burning myself but i had to tell my boyfriend about it. i told him about 5 months ago and we have been together for about 8. after i told him i really tried to stop and i did for a little while. i havent cut (which was what i usually did) in about 4 months but now for some reason the urges i get seem to be uncontrolable. i knew that before i tried to stop i was going to get urges but i havent cut in so long and i figured they would be gone by now and they are not. well i tlod my boyfiend about the urges i still get because he is the only person i cant anything and everything to and he made me promise i would talk to my mum about it but i dont see the point because she cant do anything about it to help me. only my dad can because he has custody of me and he wont, he would just call me crazy and resent me like he did last time. i have seen a couseler before and the guy i saw was really wierd and i hated talking to him, although some of what he said helped me. i wouldnt mind gonig back into counseling with a different person but i cant tell my dad because he doesnt think i need to. and maybe i dont but whatever. i just want the urges to stop so i dont start cutting again. i know the little tricks like snapping a rubber band on my wrist. i tried that but it's not enough. i like the feeling of pain. i know how corny this all sounds.
anything to help is wonderful. thanks
I know exactly how you feel. I cut for 4 years. And it's been two years since I have but I STILL get urges. SI is an addiction just like alcohol or drugs. It's very hard to stop and the urges can seem almost unbearable. But you should be giving yourself a pat on the back! You've gone 4 months without cutting. You should be very proud of yourself. The rubberband thing never worked for me either. Instead, when I get these urges, I immediately put my mind somewhere else. I call someone, start reading, start watching a movie, play a video game. Anything that will occupy my mind. And honestly, it is extremely hard at first. The thoughts just stay in your mind and it's so hard to get them out. But after a while, when I started doing something else in order to keep myself from cutting, it actually worked. Now, when I get the urges, all I have to do is call someone up or put a movie in, and my mind is totally indulged in the conversation or movie plot. You're doing a great job so far, keep it up! You need to get a support system, which it sounds like you somewhat have from your boyfriend. I didn't get support from my parents either. I found support in my boyfriend. Tell him that these urges are going to happen for a while, but that they will slowly die down. (I don't get them nearly as much now. Sometimes I'll go a couple months without one urge!) Tell him that you need him for support and that you're going to call him when you get an urge like that. I'm sure he will be okay with this since he really seems to want you to stop.
I hope this helps(:
Darby
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Is this wierd:
About a month ago when I was menstruating, I was about to go into the shower one morning, and i just stood in my bathroom naked in front of the mirror, took some blood from "down there" with my finger, and painted myself with it. I made four dots on each of my breasts, a small heart on my upper chest, a circle around my bellybutton, and a line going down the back of my spine (bottom part.) I dont know why I did it, I just did. What is your opinion?
Don't read into it too much. Sure, it's a little weird and silly. But it's not a big deal. Just one of those random compulsions. We all get those from time to time.
-Darby
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16/f
im not sure if theres something wrong with me. i cant really figure it out but maybe you can help. i could use some help right now haha
well, my parents act like they hate me sometimes. and i guess they have a reason to. i hate talking to them. like i have a ton of friends and at school im known as the class clown. i have a great boyfriend who i love and i am very social. i love being around people but i just HATE talking to my parents and even being around them. like when they leave the house i am soooooo happy. i just feel like they are ALWAYS talking. they act like annoyong 4 year olds half the time and i tell them that i want my space and they say im rude.
they always say stuff like DID YOU ASK HOW MY DAY WAS? YOU ARE SO SELF CENTERED AND SELFISH. but really im not. i care about my friends so much more than myself and im the one always trying to help everyone. just not my parents. i mean theyre my parents and i love them i guess but really i couldnt care less sometimes. like i really honestly dont care. and i know this might sound bad but its the truth. i pretty much force myself to talk to them sometimes. its really getting to me too because they get so mad at me but i just cant help it. it takes so much to even talk to them because i just hate it. i short answer them and try to stay out of my house as much as possible. i just find them really annoying and i cant take much more of their nagging.
does anyone know whats wrong with me?
There isn't anything wrong with you. You're a hormonal teenager that likes being with her friends. You don't want your parents in your business and you don't like when they're always talking or asking questions. But your parents aren't going to be there forever. In two years you'll be an adult and be able to go wherever. You're going to find out that you are more dependent on your parents than you think. Try being appreciative and suck it up and talk to them every once in a while. Even if it makes you cringe. Trust me, you want to stay on good terms with your parents.
Hope this helps(:
-Darby
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