I'm a 19 years old male from the Netherlands. I'm in my first year of studying psychology at the university of Utrecht, and plan to major in clinical psychology. I'm interested in nearly anything, so I know a little something about a lot of different subjects. My areas of expertise lie in philosophy, religion and spirituality.
Gender: Male
Member Since: March 12, 2005
Answers: 71
Last Update: January 22, 2010
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hai my boyfriend is very shay... i cant do anything with him and he dont talk 2 me... if i talk 2 him first his friends always laughs at me... i realy realy likes him and i know he likes me 2.. or i hope so.....
by the way i am 12 years old and am from south africa (link)
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I don't really see a question in there, so it's kind of hard to answer. But I'm guessing you want him to be less shy?
Well, don't. If you two like each other, there really isn't much of a problem, is there? Who cares if you're the one taking the initiative? Who cares if his friends laugh? If you like him, and he likes you, why would any of that stuff matter?
Also I think you're too young for a serious relationship.
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i really like this guy and my friend has told me that i could get him but i would have to be making the moves first and flirting with him and stuff cause he most likely wont do it first, im kinda a shy person so i need some tips on like flirting and stuff. (link)
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I don't know how you know him and stuff, so I can only give some general tips.
First and most important is making eye contact. Smile when you two look at eachother. Talk to him about general stuff to make more contact easier. Try complimenting him on something you really like about him, his looks or how smart he is or whatever. Don't be too subtle, he is a guy after all, but don't drop it on him out of the blue, look for an opertunity in conversation where it would make sense to let him know he's hot, smart, or whatever he has that you like. You can gradually do this more often, and drop more hints, but not too subtle (guys are really oblivious).
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guys: whats ur opinion about quiet girls? not shy, quiet. (link)
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I like them. Girls talk too much.
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Well I'm not really going out with this guy but he tells me he loves me like more than a friend and I've known him for a about 6 months now and I said the same back.
Its just so weird like he sends confusing signs.
He'll give me a hug and ignore me then later say i love you.
I don't know if hes just saying that or really means it.
I've been there for him with all his girlfriends and all the trouble he has been through and I've wanted to be with him the whole time knowing him and with his gf's he used to flirt with me a lot still but I never tried or did anything with him when he had girlfriends cause I'm not like that.
But everything is kinda confusing
Any advice? (link)
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He had several girlfriends in 6 months? Doesn't sound like dating material to me, but maybe his feelings for you are true. You could try asking his girlfriends from the past 6 months if he ever said to them that he loves them.
And if you really love him, why not giving it a try? I mean, right now you don't have him, so there's not much to loose now is there? It will either work or it won't. If it won't work, you're not of worse than you are now. Okay it will hurt a little bit more than it does now, but what's life without taking some risks every now and then?
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Hey! i have been dating this guy for about 14 months now and i thowt we were perfect for each other, we have a real honest and trust worthy relationship. But the other day i had a sex dream about this guy i dont find him attractive or ne thing i dont know why i had this dream. It makes me sick to my stomach when i think bout me and another guy, so when i told my boyfriend about this he wassent upset at all he was like well i had a sex dream about Stella, the thing is is that she hangs out with all of his friends and him and it makes me so mad that he could have a dream like that bout someone who he actually hangs out with, i never ever hung out with the dude who i had the dream about, I really dont know what to tell my self and i know he wassnet saying that to make me mad he really had that dream so please tell me how i should respond to this i dont know what to do!!! (link)
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Dreams are dreams, they have nothing to do with what we do or want, they are completely weird. Science has no clue why dreams are the way they are. Dreams show stuff that's in our head at random, and connect different things in our head at random. If you dream about having sex with someone, it means nothing.
And every guy in the world has a dream about sex with another girl at some point in his life. It just happens wether we want it or not.
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I have to tell you guys something. It's really frigging important. If you see a guy around and think he's hot (or even hott, whatever the fuck that means), you don't love him. If you talk to a girl and think shes way pretty and you had fleeting thoughts of marrying her, you don't love her. Even if you want to date her. Trust me on this. And if you've been going out with a boy for a month, unless you know him in and out, acknowledge his faults (that means accept them and know that they're faults and love him anyway, not saying "well gee, he's so cute that they aren't faults lol"), would willingly and happily die for them, you are not in love. If you'd rather fall asleep in his arms than have sex. If you want the absolute best for them, even if that best doesn't include you. If you'd rather get a soft, innocent peck on the lips than full frontal snogging, partially naked, and if you'd rather slow dance than screw, you're getting there. Lots of other crap too.
The word love is far too overused these days. Back in my day (seriously!), "I love you" was something to be cherished, not something you say three days into the relationship.
For example, I love Nevada. I would gladly die for it. In Heaven (or Hell, wherever I go) I would have no regrets. The faults I acknowledge are some of the residents and the city of Las Vegas. (I'm only half kidding) I'd battle for it and show the scars proudly. (I would also rather sleep with it than have sex with it, but that's because, well, you know. cactus. sharp rocks. mountains. coyotes.) If for some reason, Nevada would be better off without short fat chicks, I'd move to Wyoming or some Nevada-like state in a heartbeat. I'd even move to Maine if I had to.
But anyway. Crush =/= love. Like =/=love. Infatuation =/= love.
Anyone else irritated by this? (link)
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No. It's just the way we young people talk. I think most people in general do realise the difference between love, like, crush and infatuation. The people who come here however don't always know that, because the people who come here have questions. We're struggling with life, trying to find out how it works.
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Okay, I'm 16/F.
The guy I like goes to another high school in the area. Just to make this easier, we'll call him "Jack". In order to better explain this story, I'm going to have to add two more people, girls, who we'll call "Jess" and "Sue".
So, I met Jack at the end of 10th grade through friends, and I thought he was annoying and obnoxious, although I was attracted to him physically, and pretty much ignored him. What conversation we did have was short, since he was ignoring me, too. That night he also met Sue, and I could tell he was really into her, another reason that made me annoyed with him, since...well, I grew up with Sue, but she's much shorter than Jack, and she always gets the guy, and it bothered me that even though Jack annoyed me, and even though she's short, she managed to snag him as well.
Months went by and Jack and Sue did end up dating. Jack claimed to be in love with her, but they only went on a few dates before Sue became fed up with him. She gets bored easily, another reason why it angers me when the guys fall all over her, that and the fact that she's so snobby and high maintenance.
Anyway, Jess is another girl I grew up with, and she goes to school with Jack. One day this summer, she gave me Jack's IM out of the blue, and we started talking. I felt like we were really hitting it off. Jess had a party in August, and she didn't invite Jack at first. We were talking on IM the one day and I said I was going to Jess's party, and he immidiately IMed her and next thing I knew, he was invited. The night of the party, he only went because I did, or at least he spent a really long time waiting for me online to tell him I was going.
Jack and I continued to hit it off, and a few weeks later exchanged phone numbers. We tried to go out with friends a few times, but it didn't happen. By the time school started, I still liked Jack, but I wasn't thinking about him too much, until he called me at the end of September and we went out with friends.
Anyway, obviously it's been a few months since then. We started talking less and less after that night, although he seemed to like me and was flirting with me, and all sorts of things. I sat in the front seat of his car with him, he offered me his sweatshirt, and all sorts of things, but we just stopped talking often.
Jess doesn't like Jack, by the way. Or at least, she didn't. She really disliked him...almost hated him, even. I found that odd since he sits with him at lunch, apparantly, and ended up letting him come to her party. In October, Jess started to bring Jack up more and more around me. I was thinking maybe she liked him or knew I liked him. Finally she admitted that she liked him in 9th grade (we're in 11th now).
Jack and I have started talking again since I called him the other night, but I'm still trying to find out what to do. His winter dance is coming up and I really want to go, and Jess says she'll hook me up with someone if she can. She also keeps bringing up Jack wherever we go. I suppose I do as well, but when she does, she seems so...inquisitive, yet happy. I'm trying to figure out if she likes him again or if she just wants to know how I feel or what. Lately they've been getting along better, too.
I also want to know...what should I do about Jack? Should I tell him I like him, despite the fact that I have no clue how he feels, since we just started talking again? Should I tell one of our friends I like him, or even Jess?
Please let me know what you think! (link)
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Jess seems inquisitive yet happy. Call it a long shot, but maybe she is both into him herself AND trying to figure out how you feel about him?
My advice is pretty short, don't let Jess hook you up but get hooked up yourself. Drop some hints to Jack, or just ask him to be your date. If you want something done you best do it yourself and not let friends do it for you.
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ok so this is sooo annoying...me and my bf *who we will call adam* have been goin out for about 2 months right? and everything is fine with us. but there is this girl *who is a freshman* and she's like, always around because...i dunno she just is. well i'll be kinda off and talkin with my best friend and i'll look over at "adam" and his best friend "jake" and that freshman is standing there looking at us, and as soon as we look over there, she starts trying to flirt with them both and then when she stops she glares at us. i'm thinkin *ok b***h, i'm already with "adam" and you're like 4 years younger than him, he's not interested so back off* and then when me and "adam" are holding hands or kiss or something she like, starts talkin to him about needing to do something like go to a concert or whatever and O MY GOSH it just makes me sooo mad!! she's not a threat to our relationship or anything, but i just wish i could find a way to get her to back off. this is also effecting my best friend because her and "adam's" best friend are hitting it off, and this stupid freshman makes it so that when she is around, they can't talk much. what do i do?
all of us are almost 18, and she's like...i dunno 14 or 15? (link)
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Since you're all around 18, just tell her to get lost. In my time, we respected the seniors in our school, no, we were all scared like hell of them.
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okay, so i'm one of those girls that has a lot of guy friends. Well, one of my guy friends likes me, but i don't like him. i've told him that, but he constantly hugs me, puts his arm around me, etc. i try to be nice and just shrug it off, but it keeps happening. And it'd just be awkward if i said something about it. What on earth do i do?
also, i went to a party that he and his friend went to, and his friend is one of my really good friends, and he and i hung out a lot, and the guy who likes me got a little ticked.
i really really just want him to not like me. it's too difficult! Any suggestions as to what i should do? (link)
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Talk to him again, one on one, in person. Tell him that you're really not into him that way and just see him as a friend, and that him hugging you and putting an arm around you and stuff like that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable and ask him to stop doing that. Try to tell it in a nice way, but be clear about it.
If that doesn't work, just tell him to stop doing that when it happens. It might be awkward, but mostly awkward for him, and it is his own fault if he keeps doing it.
You can't unfortunately, make him not like you, but you can try to get him to not act on it.
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Well I met this guy at the dog park. He's incredible, and we totally hit it off. Then, this afternoon, we made plans to meet again, and we did, and though we didn't talk as much (there were other people there we were talking to) I had an incredible time. He's one of my myspace friends, should I message him and tell him I had fun, or would that be wierd? Should I wait a while? How long should I wait to see if he wants to hang out again?
Also I'm 18 and he's 24, do you think he'll think I'm too young? Ah this is so crazy I'm so infatuated with him. (link)
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You should have messaged him already ;)
And you shouldn't wait too long, the longer you wait the higher the chance he thinks you're not interested in him. Don't be too eager though. After you do something fun you can say something like "we should do this again sometime", and then see if he comes up with something, and if not you can ask him to hang out or whatever you want to do a day or two later.
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so ive been in a couple of long relationships and have now been single for a while. i really want a boyfriend, or at least someone to focus my interests on. i haven't met anyone that i like in a loooong time and dont seem compatible with a lot of guys, or they don't seem interested in me if i could be interested in them. basically, there aren't even any POTENTIAL love interests for me. i haven't even grown up in the same town as these guys and i feel like there has to be SOMEONE out there. but how do i meet him? there have been a fewguys that like me but they are all weirdos and i dont like them. im not picky i just want a decent, nice guy. but i dont seem to know any but a couple and they are either taken or not interested. HELP! (link)
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Your best shot at finding a date is meeting someone in a pub, club or at a concert. Just walk up to someone who you think might be a nice guy and have a conversation. Scarry? Yes, but most guys dig it when a girl makes the first move, trust me on this one.
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Im really falling for this guy right now his name is dez. He really listens to me and doesn't ignore me like all the other guys i dated. The only problem is he libes in georgia and i live in washington dc. Im really falling in love with him. What should I do you guys. (link)
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Sometimes, people meet eachother over the internet and fall in love, and sometimes it even turns into a succesful relationship. As they say, true love knows no boundaries. Try to find out if he likes you in this way too, for example, ask him if there's a girl he's into at the moment. If you find out he likes you too, you can take it from there, see if it will last, perhaps arrange that you two can meet during hollidays. If he doesn't, you'll still have a good online friend. If you need to take some distance from him to get over him, by all means do so, and just tell him. He'll understand if you tell him nicely. Good luck.
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well about the young boy earlier we had sex 2 day ago and we didnt use a condom and he bused in me a told me we couldnt have sex anymore he always do this and i dont understand why he does this over and over again he knows how i feel but when i push him away he make a way back in my life to hurt me again it really hurts like someone stabbed me in my chest (link)
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Tell him to fuck off, don't let him get back into your life. If you can't get him to stay away yourself, press charges for harrasment against him, get him a restraining order. You don't have to accept this.
Also, you might want to check if you have any STD's since you didn't use a condom. And a pregnancy test if you're not on the pill.
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Hey well i have been dating my boyfrind for 1 year and 2 mounths now and i have never had a proplme with him hanging out with his friends, but his friends smoke and stuff like that. A cuple of weeks ago me and this girl got into a HUGE argument and she is going around saying she wants to beat my ass and stuff like that and this girl has been calling my boyfriend and telling him stuff like that. This girl unfourtunally is my boyfriends bestfriend's girlfriend so i sorta told my boyfriend its me or his bestfriend only caue of his girlfriend but i really do want to hang out with his friends agin without telling him not to and with out that bitch of a girlfrind marc has... what should i doo
sorry if this doesnt make ne sence im still pissed about the whole thing (link)
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I think you shouldn't have told your boyfriend to choose between you and his best friend. It's not his best friend's fault that you and his girlfriend got into an argument, he is not responsible for his girlfriend's behavior. I think you'd best leave both your boyfriend and his best friend out of this. Choosing between your lover and your best friend is nearly impossible, so don't make your boyfriend do that.
About this girl, you don't have to like her, she doesn't have to like you, to both hang out with the same group. If you two just ignore eachother it doesn't have to bother either of you. Good luck.
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I have been intimate with a guy for 3 years.And we have been in a relationship twice the only thing about it is that it lasted 4months .i really have feeling for him but i think he is scared of commitment,im 19 ill be 20 December and he just turned 19 june
ps i think im in love (link)
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Well, if he's scared, convince him that there's no reason to be scared. Show him your love, show him that you're the perfect girl for him (I'm not sure if you believe that yourself, people rarely have that much confidence, but you don't have to believe it as long as he does ;)). Also show him you're patient and respect his wishes and worries, this is important in gaining his trust.
And most of all talk to him. Find out what he wants in a relationship and of life in general.
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i know she knows how i feel about her but maby she dosnt realize exacly how much things dont work out for us for more than 4-5 months because she said i get atached to easy maby and cause maby im to nice or somthing and she hates seeing me sad liek this .. what can i do i need her to fall for me again and find a way to keep it that way please this has been bothering me with the same girl for years now 4 years acually (link)
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Listen to me. NO girl in the world is worth it to change who you are for. If she's uncomfortable with you being very attached, that's her fault, it is who you are. You can try to limit your expressions of attachement, but you shouldn't try to become less attached. Personally I think that's a good trait.
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I'm getting mixed signals from a crush in my school. He's in some of my classes and we're both really shy. He know's somebody likes him, but he doesn't know it's me. Or at least I dont think he knows its me... but anyways
I always think about him, and I sometimes look at him during class... and he sometimes looks at me during classes. When we are walking through the school hallways and we pass each other, we have like a split second moment where we both look at each other. A few days ago, my friend and I were walking towards a class and he was standing right infront of his locker, and so we passed him and my friend goes "hey, he looked at you as we were walking by." He's never talked to me before, and I've never talked to him before, but I find him looking at me alot. I've never heard anybody say anything about if he likes a girl... and I'm just so confused!!!!!
I really like him alot, and I'm a VERY shy person. My mom won't let me date until I'm 16, and I'm 14 right now. so I'm just super scared that one day he'll talk to me and I'll be a total mess! i really want to know if he likes me or not, and i keep asking my friend to ask him if he likes anybody, but she keeps chickening out!
What should I do? How do I found out if he likes me? I dont want him to think i'm a stalker.
signed,
confused! (link)
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Just ask him yourself. Yeah, that's hard, but it's the best way of overcoming your shyness, and the best way of finding out (if he is shy too he might not want to tell your friend). Walk up to him when no one is around and tell him you like him and ask him how he feels about you. It probably will be awkward, but know that he will feel kind of awkward too. Things like these get easier if you do them more often, so you might as well start doing them right now ;) Good luck.
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ok. well me and this guy have been "together" for about 6 or 7 months now. and were like on and off "together" i guess you could say.. and like we have both gone off and have seen other people but we always end up coming back to each other because the other people just dont compare...as we say. and he told me he doesnt see himself dating me so i basically have no chance is what is he saying right? but hes always so sweet to me, and we have these nights. on fridays, where we just every friday were together and hang out all day from after school until like curfew and its amazing cause we are like a couple, but then we get to school and hes the total opposite, he'll ignore me and will just sit there and stare at me. but then theres days like today for example, when he saw me in the morning he like picked me up and like almost kissed me ya know. and everything and then looked at his friends and put me down and walked away. its like hes embarassed to talk to me in front of his friens, even though all his friends like me and talk to me and ugh. i know he knows that i like him alot, and i know he knows that i know that he still likes me, even though hes said that hes liked 2 other girls and were seeing where it was going with them, but still came back to me and i was just sitting there waiting for him. how can i say to him, that even though hes been with two other girls, and just because he doesnt see himself dating me, that we can still give it a try? or what do i say to him to make him realize that i am the girl for him? i dont know what to do with this situation. i love the boy to death, and i cant move on no matter how hard i try, yet.. thats all i want to do. but i still want to date him and be with him... im 15/f if that helps.. and the guys is 18.. (link)
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Okay. It sounds a little bit like he is playing with you. Remember that you're not a toy! You're a human being. The best thing you can do is talk to him and ask him to explain his behavior. It can only get better from here, even if you two fall apart it's better than staying his girl-toy. Tell him you love him, if that wont work nothing will. You do desever way better than to be treated like this, even if you feel like you want to put up with it just to be with him. Retain your selfrespect, he should either completely go for you or leave you be.
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i hung out with this guy about 3 weeks ago and we havent talked since.. it was my first time hanging out with him and he wanted just to get to know me better and we made out a few times. the thing is, i dont think he would be using me for like sex or anything because i know other people that have used me and he wasnt the type that would do that.. k so he was so cute to me when we were hanging out like we would hold hands when we were at the movies, and he would open the door for me.. he was a gentleman. i like him and he hasnt been online in a while and i cant call him because that would be awkward.. he told my other friend that he doesnt IM people, he waits for them to IM him.. but i dont know. and i acutally like this guy.. i dont know what this means? wat should i do.. should i just forget about him and move on? please helpppp (link)
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IM him, or better, go to him and tell him in person that you really like him. Of course there's the danger of discovering that it's not mutual, but at least you'll know for sure then. Good luck.
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16/f
So I went out with this guy for two weeks last may but he's been in love with me since we were in 8th grade, possibly even 7th.
He makes it clear he likes me and even though we broke up in may he called me baby and told me he loved me every night until October.
Then in october he asked this other girl to homecoming and then he asked her out.
My problem is that I'm still in love with him and it's clear he likes me. He sometimes still tells me he loves me and flirts with me all the time.
I have no idea what to do
I really want to have another chance with him but I also don't want to hurt the girl he's going out with now because she's so adorable and innocent.
Do I stand by and watch him leave me and love her or do I tell him how I feel? (link)
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Why did you guys break up if you're still in love with eachother?
Did you ever let him know that you're in love with him as well? If he really loves you and knows you love him, they'll break up eventually. You might as well speed up the process, because the longer their relationship lasts, the more hurt she will be (if she really loves him that is). I know that sounds like a bad thing to do, it's the rational thing to do. Of course you should do what you're most comfortable with.
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