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Im not sure what to do or think anymore.
ok I don't usually do this but i'm soo confused and could use advice from people who don't know him or I and are impartial.
Its really long but please anyone who can take the time to read this you dont know how much id appreciate it.
Ok so i've been dating this guy for 3 months, though 2 years ago I went out with him for a year and he was my first love etc. When we broke up the first time cause he was AWFUL to me I never thought i'd speak to him again but something brought us back together and I cared about him so I gave it another shot.
At first when we were together, he was sooo cute with me. He basically adored me. He'd call just to say hi, he was always telling me how much he liked me like every 10 seconds, He had really grown up since the last time we went out and we adored each other. He made me feel SOO wanted. Problem was we live an hr and a half from each other we both work ALOT (full time, and I have a second job and hes also in school)There was also the possibilty I was moving, and he was going away to school and he told me hed follow me wherever I went.
Then we went down the shore together for a few days to my favorite spot on earth (Were both 20 btw) and hed been hinting that he loved me and that he wanted me to say it though I really wasn't sure I loved him. I loved how he treated me, but when we were on the boardwalk I was so enthralled being with him and being at my favorite place, a place I have ALOT of great memories and I prematurally told him I loved him, partially cause i loved everything about where we were, partially because I thought he wanted to hear it. He didn't say it back which really threw me off since hed been the one hinting at it and kind of pushing it.
After that within weeks he started school and instantly kinda pulled away. Mind you, he is a full time student, works almost every night etc. But he also stopped telling me things like he misses me, and he likes me, and I only tell him I love him when its kinda forced cause I feel bad like taking it back I guess. Sometimes I feel like I have to force him to see me. At the same time I have had ALOT of family problems. My dad basically outright showing he doesnt give a shit about me, my family declaring bankrupcy, I have to move out of the house I lived in all my life, I cant afford school etc. and he is just adding to it by making me so unsure. I bring it up all the time and he swears he cares about me and wants to be with me but he doesnt act like it. At the same time though Ive given him EVERY chance to break up with me and he hasnt. Even tonight, i asked if he thinks we'll still be together at christmas and he was half asleep but said he hopes so and doesnt see any reason we wouldnt be.
My best friend thinks he is just scared of how much he cares for me so hes pulling away to test me, but Im not sure if i agree cause he gets soo annoyed when I question how he feels and doubt him. She also suggested that he may just be so stressed by work and school he doesnt even realize how much he has pulled away,
My mom thinks maybe he is unsure how I feel since I told him i love him now dont say it anymore, and he is afraid to really ask me about it. And he stopped telling me he liked me cause he loves me but doesnt know how to say it being unsure how I feel. She also agrees that hes busy and probably doesnt realize how much hes upsetting me.
Part of me thinks I should just stop answering his calls and texts for a few days, give him some space, stop asking to see him and ask wait to see if he asks me etc, but I dont have willpower and keep being scared to. Does anyone think thats a good idea?
Anyway basically I need to know what other people think, and any ideas they may have, i HAVE tried to talk to him and he basically thinks im being rediculous but like every day i have a new reason to doubt him and a new question to ask him and I MUST be driving him nuts cuase Im driving myself nuts lol. Im not usually this nerotic, and if he broke up with me, sure id be sad...but honestly all guys are replacable lol I just DESPISE being confused and not knowing whats going on
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Your best friend is absolutely right. Many people pull away when they start really caring about someone. A lot of people don't like getting too close for fear of being hurt. Not because of past relationships necessairaily, but because of family issues may not even be aware of him having. If he gets aggravated when you question him, it could be because he's unsure about your intentions and the commitment he's making. He probably doesn't want to put everything into your relationship because it would mean everything would go to pieces if it ended.
That being said, you can't fix his insecurities. There's no point to you obsessing over him or being upset because he doesn't call. Try thinking about other things. Don't ignore his phone calls or texts, just don't be the one to send them first. You need other things to think about becides him, since he's obviously thinking of other things.
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You are both going through a lot of changes at the moment and maybe romance has to take a back seat for a short while. He knows that you have a lot on and you know that equally he is extremely busy too. Don't call off your relationship but do give it some time. Once you have both settled down into your new lives, then is the right time to talk through how you are both feeling. He obviously cares a great deal about you and, maybe because he has heard you say that you love him, he feels secure enough not to keep telling you how he feels back. Nothing ever stays the same in this world and your relationship will either be strengthened because of everything that is going on, or you will both realise that it has run its course. Either way only time will get you through this with a large dose of patience. You know how you feel inside and I am sure you know how he really feels about you. Listen to your instincts and go with those. I wish you all the very best.
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