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December 1, 2010Answers:
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about
I am straight to the point, My advice is given based on my opinions of what YOU write. I may not always tell you what you want to hear but I am not here to sugar coat shit.
I am honest, I am blunt, At times an asshole but one thing I can promise, I'll never lie.
advice
I moved to a new town when my hubby deployed, and I couldn't sleep without him. I dreamed of being held and snuggled, and I told him I wished I had a gf (I wouldn't risk another man). I'd had girl-girl make outs in college, but I love men, my husband above all.
He began scouring dating sites to find a woman for me to have sex with, talking to them online daily posed as me. The attentions he gave these women made me jealous, and he wouldn't talk about anything else... until he suggested a second man for double penetration, which sounds like something I'd wish on my worst enemy. I figured it was the desert talking, that when he actually got back and got laid again he'd settle down-and he has, mostly.
He just went to a bachelor party with strippers the first night and prostitutes the next, he walked out on the 2nd (he's faithful, these extra people in his fantaies are for touching me only, he says). I complained abt the party, so he hoped to make it up to me by hiring a prostitute to pleasure me (ethical and hygienic no-go, IMO, plus huge waste of $). He started getting pushy about it and saying I should do it for him, since I came up with the idea, and now he can't help thinking about it nonstop, that I'm denying myself some superior 3-way pleasure ~ backward responses to rectifying the things I didn't like about that party: sex workers, disrespect of monogamy, etc. He steers every conversation to it, or another man, giving me the silent treatment when I say I'm not interested. He usually talks things out like a champ. My fear was that being around guys/behavior like that party made him lose respect for me, that it's ok to do whatever he wants and my feelings don't matter. I hope it's the fact that he is just extremely stressed at work that's driving this again.
Please tell me how to get him to stop pressuring me to give in to these scary fantasies and to start respecting my boundaries and desires. I want him to keep telling me his mind, and I don't mind him having the fantasies (though I wish they were a little variable and not just all of the same the filthiest porns), but I don't want any real life person encroaching on us. I don't want to be intimate at all with anyone but my husband.
This may not be what you want to here..
I wouldn't risk a marriage over a fantasy. Although he encourages and gives permission to do so, I always said adding someone to your personal life is disastrous. A marriage should be about two people and two people only. Why is your husband looking on a dating site for you? Although I am completely against it, Why couldn't you look?... I think what could possibly happen is that your husband may find he is beginning to bond with another woman.
Why can't you just have friends? You could volunteer with animals or children who love hugs. Why do you feel the need to have an affair?
If your husband is pressuring you then you need to tell him to back off and respect you. Let him know you are not comfortable talking about the subject and to please drop it.
(Rating: 3) I agree with the general principles and warnings Zane gave. There were two major things that were misunderstood, which will help me clarify my thoughts when communicating with my husband, but to be clear, I'm not the one who wants the 3rd party in real life, I just told him I was lonely, AND I don't want him to feel like he can't tell me things, I just want him to respect that I don't want to do them.