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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
a week ago, my wife, N and i decided to adopt two female rats, R and T. i'm not sure how old they are, but i got them from petco. only after did i read somewhere where it said that petco rats are usually feeder rats. we got R two hours before deciding to buy T, and she seemed to be traumatized from being in a too-small cage with N and i just staring at her. she also bit me on the way home, and it bled a lot. eventually, we upgraded their surroundings to a rat's standards and bought everything we needed to keep a rat healthy, happy, and safe. now its a week later and our relationship with the rats is improving. T will let N and i pet her constantly, they are both grinding their teeth a lot, they don't hide as often, and they seem to recognize us. T even knows her name. she is a very sweet rat, she doesn't bite and she's very good about being touched. R, on the other hand, still doesn't let us pet her. and if she does, she whirls around and tries to bite us. since we got her, i've been bitten four times. N has been bitten twice. sometimes it draws blood and sometimes it doesn't really even hurt. we squeak every time she bites but it doesn't have an effect. i want her to get used to us, but if we let her sniff us, she bites. why does she keep doing this? how can i make her stop? thanks in advance, i do apologize for this lengthy question.
The Answer
I don't know how much rat experience you've got, but you've obviously done a good bit of research. It also sounds like you go very lucky with R - T's behavoir isn't very unusual for a rat you've only had for a week - especially if T and R didn't know each other well before become cage-mates.
There a few things to make sure of when you are approaching T.
Make sure she is clearly aware of you, make a lot of noise as you approach the cage. If she feels like she go sneaked up on, her instinct will be to bite. Also watch her closely to see if she has a hearing or sight problem (I've had a few deaf/or blind rats over the years and surprising them will ALWAYS result in the big bad bite).
You also need to make sure to to spend a good deal of time reaching into the cage to be sniffed and to offer foods and treats. Don't try to picking R up every time you open the cage.
If she was intended as a feeder rat, it's very possible you are the first people who ever tried to pick her up. It's no wonder she thinks it's not cool.
So instead of reaching out to her, close your fist, or lay your hand down flat in the cage and let her approach, sniff and nibble you on her own terms.
Also, don't squeak at her unless she is hurting you. If she is merely nibbling at you, putting her teeth on your or around you - that's part of her getting to know you, even just saying hello and looking for food. If you are squeaking every time she puts her teeth on you, you might end up with a rat who thinks she is in charge of you, rather than one that recognizes you in a friendly way. Once she thinks she's higher up in the family hierarchy than you are, there is very little you can do to convince her otherwise.
You might also consider taking away her hiding places (just temporarily, until she has more confidence). Take out the tubes and houses - just lay a large towel over the top of the cage to keep them from feeling completely exposed.
There is lots of great advice online about socializing your rat. The most important thing is patience. Rats are clever and have their own personalities - T might never be cuddly, but if give her the right messages and experiences, she'll learn she has nothing to fear from you.
(EDIT: One final possibility for aggression in a female rat - she could be pregnant. The good news is you'll know for sure in 3 weeks or less, but it's not too unusual for female rats to come from careless pet stores pregnant. Males and females should be kept separately as soon as they are weaned, but rats will do it through the bars if they can. If she is pregnant, socialization will have to wait until after she gives birth.)
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The Question
Okay so for a couple of days now my vagina has been itching and burning... I don't have sex so i dont think its an STD...Can I get anything from the store to stop it?
The Answer
Go see a doctor.
Over the counter medications do exist, but they can make things worse. First, find out what it is that is happening. Go see a doctor.
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The Question
Hi,
I am 18 years old.
I am planning to travel overseas for a few weeks this summer. I already bought the ticket, however, my parents do not want me to go. They are saying they can do something to prevent me from going. Is there a way that they can stop me from going?
*I do have OCD, and my sister is saying that because I am in therapy, she can stop me from going. Is this valid?
Thank you!
The Answer
If you are undergoing court-ordered treatment, perhaps, but if you simply have chosen therapy than no.
Generally speaking, an 18 year old American has the right obtain a passport and travel overseas without their parents permission.
They cannot legally stop you, but that doesn't mean you should ignore their concerns entirely. Parents can still make your life difficult at 18, and if they have legitimate concerns, you should at least hear them out.
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The Question
I'm a nice girl who beleives that you should treat others how you want to be treated. But I've been working at this factory until school starts again and the supervisor is just awful.
I always keep getting in trouble for no reason even though i put 100% effort into everything I do. He says I talk too much. There was this one job where I had to count all day, so I can't count and talk at the same time. But I got pulled from that job to another because, a lady told me that the supervisor said that I was talking too much. And I don't look like anyone else, so he couldn't have mistaken me for someone else.
Now he seems to just want everyone to be miserable. he doesn't want ANYONE to talk whatsoever. Obiously you shouldn't talk to much but if you are packing things it should be okay to chitchat with your partner as long as you are getting the work done. But I feel like I'm working in a sweat shop, not a factory!
Other people such as myself are getting in trouble for ridiculous things. But the owner of the company's son who works ther who is my age and his girl friend and few friends he brought to the job doesn't do SHIT. Fools around and does a half-ass job and they don't get any talking to when they're the ones who should.
When they work with us, the supervisor doesn't even come to us. But when they are not working with us, he comes over and surveys us working like a shark in a pool.
And among other things he's done, I decided that on my last day of work, I will go to his office and just lay everything to him. How he's been such an asshole to everyone, etc. Everyone said that I shouldn't do it, but really everyone's been thinking the same thing and no one is saying anything. I'm trying this new thing where I don't hold grudges, so that means I need to let it out. Plus it would be doing everyone a favour too.
I need someone else's point of view from this website. Maybe I do need job next summer, but it doesn't have to be here. But I'm just working here for now because I get a solid 40hrs every week.
The Answer
Talking to HIM on your last day of work will achieve nothing, nothing at all, except to make you look foolish, to burn bridges and possibly to make the lives of those you leave behind worse.
Although 'not holding grudges' is a good personal rule, that doesn't mean you should dump all over everyone who wrongs you.
So instead of thinking about what will feel good to get off your chest, think about what you can do to improve the work environment and address this man's behavoir.
If there is a human resource person at the company, you could ask to sit down with them at the end of your time there and ask them if there is a formal compliant process, or how exactly you can best make the issues known. You could ask for a similar meeting with your supervisor's supervisor.
But don't just 'confront' him at the end of the summer. Frankly, that's petty and mean-spirited. It's sinking to his level AND why the hell would he listen to you?
Take your complaints up the ladder, make them calmly, but formally.
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The Question
I am dating a guy for a month, and known him for two months. I am finally starting to have feelings for him, but I think he lied to me.
I found that he had a Facebook page (social page online) and he promised me he wouldn't add anymore girls on there. I just noticed he added one, and when I confronted him he said the following.......I saw a girl requested me on my cellphone (that's where he got the request) but I swear on my life & kids (he has kids) that he didn't approve her. I don't know what to think? He kept telling me he really does care for me and doesn't want to loose me. Should I let it go, or should I dump him?
I'm very confused, please help : /
I'm suppose to see him tonight, and don't know if to end this or not.
By the way, he knows I have a facebook too and yet hasn't requested me as a friend nor asked me about mine....Kinda weird too :(
The Answer
Stop the game playing. You are way too old for this shit.
You are not a teenager, you should be way past trying to make rules about who your boyfriend can friend or not friend online.
If you want to be his friend on Facebook, just add him yourself for Christ's sake.
And most importantly:
Be mature enough to realize that cheaters cheat, and that no amount of policing someone's online life will stop them from cheating if they want to cheat. People who don't cheat, don't cheat. And no amount of attractive Facebook friends of the opposite sex will turn a non-cheater into a cheater.
If your gut is telling you this guy is a cheater or a liar, than yes, you should listen to that feeling and you should dump him.
If you are throwing a fit 'cause he added some random girl on Facebook, you should also dump him - not because he's a liar - but because you have a lot of growing up to do before you are ready for a serious relationship.
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The Question
Can you get HPV from a partners unwashed genitals?
The Answer
HPV is the most common STI in existence. Almost 75% of sexually active adults will contract some strain of HPV at some point in their lives.
HPV lives inside skin cells, so it doesn't matter how well washed (or how unwashed) someone's genitals are - the risk is the same. No amount of scrubbing can clean HPV out of your cells.
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The Question
I'm looking for a black dress similar to these. What are they called?
http://intheircloset.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/alexander-wang-one-shoulder-goddess-dress-lbd-black.jpg
http://i900.photobucket.com/albums/ac207/ttivy/oneshoulder.jpg
http://cdnb.lystit.com/photos/2012/04/12/alice-olivia-black-oneshoulder-goddess-dress-product-1-3197472-073053029_medium_card.jpeg
http://media.onsugar.com/files/2010/04/16/1/422/4224411/277fe2d86a2c91bb_charlotte-russe-one-shoulder-cinched-short-dress-.jpg
And can you tell me where I can find it if you know? Thanks
The Answer
I'm afraid there isn't one good name for the dresses you've pictured here.
The things they have in common is they are all 'off one shoulder', they are all made of black jersey, and most of them are gathered along the side seam...
Searching for a 'black off one shoulder' dress will probably help you zone in on the dress if you are looking online.
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The Question
why do i want my boyfriend to be so aggressive in bed? i get pretty aggressive too but i dont get why i always crave that type of thing?
The Answer
'Cause you are human?
Wanting to be dominated in bed is the most common female sexual fantasy.
It's not really important why, in my opinion. It's perfectly normal and a lot of fun. What does it matter why?
But, if there are some theories.
Some biologists/neurologists suggest that because, for many centuries rape, and coercive sex was very, very normal for human beings, early women adapted to be aroused by being 'taken' roughly. Women who could take some pleasure in being a sexual object in that way, where more likely to survive and bear children.
I'm not sure I accept that, but it's been offered as a possible explanation.
Other explanations run the gambit from the rather nuttier second wave feminist idea that all penetrative sex is inherently violent, and women and the culture must sexual that violence to make it permissible... and still other doctors and scientists say fantasies are just fantasies and are truly nothing more than our very complex brain at work making contentions and playing games with a bundle of interesting ideas.
In the end, it really doesn't matter why. We can't ever know for sure.
What we can know is that wanting to have rough sex is not a sign of any mental problems, it's very common and very normal. As long as you and your partner are having fun and being safe, go for it.
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The Question
My boyfriend (m/25) and I (f/24) have been together for five years. I truly believe he's the one. We have stated to one another that we are soulmates. Well we have recently started unprotected sex and I'm not on birth control. I realize its risky and we should be a lot more careful.
However he called me the other day and told me he bought plan b in case just for next time. He asked if it would offend me...I don't see how it would. However I question it now and it kinda of bothers me. I feel if he loves like he says he does than wouldn't we be engaged and wouldn't he want to have kids with me?? I guess I'm confused. Mind you I'm not ready for kids...idk :/ any ideas or advice?
The Answer
I wouldn't be offended that my boyfriend took contraception seriously, I'd be offended that he didn't take is seriously enough to WEAR A CONDOM.
Far too often, birth control is seen as a 'the girl's job', but that is bullshit. It's both people responsibility. So although it's a very good thing your boyfriend is taking some responsibility for you shared fertility, it's really irresponsible for him to suggest you take Plan B (which is called Plan B for a reason) rather then talking about a PLAN A for avoiding pregnancy. Condoms being the most obvious of all Plan As.
Finally - I'd be very concerned about where he got this 'Plan B' of his! In most states, it's illegal for pharmacists to give it to anyone other than the women who will be taking it. If he bought it online, I would certainly not choose to put it in my body and would not trust it be effective.
If you want to know your relationship is moving towards marriage, talk to him about that.
If you want to keep having sex with him, engaged or not, make a Plan A for avoiding pregnancy. See your doctor, or commit to using condoms. PlanB is quite safe, but it's expensive and shouldn't be used as your primarily form of birth control. That isn't how it's intended to be used - that isn't how it's been tested and found reliable.
His heart might have been in the right place, but his suggested solution here is short-sighted and irresponsible, and that's the part I would find offensive. It's nice that he thought about it, but he needed to think a bit harder and maybe even do a bit more research about what was sensible and responsible, and he needed to include you in any plans.
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The Question
I am a 20 year old female. I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year. And basically he doesn't trust me and there's alot of jealousy in our relationship. I cheated on him once and he can't seem to look past it I'm finding out. He's gone alot and I don't have alot of friends that are girls so when he's gone I go out sometimes and he freaks out. I just read his phone the other day saying to his mom " she's going out again I can't believe her" " no mom she's a slut just like all
The rest noone ever treats me right" I am very committed and love him deeply our relationship is exclusive but now he thinks I cheated on him again because I went out and lied about who I went Out with. Of course he read my phone. Now he wants to break up with me and I'm wondering if it's even worth the fight to keep us together. I really thought he was the one but if there's no trust what is there?
The Answer
There is no trust, and not a hell of a lot of respect. On your side or his. All this phone reading is amazingly childish.
So, yes. End the relationship. Go be better with someone else.
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The Question
When its very quiet, and i listen carefully, i can move my eyes or think something i hear my brain processing?
Its like a fluidic electronic garble, not a voice, but rather like a modem, except not computerish. I can hear what I THINK is the thought traveling across the neurons? That is about the best way to describe it. No one else Ive told this too has heard this in themselves. Am I correct? I mean, I think a thought to move my eyes, and I can hear the thought as I move my eyes, instantly. But again its not a voice. It seems very electrical.
Im not high, and this is for real. I want to know if there is a name for this or if anyone else hears the same thing.
The Answer
Nope. You are experiencing 'confirmation bias'. It happens when you get an compelling idea (like "Maybe I can hear my thoughts") and then you interpret events ("I heard something!") to fit your idea ("That thing I heard must have been my neurons firing!")
You can't hear neurons 'firing'. There is no noise. The voltage is extremely low, and extremely fast. It's too a small an electrical (and, more often, chemical) signal to make a noise that is detectable to the human ear.
There are certainly things you could be hearing. There are a lot of moving parts in your head, many of them you can hear/feel the vibrations of in ways that are similar to 'hearing'. Like your jaw and eyes muscles moving, liquid in your ears and sinuses or even blood moving through certain areas.
But you can't 'hear' your neurons firing. You really can't. They are far, far, far, far too small of a reaction to be audible, and most reactions going on in your brain simply wouldn't produce ANY sound at all - audible to the human ear or not.
The final possible explanation, and one of the most likely, is that you are having a hearing issue. You really should see a doctor to have your ears checked. Hearing chimes or tones can be a early sign of hearing loss (an problem called tinnitus for example). If your insurance covers it, it's probably worth getting your ears tested.
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The Question
24/f
ok, to start off, im not sure if it was sex or rape.
i said yes to my boyfriend. he did NOT pressure me into it. later before it, i changed my mind, but i forgot to tell him. so we did and now i feel violated.
was it sex or rape????
The Answer
If you consented, and then in no way, withdrew consent, it's not the crime of rape.
Changing your mind is fine - but you can't really expect someone to know you've changed your mind unless you tell them so.
Unless there is a great deal more too this story, no, it wasn't rape.
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The Question
Hi,
I am in a relationship with a guy form last 2 weeks. We never talk to have a sex in this period. In this weekend he calls me in and hotel for a diner. After diner I come to know that he booked a room in that hotel for us. I refuse to go with him. After that he can't make any call from last 3 days. Is my decision break our relationship? Sex is essential for any early relationship?
The Answer
Break up with him.
What he did was extremely rude and controlling.
Sex might be essential for him early on in a relationship but he has a responsibility to TALK TO YOU about that, not to just assume you were ready to have sex with him and were willing to go to a hotel with him.
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The Question
Hello,
I've been told one or twice that I 'take myself too seriously'. I've heard this expression before (of course), but I've never used it. It's something that seems easy to identify in others, but not ones self?
I also heard it once in a debate between a priest, and a former leader of the secular society? The priest laughed and said "you take yourself too seriously, that's why your members voted you out". Everyone was laughing, and I just didn't get it, so I sat there.
So what does it mean it you take yourself too seriously?
Thank you, in advance.
The Answer
It can be interpreted a bunch of ways, and depends primarily on the context of the conversation around it, but it's usually an insult.
It can mean that they think you need to relax and live a little.
It can mean that they think you are being arrogant and thinking too highly of yourself.
It can mean you are being too tough on yourself and need to give yourself a break.
It can also mean that are you are just not being enough fun for their tastes at the moment.
It's a good thing to have a sense of levity and humor about life, and taking everything 'too seriously' is bad for your health as well as your friendships, but in my experience, it's often just something people throw out there when they don't want to discuss a subject anymore or are fearful they are about to loose an disagreement or be called on their own shit.
I think you are very right about it being something that is "easy to identify in others, but not ones self". It's a phrase that like "You can't take a joke." which generally tells you more about the attitude of the person assigning it, then the person they are assigning it too.
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The Question
How do online cooking classes work, exactly? Do you cook in your own kitchen while you watch the teacher on the computer screen or do you go to some school kitchen like at a community college and all cook together while watching the cooking instructor on a big monitor from some fancy cooking school some place else?
If you do it from home, then are the classes live or pre-recorded? If they are live, can you ask questions somehow?
The Answer
It all depends really.
I've done quite a bit of online learning, and different schools have different quality of instruction. The most expensive are the live classes - and yes, there is generally a way to ask questions live during these.
The less expensive are prerecorded.
(And the free ones, definitely prerecorded.)
What a lot of it comes down to is how you like to learn. Personally, I prefer the per-recorded. I can follow at my own pace, watch and re-watch, and Google something (or ask someone) if I don't understand.
I should add that I haven't seen live online cooking classes offered before - but that doesn't mean they don't exist. The best thing you can do is find something that interests you and then ask the creator. If the are selling the classes, they'll respond to any question you've got right away.
But if money is tight, YouTube is a totally valid options for lots of cooking tutorials! I use it all the time.
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The Question
Hi! Can you help me? What is the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist? I tried reading it but I need it in non-medical terminology to figure out which one I need to go to for counseling.
Thank you!
The Answer
In the end the largest difference is that psychiatrists can prescribe medications, and psychologists cannot.
Psychiatry is routed an chemical treatment and diagnosis of mental illness.
Psychology is routed in cognitive and behavioral treatments of emotional and mental suffering.
That's a huge generalization, because just like two teachers might teach the same history class in very different ways, both psychologists and psychiatrists have a lot of freedom after they are licensed to decide what treatment approaches they think are best for each patient. In some areas, psychologists can prescribe some medications, and most psychiatrists, although being able to prescribe medications, might meet a patient and decide not to intervene medically and use more 'talk-therapy' approaches for them.
And like teachers, many have their own specializations or areas of expertise.
You probably want to start with a psychologist. Unless you are unable to leave your home, or feel your safety or health is immediate danger due to your mental state - you are probably better off with a psychologist who will focus on your behavioral issues and the problematic thinking.
You could also talk to your family doctor for a referral - if you are lucky enough to have one.
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The Question
What does "when the chips are down" mean, exactly? Is it like what you say when you finish your fish and chips, or?
The Answer
It's about gambling.
In poker, chips are used to represent money the money being bet. After everyone has placed their bets, the chips have all been put down in on the table and the plays reveal their cards to see who has won.
It's a way of say "All bets are in" or "We've put everything in and now we'll see what happens". When the chips are down is when you find out if your plans work out or not, and if you trusted the right people.
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The Question
Okay so, there's this guy(age 17) I care about a lot. He has a ton of problems though and I really want to help him. His father died about a year or two ago and he moved out his mothers house and in with his alcoholic brother and two other guys. His mother seems to have problems of her own and has been bettering herself recently, going off to college and such. He and his mother never have had a real mother/son relationship and I can tell this really bothers him. I was thinking about messaging his mother(since there is no other way for me to get in contact with her) but I'm completely sure if I should or how I should do it. Please, I really need advice!
The Answer
Do not contact his mother.
That is an exceedingly inappropriate thing to do without his express permission.
Talk to him. Offer him advice and understanding, but let him manage his own relationship with his mother. It is not your place to interfere.
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The Question
I just moved back in with my ex who has been physically abusive in the past. I've returned because the situations I fled to turned out to be worse. He has custody of his kids later this summer and expects me to be default babysitter. However, he is not committed to me long term and is saying he's leaving town next year, so I'm not sure why I should invest the time. The kids have behavior problems and their mom insulted me last summer when I made a genuine effort to be good to her kids. If I don't do it, he is threatening to hire a babysitter, and chances are whatever girl he finds to watch his kids will take my place in other ways as well. He also accuses me of not liking his kids. It's really the lack of appreciation from the parents I'm not fond of. I don't have the credit and income to get my own place. Living with family is out of the question. I'm trying to get my situation more stable. It's not terrible here, but I do want advice on how to set boundaries on my time. I pay rent to live here.
The Answer
Tell him to hire a babysitter.
And at least look into women's shelters in your area.
Living with someone who has been physically abusive in the past, who expects to be able to treat you like a slave, and who you fear will... what exactly? Fuck the babysitter and get you kicked out?
That is actually terrible.
The perfect boundaries to set would be to never speak to this person again in your life.
In the meantime, at least don't babysit his kids, and look into women's shelters in your area - just in case.
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The Question
f/20
i haven't been eating and its not cause i want to lose weight it just cause i'm never hungry and when i am i just never want to eat and when i do eat i only eat a very small amount and the little food i do eat makes my stomach hurt a lot and makes me want to puke. i have a constant stomach pain whether i eat or not. what should i do about my eating issue and can not eating make you puke? any help would be great.
The Answer
You need to see a doctor. Quickly.
Constant pain is almost always a sign that you need to see a doctor. Between that, and your inability to eat much, your body might not be getting, or absorbing, the things it needs to go on living.
Please, see a doctor ASAP.
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