My favourite quote is 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'.
Life really is a roller-coaster with it's ups and downs and varying speeds. Yet no matter how hard you try to stay on an even keel, something always comes along to kick you in the teeth and remind you just how fragile life is. We are all trying to live the best we know how and to get along together. So take time to appreciate those around you and tell them how much you love them occasionally. A smile and a kind word speaks volumes.
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset
Occupation: Housewife/Mother/Counsellor/Volunteer
Member Since: April 20, 2006
Answers: 798
Last Update: February 17, 2009
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Ok, here's the situation. I really like my friend Mike because he's so sweet & is extrememly nice to girls. However, he doesn't like me as a girlfriend, just as a friend. I tried to get closer to him, but it feels like I'll never be special to him because there's always someone else that he likes more. I try not to get jealous, but he has a lot of friends, so sometimes I wonder, what makes me so special? Since this relationship doesn't seem to be going anywhere, should I just give up & leave him alone entirely (so that I don't get hurt again) or should I keep trying to get close to him & see where it goes? Thanks (link)
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I think that you should stop trying to get so close to him, but keep seeing him as a friend. I also suggest that you widen your circle of friends and see him a little less often. He may well just see you as 'one of the boys' for now but you never know one day he may just see you for who you really are. There is always hope, but you have to live for today so date other guys and have enjoy life as a teenager. All the best.
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and he is SOOO down on himself. And no matter what I say to him, his thoughts don't change. I never lie to him about what I think of him!! and i think he thinks i do. and i think he thinks im going to leave him for someone better.. AND IM NOT!!! he's the best ive gotten (i think) but he's so low on himself. I find him hott!! lol and really attractive, and i tell him he's always hott not because i wanna make him feel better but it just comes out of my mouth!! and when we do stuff (sexually) I act like myself I dont PRETEND to want him.. I don't know how to realize how special he is and how good looking he is. One of the reasons he thinks hes ugly and fat is because of his mom.. and i hate her for it because i hate seeing him hurt and thinking untrue things about himself!! and even though he moved out of his moms, he still sees himself in that light.
please help me!! i really want him to finally realize i dont have pitty on him!! and that i date him because i want to not because i feel bad!!!!!! (link)
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If he has been put down all his life by his main carer, his Mum, then it will take him a very long time to learn that he is a very valuable member of the human race.
He will only start to have faith in himself with maturity and a lot of support from you. However, try being supportive with actions and not words, because as YGSgirl said it may continue to remind him. If he is up for it maybe talking through his feelings with a professional could help him put the past where it belongs.
Also, if his Mum continues to put him down he needs to tell her how he feels and ask her not to keep on.
I wish you both the very best.
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I had sex with this one kid this weekend. and yeah it was good and everything but He said that he liked me and I just dont want a realtionship and anyways on of my friends liked him for about 5 years even tho she said she was over him and said she didnt care i was drunk so yeah. And well I we hung out all weekend. And it was funn. And well he found out i didnt like him or got told i dont. But I feel so horriable becuase I did lead him on alot and I know there is this plan that this other girl is gunna lead him on and I feel horriable about what i did to him. But I just really dont know I can not stop thinking about him he was so sweet and amazing. and well We do go to the same school he just a year younger then me. And on top of it he is my x's best friend. I just really dont know what to do. becuase I never see him or talk to him becuase we just started talking at the party that we hooked up at. I just dont know what to do? (link)
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I can sense your guilt in all this and quite frankly, as you said, you did lead him on and use him a bit. I think that you need to apologise to him somehow, by either ringing him, talking face to face or writing a note. However difficult it might be to get to see him, you need to make the effort. Tell him what you feel about the situation and ask that you can continue to remain friends if he so wishes. Learn from this experience and only then will you start to feel better and less guilty about it. I suggest you also watch how much you drink because you may end up in a situation far worse than this one, with someone who would care very little about you or the consequences. Take care.
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I just finished my period yesterday and today my boyfriend and i had sex, bleeding after is normal right? cause at first i thought... like shit my periods not over.. but bleeding after sex happens all the time right? (link)
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Wrong. It can happen but not every time you have sex. It is highly likely that there was some menstruation blood left inside and that is what you saw. If you bleed every time you have sex then I would suggest you either get your boyfriend to take more care or have a check up with your gynaecologist. You may just be one of the unlucky ones who does bleed every time though.
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does anyone have raynauds disease? im just asking because i have raynauds as well and im curious. (link)
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My daughter has raynauds disease and even in summer she sometimes has to wear gloves because her hands are so cold. If you go to 'raynauds.org.uk' you will find some useful information on that site.
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13/F
OMFG! I'm sick and tired of putting up with my dad! i hate him soo much! he's stupid and I'd wished he'd DIE! He's thrown me outside for saying goodnight, hes hit me for no reason, called me stupid names and menso(stupid) and a whole bunch of other stuff! My question is, How can I get him to divorce my mom?! how can I gt rid of him SOON?!?!?!? PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!! I hate him more than I hate the devil! if that's put in better words!!!!!!!!! UGGGH!!!! (link)
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You can't force him to divorce your mum but you can stop him from hitting you. However, that would mean involving the authorities - are you prepared to go that far? Some people are just plain bullies and he sounds like one to me. You need to get another adult involved in this so if you have an aunt/uncle/school counsellor etc. who would be prepared to stand up for you, then I suggest talking to them. If he realises how serious this situation is then perhaps he will change his attitude towards you. You need to speak out and loudly. All the best.
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I'm having a big party, and I want to invite all my friends, and most of their friends so everyone feels comfortable. A friend of mine, Fred, has a friend, Phil, who I asked out last year, not really serious, but he took it seriously and rejected me. We kinda lost touch, and I want to invite him to my party because I never really meant anything by it and I was never hurt. The issue is, I don't know if I should, cause I don't know if he's going to think that I still "want to go out with him", or whether he'd be uncomfortable at my party. What should I do? (link)
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Quick answer - write him a little note explaining what you have just said here and then say you would really like it if he came to your party strictly as a friend and nothing more. That way he can make a decision for himself about how he would feel. Good luck.
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This may scare you and all but I'm fed up. nobody likes me and this guy said he hates when I'm around him so I'm going to starve myself until my body falls to the floor and I die. I have 7 more days of life what do you think I should do on those wonderful days of life that's left. (link)
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No I am not scared by what you said. At your age I felt the same way. However, life is pretty darned good when you are older and can do anything you like. Killing yourself in such a dramatic way is such a waste. Imagine when you are older and you have control over your own life. You will be able to travel and experience some wonderful things if you want to. Why pack it into only a couple of days? There is a whole world out there waiting to be explored and there are some pretty amazing people waiting to become your friends. You will only have to wait a few more years until you are an adult and then you will be free to be yourself. Why waste your life on ignorant people who have no regard for you.
Think about what you will be doing to yourself and to your family before you take any drastic action. Once you are dead that's it, no more living, no more wonderful experiences to come and no more chances to make a mark on the world. Look the world in the face and live.
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okay so the last time i had sex was in the beginning of august. (he didnt wear a condom, & it lasted like 2 minutes, and he didnt cum)
ive had my period in september ..
& i should be getting it again within the next few days
is it possible that i could be pregnant? im so worried about it :[ (link)
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Yes it is possible that you could be pregnant. Some women still bleed regularly during pregnancy and I think you need to do a test to rule it out completely. You could also look for other signs like sore breasts and nausea. Please think about using contraception before you next have sex. To be safe, always use a condom.
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Okay so I'm 14f and I've been sad for like ever and now I really don't know what to do. I just sit at home all day doing nothing. Nobody ever calls my mom doesnt take me anywhere. And I'm just ready for something else. Do you know anything I can do when I'm just sitting at home and being useless and feeling dead. I just can't take this anymore. thanks in advance!!! (link)
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I think that you need to build up your feelings of self worth. Would you be able to do some volunteer work? If you go to the library or somewhere similar I am sure there will be notices asking for volunteers to help out at playshcemes or care homes etc. Once you give yourself something else to focus on your feelings of being sad and bored will go away. When you help other people, regardless of how you help them, you will feel better about yourself. To receive you need to give. Good luck.
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my friend and i have been friends for a while now but when we came to the middle school a few years ago she found other friends (the popular girls) and now she doesnt hang with us or anything. we are so mad at eachother that we dont speak to one another. i just dont think we will ever be friends again. does anyone know how i should handle this or what i should do? (link)
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It is always sad when a friendship has run its course. I feel that the best way forward for this is to write your friend a letter telling them how much you appreciated their friendship and the fun you used to have. Put down anything that seems relevant to your feelings at this moment in time, whether you are sad, angry, hurt or indifferent. When you have written your letter, take it outside and burn it or rip it to shreds. This will give you a sense of closure and then you will be able to move on. Remember the good times and whatever you have learnt from your time as friends. I hope this helps you and that you begin to make some really good new friends. Take care.
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Well i got training on Saturday
At hungry jacks and i've never been to a job training and im really nervous i do something wrong and i don't get the job =[ and i'm just really nervous lol. (link)
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I'm guessing your question is about how to cope with the training. All you can really do is go along and do the best you can. Make sure you listen to everything that is said to you and write notes if necessary. Don't be afraid to ask questions - it won't seem silly to ask if you don't know. If you do something wrong, speak up and admit that you are nervous and could you be shown again. This is what training is all about, to understand what you are doing, why you are doing it and to do it to the best of your ability. The trainers will understand that some people get nervous. Good luck with your new job.
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ladies help me out... sry this may get graphic. ok so ive had my period for around 5 years now. its never been very regular, of course not at first but since then its always been off by about a week-ish but never ridiculous, and usually lasts right at a week. well, about 4 weeks ago, it came a lil off-schedule as usual and everything was normal. about two weeks later, it started again, but was brownish/blackish so i guess it was old blood.. this was on a friday.. and lasted almost two weeks until last wednesdayish then stopped. on monday, i went to the bathroom and when i wiped it was VERY bloody [bright/dark red], yet nothing in my underwear or anything, and that was that. today its been spotting brownish again. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE? its never been this funky. im most definitely not pregnant or anything like that.. but should i be worried? (link)
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The only way to really get this sorted is to go and see your doctor. It may quite possibly be nothing at all to worry about but there is always a niggling doubt when your period is playing you up like this. It is better to be safe than sorry at all times. Take care.
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ok I don't usually do this but i'm soo confused and could use advice from people who don't know him or I and are impartial.
Its really long but please anyone who can take the time to read this you dont know how much id appreciate it.
Ok so i've been dating this guy for 3 months, though 2 years ago I went out with him for a year and he was my first love etc. When we broke up the first time cause he was AWFUL to me I never thought i'd speak to him again but something brought us back together and I cared about him so I gave it another shot.
At first when we were together, he was sooo cute with me. He basically adored me. He'd call just to say hi, he was always telling me how much he liked me like every 10 seconds, He had really grown up since the last time we went out and we adored each other. He made me feel SOO wanted. Problem was we live an hr and a half from each other we both work ALOT (full time, and I have a second job and hes also in school)There was also the possibilty I was moving, and he was going away to school and he told me hed follow me wherever I went.
Then we went down the shore together for a few days to my favorite spot on earth (Were both 20 btw) and hed been hinting that he loved me and that he wanted me to say it though I really wasn't sure I loved him. I loved how he treated me, but when we were on the boardwalk I was so enthralled being with him and being at my favorite place, a place I have ALOT of great memories and I prematurally told him I loved him, partially cause i loved everything about where we were, partially because I thought he wanted to hear it. He didn't say it back which really threw me off since hed been the one hinting at it and kind of pushing it.
After that within weeks he started school and instantly kinda pulled away. Mind you, he is a full time student, works almost every night etc. But he also stopped telling me things like he misses me, and he likes me, and I only tell him I love him when its kinda forced cause I feel bad like taking it back I guess. Sometimes I feel like I have to force him to see me. At the same time I have had ALOT of family problems. My dad basically outright showing he doesnt give a shit about me, my family declaring bankrupcy, I have to move out of the house I lived in all my life, I cant afford school etc. and he is just adding to it by making me so unsure. I bring it up all the time and he swears he cares about me and wants to be with me but he doesnt act like it. At the same time though Ive given him EVERY chance to break up with me and he hasnt. Even tonight, i asked if he thinks we'll still be together at christmas and he was half asleep but said he hopes so and doesnt see any reason we wouldnt be.
My best friend thinks he is just scared of how much he cares for me so hes pulling away to test me, but Im not sure if i agree cause he gets soo annoyed when I question how he feels and doubt him. She also suggested that he may just be so stressed by work and school he doesnt even realize how much he has pulled away,
My mom thinks maybe he is unsure how I feel since I told him i love him now dont say it anymore, and he is afraid to really ask me about it. And he stopped telling me he liked me cause he loves me but doesnt know how to say it being unsure how I feel. She also agrees that hes busy and probably doesnt realize how much hes upsetting me.
Part of me thinks I should just stop answering his calls and texts for a few days, give him some space, stop asking to see him and ask wait to see if he asks me etc, but I dont have willpower and keep being scared to. Does anyone think thats a good idea?
Anyway basically I need to know what other people think, and any ideas they may have, i HAVE tried to talk to him and he basically thinks im being rediculous but like every day i have a new reason to doubt him and a new question to ask him and I MUST be driving him nuts cuase Im driving myself nuts lol. Im not usually this nerotic, and if he broke up with me, sure id be sad...but honestly all guys are replacable lol I just DESPISE being confused and not knowing whats going on
(link)
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You are both going through a lot of changes at the moment and maybe romance has to take a back seat for a short while. He knows that you have a lot on and you know that equally he is extremely busy too. Don't call off your relationship but do give it some time. Once you have both settled down into your new lives, then is the right time to talk through how you are both feeling. He obviously cares a great deal about you and, maybe because he has heard you say that you love him, he feels secure enough not to keep telling you how he feels back. Nothing ever stays the same in this world and your relationship will either be strengthened because of everything that is going on, or you will both realise that it has run its course. Either way only time will get you through this with a large dose of patience. You know how you feel inside and I am sure you know how he really feels about you. Listen to your instincts and go with those. I wish you all the very best.
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I'm 19/F, in my third year of university.
I'm starting to really worry. It's about the third week of classes, and I haven't attended nearly enough of them, due to my financial situation (I can't afford to take the bus every day, and the free bus pass I'm supposed to get from the school hasn't arrived yet).
I'm way behind in my studies. I actually ended up skipping class yesterday and missing two labs (both mandatory) due to stress-caused illness. I don't know if I'll be able to get a doctor's note for it.
I've got a bunch of late assignments that I have to do, but it's nearly impossible to do them, because I don't understand any of the course material.
I'm starting to get really worried about all of this. I'm not in a financial position to be in school right now, but I don't have much of an option because my program might be cancelled after this run of it. I have 30 hours of class a week, and a 45 minute long commute to and from school, so I can't get a part-time job.
Any tips on how to deal with being absolutely overwhelmed by everything? (link)
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There are counsellors at University who deal with these problems all the time. Go and have a chat with one of them, take a list of your problems and work through them together. That is what they are there for. Good luck.
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im 15/m
theres some girl i realy like i have her in two of my classes but we dont talk, so can i like start talking to her? (link)
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There is nothing to stop you from being friendly and approachable, especially as you have two classes in common with her. As an opener, how about asking if she could explain something regarding the work you are doing or even saying hi and how much you enjoyed that class/subject. As the previous answer said 'go for it'.
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Ok, well this summer me adn my cousin went down the beach as usual and got guys haha. i am 16 adn she is 17, most guys like us but a few thought we were younger then we are. So what im wondering is, what are some things i can do/change to make me look older. I think i look pretty normal, i dont have braces or anything awkward like that anymore, i have strait brown hair that lands like mid chest area adn is cut in layers. i am like 5'8, and 112 pounds. I dont have anything that i think would make me look young, but any suggestions of things that make you look older would be great, even makeup tips, or hair tips (link)
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To appear older you need to have an air about you of someone who is comfortable with themselves. If you come across as confident and outgoing, most people will treat you with the respect of an older person. I don't advocate make-up and revealing clothes because that will give off the wrong message. All the best.
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Me and my bf of 11 months have talked for a long time about sex. I'm 17 and he's 18. I'm still a virgin and he's not. I was all for it cause I know that I love him and I want for him to be my first. But when the time came I chickened out. He was really patient about it and told me not to worry about it that it will happen when it happens. I don't know what to do. I know that its something that I want to do I just can't help but let my nerves get the best of me. Plz help! (link)
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Talking about something this big and actually doing it are worlds apart. You may think that you are ready to go forward with your relationship, but your actions speak differently. Your boyfriend sounds like a great guy but if he really does love you he will wait a bit longer. It is not unusual for someone your age to still be a virgin despite what others may say. Continue to talk it through with your boyfriend and the more comfortable you become with him, the less inhibited you will be. It is honestly worth the wait to really enjoy your first time and it would be a mistake to go through with it just now to 'get it over and done with'. Once you have decided that the time is right, make sure you are completely protected against pregnancy and STDs, that you will not be disturbed and that your boyfriend takes everything nice and slow. Even if he has to stop several times until you regain your comfort, he should understand your feelings. All the best.
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yeah i really need to just let it out and know someone heard me, and a journal just doesn't work in this case..
i'm not gonna be a little bitch and cuss every damn second, err...i do...so not more than my usual.
okay i don't even think victoria likes me one damn bit..
i read her bulletins and yes, i am obsessed, i'll admit to that, but anyway, she's saying almost the exact same fucking things to this "tommy" guy that she did to me! what the fuck...what i'm wondering is does she just like me as a friend, or is it me who drove her away with my shitty personality? i can't stop fucking drinking, and i'm like running really really low, and that's my emergency stock, for something like this..
or was i just a part-time guy? since she had recently gotten over her boyfriend of like 2 1/2 years...and i was nice, mostly because of wayne..then i actually got to really like her...what do i do? since i can't just suck it up, and deal with it, this is different than all those other times..fuck i don't know, i pissed off, especially what happened today...
we were planning to see each other today, i was going to take my 6th drive, so i could finish the course, and i would walk over to her place, like 3 miles, it'd be worth it. but she needed to ask her mom, i was assuming a no. but anyway her mom said no...i got a little depressed, but that's like the 7th time in a row, so you know, i get used to it. i can't talk to her, only IM, which isn't like hearing a voice, so i'm like slowly losing it. back to the thing-she said the only good thing out of it was that anytime she has a friend over she gets distracted from her schoolwork (she said i inspired her to do more...i don't know if it was a line or the truth...i don't know fact from fiction anymore..) but we were just talking...then all of a sudden "tommy" shows up. what the hell?
1.) she said her mom said that no one could come over
2.) she said friends during the weekdays is not good
3.) she said she wasn't gonna have anyone over
and this dude shows up..how does that make sense.
oh and she said her friend lost her phone charger, so i'm trying to get a hold of her friend to verify...everything's turning for the worst, i need to find out, you know? then she tells me that he's taking her out to dinner...it just gets worse and worse, i was seriously gonna shut the labtop and fucking lose it. and "tommy" wanted to talk to me for a while, and he said i was a conceited, pessimistic emo....come the fuck on, i wish i was at victoria's house then, i don't give a fuck that she doesn't want me to kick her friends' ass, i draw the fucking line right there, that's bull shit! then he said she spilled soda on the floor, and he called her an idiot...seriously...i said accidents happen so shut the fuck up....and he called me over-protective, i swear i wish i could have beat his ass down to the ground. and i'm confused since i don't know if i was a part-time thing, or something....and why would she say the same thing to me as she did to that guy...and all he had said in a text was "you are perfect for me. Only a matter of days till I can see you, again. I miss those beautiful cheekbones, and driving you to get coffee at midnight"
hell i came up with better shit than that. and she's all absorbed into him...damn i don't know, i'm just fucking pissed off. fuck...this was why i didn't want to, yeah it's cliche, but "fall in love" you know? not literally, but that's what i first thought of. but why the fuck did it happen to me, why do i deserve to have this happen..and to think what i almost did, and she thinks tommy's bull shit can beat what she has done for me, all those songs were in vain...i don't even want to sing to her knowing that she likes someone else...that kinda the reason i was gonna talk to her best friend, all i care about is that she likes me more than a friend, i can work out the rest, but fuck! damn it! i'm drinking as i type and i'm like........fuck!!
well so what do you think? am i just being screwed over or what? and if so...what do i do? i can't just say "screw it, i'll get over her right now" i never felt this way before and i got the short end of the stick. yeah i'm willing to wait for her to like me. (link)
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Alcohol can really screw up your head and I feel that you are not thinking straight at all. You have issues with a lot of things and the only way to sort them out it to stop drinking for a while. Take everything one step at a time and write down all the grievances that you have with your friend and Tommy. Try to work out exactly what it is you feel about it all and then come up with alternative thoughts. Try turning it all around from aggression to compassion and cut out the bad language. The more you swear and work yourself into a fury, the worse you will feel. Only you can sort yourself out and think yourself into a better frame of mind.
Give yourself some time and space away from your friend in order that you can really sort out how you feel about her. If you then feel she is just screwing you over, find yourself alternative friends to be with. All the best.
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I'm 18/m and in a serious relationship, I mean to say is that I intend on marrying this girl. She's 16, and we've been going out 2 years in February. For me this is huge and I'm tapped for idea's on what to do. I've already cooked her a really nice candle lit dinner, taken her to dinner on a lake and watched the sun set while eating dinner, and taken her to movies and all that other common stuff. But what I want, everything has to be mind boggling. I need something that will make her cry from being so happy/astonished. So, any romantic ideas would be awesome.
P.S. I will rate all answers. (link)
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I think that it's a lovely idea to treat her to something special and just because you are young, it doesn't mean that you won't spend the rest of your life together. However, just a note of caution, don't rush into any mad ideas of proposing because she might just freak out.
As for ideas - how about booking a balloon flight over a local beauty spot, a day out on a boat or a ride in a limo to dinner.
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