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I'm not a slut
I'm 16/f and a junior in High school. I've liked plenty of guys and have had a few friends and all but, if I can't talk about "doing it" with someone, or wearing tighter clothes, I don't fit in, or I'm not "hot enough" to date anyone. I'm so sick of this. I feel like a complete loser because I haven't slept with a guy (or even kissed one for that matter). It's annoying, I just want to get through High school, but it's hard when you have to do certain things to be friends with people. Any advice?
HSBLE
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it sounds like you feel you have to prove something to these people but at the end of the day just be yourself. You dont have to fit in to this sterotype. Just do what you want with a guy in your own time and dont rush into anything. you are not a loser just sensible and when those girls that are having sex you can find someone special.
Thankyou feel free to ask for more advise -x
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i too am a high school girl and i can admit to myself that i am not the typical definition of gorgeous. but i find that when i just act like myself and try not to care about what people think i am much happier. most people are afraid of those who do not "fit in". they fear what they don't understand and mock what they are jealous of. you do not have to feel pressured to do things that aren't right for you. eventually the right guy will come along and you two will have something really special because he will respect you and love you for you. but until then, just be yourself. if it makes you feel any better, i have never kissed anyone either and i'm 17 :D
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Ok.
Heres how people like that work.
These people are teens. Which means, that regardless of how much they pretend otherwise, they haven't got a clue what theyre supposed to be doing, to like, to dislike on a daily basis.
So, you have a bunch of teens who are clueless about what they should be doing, and how do they figure it out? They let someone tell them, and then go to everyone they know for confirmation.
Every time someone does the same things and acts the same way, they all feel like they are being told that theyre right. Everyone does the same things, and acts as if the fact that they all do it is proof enough that its right.
Enter you. You don't do what they do, for whatever reason. You havent felt the need to dress like a complete slut, act like a complete slut, in order to get attention. You feel as if you're fine without all that crap.
That scares them. They can't understand why you wouldn't act like them. They think there must be something wrong with you, because if theyre right you have to be wrong.
Thats another common teenaged misconception. Because everyone wants to be better than someone else, everyone who is different HAS to be a lesser person than you are in some way.
What do you do? Make your choices and be proud of them. If someone asks why, say "Its whats right for me". Tell them everyone has the right to chose what they want to do, and you have your reasons for what you choose.
The trick to all of this, is to let people know that you are making your own choices and you have your own reasons. Use things like "it works for me" to express that. If you let people know that you don't have a problem with who they are or what they do, that theyre just fine making their decisions just like you're fine making yours, everyone can be a little more ok.
And the easiest way to disarm the "why havent you been with a guy or have a boyfriend right now" is this.
"I haven't come across a guy that I knew well enough and trusted enough to go that far with. Its important to me that sex be more than physical, and I want to have that emotional connection because I think it would be empty for me without it"
Paraphrase, use to your desire. Its all about how you express yourself.
As far as guys go, pick one you like, smile at him, and ask him about himself. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. If the guy asks you questions about yourself in return, hes at least first date worthy.
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Hey there, Im 16f as well. I think that if you have to act like someone you are not, just to fit in, you are with the wrong crowd. You shouldn't have to worry about all those nonsensical things that go with peer pressure. Its a waste of energy. Being able to express who you are and feel good about it is all that really matters. If people dont accept you for who you are, then they really arent your friends. Just because you havnt kissed a guy or slept with anyone doesnt make you any less important or any less special. That is not what is important about you. Maybe its your personality, your looks, or your athletic ability that shows who you are. Learn to accept yourself. Just get out there and be yourself! All the guys I know right now in school and around where I live are jerks. I have never been in a relationship with a guy, kissed a guy, or slept with a guy. It doesnt bother me because someone who truly loves me for who I am will come along one day and we will be together forever. You just have to be patient sometimes. Meet someone who loves to do what you love to do, then you can do that activity together. You must be comfortable in the situation to be able to talk about anything that is on your mind. And communication is always key to a successful relationship. You are NOT just good for kissing and sex. Remember it is what is INSIDE that counts.
Good Luck ;)
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I know exactly where you are coming from, and you do not need to change who you are to be friends with someone. ANd if you do then they aren't worth it. I am 17 years old and I just got my first kiss like 2 months ago, its worth it to wait, b/c it makes it so much more special. Trust me highschool is hard enough without having to worry about fitting in. But Just take your time and wait for the right moment, b/c believe it or not, the moment will come. You haven't kissed a guy yet, b/c the timing hasn't been right and that is 100% okay, I absolutely promise. I waited and I don't feel weird about it, I am not popualr with all the guys yeah it is true, but at least I have the respect. The sluts may be popluar now but it doesn't mean the guy is gonna marry them.
Please just be who you are and don't feel like a loser, b/c I feel like that too sometimes, and trust me you so aren't a loser, you ahve alot of respect for yourself and your body and that is really remarkable especailly for this day and age.
If you have any questions about highschool or need to talk, just write me, I am always here to listen to everyone :)
<3 Jeannie
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