I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26929
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I usually don't like to ask others for help, but if it's anyone, I'd probably choose you--your advice seems very helpful.
My best friend and I used to be inseperable, and then this year she got a boyfriend, and she's become a tad.. colder. Things that wouldn't have bothered her normally like us dressing similarly, me acting a certain way, etc., seem to come off as very hostile when she talks about them. I hate that we've grown apart, but it kind of gets worse.
Her boyfriend, who I used to be VERY close with, has become a very cold person as well. A few months back, he tried to talk to me about something that I apparently needed to change with my dating life (I'd been making dumb decisions about the guys I was dating--only two guys, nothing horrible), and I guess in his mind, I blew him off, so he got angry. So, in studyhall last week, he pulled out a list he (and possibly my 'best friend', I'm not sure if she was involved, because she's said nothing) composed, as to why I'm a "preppy skank". It was composed with twenty-six reasons, including most of the mistakes I've made this year, and things I tend to do that come off as 'skanky'. (For example, I 'flirt' with guys I have no intent of dating, and wear slightly revealing shirts). He completed his list with a humungous list of fables and claimed he had to do it this way because I 'wouldn't listen' last time, and this would make me listen.
I actually sat there and cried--I never let people see me cry. It was so embarassing, and it took me everything I had to not walk out of that room and tear the sheet up, to be honest. As this was going on, he continued to list reasons. A friend of both of ours even sat there, saying they weren't true, and trying to bring humor into the situation, and the boyfriend continued to insist it was all true and say how I've become a 'bitch' and a 'skank' lately. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it besides two of my best guy friends, because he claimed I was ignoring him then, too, and it'd be hypocritical if I went and ranted to others. (I only didn't speak, because most of his reasons were, in fact, hypocritical in themselves, and I was crying, so..)
I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go from here, really. I've been avoiding him, and things have remained the same with my best friend. But ugh. It bothers me, most of the list was utter bull, and even the things that were true.. it bothers me. I've been so tempted to write a whole contradictory list back.
Sorry this has been so long. (link)
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It's hard when a "friend starts to show their true colors isn't it? Change does funny things doesn't it? There are so many truths that can come out of this, but only one I really want to talk about, but who knows, maybe that will change as I write.
I speak a lot about control in my letters to people and who you give that control to. Are you going to give that up to your friends? Are you going to let what your fiends say and do decide who and what you are? If you are, it's going to be real confusing, because everyone has a different idea as to who and what you should be. One of the most important things in life is to be who you want to be, you have to live with yourself 24/7. You have to look in the mirror and like what you see.
Never put up with someone who tries to make you be something you are not and never read anything someone writes you that tells you who to be. The instant you realized that that was what the letter was about, you should have stopped reading it and gave it back to him. You are not interested in dictators that would have you be who they want you to be.
Your relationships with both of these people are over. Understand I am not telling you what to do, but rather stating fact. They FEEL they are above you, don't ever hang with people that feel they are better then you. We are all human beings and deserve respect for that. Those who think they are above you are delusional, it's call it a god complex. We are all at different stages in life, but none is better then the other, just different.
Stick with people who accept you for you and any friend who will sit by and let their boy friend tear you apart, I would question whether she is really a friend.
You honor me with your trust and words and I would be honored to be your friend. Settle for nothing less, expect nothing less from yourself and from others. Who you are is precious, don't leave that to someone else.
Hugs my dear, think about what I have said for awhile, then write me again, questions or no questions, write me.
With love,
Gilbert Mar
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i kinda prefer women who are actually on the pill to answer please
how does the pill work? what exactly goes on in there that makes you not get pregnant?
and how long do you have to wait until it actually starts working?
i've also heard that it can make you gain weight, improve your skin or make it worse, and make you not want to have sex. is that true? has that happened to you?
thanks! (link)
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I am not a girl, but you should dig and find out the truth about the pill. Much of what came before is true, the pill tricks a womens body into thinking it is pregnant. The body starts producing the hormones that are used to protect during pregnancy. One of the things the body does is create a natural spermicide to kill sperm. The other side effects you speak of are real and much more.
The hormones that are produced, to be quite frank, can cause a women to be a bitch. This is why they're mood changes from that sweet girl you once knew, to a raving lunatic. (If this happens, the girl should tell her doctor, another form of the pill may work better in that regard.)
I've come to the realization though, that when your lady is being a bitch and she is on the pill, say "Thank you". You're confused, I can see it on your faces, but when she asks, "What the hell are you thanking me for?" You say, "for allowing me to ride bare back", (not having to wear a condom). Explain to her that you know that her moods are often caused by the pill and that you appreciate her for taking the pill for the both of you.
Sometimes that is all it takes, recognition can do a lot to make things better.
And yes, it has happened to me, STOP LAUGHING. I have lived this right along with my wife. She was on the pill for about ten years, (the length they warn you to stay under. Think about that all you girls going on the pill at 14 and 15. You should, for your own health go off the pill at 24, or 25 then, how are you and your husband going to like using rubbers for love making? Don't give me this, well there will be something else by then crap either, there has not been a viable option for the pill in over 30 years.) I have had three kids and I experienced it all right along with her, except witnessing the birth, eww, no way.
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An ex-boyfriend who I dated for 2 months when I was 15 is STILL trying to contact me.
It wasn't even a real relationship. There were a few kisses, but nothing sexual and no "I Love You's". But I WAS his first girlfriend so I can kind of see why, but we all kind of know he is still in love with me.
He has tried a few times to contact me through my friend online, saying that he just wants to be friends again. Truth is, I always forget that I ever went out with him and that he even exists. It was such a long time ago (about four years) and never a big deal to me.
I have no interest in speaking to him again. That was YEARS ago and we're not the same people. I don't hold anything against him, we didn't even have anything in common!, but he really creeps me out.
What should I write back to him to set him straight? I don't want to sound like a bitch but I want to make my point. I kind of want him to know that he didn't really mean anything to me and that he should quit being so heartbroken about it and just drop it.
Also, is this something I should tell my boyfriend about?
I probably never mentioned this guy to him, but my boyfriend might be pissed about it. Nevermind, I probably won't tell him if it's not that big of a deal.
Thank you in advance!! (link)
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How revealing, the one person you should be able to ask advice on this and you don't feel you can, ah, but he's not the topic, or is he?
Your already doing what you should, ignore it and if that doesn't work, don't be mean. Simply tell him, "I have no room in my life right now to build another friendship, I'm sorry, it's been nice hearing from you though." The longer you ignore him, the more he will believe you don't have the time for a new friend.
Best of luck
P.S. I don't understand why everything has to be confrontation with your generation. Maybe you can explain that to me.
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i never go to parties because i don't drink. i know it's possible to go and not drink, but the problem is i hate being around drunk people. plus it's virtually impossible in college for me to find a party where there isn't drinking.
it's so different when you ARE drunk then when you're just observing. when you're drunk, it's all fun and games, but when you're observing, people just get stupid and annoying.
anyways, how do i go about this problem? because i really wanna get out more but i don't like drinking. (link)
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Hey, a kindred spirit. I don't like drunks either, think most sober people don't. Use to be women went to college to find a husband and would drop out when they did. Now, women go to college and actually graduate. I can't help but think, is this the reason and if it is, this is a great plus to it.
I know this is kind of contradicting, but don't rule out all bars, parties yes, look for guys that are not drinking to get drunk. I must give a plug to churches, if you attend one, that's where I met my wife way back when. Watch for community events and find some friends that are slightly out of college age, or are just not going to college. Married friends are great, they often know guys who are not, but don't actively have then seek for you, you'll meet them sooner or later.
We often find what we are looking for, when we are not looking for it.
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well today i told my boyfriend that i had sex with another guy back in december when i cheated on him and he called me a slut but then he was the one who had like 25 girlfriends and slept with all of them i feel really bad for sleeping with the person i cheated with. am i a slut or did he make a bad judgement (link)
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Labels are used in anger, they are used to manipulate and as titles, which one is this. You are taking it as a title, you want to wear it, go right a head. Go get yourself one of those greeting stickers that says, "Hi my name is", then in black magic marker write in big bold letters, "WHORE".
Ya, you can tell how serious I take labels can't you?
It is not what other people think you are. It is not even what you think yourself to be. You are what your actions reveal you to be.
He thinks that one act of sex makes you a whore, you are unsure, let's get to the real test, did your actions reveal you as one? First question, did you take money for the act? I don't know the answer to that. Two, do you do this as a regular thing and not care who it is you do it with? Not according to what you have stated. Three, do you actively walk the streets at night looking for sex partners? Again, I can't answer this one either.
So, you got one out of the three question answered, so for me it's up in the air, you have not given me enough information to decide this one.
The only thing I see here is a guy who doesn't care enough about you to help you explore why you did this, he would rather call you a name and leave. Have you learned enough about this guy to know if he is right guy for you yet?
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Is it normal to be depressed about not knowing your purpose in life? Depressed like it randomly puts you in a not so great mood and you walk around feeling sad.. not suicidal or anything. Also, any suggestions how to come out of this mood of constant unhappiness? (link)
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Purpose, the age old question, why am I here? To learn and grow. Is it that simple, no, but it's where you start. The Human Being is a combining of two things, the Human animal and the spiritual Being. The purpose in life is to let the spirit lead and control in order to grow stronger.
Don't mistake depression for your need to reflect on the hard questions in life and don't let things like this determine how you treat others. Many people get yelled at, then turn and yell at the next person to come along. That person has just given their control to someone else, why would you want to do that?
Act upon a situation, not react. You are reacting to thoughts going through your head and allowing that to control what you do and they are totally unrelated to your actions. Act upon each situation separate from your pondering of life's questions.
I have given you the place to start, let your life and your spirit teach you the rest.
Your response to me was:
Being upset doesn't mean treating others poorly. Otherwise, good advice.
Now the 3 rating doesn't bother me, I don't care about ratings, but where the heck does this response come from. I never advised you, or suggested that you should treat others poorly, I advised you to not treat others poorly just because someone else does something to you, or that your confused about thoughts running through your head. You should read my post again and stop taking me out of context.
Now if you were trying to say I implied that you are, I was not, but I guess I could see a place where you might have taken it that way, but it is not what your response says to me. When I talked about reacting, that was to say that you are reacting to your thoughts negatively causing you to act differently, change your mood and make you sad and this can lead to you treating others improperly, maybe I didn't explain that properly. I'm sorry I wasn't clear enough for you. I'm sorry if that sounds like I have an attitude, but it is not meant to sound that way, just my bluntness showing again.
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im going to the movies with the guy i like. its not really a date. me and my bedt friend were like hey we should hang so we decided on the movies. but we both like each other and we know it. and we both have been saying we need to hang. and im not really suure on what to wear. i dont want to look like a whore. or look like a 12 year old girl. im 16 if tht helps. some ideas would be great. and tips for anything as in flirting and dating.
mch aprreciated and love.
:] (link)
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Be yourself, wear what you like, don't dress to impress, dress to express, (who you are that is). It's real important not to give people, (even more important when it's a love interest), not to give them the wrong impression of who you are. People must like you for who you are, for things to be real and you want real don't you?
Don't reveal to much of yourself, always give people time to soak it all in. Young people often put to much emphasis on feelings. "Do you like me, I like you", etc... stay clear of the obvious. He knows you like him and you know that too, your going out together. Take time in the matters of the heart, get to know how each other thinks, that is much more important. That is what you need to like if you two have any kind of future.
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What does it mean when someone says "you're creating an other"?
During debates, my teaher almost always finds a way to say "you guys are creating an other", or sometimes when she says something, a few students will say something along the lines of "uh oh, you're creating an other."
An example of when she said it to me...
We have to do movie talks and book talks in class sometimes. She was letting us pick our movies and I mentioned doing The Ringer [about a guy who pretends to have a mental handicap in order to be in the special olympics to win money in a bet...]
Anyway, she said I would probably end up "creating an other".
It drives me crazy not knowing its exact meaning. Yes, I've googled the phrase. Yes, I've used Urban Dictionary. No, I have not found anything. Yes, I've asked her [my teacher], and she said she has already explained it before.
Now I'm relying on YOU, the people of Advicenators, to help me keep my sanity and learn what exactly 'creating an other' means. (link)
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You know what, I'm 48 years old and I'm not sure what she's talking about, there are multiple answers for that. She is a teacher and she is a poor one, what a lame excuse for not telling you what she means by something that is clearly a made up phrase, (and you can tell her I told you so). You can tell her where to find me too. Taking such a high brow attitude to a student is absolutely inexcusable behavior. If she doesn't want to be repeating herself, tell her to get the hell out of teaching.
(Better yet, print this whole message and give it to her.)
Get out of teaching MS., if you are not willing to teach.
Second reply:
Your defense of her is admirable, but misplaced. A teacher teaches, that is what they do. I come from a family of teachers and any teacher that will not answer a question put to them honestly is not a teacher. Read my column, count how many times I repeat myself, then tell me she's an awesome teacher. Teaching is about repetition and reaching people, not pushing them away and making them feel stupid.
I know you can't see this now, but you will. Many teachers teach, because they never grew up themselves. They can't give up the school age mentality and they are addicted to it. They become teachers, because they want to continue acting out their childhood. The thing about it is, they finally get to be the center of attention in school, maybe they always were and don't want to give that up.
Her statement to you wreaks of this, like a stuck up little school girl keeping her secrets and saying, "I'm better then you are." She needs to come back to earth and talk so that everyone can understand what she says, not the select few who know her secret code.
I really mean it, give her a copy of this, I dare you, I want to show you her reaction to this. Watch her attack and call me names, for that is what she knows, how to make people feel small, not lift them up with knowledge.
Follow up,
I appreciate the extra thought you are obviously giving my feed back and I know it was not answering your question and I would have preferred you not treat it as such. I am hard on those who teach and have no tolerance for those who don't understand what they do. The average person remembers only about 10% of what they are taught in any given sitting. If this is below your tolerance as a teacher, you shouldn't teach, because all you will end up doing is discouraging great minds instead of building them. Please remind your teacher of this.
I hope you will carry these words with you into your future in building minds, it is the most important thing you can do in life, or the worst thing you can do. It's yours to choose, do it wisely.
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I'm a freshman and I broke up with my boyfriend, now I realize that that was a very stupid move because I still like him. We are friends right now but I want to be more then friends. Another problem that I'm facing is that my mom doesn't want me to date anyone at all anymore. What should I do? Any advice would be helpfull. (link)
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Wanting it to be as it was is part of the grieving process when we mourn a loss. Don't always jump to tell people how you feel, a lot of people think that, that is the way we should always solve things, not true my dear.
A lot of problems come when we open our mouths before engaging our brains. Use what you have, figure these questions out before you say something you will regret before you have an "Oh ya" moment. (Oh, ya, that's why I broke it off with him.)
People get into trouble just jumping into things, What is your hurry young child? You will miss life at such a pace.
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Well until a few years back i used to be a deep thinker...I was amazed when i read my old journals because i couldnt belive how i've lost contact with myself these days...there is so much stress around me...i used to write brilliant poetry before... but now when i write poems they sound lame... i wanna be the same deep and articulate person that i was...how??
f/19 (link)
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I Am I Was
I don't know who I was anymore only who I am. I see clearly what you were, shame on me for changing that when I am so thankful for what you made me.
I hear so often how short life is, yet, I feel its length. I have lived two lives within the span of one, what I was and what I am. I have been lifted up by your truth, your innocence and benefited in your pain. Your simplest beauty seen deep within your eyes, so often hidden by humility and lies, once told twice believed. Your brilliance seen by oh too many few, clearly seen in photographs, most forgotten, I recognize now.
Could I give it back or must it remain wrapped within the confines of my mind? Such a gift given should not be taken. This life I live in recognition, in remembrance, in shame for what I have taken hoping well to give enough in return, knowing too well, two lives to be not enough to give what I have taken.
Rick Gilbertson
Depth comes from thinking about what is important, not, "how will I fix my hair today", or, "where will I apply for a job today."
If you're thinking about, "what do I want to do with my life", or, "what is life about". that requires you to think deep thoughts.
Believe it or not, but when I was your age, I couldn't write a poem to save my life, (some would say I still can't), it wasn't until I set my spirit free and my wife had much to do with that. Poems are but a single thought brought into clarity.
What you write is not important, just write, if it has meaning to you, it will have meaning for others.
Read stories that have depth, try "The Vegetable Stand" by Rick Gilbertson. Go to Iuinverse, you can read a bit of it there. If you want to think deep, you need to find things that help you get there. Stop listening to music so much, it has a tendency to make you stupid.
Fly free good spirit, prioritize your life and what is important, there is your first category for deep thought.
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hey you gave me advice earlier about meeting up with those people and i liked it. well i met this girl on this swinger type website and we started to talk and ive seen her myspace and friends and everything else she looks legit to me but you still never can tell for sure. she has a boyfriend too. ive talked to her on the phone so i know who she really is but i dont know for sure. but id really like to meet with her but i feel like i cant tell anyone i would be going because no one knows i want to do that with another girl. ive told her i dont feel all the way comfortable and she told me to go ahead and tell someone what im doing so i would be. and whenever im ready. i dont know what to do :\ (link)
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This is hard, because I don't want to seem like I think you should do this. There are a lot better ways to explore your sexuality. You already know you like guys, so if I were you, I'd start from there. Find a guy that you like and most of all trust. After you have known him and you have taken it to the level that you are having sex, tell him that you have always felt that you were bi-sexual and ask him if it would bother him to bring a girl in and find out. I don't know too many guys that would say no to that question. At that point you find someone, or even have someone that you have already set it up with.
Other option, you know you like guys, so safely make friends with this other girl you have met, just friends at first. Hang out, (only in public first), and find out everything you can about her. Where she lives, works, goes to school, what ever.
Make sure that she meets some of your friends, just pass her off as a new friend, hopefully that is what she will become anyway. While this is going on, keep a diary just for this. Put down all information, keep it hidden and tell no one about what it contains, but make sure someone you trust knows of its existence, they don't have to know where it is.
When you are sure this person is okay, then you have a get together with only her, see what Lesbian sex is all about. Thing is, you may find out that you are not Bi, but perhaps it is just the thought of group sex that turns you on.
There is a lot of things this could be, you may be an exhibitionist and like to show off your body. You may be a voyeur and like to watch others, these are things you are best finding out with people you can trust and that will protect you. Most of all that will respect you if you all of a sudden say, "no, I don't like this, I want to stop."
If things go well and you find this girl to be trust worthy, tell her these concerns, make sure she knows you are exploring and you don't know if you will like it. Make sure she will stop if you don't want to continue, then if you want to continue on from there and explore more, take another step, but one step at a time. Anything changes, something unplanned, like the unexpected addition to the group at the last minute, you walk. Never plan any of this if you are at the mercy of them as far as transportation, alway drive yourself. If that is a problem, don't do it.
Always know everyone you are dealing with, for several reasons. You don't want STD's and you want to live a long life, not have some weirdo bury you in his backyard.
It is not easy these days to explore the world, we have to do it with great care, but the good thing is, is it doesn't have to be done right now, take your time.
Be safe my young friend, I want to know that you are not going to be a statistic on a police blotter. Don't take this wrong, but a hug comes with that.
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why do i never get asked out?
im not bragging or anythng, but whenever i go out guys always stare at me or smile at me or stuff like that, but they never approach me or talk to me except on rare occasion.
why is this? (link)
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Your problem is, guys don't take hints, we are too stupid at that age to take hints. At my age I realize how many girls actually were interested in me, but I just didn't see it back then. We barely know our own names at that age, let alone know what a "come on" smile looks like.
We take things at face value, a smile is just that. Try this, go up to the guy, say hi, my friends were going to see this movie, would you like to come along? What ever he says, yes or no, you have let him know you're open to him approaching you. If he says no and never comes to ask you to do something else, don't take it personally. Girls are not the only ones that often are not ready to date, or have their eye set on someone else.
Your only consideration here is, if he says yes, you may have to scramble to find some friends to go to the movie with the two of you, but if you can't, tell him they backed out at the last minute.
I don't normally condone lying, but ehh, a little white lie to get the dating ball rolling, who's it going to hurt.
After a couple times of doing that, maybe even the first, the other boys will realize you're approachable and maybe they will get the courage to start asking you.
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i want my hair and body to smell like vanilla. Is it safe to put vanilla extract in my hair when i'm shampooing/conditioning? or will it cause a chemical reaction and bleach my hair or something
is it also safe to put some im my bath? (link)
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Vanilla extract was very popular as a perfume in earlier days, commonly put behind the ear, on the neck, near, or even in the cleavage, (depending how daring a women wanted to be with her date). Not sure if it was used in hair, I would test it on a small amount at the end of your hair first, so you can cut it if you have too.
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Ok, i know this is weird and probably i know the answer but i just wanna know...is there a chance you could get pregnant from having anal sex? Me and my bf kinda did it before. he wasn't in there that long and he kinda pre-d...im just really curious
(im a girl by the way xD) (link)
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Just a kind of by the way thing, two of them. Anal sex has been practiced as a "birth control" method in many countries, in particular, china and other Asian countries for many hundreds of years, even thousands.
Second, remember to have your boy friend clean up after anal sex, before he reinsert it into your vagina. You CAN get vaginal infections if he doesn't.
Please don't rate me for this, just trying to give you a tid bit of information.
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i am a 18 year old female and i have met these two people online. they are a couple and are interested in maybe getting together to hook up.. i have been feeling like i am maybe bisexual and maybe this could help me figure that out. the thing is i'm kinda scared to meet up with them just because they are strangers and all. but i have talked to them and they seem real and not creepy. i just need some advice on what to do because i really want to but something bad could happpen. please help. (link)
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I have little time, so excuse me if I'm quick.
First, meeting is to be in public and in public only! Second, things after that are your decision and yours alone.
Third, after you have checked them out carefully and you know their names and where they live, tell someone before your first meeting where you are going. (You do not have to tell them why.) Leave all this information written down, including why you are getting together with them safely in your home. That way if you have guessed wrong about these people, the law will have some place to start looking for your body.
Got it? I hope so.
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I really like how your so blunt and you tell it how it is. You don't sugar coat anything, so I want your opinion on my problem. . .
19/f
So a lot of people that know me think that I'm a player or a tease, but they really don't know what I'm going through. My problem is, is that whenever things are going good with the guy I'm dating, I seem to always find something wrong with them that really annoys me and eventually I stop talking to them. Then I just move on to a different guy and the same thing happens. . I don't know what's wrong with me?!?
I did get out of a relationship, but that was like 7 months ago. My ex has already moved on and starting dating other girls. Things didn't end very well with him and me, we fought a lot and the situation was just bad. Long story short I still had feelings for him but he couldn't stand the fighting.
I just wanna know, could that be the reason I tend to push guys away when things are getting good???? Do I need to wait longer before I date again?!? What should I do!? Am I just a Tease?
Thankz in advance :)
(link)
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Names are just a way some people use to manipulate others to do what they want them to do, or be what they want them to be. Is it wrong to be above that?
You are not a tease, you are a good spirit and you know what you want. Those who don't know what they want will always try to drag you down to their level. Countless people have tried to keep me from growing, learning and becoming who I am, but never my wife. She was the first person in my life to accept me.
Acceptance is the most important thing in life and so many just settle. They become what other people want them to be for that acceptance. You have no idea what it means to be accepted by someone who lets your spirit fly free and you to be who you were truly meant to be.
I don't care how long it takes you to find that person, but find him and accept him. Don't settle or try to make him what you want. This person is out there, he waits to accept you, never doubt that. The plan is set.
Thank you good lady, for allowing me into your life. When you find him, help your children to understand what we know, the world changes one person at a time.
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He's really nice and smart, but kind of quiet at times. He has a fun personality though and I guess most girls would not consider him "hot" but I like him for who he is. I want someone who I can relate to in a non superficial way, and someone who will help me grow as a person, and hopefully I can do the same for him. The thing is I only see him in one class and he probably does not suspect that I like him. I try to compliment him when I can and talk to him more, but I don't sit next to him so it's kind of hard to. And I don't hang out with him during lunch or outside of school. Basically I need some kind of a way to give him a hint before summer break. I won't see him all summer, so I want to plant some kind of seed in his mind that I like him so that when school starts again, we can hopefully talk more and become closer that way. Any ideas? Thanks =] (link)
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Sweetheart, I can not tell you how much hope you have filled my heart with, hope that there are more of you out there.
I would have one piece of advice for you, choose your words wisely. Do not simply say "I like you", mixed signals if you know what I mean. The fact that you like him goes unsaid, tell him, "I would like to be your friend." Not, "I would like for you to be my boy friend."
Don't ever use hints with guys, we don't do hints well, we're kind of dumb that way. Make it clear for him what you want your relationship to be, never leave any doubt.
You make me feel proud inside, you are a diamond among coal, don't you EVER forget that.
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what do you do when you're with a guy that you liked for a long time and were so much fun together but when you started going out everything went down hill. nowadays after only 4ish months there's just as many bad times as good, if not more. when we're good, we're great. but when we're bad, it sucks arse. like ridiculous. what do you think, does the good cancel out for the bad? (link)
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Burt Bacharach and Hal David asked a very similar question back in 1969 when they wrote "I'll Never Fall In Love Again". Seems that was their answer for your question, it's a simple answer, maybe you should go with simple.
Simple, we all want simple, it's easy, but are questions of the heart simple? Are you simple? Being a child is simple, you love everyone and let the chips fall where they will, but sooner or later, people start to hurt you. Some do it for reasons, some just don't think before they engage their mouth, but some do it because they don't agree with you, and so on. They don't want to except who you are, or are becoming. They can't except you for you and they want to change you.
Young love is all about that, people think that "I can make my dream girl, or my dream guy", but that's not the way it works. You find your dream guy or girl, you don't build them. Odds are that is what is behind your fighting, that is what you need to get to, what is your motivation behind the way you act with another person. Are you trying to manipulate someone, or are you trying to be with them, not a carbon copy of yourself. Being with them means you walk beside them, not behind them pushing.
Arguing and fighting are a part of life, why you are arguing and fighting is the question, not the ones you ask. Know the right questions to ask, learn the right question to ask. You will stay confused as long as you keep asking questions that are but symptoms of the real question.
I'm not going to answer your question for you, these are things you must find out for yourself.
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My friend chris asked me out by a note last year in like february of 10th grade and now im ending 11th and i never responded and i feel really stupid because i really like him and i did then too i think but i dont know why i never responded and he liked me a lot and i have no clue if he still likes me and we never see each other any more and i want to write a note to him and tell him everything and try to give it to him if i see him but im not too sure if i should. he would always tickle me and make me laugh and the day that he found out that i read the naot he came up to me and we hugged and it was really swett but i just dont know what to do! does anyone have any advice that i could do? because i really like him and would really like another chance to be his girlfriend and he is the sweetest guy that i have ever met!!! thanks for taking the time to read and answer this! (link)
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Well, let's see, how is this note going to sound. "I liked you then and I don't know why I didn't answer you." It will sound as silly as you sound on here, no offense. Don't you think that you should figure out why you didn't answer back then, or at least try to answer that question in your note.
Letting him know that you are human and you are confused and trying to learn about life and are perhaps trying not to rush things straight away, this sets the playing field. It lets him know that you want to take your time and do things right. It gives him an idea of the pace he needs to respect to the long path of getting to know you.
Everything that happens in our lives is a potential learning experience, but if your not thinking about them and figuring out what that lesson is, you don't learn anything and the same stuff will happen over and over until you do.
Life is the biggest lesson you have to learn, school is just knowledge in books, life is hard and even harder to figure out what is the lessons of it are and it never stops until we die. Stop looking at it as if it's something that we just go through meaninglessly.
Good luck
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I'm sorry this is so long.
When I was 12 or 13 this guy in my grade had a crush on me. I was not into it, and at at that age I wanted nothing to do with anyone like Billy. Billy was really sexually active, even at that age, and I wanted to distance myself from that. One day in school he came up to me and put his hand far up my thigh and I pushed him away and he replied with "What, are you a lesbian or something?" in a joking manner. I said "no" but as a way to get attention from me he started this joke that I was a lesbian. At first it was a joke and I really didn't know how to handle it as a 12 year old. I sort of laughed it off. Some guys caught on about the joke and four years later, they still call me a lesbian and dyke and joke around. I have explained CLEARLY that it upsets me and I asked them to stop it because it's tired, and old, and not funny. They still think it's hilarious. They'll say HEY LESBO, LESBIAN!
I have a lot of friends and am well liked, but it's really hurting my self esteem. In two of my classes, everyone has a picture on a computer database which we go on. One of my friends said they were flipping through the pictures on the disk of one computers and all over my picture someone wrote DYKE and drew horrible things on my face. I can't wrap my head around it! I've done nothing to these kids, and I'm sure it was one of them. I came home a bawled my eyes out. My feelings are really hurt, and it's harassment now. I cried one time last year because of it during school, but they still call me "lesbo, dyke, lesbian" and laugh as if it's the most clever thing in the world. Half the guys that say things to me now don't even know or care how this all got started in the first place. It's cruel. I don't want to go to the guidance counselor or anything. I've tried to ignore it lately, but things have gotten worse. Help (link)
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Bravo Solid, only one thing I would contradict, don't ask your friends to get involved, that only starts a war. Leave it alone and don't react, that is your best defense here. If your friends decide to join in, let it be their choice. Dragging more people into it is just falling back into the same old thing, they are getting a rise out of you.
I know it's hard to ask of you, but don't let childish things ruin your life, you are a good spirit, be strong. Laugh it off, let them act like fools and when someone brings something up to your attention like the computer thing, laugh and say, "like I care what these children think." Never let them see you cry or crack.
Another thing, don't go getting a boy friend just to prove someone wrong. Be above the fray, you are not what others think you are. Your Class is showing, stay classy.
Much love to you dear spirit. To know you should be an honor for anyone.
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