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Cheer Someone Up: Help a Friend to Cope with Her Grandmother's Death
Hello,
My good friend's grandmother has just passed away and she seems to be taking it quite hard, she cried a lot, too. Just a while ago, I came to her house and attempted to comfort her, but then I ended up sit down for almost two hours listening to her while she told me stories about her and her grandmother while she was still alive.
I am not a very good comforter so I didn't talk much then, not to mention that I know little about her grandmother. I just sat there and listen and occasionally say one or two sentences. I feel kind of . . . useless and awkward.
So do you have any advice as to what to say or what to give her to cheer her up? It's kind of awkward to just listen the entire time, you see.
Thanks,
P.S. Please don't tell me to put myself in her shoe to know how she feel like the other columnist did. I can't! Even when my grandparents died, I felt a bit sad, but not for long. Because it is inevitable that when you get old, you die. I just take die-of-old-age as part of life.
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It's great that you're trying to cheer your friend up, but you're right, it can be difficult. The best thing to do is say, "I'm so sorry this happened. I'm here for you whenever you need me. Even if it's at three in the morning, you can call me anytime."
As far as when you're talking to her, she probably really needed to get those things off her chest. It's okay that you only said a few sentences here and there. If she thought it was awkward or uncomfortable, she wouldn't have talked so much.
When she's telling stories about her grandmother, just nod your head and listen to what she's saying. If she's telling a funny thing that happened, laugh when it's appropriate. At the end of her stories, it would be appropriate to say something along the lines of, "Wow, she sounds like a really great woman. I'm sorry you lost her, but it sounds like she led a full and happy life."
The next thing to do is get her out of her house. It's great to cry and talk things out, but you don't want her to lay in bed and be miserable for too long. Suggest going somewhere or doing something that you know she loves to do. If she likes movies and you know there's one out that she'd like to see, treat her to one. If you have a lot of sleepovers with her, ask her to come over and watch light-hearted comedies to get her mind off of it for a while.
The only things you can really do is be there for her, listen to her, and help her by surprising her with nice things or doing things that she finds fun. She'll get over it with time and support from you and her family, and in the end, she'll appreciate that you were there for her so much during her time of need.
Darby(:
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well i guess all you can really do is listen. Yeah it will be akward, but letting her talk and let it out is probably the best thing for her right now, she will cheer up in her own time but until then, just try be as supportive as possible, and it already seems like you are doing that. you must be a good friend :)
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I think that just by listening to her, and being there for you, you were already helping cheer her up. While you didn't say much, you made an attempt and you listened to what she had to say.
Talking about things like that (usually the happy times) can usually cheer people up when they're sad. I understand that you don't get sad for a long time when people die, but everyone is different when it comes to death & grieving. It's a really hard thing to cope with when the circumstances are different. I've had many deaths throughout my family, and there were some where I wasn't really sad at all, and some where it hurt like hell and I didn't know what to do with myself.
I think you should just be there for her. Listen to her stories, tell her everything will be okay & tell her you're sorry. That's basically all you can do. Just be a support system right now, that's what she needs. But you're a good friend, don't worry. :)
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