A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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has anyone here worked at Outback as a server? or had a friend or family member that has? im thinking about applying there and i'd just like to hear about what its like from someone who's worked there. i know i could ask the managers or whatever if i get interviewed but i mean they'd probably sugar coat and i feel like i'd just get a more honest answer from someone who actually serves or has. i have almost 2 years waitressing experience so im not really worried about that. im just possibly gonna be looking for a new job because where im at now i only get like two nights a week, maybe three and nights are always slow. they get all their good business at lunchtime when im in school so theres not many busy nights. so im workin only 10-12 hours a week and tips just dont cut it on slow nights and i need a bigger cash flow. i'd just like to know stuff like how the environment is, if they pool tips, if it's good money [and i just turned 18 so i would be able to serve alcohol], if there's any crazy policies or anything like that. just anything you could tell me would be great. thanks! (link)
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Tipshare is 3 percent. So 3% of your sales you pay to the house. You keep the rest.
Is it busy and is it in a relatively affluent part of town? Or is it three blocks from the projects?
If its busy and in a decent part of town, its worth it. You'll get a decent tip percentage and the tables are going to be high dollar because their menu is expensive.
That being said, being left 5 bucks can hurt ALOT more at outback. My girlfriend got 5 on 150 part of 4 (no grat under 8 people) and with 3% tip out she got less than a dollar for a high maintenance table.
Its really just like every other restaurant job, but its a bit easier because you usually only have 3 tables max as opposed to 4-6 you might have at other places.
The biggest downside, is if you have a shitty night with crappy tippers, you can tip out 15-20 dollars and walk away with not much more in take home tips.
Well, thats the second biggest downside. The biggest downside is that you are working in food service, making money based on the mood and kindness of the general public, and working alongside at least some people who have nothing more to offer the world than being in food service.
Guage the area and go in on friday and saturday to see who goes there to eat.
Is it a bunch of families in wal mart clothes, or are there some people in business attire? Just get a sense of the atmosphere, because if you get a job there these people are your rent (or other applicable money sink) check.
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16/f
ok. so long story short.
i had protected sex with this guy at like 2 in the morning but i didnt take my pill until 7 or 730 the same morning and i usually take it at night.well he didnt cum but i know there is precum that guys dont feel coming out. so i started feeling bad about 2 or 3 weeks after having sex and then my period was a day or two late and it was super spotty. i usually bleed through a tampon in 4 or 5 hours but i didnt wear a tampon or a pad and the blood didnt leak and it never came out with my pee but it was there when i wiped and after a day or two the blood was pinkish orange. well i dont know if im pregnant so i went to the doctor and they told me to wait three more weeks to take a test. i just want to know if anyone has had these sames symptoms or just any advice would be great. thanks
(link)
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Take a pregnancy test.
The best time is in the morning, as your body has had all night to pump things like the hormones that indicate pregnancy into your bladder, so you are more likely to get an accurate result if you are pregnant.
If that one is negative, wait a week, and take another one.
If those are both clear, you can call a doctor if you like but 99.9% chance you are not pregnant, considering it will have been nearly a month since you had sex if not more.
Your chances are low. Missing a pill by 12 hours or less but taking it and continuing presents some risk but not that much. Plus, you were protected, and you said he didn't orgasm. I assume protected means condom.
More than likely not pregnant.
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so, this is kinda a long story..i don't really know what to do..my boyfriend tells me that my mom treats me like shit and i let it happen..i mean she says the most hurtful things you could think of..like "if i knew you were gonna be like this i'd never have you" or pretty much, "i wish you were never born"..am i that bad?! my boyfriend says it's her that's a bitch, and my mom tells everyone in my family that i never do what she asks, which is bullshit..so now everyone is giving me crap about it..i go to college..i'm 18..my boyfriend says i'm old enough to make my own decisions but until i understand that, my mom is just going to keep treating me like shit..but i still have that respect for my parents..i do what i can..i'm the youngest and my two brothers, one who she favors, moved out a long time ago, and my sisters got married when i was younger..i'll stop here. (link)
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Oi christ.
Your mother wants something to feel in control of. You're trying to exercise your freedom and shes trying to slap you down to the point that you will let her control you again.
There is no simple solution to this.
Your mother is this kind of person. You have several different choices to make.
First, will you accept this? Are you going to accept that your mother is a flawed, controlling person and try to love her anyway, or will you say "I can't take this, its not fair of her to be this way, and I can't be in contact with her because its more hurtful than its worth"
That was my choice, at least. I do not speak to my family any more. You my not want to, or may not be able to make that choice, its entirely up to you.
If you do accept them, you then have to decide if you cowtow to keep the peace or if you resist and fight back a little.
You know what the problem is here? You're afraid to have your own opinion.
Lets see. I think I saw "My boyfriend says" four times. Its great that he has an opinion and all, but what about you?
I havent seen a single thing about how _you_ feel.
How the hell do you feel?
Your boyfriend may well be right (it kinda sound like it from what you said) but it doesnt make a shits worth of difference if you don't have your own opinion. You need to sit down and think about this. Ask yourself and don't let yourself lie. Don't make excuses. Just ask "how does this make me feel, and why do I feel this way" and start trying to work out what YOU think.
What YOU say. Not your boyfriend, not your mother, not your family. You're 18. It IS time to grow up. It IS time you made your own decisions.
::Edit::
You know, I can't respond directly to GilbertMar, because I have not yet been a parent.
But, rebelliousness is preprogramed into kids (so preparing yourself for it mentally seems like a logical jump) and if kids are so much of a burden then maybe you shouldn't have reproduced in the first place...
Is a child who is raised improperly, emotionally neglected, used to satisfy the parent's various psychological needs without regards to the child's, supposed to be grateful? You act as if bad parents do not exist.
If you are expecting, and you think you gave up so much to become one, then please get yourself sterilized, or at least consider abortion. We've already got 6 billion self centered retarded jackasses on this planet, we won't miss your addition.
Contrary to popular belief, every life that enters this world is NOT a miracle. Was the day Hitler was born a miracle for the world?
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my friend wanted to suck my blood because he claims hes a vampire. so i thought, cool! why not? well, when the time came for me to slit my wrist, i dug a little to deep and went a little fast, because it CUT MY WRIST, WIDE OPEN. i had used a razor and it made a very fine, half-inch-wide cut on my arm. i freaked out, and had to show my parents. but to keep them from thinking i needed help, i told them it was blodlust. but now the think im losing my faith in God, and my moms mad cuz she knows i wasnt raised this way. i was raised in a christian environment. and i know that. im not losing my faith, im still a christian. but i do have a fasination with dark stuff. eg: im emo/goth. i wear all black and really thick eye liner and i dyed my hair black. ive been severely depressed for about 3 years. i used to cut, and they found out. i also enjoy twilight and other vampire stories. i like scary movies that have to do with demons and vampires and stuff that really would not please my parents. i dont know why i like that stuff, but its a lot better than romance novels and chick flicks, in my opinion.
but my dad is sort of in shock about the whole bit on my wrist, and for today, at least, they have locked me up in the house and i cant leave unless its to let out my neighbor's dogs. i dont think what i did was a very big deal, and i dont think they care about my well-being at all. i think they just dont wanna look like bad parents because their oldest daughter slit her wrist so some guy could suck her blood.
they think i need help and i know there is nothing wrong with me. so now they barely let me out of their sight and im sick to death of it!! all i can do is schoolwork and get on my computer or read and im totally done.
what do i do? how do i convince them that nothing is wrong?? why cant they just let go?
im 16/f, btw. (link)
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::Edit::
Hah. I dare because its true, kid. You're angry because I struck a nerve, which means I'm closer than you want to believe.
And the vast majority of people would say you need help far more than I, then again I don't go advertising my oddities to the world as you do.
Get some perspective, oh young self righteous teenager, sucking blood is not normal, or ok. Cutting your wrist and thinking its ok is not normal, or ok.
You lack basic self preservational instincts. Perhaps you should speak to a psychologist to correct whatever chemical imbalance exists within your brain tissue before you do something even more monumentally stupid.
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I am joining cheeleading very soon, and well that and my academic team will take up alot of time, in my life were I can't text my almost boyfriend. I don't want to loose him, or I don't wanna stop giving him all day attention, but i've always wanted to be a cheerleader and here is my time. I joined the school academic team when school started so i can't do anything about that, that takes up 2hrs a week (mondays and wensdays) but cheerleading takes up to about 2 hours a day (every day) and then 1 game per week. What time do I have for him?? (link)
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All day attention is not necessary for a healthy relationship.
And in the end, I think you'd regret not being a cheerleader far more than the loss of a high school boyfriend.
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So- I am in LOVE with the new iTouch from apple!! I have two questions.. First of all, does anyone have the iTouch and what is your opinion/review of it? Also, this is for people who may or may not have the iTouch- currently it is priced at approximately $120-130, what do you think the price will be around Christmas time? Will it stay the same or do you think it may potentially drop a little? THANK YOUU! :] (link)
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Never in the history of the retail industry has a company dropped the price of a recently released popular item just before Christmas. Maybe by next summer when they have something newer and better.
Maybe.
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My boyfriend and i had intercourse last night. he came pretty fast. then he was like let me get another condom. and he asked me to give him head to start him off. well, he wouldn't get hard and he was really embarrassed. is that something i should be concerned about for him? If it is something i should be concerned about, what should I do about it?
And he told me, the longer you go without cumming the faster you will cum. is that true?
Thank you for the help!
I appreciate it =]
(link)
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Yes, the longer you go without release the faster you climax. Simply put, men build sexual tension constantly. The more we build the harder it is to resist the compulsion to climax.
He was probably embarrassed about cumming fast. You shouldn't be that concerned, he was just self conscious, even guys can't get hard if theyre thinking more about being laughed at than having fun.
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I met this guy over the summer. we talked once. I met him on halloween at his big party. he kept flirting with me, he was really sweet. later on a bunch of us (guys from my school who he knew also & my cousins & her friends) all started party hopping. it was fun & he was such a sweetie all nite.
After that night, we talkedd on aim a lot. I was really starting to like him.! so I realized that one of my friends knew him and I asked her about him. she told me; "oh yea. are u guys talking?" I said we were just attracted to each other but weren't talking like that." then she said "oh because you know he has a gf of 10 months!" WOWWWW. I told her I'd confront him & I did. he called me and he admitted he did, but I had reminded him of his 1st love. we talkd on the phone more for about 2hours. I knew I should hav just got off the phone after I asked and been done. he kept flirting & I wuldnt flirt back & he'd say "gosh you remind me of her so much blah." ugggh. its so wrong.
the next week my cousin and I had a house to ourselves & her & him talk as friends & she wanted him to come over. I said ok, so we could all hang out. We watched funny youtube videos. I was really starting to like him unfortunately.! We were watching a movie & got bored & started talking. We were talking TOO much, started kissing, & stuff happened, but not sex. I am NOT the type of girl to do that I don't know why I did that. after we were done. We talked for about an hour. he said he felt really bad & I did too. I asked about his girlfriend and it sounded like she didn't have time for him. she never shows up to any of his football games, she never calls them, they text only after school, and never wants to hang out over the weekend. I can say I didn't believe him at first, but our mutual friend agreed.
The next night he invited us to a party. We got lost & he left the party super far away to meet us. he even took his friends car. But anyways, All of his gf's friends were there except her. We then left with him in different cars & stayed later.
But wow. I feel really bad. He really wants me to his game friday. I want to, but I just want to be done with him. I'm disappointed in myself, I know what it feels like to be cheated on. I don't know how to let him go? wat to say or anything?
(link)
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::Edit - Response to feedback::
You did screw up. Messing around with guys in relationships is no go. But people make mistakes and it doesn't sound like you pursued him without regard to his status, you just like him. The badness is more on his side than yours.
That being said, I understand unhappiness. If he truly ISNT happy and he's straying, he needs to nut up and break up. Part of becoming a man is learning to make the tough choices when theyre the ones you need to make.
Plus, you havent given me any indication that hes lied to you. It sounds like he's a decent guy who has screwed up because he is screwed up (in the head) and doesn't know how to get himself out of his situation.
Your job is to stand back. If you want him, tell him so, but don't see him again until he can take you out on a date as a single guy.
Tell him to break up with his girlfriend and date you. Tell him you can't see him again until he does that, because you don't want to be just friends and you don't want to be his "other woman"
Tell him that you don't deserve less, and you'll do more for him than she will. If he tells you all these things and can't leave her, then either he's lying or has some dependency issues you don't want to deal with.
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okk.
I want a phone REALLYYY BADD!!
but my stupidd dad wont let mee have onee!
How can i get him to give me onee?
Because he wantss a good reason..
(link)
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At this point, you probably can't. Parents tell you that they want a good reason because they know you don't have one. If you did, he would have just said no.
He knows that you want one, rather than need one. He knows you want to be cool, and fit in, so on and so forth. He doesnt care, because more than likely in his eyes you aren't ready for the responsibility and adults don't give the slightest consideration to "but I'm the only one who doesnt have ____" arguments.
You want to make some headway, ask him what his reasons are for NOT giving you one. You won't be able to convince him with your own at this point more than likely, so try to see if you can eliminate his reasons not to. Ask him, let him talk, don't argue, and then take some time afterwards to see if there are ways you can eliminate his worries.
Example.
Were I a parent, and my (I'm guessing you're 13-14 or younger) kid came to me saying they wanted a cell phone, I'd say no.
My reasons would be as follows.
- Allows you contact with people that I cannot fully monitor (and thus not protect you from anything)
- Allows you to spend money that isnt yours by going over phone plans and such.
- Gives you a reason to stay up till all hours using your phone to talk to people.
- Something to get lost (if our kids have a history of losing and breaking expensive toys)
Simply put, as a parent its his job to protect you, even from yourself. One of the things teens pay no attention to is that just because the majority of people have something or do something doesn't mean the majority is ready for it. His decisions are based on his evaluation of YOUR maturity and responsibility, and you're going to have to surprise him to change his mind.
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i had this guy over. funny story. i was trying to make macaroni and cheese, yes i've never made it by myself before. well i ended up spilling water all over myself and so i took my shirt off and was in my bra, no big deal to me. my parents were gone at the moment. well the garage was open so i couldn't hear my parents come in. i just never put a shirt back on and we were in my room like cuddling and all of a sudden i heard my dads voice coming upstairs i was like OH CRAP and i tried to grab a sweatshirt from the ground quick and as i was doing it, i look over and saw my dad standing there staring at me. i knew i was caught, so embarassing and he was like whose here? and i told him. and then that was it. well when this guy left my dad comes and talks to me and was like what were you doing with him, with your shirt off? and i was like i spilled on myself and i was changing! and he was like yeah okay, he was like i don't care if you mess around with him, just be smart about it (awkward) so now when i see him i'm going to feel SO weird, and its going to be awkard because i think he knows what really was going on. i don't know what to do.
17/f by the way (link)
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I'm going to echo Thelaura.
Your parents arent stupid. How do you think you got here? I guarantee your parents didn't just have sex once each time they wanted a kid. Scary and disturbing to most people (I have no clue why) but your parents are sexual people too.
This isnt a big deal. It'll be awkward for a while. That depends mostly on you, because your father apparently isnt that worried about it.
As much as parents usually want to believe their kids can be innocent forever, most eventually come to terms with it. Your father knows you're going to have sex, he knows you're going to do things with guys. It sounds like he's relatively prepared for it, and its about time to come out of denial that your parents see you as some perfect innocent flower who would never, ever let a guy touch her.
Don't do anything about it. If you want to talk about it, go talk to him. If not, just deal with the awkwardness until it goes away. If you can't get over it, then you probably should go talk to him about it at some point.
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So me n this guy (Joe) have liked eachother for about two months. Before that..we were really good friends and we realized it was something more. The thing is..our little relationship hasnt gone anywhere..he still considers me his "friend" and i just dont understand why. Sometimes we hang out as friends and sometimes we hang out as more than friends but we dont hookup..im confused about this..i want have a relationship with him while he wants to be friends with me..it makes me mad because if he doesnt want to be more than i wanna move on..
i need advice on how to handle this! (link)
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Hmm.
I'm thinking shyness. Its the most common answer to a question like that.
I'd say talk to him. Ask him if he wants you to be his girlfriend. If he says yes, walk over to the poor kid and kiss him.
There needs to be more communication. Its not impossible that theres something else, but if you both want it and its not going anywhere, then maybe add a little fuel to the fire.
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i cheated on my bf, he found out, we broke up. he forgave me but we are not dating. he is at an away college. he doesnt want to have a long distance relationship so when school is out he will come back and we can try again. he is allowed to go on dates while he is at school. he can party and everything else and doesnt have to tell me. since im the one who messed up and is trying to earn his trust back, if i go out w friends or date, i have to tell him. so my question now is, is it fair? (link)
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No.
Of course its not fair.
None of it is. What hes doing to you isnt fair, what you did to him isnt fair.
Fair is irrelevant. Its about what you want and what you'll compromise on.
Are you willing to date a guy who wants to have you guaranteed when he comes home, but doesn't want to maintain a relationship until its convenient? He wants you...but not that much?
You're both kinda being fucked up people, question is, are you going to live with it, speak up about it, or break up over it?
Relationships aren't fair. They are compromises. Compromises mean that everything is not 50/50, but rather that both people get what they need.
You two need to talk, if nothing else. He's being a little shit to get laid right now, and wants to come back when he can come home and get laid again. He's disguising selfishness as "im hurt and I need time" or whatever, which is a really fucked up thing to do.
You screwed up. Honest appraisal, from his initial reaction if nothing else this will come up every major fight and every time he feels the need to slap you down for not being grateful enough that he stayed with you. He will erode what self confidence you have left until you couldn't imagine leaving him if for no other reason than that you don't deserve to as long as he'll have you.
Or some other similarly stupid bullshit.
Get out now. Get yourself together. Stop talking to him. Tell him that you're sorry, but you screwed things too much, and you won't be able to forgive yourself for it as long as you are with him.
And use it to teach yourself a lesson. Don't. Fuck. Up.
Period.
You sound like a nice girl with terrible judgement. Everyone makes mistakes, but mistakes like these arent the same as knocking over something expensive or accidentally calling your mother in law annoying within her hearing range. Regardless of the fact that your boyfriend seems to be a selfish asshole who is using this situation to his advantage for the purpose of sex with people not you, he WAS hurt by this. I'm quite sure theres a revenge aspect to this.
That being said, you will NEVER have a decent relationship with someone who would "get revenge" on his girlfriend (especially with sex) and whom you have handed the ULTIMATE clear card to.
"Oh, you want me to do something? Well, I can't because you cheated on me. Oh, I forgot to do what I said I was going to do ten times? Well I was thinking about the fact that you cheated on me. Did I do something stupid that cost us alot of money? Well, you cheated on me..."
If you aren't at the break up point now, at least open your eyes and talk to him. Let this question be the voice in the back of your head that asks "is it really OK for him to do this to a partner?"
::Edit::
As always Rahzie hit the nail on the head with far more elegance than I could ever muster.
Obey her, she knows what she's talking about.
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I am a 17 year old male.
There is this girl who is a freshman and I am a senior.
I wanted to know if she is too young for me to date. (link)
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Despite being a senior, the fact that you said "Male" instead of "dude" "guy" "man" or something similarly idiotic implies that you might be relatively safe.
Then again, your use of the word "male" could mean absolutely nothing about you, and generally speaking its kinda frowned upon. Plus, its going to suck being in college and visiting your high school girlfriend.
Do yourself a favor. Nothing serious until you fall in love with your soulmate freshman year in college (only to break up in the middle of a party the following summer)
If thats agreeable to you, then shes kinda off limits, because its really screwed up to screw and leave a 13 year old.
Oh yeah, and it'll be illegal in less than a year. No state allows more than a 3 year age difference, most its 2 if one of you is 18.
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I'll be the first to admit that I'm completely taken advantage of. Everyone describes me as the "nicest person they have ever met". And I couldn't agree more with them.
Making people happy is my main focus in life. It's always others before me. I'm there to comfort my friends, pay for everything(I have given a friend $2,000 to get a car when my own car is completely broke), drive them places (including three hours just to comfort them), do the stupid shit to make them happy (ex: make them crafts, bake them cakes..ect.), the word "no" does not exist in my vocabulary and provide or find entertainment for them when they are bored. It makes me feel so good to do so much for them.
At the same time being nice is my weakness. I have a love hate relationship with it. I love seeing people content and happy with their life. I see how much value I put into people but they usually don't realize it. Lately I've been crying about this because I'm not sure how to handle this. I've had things stolen from me, people ditch me, using me for my kindness, only calling when they want something or when it's convient for them. I "thought" I had friends but when it comes down to it I couldn't be more alone.
I can't say "no, I won't help you" or leave anyone stranded. I have tried to confront people about using me before but it only makes the situation worse. And I was never raised to be mean. Does anyone else have this problem? And for the people who actually do have a back bone...can you provide suggestions for me?
I always tell myself karma will be good to be someday. But I'm finding my optistic views slowly thinking otherwise.
Thank you! (link)
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Shit.
Sorry, I'm sure thats quite the auspicious beginning.
Cynicism is often the result of the crashed and burned idealist.
Thats also quite an accurate description of me. Thats part of my disclaimer. Pretty much all of this is my opinion. I could be wrong, I don't think I am, and I will tell you to read with a grain of salt.
Consider me heavily biased.
You're not stupid. You know that you are being used, you know it upsets you that you are being used, and you know that it fucks with you because you wish everyone else was as nice to everyone else as you are to everyone else.
In the real world, thats not how it works.
My idealism as a youth came from the same place yours did. I had the capability to like everyone, because I never had a problem with people being different from me. There was a time when I was as giving as you as well, but that was gone by about 13, I was where you are at about 8, and at that age I just stopped caring about making sure EVERYONE around me was as well off. I sort of just decided it wasnt my responsibility (and I still believe that it isnt) and that was that.
It won't be that easy for you, because as a guy I work off logic, and you work off emotion, so the decision for me didn't make me feel that bad when I didn't help someone who I didn't like even if they really needed it.
But I predict that thats about whats going to happen to you.
The next step for me, was the realization that live and let live was not possible. I tried going about my life, minding my business, and leaving everyone to happily deal with theirs. I was perfectly willing to step out of someones way. Problem is, some people are willing to step into yours.
This brought the realization that I was going to have enemies. Unless I lived like mahatma ghandi and gave equally to everyone I could people were going to, if nothing else, view the fact that I would do things for my friends and not for them as an insult and dislike me.
Those people who use. Well, they live in denial. They find ways to justify it. Something about who they are gives them the right to be a leech (in their own assholeish opinions). They don't like people like me. Because I recognize leeches, and I am politely indifferent to them, and do not allow myself to be used. Thus they feel both exposed and indignant and immediately hate me. I've had to quit a job recently because the drama like this was so bad.
When you hit the point of being sick of being used (possibly a result of a future relationship with some guy who repeatedly hammers into your skull that you don't have to be used to be worthwhile until it sinks in a little bit) and stop letting yourself, even being nice will net you negative feelings.
You're going to have to deal with that. Thats going to suck, because people will dislike you for the stupidest reasons, but the harder a target you are to crack the more you piss these people off. Its actually kind of twisted, because they hate not getting the better of you. They hate this because they feel as if they are somehow superior people to you.
Leeches who constantly ask you for shit and use you because theyre too damn lazy to do things for themselves feel superior to you.
Stupid, right?
This world will allow blind optimism. If you were a simple sweet utterly oblivious girl you'd have no problems. But the world isnt that pretty, and the simple fact is that there are people in this world who will use you up and toss you aside simply because it was convenient for them and with no more remorse than stepping on an ant.
If you can't live with being used, you're going to have to start picking. Find people you can trust, find people whos JUDGMENT you trust. I have several friends who I trust to call them and ask them honestly if I'm screwed up or if I'm right. Invest in these people. Call these people. Theyre fewer, and harder to find. But when you have a friend in your life who genuinely cares about how you're doing because they know you genuinely care about them, its worth a hundred people who will just like you because you give things to them.
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i'm a sixteen year old girl and i think i might be a lesbian, but i'm really confused and when a guy friend of mine asked me out a few days ago i just said yes because i'm so confused and i guess i was flattered but i'm really not attracted to him. i don't want to hurt his feelings or freak him out and i'm just so lost. what should i do? (link)
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End it immediately and be honest with him why. Tell him you were struggling with it and you've been very confused lately, and you shouldn't have said yes. Obviously its not his fault, but you shouldn't be dating anyone right now in this mental state.
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i told this girl how i felt and she said it was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to her but didnt feel the same way and ever since then she's been talking to me nonstop what does this mean? (link)
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Do you like her?
Stop talking to her. Tell her that you still like her (Obviously) but that it hurts that she doesnt feel the same way and you need to not talk to her for a few days or a week. Tell her you need time to get yourself together.
Wait four days, and give her a call telling her you missed her. Tell her that you like her, and you don't want to give that up, so you're just going to keep asking her out until she says yes.
The point of this is, to make her miss you, then tell her you missed her. Then state your intention that your relationship is NOT just friends.
From that point on, ask her out every other day. Do it at a different time every day, and otherwise act completely normal around her.
Do the following as well.
-Compliment something about her at least every other day. You don't want to compliment her every conversation, just often enough to tell her you notice things. Compliment her appearance (Nice hair, nice shoes, pretty earrings) Compliment her eyes.
- Eye contact - Looking someone in the eyes shows confidence, interest, and attention. When you talk to her, look at her face. If her eyes meet yours, smile a tiny bit, and don't look away for a few seconds. Don't stare at her, but train yourself to keep looking if your eyes meet hers and not to look away. When you do look away, look up or to the side at something, not down. Looking down indicates nervousness.
- Smile - Its simple, but smile at her. Don't grin, but when you're talking to her about things smile when she says something funny, or when shes cute. Smiling also shows confidence and interest, and enjoyment.
Alright, so now we get to what women want.
What do girls your age want?
-They want to be wanted or needed
-They want you to make each other smile
-They want to feel excited around you
Usually ending up in the "friend trap" situation means you lack the excitement aspect. Get a hobby. Go learn to be great at pool, or something ridiculous. My random party trick is fire blowing. No, I am not telling you to go blow fire. Please don't, actually, because I think I could be held somewhat liable if you incinerate yourself.
Point being, if I walk into a party and blow a 15 foot flame burst out my mouth, girls like it. Develop something somewhat unique to yourself that makes you cool. Something you can get good at and show off.
I can't guarantee you this girl will come around, but if she could you've got a good plan for being persistent. In the future, the biggest thing you need to remember is that its actually a very BAD idea to become close friends with a girl before expressing interest. Even if you get shot down, persistence can pay off. So hang out with her and talk to her, and ask her out every other day and tell her its because shes fun, cute, and generally amazing.
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sorry this is so long but i really need advice, i know i'm not suppose to say this but really i will give 5 to anyone who answers because i'm so lost..
i made a huge mistake, i wish i never was put in this situation but i realize i have to deal with it now. my best friend for three and a half years has a girlfriend of two years. a couple weekends ago we were talking about sex and somehow we got to talking about us. i admit, i am horny i am a virgin im 18 years old. so when was like "hell yeah i wanna have sex with you" i really did mean it. i know that it's wrong to do though. he is the one i want to be intimate with, i've always liked him. different guys have wanted to do things with me but i can't do it with them, i always find myself thinking, "i want to do it with my best friend.." but i don't want to feel like i'm being used, and i don't want to lose it to someone who has a giflriend. well we were talking about this two weekends ago and i was like sorry cant this weekend i have my period so i was like in two weeks we can and then last night he texted me and was like.."we still doing it this weekend?" i was like haha yeah! so now he still thinks were doing it but i definately have been having doubts. there are so many reasons why i shouldn't but i REALLY want to with him. it's been weird this week i have been having dreams about us, and getting sexual. i've been thinking about it so much. the thing is if i don't do it with him i feel like he would think i was a tease. i know he is going to text me and be like, "ready?!" and i don't know if i should tell him in a text or have him come over and then explain to him. if he comes over though he will be excited because he will think he is getting "some" and then i would say like, "you know i really want to do it with you but the fact that you have a girlfriend, just makes me know that its wrong." and then after he wouldn't know what to say and things would be awkward but i still really want to hang out with him. i am so torn, i don't know what to do. i am the WORST at talking about things like this, i've never had an actual boyfriend which makes it worse. i can't resist this kid, everytime i'm around him i WANT HIM. but he seems to "want his cake, and eat it too" which makes me sad but i feel like degrading myself and just doing it because to me, it's something i feel comfortable doing with him and only him. i'm not the girl who is like oh i have to do it just to do it. well i would really appreciate if someone could help. thank you so much (link)
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Ok.
First.
Don't.
Guys... deep deep down we're all whores. Every single one of us. Some of us have a little less shyness in expressing it.
The simple fact is that generally maybe one in twenty guys will resist what you're offering, the rest of us will do it, regardless of how wrong it is.
Not an excuse, but something of a reality.
Anyway, don't be that girl. Don't be that girl that a boyfriend cheats on his girlfriend with. Especially if you like him, because thats all you'll ever be. If you don't hold that standard for guys we certainly won't. Well, most of us.
Tell him you can't. Tell him the truth, that its because you like him alot and you don't want him on those terms. Text him. Tell him that you want to see him, but sex is off the table.
You can't lower yourself. Even at the cost of his friendship, because in the end you will still cost his friendship. If hes getting laid for little to no effort, when you become uncomfy with it and stop its going to cause alot of issues between the two of you. You already want more, having sex without getting it is a terrible idea in any situation.
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I'm 16/f and a junior in High school. I've liked plenty of guys and have had a few friends and all but, if I can't talk about "doing it" with someone, or wearing tighter clothes, I don't fit in, or I'm not "hot enough" to date anyone. I'm so sick of this. I feel like a complete loser because I haven't slept with a guy (or even kissed one for that matter). It's annoying, I just want to get through High school, but it's hard when you have to do certain things to be friends with people. Any advice?
HSBLE (link)
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Ok.
Heres how people like that work.
These people are teens. Which means, that regardless of how much they pretend otherwise, they haven't got a clue what theyre supposed to be doing, to like, to dislike on a daily basis.
So, you have a bunch of teens who are clueless about what they should be doing, and how do they figure it out? They let someone tell them, and then go to everyone they know for confirmation.
Every time someone does the same things and acts the same way, they all feel like they are being told that theyre right. Everyone does the same things, and acts as if the fact that they all do it is proof enough that its right.
Enter you. You don't do what they do, for whatever reason. You havent felt the need to dress like a complete slut, act like a complete slut, in order to get attention. You feel as if you're fine without all that crap.
That scares them. They can't understand why you wouldn't act like them. They think there must be something wrong with you, because if theyre right you have to be wrong.
Thats another common teenaged misconception. Because everyone wants to be better than someone else, everyone who is different HAS to be a lesser person than you are in some way.
What do you do? Make your choices and be proud of them. If someone asks why, say "Its whats right for me". Tell them everyone has the right to chose what they want to do, and you have your reasons for what you choose.
The trick to all of this, is to let people know that you are making your own choices and you have your own reasons. Use things like "it works for me" to express that. If you let people know that you don't have a problem with who they are or what they do, that theyre just fine making their decisions just like you're fine making yours, everyone can be a little more ok.
And the easiest way to disarm the "why havent you been with a guy or have a boyfriend right now" is this.
"I haven't come across a guy that I knew well enough and trusted enough to go that far with. Its important to me that sex be more than physical, and I want to have that emotional connection because I think it would be empty for me without it"
Paraphrase, use to your desire. Its all about how you express yourself.
As far as guys go, pick one you like, smile at him, and ask him about himself. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. If the guy asks you questions about yourself in return, hes at least first date worthy.
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Well, my mom and dad said they would buy me a new laptop for christmas because my current one is almost 3 years old. I have NO idea what to ask for. They want:
- Under 600 dollers
- durable
I want:
-Fast internet
-exceptional webcam with mic.
-lots of storage
-preferrably small
Ugh, it seems it's impossible to meet all those requirements for a low price, but I desperately need a new laptop. Mine's slow plus it's missing 2 keys! It's pretty ancient. What are some good deals? Thanks SO much! (link)
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You get what you pay for. Remember that.
Honestly, you want dell.com and you want a 4 year warranty. Its going to cost more, but you can start at the bottom and upgrade what you need.
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15/f
my mom died about six weeks after my twin sister and i were born and it left my dad single with like five girls. so this was really sad so ive never really asked my dad about it or anything and i was just wondering if there is a place online that i can read her obituary and stuff or soemthing cause i really want to know about her and stuff. it sucks that the one person that would have loved me more than anyone else in the world is the one person i will never get to meet and i just want some information.
thanks :) (link)
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I don't have an answer to your question, but I'd like to give you a hug.
/hug
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