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To Offended or to not be offended that is the question
My boyfriend (m/25) and I (f/24) have been together for five years. I truly believe he's the one. We have stated to one another that we are soulmates. Well we have recently started unprotected sex and I'm not on birth control. I realize its risky and we should be a lot more careful.
However he called me the other day and told me he bought plan b in case just for next time. He asked if it would offend me...I don't see how it would. However I question it now and it kinda of bothers me. I feel if he loves like he says he does than wouldn't we be engaged and wouldn't he want to have kids with me?? I guess I'm confused. Mind you I'm not ready for kids...idk :/ any ideas or advice?
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If there is a medical reason you are not on birth control medication then you should not be relying on the plan B pill as all it is, is an extremely heavy dose of birth control. Again if you for medical reasons should not be on birth control there is no reason why he should not be using a condom. Condoms are 85% effective in preventing pregnancy when worn correctly. He is old enough to know how to wear a condom correctly.
Not knowing the reason why you are not on birth control. Then the reason as I see it is not whether to be offended; it is whether or not you want to take the chance of becoming pregnant. The plan B pill is not 100%.
Their are other forms of birth control other than the pill that are more effective than condoms and are not chemicals such as the pill. I would suggest you talk to your GYN about other forms of birth control rather than rely on the Plan B pill.
Relying on the plan B pill for having unprotected sex is like playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver and hoping for a miss fire.
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Why would you be offended if he wanted to use protection?
You may love each other. You may want to be with each other for the rest of your lives. But that doesn't mean you should have kids right *now*. That's irresponsible.
He just wants to be careful. The last thing you want is a herd of children running around at the age of 24 and 25. The key is to carry on getting to know one another, living together, enjoying each other, and then when you feel you are ready for children, then you start to have unprotected sex.
And it should of course be after marriage. I say this, not because I am religious (I am not), or I believe that pre-marital sex is bad (I do not), but because marriage is the ultimate commitment. Legally, and socially that is. To have children before marriage is saying "I am not really that committed to this person, but I am going to have a child with them, regardless. Even though the child will bind us together for the next 18-21 years".
But yes, to use protection is very sensible, and respectable. You should not be offended, but appreciate that you are with someone who possesses common sense.
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I wouldn't be offended that my boyfriend took contraception seriously, I'd be offended that he didn't take is seriously enough to WEAR A CONDOM.
Far too often, birth control is seen as a 'the girl's job', but that is bullshit. It's both people responsibility. So although it's a very good thing your boyfriend is taking some responsibility for you shared fertility, it's really irresponsible for him to suggest you take Plan B (which is called Plan B for a reason) rather then talking about a PLAN A for avoiding pregnancy. Condoms being the most obvious of all Plan As.
Finally - I'd be very concerned about where he got this 'Plan B' of his! In most states, it's illegal for pharmacists to give it to anyone other than the women who will be taking it. If he bought it online, I would certainly not choose to put it in my body and would not trust it be effective.
If you want to know your relationship is moving towards marriage, talk to him about that.
If you want to keep having sex with him, engaged or not, make a Plan A for avoiding pregnancy. See your doctor, or commit to using condoms. PlanB is quite safe, but it's expensive and shouldn't be used as your primarily form of birth control. That isn't how it's intended to be used - that isn't how it's been tested and found reliable.
His heart might have been in the right place, but his suggested solution here is short-sighted and irresponsible, and that's the part I would find offensive. It's nice that he thought about it, but he needed to think a bit harder and maybe even do a bit more research about what was sensible and responsible, and he needed to include you in any plans.
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