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was she using me?
yeah i really need to just let it out and know someone heard me, and a journal just doesn't work in this case..
i'm not gonna be a little bitch and cuss every damn second, err...i do...so not more than my usual.
okay i don't even think victoria likes me one damn bit..
i read her bulletins and yes, i am obsessed, i'll admit to that, but anyway, she's saying almost the exact same fucking things to this "tommy" guy that she did to me! what the fuck...what i'm wondering is does she just like me as a friend, or is it me who drove her away with my shitty personality? i can't stop fucking drinking, and i'm like running really really low, and that's my emergency stock, for something like this..
or was i just a part-time guy? since she had recently gotten over her boyfriend of like 2 1/2 years...and i was nice, mostly because of wayne..then i actually got to really like her...what do i do? since i can't just suck it up, and deal with it, this is different than all those other times..fuck i don't know, i pissed off, especially what happened today...
we were planning to see each other today, i was going to take my 6th drive, so i could finish the course, and i would walk over to her place, like 3 miles, it'd be worth it. but she needed to ask her mom, i was assuming a no. but anyway her mom said no...i got a little depressed, but that's like the 7th time in a row, so you know, i get used to it. i can't talk to her, only IM, which isn't like hearing a voice, so i'm like slowly losing it. back to the thing-she said the only good thing out of it was that anytime she has a friend over she gets distracted from her schoolwork (she said i inspired her to do more...i don't know if it was a line or the truth...i don't know fact from fiction anymore..) but we were just talking...then all of a sudden "tommy" shows up. what the hell?
1.) she said her mom said that no one could come over
2.) she said friends during the weekdays is not good
3.) she said she wasn't gonna have anyone over
and this dude shows up..how does that make sense.
oh and she said her friend lost her phone charger, so i'm trying to get a hold of her friend to verify...everything's turning for the worst, i need to find out, you know? then she tells me that he's taking her out to dinner...it just gets worse and worse, i was seriously gonna shut the labtop and fucking lose it. and "tommy" wanted to talk to me for a while, and he said i was a conceited, pessimistic emo....come the fuck on, i wish i was at victoria's house then, i don't give a fuck that she doesn't want me to kick her friends' ass, i draw the fucking line right there, that's bull shit! then he said she spilled soda on the floor, and he called her an idiot...seriously...i said accidents happen so shut the fuck up....and he called me over-protective, i swear i wish i could have beat his ass down to the ground. and i'm confused since i don't know if i was a part-time thing, or something....and why would she say the same thing to me as she did to that guy...and all he had said in a text was "you are perfect for me. Only a matter of days till I can see you, again. I miss those beautiful cheekbones, and driving you to get coffee at midnight"
hell i came up with better shit than that. and she's all absorbed into him...damn i don't know, i'm just fucking pissed off. fuck...this was why i didn't want to, yeah it's cliche, but "fall in love" you know? not literally, but that's what i first thought of. but why the fuck did it happen to me, why do i deserve to have this happen..and to think what i almost did, and she thinks tommy's bull shit can beat what she has done for me, all those songs were in vain...i don't even want to sing to her knowing that she likes someone else...that kinda the reason i was gonna talk to her best friend, all i care about is that she likes me more than a friend, i can work out the rest, but fuck! damn it! i'm drinking as i type and i'm like........fuck!!
well so what do you think? am i just being screwed over or what? and if so...what do i do? i can't just say "screw it, i'll get over her right now" i never felt this way before and i got the short end of the stick. yeah i'm willing to wait for her to like me.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Yes, this girl was using you just so she could of company,not feel lonely,of course you need to find out if all that stuff she was saying was the truth,I can understand that you are willing not to give up but ask yourself though is it really worth it? But anyways that since you don't want to give her up you also need to get this tommy boy out of the picture by you getting her to see how he treats her,that you know how to treat her well,be a respectful person to her,and be the perfect guy for her.But, if I were you I wouldn't bother because you deserve better.
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Alcohol can really screw up your head and I feel that you are not thinking straight at all. You have issues with a lot of things and the only way to sort them out it to stop drinking for a while. Take everything one step at a time and write down all the grievances that you have with your friend and Tommy. Try to work out exactly what it is you feel about it all and then come up with alternative thoughts. Try turning it all around from aggression to compassion and cut out the bad language. The more you swear and work yourself into a fury, the worse you will feel. Only you can sort yourself out and think yourself into a better frame of mind.
Give yourself some time and space away from your friend in order that you can really sort out how you feel about her. If you then feel she is just screwing you over, find yourself alternative friends to be with. All the best.
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You are seriously demented mate !!
I just spent ages readin all that crap and i didn't understand a word of it !!
Probably bcz your every other word wz fuk !!
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