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Did I blow it?
I think I may have blown things with this guy. We dated for about 3 months and he lives in a different town anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes away, depending on traffic. It made it difficult to have a relationship since we couldn’t see each other, so I ended up breaking up with him. He had broken up with me once before, but only for like 3 days; he ended up driving his broken-ass car to come get me because he wanted me back. After that, the stress on our relationship continued anyway. He never really talked to me. I’m not clingy or possessive, so I’d never bother him like a crazy bitch, but it secretly drove me crazy that I’d go several days without hearing from him. Him not talking to me on a regular basis is why I ultimately decided to break up with him. I made several attempts to ask why, and what I could do to fix whatever I was doing “wrong”. It never went anywhere. After I broke up with him, I told him I still wanted to keep in touch so that maybe later on things would work out between us. I have insanely strong feelings for him. I’ve known him for about 3 years now, and I’ve always liked him and he’s always liked me too. So now that we’ve dated, my feelings have sky-rocketed pretty much. We’ve continued to talk, but I ended up wanting him back, and I told him a few days ago that I did. I did the whole throw-yourself-out-there technique that most movies portray, and it totally DID NOT work. All it did was push him away, and I even think it made me look a little “psycho”, if you know what I mean by that. I just wanted to tell him exactly how I felt in hopes that he’d be absolutely honest with me about what he thought about it. He said “you’re so dramatic”. It was just my way of revealing myself completely, and opening up because I’ve never felt like this about a guy and I’m so afraid of losing it. I feel like I’ll never find this feeling again. My past relationships have been so bad I’m trying to protect myself from things repeating. Maybe that’s a factor in the way I’ve been acting. So I waited a day or two after that to give him a break from me, and I apologized. I was totally genuine in what I said, I really meant it. I said “Can we start over? I’m really sorry for forcing my past experiences onto you. The way I’ve been acting lately isn’t like me at all, I just want a fresh new start” and he said “Let me think about it”. So I’m not going to talk to him at all. I don’t want to do anything to ruin my chances; I’m giving him all the space he needs to think about it and wait until, or IF, he talks to me. I wish he’d just tell me what’s going on in his head instead of one-word, or one-sentence answers; I hate that.
But be honest, from the information I’ve given have I blown it? Is he at least thinking about me, or considering my apology to some extent? I’m open in fixing in myself whatever need be fixed. I won’t change myself, but I want to better myself. If there’s anything I can do to change for the better and lose old baggage from past relationships so things can work with him, I’ll do it. No hesitation. I’m even okay with just being friends for now. I did say “start over” and I mean just that.
The suspense is driving me insane, please ease my suffering if you can.
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There are several different things you can do here. It's all your choice though. I've had this kind of problem with a guy before too, I gave him space but it never went anywhere. I decided to not text him or anything and let him text me when he was ready. I felt really pathetic cause I felt like I was waiting around for him. Really bad idea. Don't do that because if he doesn't come around, then you just feel really down and like you wasted your time on nothing.
My own personal opinion is to move on from this guy. Which I know will be really hard but I'm pretty sure you can do it.
You can message him if you want but if you're already feeling like you're pushing him away, you don't want to do it more right? You might just feel upset after you do it if he doesn't respond the way you want him to.
I honestly don't think you have blown it completely. You don't sound obsessive or anything. I'm pretty sure he thinks about you and could be considering your apology. I don't know the guy so I wouldn't know what's up with him.
So my advice is move on or at least don't wait around for him. You already told him that you want to start over. You did your part, you said your apology. It's his turn now. So whatever happens should be for the best. I doubt he will be the only guy you'd have strong feelings for. Don't worry about that.
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You said you want to be a better you. Letting him go and moving on is one way of making yourself better. He has baggage on his own and it seems that it would be better for you if you let him be. A guy did something for me too that made me think that he truly loves me. And yet he went on cheating on me. I think people, not just guys, do this momentary kindness because it makes them feel good about themselves. I admit I was like that too once. This guy if he truly wanted to be with you, he will do all he can to work it out with you. Im sorry to say this but it's the truth. You're not alone. You have friends and family. One of the things you can do is put on your best make up, your best clothes, go to the mall and just treat yourself. You deserve it. It might not seem possible right now, but you can be in love again. With someone who can love you and will cherish you. Good luck.
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