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Gender: Female
Location: Canada
Age: 25
Member Since: March 14, 2009
Answers: 41
Last Update: October 10, 2010
Visitors: 4449
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Me = 17/m
Her = 16/f
Dating = 3 yrs
I want to tell my girlfriend the truth about me cheating on her recently. There was this girl I knew all through school and she texted me one day and asked if I wanted to hang out. I feel so guilty because I was attracted to the girl for a long time but never acted on it before. I did meet up with her and lied to my gf about it, telling her I was going to go down the road and look for a job. I met up with the girl and I told her upfront I had a girl already. Things still happened and I KNOW I am to blame for this because I couldn't be a man and control myself right. We didn't have full sex but it was pretty close at one point before I was like "Hey, I can't do this" and all.
How do I come clean with my girl? I don't want to just be like "Hey, I cheated on you" because I really am hoping she'd forgive me and give me another shot at this. What do I say? How do I tell her I cheated? (link)
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I cannot tell you what to do.
But I will tell you that you are full of guilt right now. And the reason why you want to tell her is because you want to rid yourself of that guilt. But then when you tell her that you cheated, what do you think she will feel? Relieved? No. She will feel nothing else but cheated on. That is you transferring your guilt to her. Only now it's called betrayal. And there is nothing else more painful and devastating in this world than that.
So think about it.
You tell her and you relieve yourself of that guilt but she might leave you. Or do not tell her, she'll be with you but you will always feel guilty. Either way I think you are screwed.
You would just have to learn to deal with it.
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So this guy and I broke up and I still wanted him, but I guess he decided to just make me feel like he still wanted me instead of actually getting back together. I’ve been talking to him still and he’ll say things like “I’m waiting for you to be ready” and “I don’t want anybody but you” blah blah blah and calling and texting me saying he wants to see me. Well come to find out, he’s had a girlfriend this whole time. I found out from myspace, and I haven’t been on myspace in so long it’s so random that’s how I found out. I went to his profile and he had pictures of her everywhere. I almost threw up; I got that sick feeling you get when you realize you’ve just been deceived. Possibly even cheated on while you were with the person, but you don’t know for sure. And I couldn’t believe it. I just sat there with a stupid look on my face like how did I fall for that and why did I fall for him out of all people, I’m so stupid. The initial feeling was shock, which turned to a little bit of jealousy, and then it turned into hurt, pain and anguish. I held it in for as long as I could and I couldn’t help it anymore. I broke down and wept. My thoughts went back to everything I’d ever told him. I said I loved him, and I’ve never said that to a guy so it meant something to me. I told him I wanted him back. I said I wanted to see him too when he’d call me. He said he wouldn’t ever hurt me. I have horrible trust issues, but I let my guard down with him because I believed him. Coming to the realization that our relationship was nothing is extremely difficult. Cheating, lying and deception are pretty much among the worst things you can do to someone. It’s SO painful. Especially when the feelings are real. I’ve never been so hurt by a guy before. How do you move on? Do I just take it day by day? Everyone says to just get over it, but it’s hard. It’s way easier said than done. The logical side of me says it’ll get better with time and I’ll meet someone new and everything will eventually be okay. But the emotional side of me is stuck on it because I’m so hurt. I ended up confronting him about it, and he texted me this morning telling me I’m like everyone else on this planet and that I don’t get him at all. Just talking shit. And I told him I wasn’t mad because he has a new girlfriend (I mean, yeah, I’m jealous), I said I was pissed because he’s been leading me on this whole time he’s been with her. If he would’ve said “hey, I’ve moved on” etc., then it still would’ve hurt, but at least he would’ve been honest about it and I would’ve understood. And I stopped texting him so he said “I can’t love you if I don’t love myself”….. tell me if I’m wrong, but, isn’t that a copout? Like he’s trying to excuse what he did, maybe? I don’t know. But I would really appreciate any insight to my situation. How do I let him go? I’m so heartbroken from this, how do I recover? (link)
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He is an immature person. Brace yourself. Because what you are feeling will not go away easily. Do not pressure yourself into letting go. Sometimes when we just let things be then we realize what to do. This guy cheated on you and believe me when I say this, you will realize all of a sudden that he is a dumb jackass. There is no 'how' on falling for people. It just happens. And unfortunately, it so happened that you loved an immature person.
All throughout your life you will meet different kinds of guys. You will know from this experience on how you will deal with all the future guys you will meet. And then after you meet someone who can give you the love you deserve, you will look back on this time of your life and vaguely remember this stupid, immature boy.
And you will ask yourself,"Who was he again?"
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So my girlfriend and i have been dating for almost a year know and before now she had hung out with me a ton like almost everyday possible. I'm not saying thats all we did, we definately had some free time and hung out with our bros or girls. but just now she didn't hang out with me this whole week and like was like i'm just out don't worry. Then she called me and told me that she was hanging with these dudes who have been like wanting to hookup with her for like ever.. and i was like its whatever and she was like "well i mean i didn't want you to get upset cause i know you know that they think i'm really hott and stuff.. it was just so much fun like i felt so special cause they like just talked about how attractive i was and how they were obsessed with me! i know it sounds weird but i wanna hang with them a lot more i'm sorry if it interferes with us but like they make me feel so wanted.." like i feel like scared and what not like i dunnoo.. am i overreactinggg i feel like they are going to like take her and stuff... There has been other situations too but this is enough for now.
idk but it's been worrysome.. Thank you
(link)
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Talk to her seriously. Call her up and go someplace private and just talk things over. You might not like the answer but it's better than hanging around waiting for her. Or she might tell you what she really feels and that she only wants your attention. You don't have to begin the conversation by saying, "Let's break up". You can ask her calmly what seems to be the problem. It's not about blame or who's at fault. It's about dealing with whatever is going on and continuing from there. Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.
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So theres this guy I really like. He has a girlfriend though, but i cant just give up on him. We're friends but not really good ones. I like him a lot and he doesnt like me back. What should I do? What should I do to get him to like me? And by the way, he already knows I like him. (link)
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This is one situation you don't want to get into. He seems like he is happy with his girlfriend. There are other guys out there. Guys who would give you what you want. Guys who are single.
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I think I may have blown things with this guy. We dated for about 3 months and he lives in a different town anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes away, depending on traffic. It made it difficult to have a relationship since we couldn’t see each other, so I ended up breaking up with him. He had broken up with me once before, but only for like 3 days; he ended up driving his broken-ass car to come get me because he wanted me back. After that, the stress on our relationship continued anyway. He never really talked to me. I’m not clingy or possessive, so I’d never bother him like a crazy bitch, but it secretly drove me crazy that I’d go several days without hearing from him. Him not talking to me on a regular basis is why I ultimately decided to break up with him. I made several attempts to ask why, and what I could do to fix whatever I was doing “wrong”. It never went anywhere. After I broke up with him, I told him I still wanted to keep in touch so that maybe later on things would work out between us. I have insanely strong feelings for him. I’ve known him for about 3 years now, and I’ve always liked him and he’s always liked me too. So now that we’ve dated, my feelings have sky-rocketed pretty much. We’ve continued to talk, but I ended up wanting him back, and I told him a few days ago that I did. I did the whole throw-yourself-out-there technique that most movies portray, and it totally DID NOT work. All it did was push him away, and I even think it made me look a little “psycho”, if you know what I mean by that. I just wanted to tell him exactly how I felt in hopes that he’d be absolutely honest with me about what he thought about it. He said “you’re so dramatic”. It was just my way of revealing myself completely, and opening up because I’ve never felt like this about a guy and I’m so afraid of losing it. I feel like I’ll never find this feeling again. My past relationships have been so bad I’m trying to protect myself from things repeating. Maybe that’s a factor in the way I’ve been acting. So I waited a day or two after that to give him a break from me, and I apologized. I was totally genuine in what I said, I really meant it. I said “Can we start over? I’m really sorry for forcing my past experiences onto you. The way I’ve been acting lately isn’t like me at all, I just want a fresh new start” and he said “Let me think about it”. So I’m not going to talk to him at all. I don’t want to do anything to ruin my chances; I’m giving him all the space he needs to think about it and wait until, or IF, he talks to me. I wish he’d just tell me what’s going on in his head instead of one-word, or one-sentence answers; I hate that.
But be honest, from the information I’ve given have I blown it? Is he at least thinking about me, or considering my apology to some extent? I’m open in fixing in myself whatever need be fixed. I won’t change myself, but I want to better myself. If there’s anything I can do to change for the better and lose old baggage from past relationships so things can work with him, I’ll do it. No hesitation. I’m even okay with just being friends for now. I did say “start over” and I mean just that.
The suspense is driving me insane, please ease my suffering if you can.
(link)
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You said you want to be a better you. Letting him go and moving on is one way of making yourself better. He has baggage on his own and it seems that it would be better for you if you let him be. A guy did something for me too that made me think that he truly loves me. And yet he went on cheating on me. I think people, not just guys, do this momentary kindness because it makes them feel good about themselves. I admit I was like that too once. This guy if he truly wanted to be with you, he will do all he can to work it out with you. Im sorry to say this but it's the truth. You're not alone. You have friends and family. One of the things you can do is put on your best make up, your best clothes, go to the mall and just treat yourself. You deserve it. It might not seem possible right now, but you can be in love again. With someone who can love you and will cherish you. Good luck.
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16/f
So I like this guy. He's two years older than me. I'm a junior he graduated high school and will leave for college in a few months. We're pretty much best friends and pretty close. I usually see him about twice a week and I'm also best friends with his sister so I'm around him alot. He's into me also but we both know nothing could happen because of the age difference. I mean I know age is just a number but he's leaving so it's kinda a problem. So yeah, we have each others numbers and text every once in awhile and facebook. He starts the conversations most of the time. I do every once in awhile.
The thing is, I try to play it cool. He doesn't know I like him but I'm pretty sure he could tell I'm into him. He tells me I'm pretty, cute, good looking, ect alot and tries to boost my self esteem so he's a good friend and he's into me.
Well what I'm saying is I don't want to come off as clingy and all that. I want him to want to talk to me. I always want to talk to him, obviously, cause I like him, I mean I get he's not gonna be totally obsessive over me I just want to be somebody he wants to talk to, you know? So what are some things I can do and what I shouldn't do?
Also when are good times to talk to him and things to say? This guy is pretty protective over me, like a brother, so he always wants to know who I like and he talks about my ex alot. So that usually comes up in our convos. Sometimes he says he's jealous but you know. I just don't always want to talk to him whenever he's online. I want to know good times and you know like every other day or so?
Sorry this was long and maybe kinda confusing..but thanks! (link)
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I guess it is needless to say you like him more than you can admit to yourself. And I get that you want him to like you more too. As friends, you can always talk to him through facebook and texts even if he's gone off to college. But beyond that nobody knows but time. People give too much importance of knowing what to say or not. You said you like him, then what you are doing is perfect. You are being his friend. It might turn out that he would like you more than just a friend but until he admits it to you, the best thing you can do is be there for him and show him that you have his best interests at heart. I've noticed as I have grown older, being true is the most important thing. There are times that honesty will bring you heartache. So what if it does? If the person you showed your true feelings did not know how to appreciate it, then maybe that person is not worthy of you. My best advice to you is continue being his friend. Kindness goes a long way. Be careful and take care of yourself too. Do not forget that just because you are nice to him, it does not give him right to take advantage of you. Best of luck to you.
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Theres this guy I know,
He's really cute.
I would be supprissed if girls didnt go after him.
When I first saw him, I figgered he was one of those cocky
guys (Most cocky guys are good looking.. lol. ive noticed)
And I didnt Pay much attention to him at all.
Then he always looked at me and When I caught him starring he would look away. He would always try and talk to me and tap my shouler and try to make me laugh.
At first I thought he only acted this way beacuse I was paying no attention to him at all and he didnt like that.
But then he asked for my number and texted me right away.
We even began talking on the phone.. alot.
But Ive notcied, When we hang out with everyone else together he always gives the other girls hugs and things I dont know if he's "flirting" or jokeing around, but he told me he likes me, and I asked about those other girls and he said he likes them only as ffriends..
But how do i know he doesnt say the same thing to them?
Do guys do this to alot of girls or do you think he's telling the truth?
P.s- He one day really wanted to see me, came to my house,
and Held me in his arms while we played video games.. LOL XD
But how do I know he's not just a flirt? (link)
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He likes you. But before you think of the I-Love-You scenes, remember that you have only been together for a short while. So, it will take awhile before that can happen. Are you guys going out officially? I mean has he announced that he's your boyfriend? Because if he did not, then maybe that's the reason why he's very friendly with the other girls. So, the only way that you can clear this up is to ask him nicely not commandingly if you guys are an item. I think Guys and girls do flirt a lot. Guys just do it so openly though. We are subtle. As for knowing if he does the same thing to other girls,well that's where trust comes in. so for now, clear things up with him first. After that we'' see what happens. If you want, you can send me message to my inbox about it. Lots of luck!
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well i know it hasn't been too long since i last asked a for help on Advicenators but i figured since you're the only one whose giving my solid practical advice i'd turn to you... So when i mentioned that i went up to him and asked for random things i was referring to something that happened recently... I went up to him and pretended to need a paper clip and caught him off guard he was surprised being to busy focused on his work... and he smiled and said "i'll give you two instead!" (he works at the campus i go to) i said thank you and walked away... i was thinking of buying a bag or so of paper clips and returning the gesture... but i don't know how to do that... and what to say.... and i don't know if i'd embarrass him and myself in front of all the million people that come and go and linger in front of his desk.. he doesn't look at me when he's with someone... and i could understand because i don't look at him when i am with someone... what should i do????
i know i should be patient but i hate these little interactions which makes you feel good but gets you no where! he's not acting and its making me anxious... i don't feel like i have what it takes to get a man coming my way!! (link)
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Well you are right.. you answered your own question. Just in case you want to know my answer, I agree with you. you might be giving too much attention to this situation when in reality you should not have. it's only making you confused and frustrated. if the guy really likes you, sooner or later he will seek you out even if you are not there anymore. it could be he's just shy or busy or whatever. You have other things to do as you said. so go do them. It doesn't hurt to mingle with other people. You don't have to wait and wait for him. Just let things be. and you'll see everything will be okay. and by the way, i enjoyed answering your questions so thank you too.
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I'm dating a man I've known for several years and always been quitet fond of. We were friends first and are compatible on many levels, and we recently slept together. Afterwards he told me he thought of me more as a "friend with benefits." Meanwhile, I'm in love. To put it simply:
Women: compatibility + attraction = love
Men: compatibility + attraction = FWB
compatibility + attraction + X = love
I don't understand what's missing. What is "X"? (link)
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Sometimes even if we have known a man for a long time, it does not mean everything will go smoothly when he becomes our man. You are in love with him but he thinks of you only as a friend. You can choose. You can stay and wait for him to finally think of you as "someone he loves" or you can let him go and just continue with your friendship minus the sex. Before you choose the first one, ask yourself though, are you willing to wait? what if he never loves you back? You see, whether you stay or not, if he will fall in love with you, he will. Think about this for awhile.
And as for your question, I think-
compatibility + attraction + right person = love.
Best of luck.
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please dont judge me.. but i have a boyfriend and i care about him soooo much. the problem is before we were official i was getting some from this guy i also kinda liked but it would never work for us to date. and we had txt sex pretty often. i went official with my bf but ive still been having some txt sex with the other guy. i feel SOO bad and after trying to stop but getting pulled back in i finally said NO MORE. if i told him hed hate me and dump me and it would break my heart. weve only been dating so far for 2 weeks and we see so much potential i couldnt have that happen. the reason i did is because he and i r pretty conservative and idk the guy would txt me late at night and be all horny and so was i. but now im sitting here crying feeling so awful. what should i do? please help me. and please dont judge. please..it hurts enough. but i kno i dont deserve him. :( (link)
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This is up to you. You have only been with your boyfriend for two weeks. You're still trying to get to know each other and sometimes it will bore you. You said that your bf is pretty conservative. That is actually good on your part. Because it means he's not taking you for granted. Sure, it is frustrating especially when you're in the moment and he pulls away, but in the long run it is actually okay.
If you really care about him, do not expect things all at the same time. The best relationships are not started in one night only. I know that a part of you longs to tell him about your escapade. But if you do, you would only be pouring your guilt to him. I think that would only worsen things because your admission would make you feel better but it would break his heart. It will not do any good.
So, be strong and stop texting the other guy. And when you do that, chalk him up to your list of "Never-agains" and go back to your boyfriend whom you can put to your list of "Forever and Evers" Best of luck!
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so, i had sex for the first time ever last month and i thought the person that i had it with would be with me forever.. but he broke up with me, and now we don't talk. do you think i was a booty call? it hurts cuz it was special to me, ya know? what do i do? i'm so heartbroken, i don't know what to do. (link)
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I know he was special to you and he should not have done that. But it already happened and there is nothing you can do to change that. What you can and need to do now is to move on. Relationships always will bring joy and pain. Nothing is perfect in this world. What needs to be done is to savor the good and move past the bad. This may not seem easy right now, but you will get over him. Wounds, whether emotional or physical, no matter how deep will always fight to heal. And when you are older, you will remember this stupid, insensitive guy who once broke your heart but didn't crush your soul. And you will realize, you are so much better without him. Good luck.
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French exchange students have been staying at my school this week, and, of course, I am having a bit of a "thing" with a French boy. However, today he told me some long story about him falling in love with an American exchange student for a week when she came to France last year. So he gives me some bullshit about how he does not want to go back to France and miss me. Is there any possible way I can get him to change his mind? (link)
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I wish I could say one magical thing you could do to make him stay. Unfortunately, I think you're expecting too much of him. He has his life in France. I know you might feel your situation with him is like those we see in movies. But in reality, it is quite hard to leave your life behind. Try to enjoy his company for now. If he stays with you (it may be unlikely but never impossible), then you're one of the luckiest girls I know, but if he does not, let him go and savor the good memories you've had with him.
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Alright. This might seem like a strange scenario. I was at my friend's cottage with 11 other friends last week over March Break. So there was needless to say drinking involved. During the first two nights i could catch the feeling that my long time friend Kurt was hitting on me, and I liked it. So we flirted back and forth. Well the third night we ened up making out then doing stuff (fingering,blow job) but again we were both drunk. Then the night after that we again did those things (for lack of condoms) and he ened up coming in in a few hours later to say goodnight and ending up sleeping in my bed. And we did things again the 3rd night, this time we were both sober (well me more or less) and we decided we'd be sex buddies.
Since we got back we haven't really spoken, I know my reason is because I'm nervous. But he did add me on msn which I saw as a symbol to mean that he wants to talk.
So my question is, should I be trying to get him alone and talk to him or will that be coming on too strong. Or just forget and chalk in up to a fling? (even though I don't want a relationship, just more flings.) (link)
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Do you really want him just for the sex alone? Because it seems to me you're worrying too much about him for it to be only a fling. You see, if you continue this, you might just fall for him since you have been friends for a long time. If you are ready to take the risk, then go for him. But if you are not, then let him go and just continue to be his friend.
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15/f
I have never made out with a guy before and i really want to. The thing is, i dont know how.
I know that me and my boyrfriend will be using tounge but what do you do? Do you start out as a regular kiss? Then do i put my tongue in his mouth first or him? What do i do when he puts his tongue in my mouth? I need steps please. I need to know exactly how to do it and what i do with my tongue and when he puts his tongue in my mouth. What do i do? Please help. (link)
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Do not worry about the kissing. Your boyfriend will know what to do. And you can just follow him. I don't want to be a "killjoy", but be careful okay? You never can know what might happen.
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So I got myself in this guy's radar... he looks i look he smiles i smile. I do things to surprise him all the time (like ask him for something when he least expects it, and savor his reaction and his gaze long after i've walked away) we never had a conversation before, and i don't want to be the one who starts one because i am really shy when it comes to talking (i don't mind flirting though! in a none direct way) I guess he's sort of shy too because all he seems to be doing (AFTER WHAT SEEMED LIKE AGES TO ME!) is walk past raise his brows and smile or sort of wink. at first when i was a little subtler he froze when he saw me and turned around turned back and wasn't too sure of what he's doing... he's getting a bit more confident. but again it took me a while and i had to be constantly around... I don't want to be desperate by being around all the time, but i don't want to disappear and make it look like a i don't care or just messing around... how long is too long to be away? I know if i stay around a lot I'll look desperate... we don't bump into each other anywhere else but here.. and i only go when i have work to do... am I on the right track? (link)
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Why don't you try both? Be around but ignore him and then disappear for a few days. If that does not make him go running after you, then maybe you really have to face the reality that he does not like you as much as you want him to. But if that's the case, don't fret about it. He's only one guy. You have lots and lots of opportunities to meet others. Tell me how it goes alright? Good luck!
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