Comrade's advice column

Growing up, the cornerstone of my being and identity was thus: Do good, and good things will happen.
I'm a religious guy, and I always, always, do what I think is right.
Up until 7 years ago, no matter what happened or whatever came my way, I stood my ground and persisted.
Then I met a person, who I thought I could trust and trusted me. And this person, in time, wronged me in response to me doing what I thought was right. And in the process, they tore the foundation of my self-belief down, and made me out to be essentially a bad, horrible man.
Traditionally, it's been my experience that karma, or justice, always does its thing. But in this case, there was no vindication for me.
I've recently checked in on said person who wronged me through the wonder of blogs, and discovered that while I'm a graduate who is jobless, love life on the rocks, and his dreams increasingly out of reach, they are happy in their love life, have a good job, and everything is going their way.
While I've been trying to still live like a good person, this person who is selfish and cruel is happy, while I'm still second-guessing the motivation behind every good thing I do.
I'm not asking how to get my self-belief in karma back. I've accepted that nothing I do is going to change my life to a happy one, even if I remain a good man (in my mind at least). All I want to know is, where do I go from here now that I know that being a horrible person apparently gets you happiness and being nice leaves you hating yourself?

I'm going to try to keep my answer as religion-neutral as possible.

A wise man once imparted three truths about life to me: "Life isn't fair. Life is hard. Life is a choice."

I, like you, always do what I think is the right thing. However, where we differ is that you seem to do good because of the promise that good things will come in return. It doesn't always work that way. Life isn't always fair. In a perfect world, maybe, but not the world we live in. This in itself is no reason to abandon hope, or the things you stand for and believe it. Sometimes you get the stick, and other times you get the carrot. If this truth alone is enough to dissuade you from doing good in the world, are you truely doing good, or simply accepting a percieved form of bribery from the universe? Do good for the sake of doing good, and to hell with what you get (or don't get) in return.

Life is hard, and you're experiencing this first-hand. You may find some comfort in that, at least in some point in their life, everyone has problems, and some people have problems bigger than yours. I don't think I need to expand on this any more, so I'll leave it at that.

So, to answer your question: In the same way that it's your choice to accept that being a bad person makes you happy and being a good person makes you miserable, it's your choice on where you go from here. A different, unrelated wise man once told me "Tell me where you start out, and I'll tell you where you end up". From your current outlook, it seems to me that you're going to spiral downward into a life of cruelty and selfishness because of the apperant lack of consequences. However, life is a choice, and if you wish to change that, it's well within your power to do so. If you change your outlook, your future will change accordingly. If you change where you "start out", where you "end up" will change accordingly.

Life isn't fair. Life is hard. Life is a choice.

Also, keep in mind that not everything you read on the internet is true, and people lie (especially about themselves) quite often. If it makes you feel any better, chances are things aren't going as well for your "friend" as he or she would like you to believe.

Lastly, changing your beliefs isn't nessessarily the end of the world, and is quite common as people grow older, mature, and see more of the world. Judging from the maturity of your question, it's safe to assume that you're not one of the 13 year old girls that usually ask questions on this website, but maturity can happen at any age, and at any point in your lifetime. What I'm trying to say is, don't always fear change. It usually leaves you some place ultimately better than where you began. After all, the ability to grow and adapt is part of what helps make us human.

[view]

(Rating: 4) Thanks. I probably should have clarified that the misdeed done against me was both a betrayal, and a smearking of my good name. And it's still has me stigmatized in some circles, despite the untruth of it.
The truth is, I always loved just doing the right thing. It made me feel good. But it's the lack of comeuppance delivered at said bad person that makes me wonder sometimes.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>