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I'm a 19 years old male from the Netherlands. I'm in my first year of studying psychology at the university of Utrecht, and plan to major in clinical psychology. I'm interested in nearly anything, so I know a little something about a lot of different subjects. My areas of expertise lie in philosophy, religion and spirituality.
Gender: Male
Member Since: March 12, 2005
Answers: 71
Last Update: January 22, 2010
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hai my boyfriend is very shay... i cant do anything with him and he dont talk 2 me... if i talk 2 him first his friends always laughs at me... i realy realy likes him and i know he likes me 2.. or i hope so.....

by the way i am 12 years old and am from south africa (link)
I don't really see a question in there, so it's kind of hard to answer. But I'm guessing you want him to be less shy?

Well, don't. If you two like each other, there really isn't much of a problem, is there? Who cares if you're the one taking the initiative? Who cares if his friends laugh? If you like him, and he likes you, why would any of that stuff matter?

Also I think you're too young for a serious relationship.

so me and my b/f have been together about 6 weeks and really thats not that long i know but i wanna do something really sweet for him for christmas. i was gunna burn him a cd with a bunch of love songs on it. but then i was wondering if it would seem to early to do that?? we have moved kinda fast here at the beginning so we are really close so it wouldnt seem weird but would it just seem like something someone would do for like a one year thing??? thanks! (link)
Well, most guys are not so much into love songs as girls, so unless those songs have a special meaning or memory for the both of you, it's probably not the best idea. On the other hand, it's the thought that counts and he'd appreciate that ;) Or maybe he is into love songs, you know him better than I :P

They don't give christmass presents in my country, so I'm not good at thinking of them, but if you want to give a guy something special, give him something that will make him think of you (like an accesory). Or a Ferari, can't go wrong with those.

hey ok well lately i've been itching down there and i'll get a couple bumps. they are there for a while and then go away and other ones come up later. i'm not really sexually active but my b/f has fingered me a couple times i dunno if that has anything to do with it but just in case. i really need to know if anyone else has had this problem or if anyone has any ideas what it is and if there is a way to treat it...thanks!
15/f (link)
I hope you don't mind a guy answering this? :P
It could be your b/f's hand wasn't entirely clean or that he damaged your skin with his nails that makes your vagina irritated, but that should fade away in a few days.
Other possibility is that you shave your vagina. That can irritate the skin, which results in small bumps and itch, to do something about this, use new razors every time and use an antiseptic meant for that area after shaving. It doesn't work all the time, as both shaving and antiseptics are something your skin needs getting used to.

on Neopets, i always hear things about a lab ray and how it changes your pet's colour. But i don't know where to find said 'Lab Ray'. Can anyone help me out? (link)
If you're going to buy the map pieces, alltogether it's about 500k (at least it was back in my days) so be prepared to spend a lot. It takes years to find the pieces yourself.

hey how long after u have sex can u take a test to know that it is right (link)
Uhm. You can become pregnant untill 8 days after intercourse, and it can take another weak for the zygot to attach to your womb, so 2-3 weeks. A test is not always reliable though. If it says you are, it's 100% reliable, but if it says you are not there is a chance you are and the test just failed.

ok i just got hired for my first job [pizza place] and i start training next week. soo i was wondering about the schedule stuff. do they ask if theres certain days id like off? because id especially like each sunday off and either monday or wednesday [both would be good but i wouldnt mind working one of the two every week]. so do they ask me this? do i tell them this? im free to work every other night and all day & night saturday so would that make it a little easier to create my own schedule? ahh first job i dont know what to do so ya lol any help is appreciated! 16/f. (link)
If your employer doesn't ask you, you should tell him so yourself. I always arrange this sort of thing before my trainings start, but I guess that's different in each country. If he doesn't ask before training is over, be sure to tell him so yourself.

Theres this girl in my school, & shes like amazing. She has alot of confidence in herself & everything. But, shes not stuck up. Shes really nice to everyone. And shes like just every girl would wanna be like, i'm not over exaggerating at all. You never see her embarressed, or shy or anything.

How do I become more confident in who I am? (link)
I don't understand. Do you want to date her or be like her?

How to become more confident. Well, focus on the good things in your life, the things you do really well. Look at your strengths, not your weaknesses. All humans are equal in value, and you are no exception.


i really need advice. do you know how to lose weight? especially in my stomach and thighs. whenever i walk my feet are always touching and whenever i sit down, my thighs look like flatout pancakes. are there any tips? i know doing situps or crunches are good, but i seem to not do it coz of my laziness. [lol] im serious i get tired after doing about 20 situps then i stop. are there any food i shud avoid to lose weight? ive heard that if you lose weight and start eating whatever again, youll gain fat back. and that scares me. i wanna be fit and healthy for the rest of my life. pls give advice! and thanks in advance! =] (link)
Eat lots of veggies and fruits, go easy on the meat. Fish is good for your cholesterol, though it can still be fattening. Cook, or ask your mom/dad to cook, with oil instead of butter, and don't use too much of it. Drink lots of water. Go easy on sugar and carbs (don't completely ban them from your diet though) and fatty foods. Stay away from the fast food, milkshakes and drinks like coke and orange soda.

And keep up doing that exercise. If you do 20 situps every day, try doing 22 tomorrow, and increase the number by two every two or 3 days. IF your back starts complaining, you're doing too much and you know you have to stop. Try other excersises, like walking, jogging, cycling. Swimming is the best full body workout, so you might wanna try that.

ok for some reason i have this problem, i eat and eat and eat and i like never stop! I can't control it and i don't know why. and the weird thing is, i never gain a pound because i have a REALLY fast metabolism. I'm 13 years old, 5'4, and i only weigh 94 pounds. When im bored and not doing anything (wich i am never doing ANYTHING most of the time) i will just stuff my face with food. ive tried to stop, but i just cant. someone please help! (link)
Hey, if you feel hungry, and you don't gain weight, you probably need all that food. Either that or you have a parasite like a cestode. If you eat raw meat or come into contact with animals you could easily have one of those. I'd advice you to see your docter to find out if that's the case.
Also, try to balance what you eat. Eat veggies and fruits. Also, drinking water can supress your hunger feeling, so if you think you're eating too much, have a big glass of water.

i really like this guy and my friend has told me that i could get him but i would have to be making the moves first and flirting with him and stuff cause he most likely wont do it first, im kinda a shy person so i need some tips on like flirting and stuff. (link)
I don't know how you know him and stuff, so I can only give some general tips.

First and most important is making eye contact. Smile when you two look at eachother. Talk to him about general stuff to make more contact easier. Try complimenting him on something you really like about him, his looks or how smart he is or whatever. Don't be too subtle, he is a guy after all, but don't drop it on him out of the blue, look for an opertunity in conversation where it would make sense to let him know he's hot, smart, or whatever he has that you like. You can gradually do this more often, and drop more hints, but not too subtle (guys are really oblivious).

guys: whats ur opinion about quiet girls? not shy, quiet. (link)
I like them. Girls talk too much.

Well I'm not really going out with this guy but he tells me he loves me like more than a friend and I've known him for a about 6 months now and I said the same back.
Its just so weird like he sends confusing signs.
He'll give me a hug and ignore me then later say i love you.
I don't know if hes just saying that or really means it.
I've been there for him with all his girlfriends and all the trouble he has been through and I've wanted to be with him the whole time knowing him and with his gf's he used to flirt with me a lot still but I never tried or did anything with him when he had girlfriends cause I'm not like that.
But everything is kinda confusing

Any advice? (link)
He had several girlfriends in 6 months? Doesn't sound like dating material to me, but maybe his feelings for you are true. You could try asking his girlfriends from the past 6 months if he ever said to them that he loves them.

And if you really love him, why not giving it a try? I mean, right now you don't have him, so there's not much to loose now is there? It will either work or it won't. If it won't work, you're not of worse than you are now. Okay it will hurt a little bit more than it does now, but what's life without taking some risks every now and then?

Hey! i have been dating this guy for about 14 months now and i thowt we were perfect for each other, we have a real honest and trust worthy relationship. But the other day i had a sex dream about this guy i dont find him attractive or ne thing i dont know why i had this dream. It makes me sick to my stomach when i think bout me and another guy, so when i told my boyfriend about this he wassent upset at all he was like well i had a sex dream about Stella, the thing is is that she hangs out with all of his friends and him and it makes me so mad that he could have a dream like that bout someone who he actually hangs out with, i never ever hung out with the dude who i had the dream about, I really dont know what to tell my self and i know he wassnet saying that to make me mad he really had that dream so please tell me how i should respond to this i dont know what to do!!! (link)
Dreams are dreams, they have nothing to do with what we do or want, they are completely weird. Science has no clue why dreams are the way they are. Dreams show stuff that's in our head at random, and connect different things in our head at random. If you dream about having sex with someone, it means nothing.
And every guy in the world has a dream about sex with another girl at some point in his life. It just happens wether we want it or not.

I have to tell you guys something. It's really frigging important. If you see a guy around and think he's hot (or even hott, whatever the fuck that means), you don't love him. If you talk to a girl and think shes way pretty and you had fleeting thoughts of marrying her, you don't love her. Even if you want to date her. Trust me on this. And if you've been going out with a boy for a month, unless you know him in and out, acknowledge his faults (that means accept them and know that they're faults and love him anyway, not saying "well gee, he's so cute that they aren't faults lol"), would willingly and happily die for them, you are not in love. If you'd rather fall asleep in his arms than have sex. If you want the absolute best for them, even if that best doesn't include you. If you'd rather get a soft, innocent peck on the lips than full frontal snogging, partially naked, and if you'd rather slow dance than screw, you're getting there. Lots of other crap too.

The word love is far too overused these days. Back in my day (seriously!), "I love you" was something to be cherished, not something you say three days into the relationship.

For example, I love Nevada. I would gladly die for it. In Heaven (or Hell, wherever I go) I would have no regrets. The faults I acknowledge are some of the residents and the city of Las Vegas. (I'm only half kidding) I'd battle for it and show the scars proudly. (I would also rather sleep with it than have sex with it, but that's because, well, you know. cactus. sharp rocks. mountains. coyotes.) If for some reason, Nevada would be better off without short fat chicks, I'd move to Wyoming or some Nevada-like state in a heartbeat. I'd even move to Maine if I had to.

But anyway. Crush =/= love. Like =/=love. Infatuation =/= love.

Anyone else irritated by this? (link)
No. It's just the way we young people talk. I think most people in general do realise the difference between love, like, crush and infatuation. The people who come here however don't always know that, because the people who come here have questions. We're struggling with life, trying to find out how it works.

Okay, I'm 16/F.

The guy I like goes to another high school in the area. Just to make this easier, we'll call him "Jack". In order to better explain this story, I'm going to have to add two more people, girls, who we'll call "Jess" and "Sue".

So, I met Jack at the end of 10th grade through friends, and I thought he was annoying and obnoxious, although I was attracted to him physically, and pretty much ignored him. What conversation we did have was short, since he was ignoring me, too. That night he also met Sue, and I could tell he was really into her, another reason that made me annoyed with him, since...well, I grew up with Sue, but she's much shorter than Jack, and she always gets the guy, and it bothered me that even though Jack annoyed me, and even though she's short, she managed to snag him as well.

Months went by and Jack and Sue did end up dating. Jack claimed to be in love with her, but they only went on a few dates before Sue became fed up with him. She gets bored easily, another reason why it angers me when the guys fall all over her, that and the fact that she's so snobby and high maintenance.

Anyway, Jess is another girl I grew up with, and she goes to school with Jack. One day this summer, she gave me Jack's IM out of the blue, and we started talking. I felt like we were really hitting it off. Jess had a party in August, and she didn't invite Jack at first. We were talking on IM the one day and I said I was going to Jess's party, and he immidiately IMed her and next thing I knew, he was invited. The night of the party, he only went because I did, or at least he spent a really long time waiting for me online to tell him I was going.

Jack and I continued to hit it off, and a few weeks later exchanged phone numbers. We tried to go out with friends a few times, but it didn't happen. By the time school started, I still liked Jack, but I wasn't thinking about him too much, until he called me at the end of September and we went out with friends.

Anyway, obviously it's been a few months since then. We started talking less and less after that night, although he seemed to like me and was flirting with me, and all sorts of things. I sat in the front seat of his car with him, he offered me his sweatshirt, and all sorts of things, but we just stopped talking often.

Jess doesn't like Jack, by the way. Or at least, she didn't. She really disliked him...almost hated him, even. I found that odd since he sits with him at lunch, apparantly, and ended up letting him come to her party. In October, Jess started to bring Jack up more and more around me. I was thinking maybe she liked him or knew I liked him. Finally she admitted that she liked him in 9th grade (we're in 11th now).

Jack and I have started talking again since I called him the other night, but I'm still trying to find out what to do. His winter dance is coming up and I really want to go, and Jess says she'll hook me up with someone if she can. She also keeps bringing up Jack wherever we go. I suppose I do as well, but when she does, she seems so...inquisitive, yet happy. I'm trying to figure out if she likes him again or if she just wants to know how I feel or what. Lately they've been getting along better, too.

I also want to know...what should I do about Jack? Should I tell him I like him, despite the fact that I have no clue how he feels, since we just started talking again? Should I tell one of our friends I like him, or even Jess?

Please let me know what you think! (link)
Jess seems inquisitive yet happy. Call it a long shot, but maybe she is both into him herself AND trying to figure out how you feel about him?

My advice is pretty short, don't let Jess hook you up but get hooked up yourself. Drop some hints to Jack, or just ask him to be your date. If you want something done you best do it yourself and not let friends do it for you.

ok so this is sooo and my bf *who we will call adam* have been goin out for about 2 months right? and everything is fine with us. but there is this girl *who is a freshman* and she's like, always around because...i dunno she just is. well i'll be kinda off and talkin with my best friend and i'll look over at "adam" and his best friend "jake" and that freshman is standing there looking at us, and as soon as we look over there, she starts trying to flirt with them both and then when she stops she glares at us. i'm thinkin *ok b***h, i'm already with "adam" and you're like 4 years younger than him, he's not interested so back off* and then when me and "adam" are holding hands or kiss or something she like, starts talkin to him about needing to do something like go to a concert or whatever and O MY GOSH it just makes me sooo mad!! she's not a threat to our relationship or anything, but i just wish i could find a way to get her to back off. this is also effecting my best friend because her and "adam's" best friend are hitting it off, and this stupid freshman makes it so that when she is around, they can't talk much. what do i do?

all of us are almost 18, and she's like...i dunno 14 or 15? (link)
Since you're all around 18, just tell her to get lost. In my time, we respected the seniors in our school, no, we were all scared like hell of them.

okay, so i'm one of those girls that has a lot of guy friends. Well, one of my guy friends likes me, but i don't like him. i've told him that, but he constantly hugs me, puts his arm around me, etc. i try to be nice and just shrug it off, but it keeps happening. And it'd just be awkward if i said something about it. What on earth do i do?

also, i went to a party that he and his friend went to, and his friend is one of my really good friends, and he and i hung out a lot, and the guy who likes me got a little ticked.

i really really just want him to not like me. it's too difficult! Any suggestions as to what i should do? (link)
Talk to him again, one on one, in person. Tell him that you're really not into him that way and just see him as a friend, and that him hugging you and putting an arm around you and stuff like that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable and ask him to stop doing that. Try to tell it in a nice way, but be clear about it.
If that doesn't work, just tell him to stop doing that when it happens. It might be awkward, but mostly awkward for him, and it is his own fault if he keeps doing it.
You can't unfortunately, make him not like you, but you can try to get him to not act on it.

Well I met this guy at the dog park. He's incredible, and we totally hit it off. Then, this afternoon, we made plans to meet again, and we did, and though we didn't talk as much (there were other people there we were talking to) I had an incredible time. He's one of my myspace friends, should I message him and tell him I had fun, or would that be wierd? Should I wait a while? How long should I wait to see if he wants to hang out again?

Also I'm 18 and he's 24, do you think he'll think I'm too young? Ah this is so crazy I'm so infatuated with him. (link)
You should have messaged him already ;)
And you shouldn't wait too long, the longer you wait the higher the chance he thinks you're not interested in him. Don't be too eager though. After you do something fun you can say something like "we should do this again sometime", and then see if he comes up with something, and if not you can ask him to hang out or whatever you want to do a day or two later.

so ive been in a couple of long relationships and have now been single for a while. i really want a boyfriend, or at least someone to focus my interests on. i haven't met anyone that i like in a loooong time and dont seem compatible with a lot of guys, or they don't seem interested in me if i could be interested in them. basically, there aren't even any POTENTIAL love interests for me. i haven't even grown up in the same town as these guys and i feel like there has to be SOMEONE out there. but how do i meet him? there have been a fewguys that like me but they are all weirdos and i dont like them. im not picky i just want a decent, nice guy. but i dont seem to know any but a couple and they are either taken or not interested. HELP! (link)
Your best shot at finding a date is meeting someone in a pub, club or at a concert. Just walk up to someone who you think might be a nice guy and have a conversation. Scarry? Yes, but most guys dig it when a girl makes the first move, trust me on this one.

ok well i was talking to my friend john nd i was like
(right now)
me: i dont look as good as i could
me: or should
John: i believe it

what is he trying to say? (link)
That he believes you. It's not very subtle of him, but you said so yourself. If you think you can look better by, I don't know, taking better care of yourself or spending more time on clothes, make-up, stuff like that, then why don't you? Even I try to look the best I can, and I'm a guy for crying out loud ;)

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