A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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I'm not new to the dating thing, however, I haven't had a billion boyfriends like a lot of people I know. I'm looking for a guy who can cook, likes grammar as much as I do, isn't afraid to cry in front of me, likes anime, horror survival video games, and will treat me right. And I don't want him to touch me or say, "you're beautiful" or anything like that.
My friends say that there's no guy like that out there. Is this true? I live in a small little hill-billy town in Michigan and so far... All I see are murders, perverts, and sporty boys. Are all guys like this? Or is it possible to meet a guy who fits my standards?
(This may not help, but I also like guys who have long hair. It's fun to flip it.) (link)
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I was ok right up util "I dont want him to touch me or say "You're beautiful"
You are never going to find a guy who is OK with having no physical contact with a girl he is dating.
Honestly, your list is a bit shallow, long hair and liking anime aren't exactly high on most people's lists for "truely compatible"
Murderers, perverts, and sporty boys? Really? You didn't give anyone any kind of clear sense of whats wrong with these guys that you don't like them, or do you somehow live in a town where close to 50% of the population has committed murder.
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so this might be an awkward question, but i don't understand how you would have a three-some with one guy and 2 girls. Like.. uhh. doesn't make sense how you do it?
I'm not going to do this. ever. but like, I'm just curious and for the people who have done it.. hahaa i don't understand.
whatever knowledge any of you have on this, feel free to share.. but no links please :-] (link)
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Pretty much as you would imagine it. The point of a threesome is that everyone is interacting with everyone, except that theres only one penis present so turns must be taken on some things.
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My boyfriend and I are completely sexually active and have been for awhile. I can always completely please him but he has never given me an orgasm. I've gotten close before when he's fingered me but then the feeling just stopped. The stuff he does feels really good so I can't understand why I don't orgasm. Are there any suggestions to help me? My boyfriend and I were both really unexperienced when we started going out so maybe there's something that he needs to be doing and we just don't know about it. Any suggestions would be appreciated! (link)
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See Jack?
Jack is an idiot.
Sex is a skill. Like any skill, it requires practice and attention to be good at it. Don't be daunted by inexperience, just try things. If you lack ideas then go out in search of them together, do a little googling or something.
You want to know something funny? My girlfriend and I used to have sex that lasted close to an hour. We couldn't get her to climax either. And without climax, there was always plenty of tension and desire and we had plenty of energy to go forever.
Our sex is usually now (4 years later) about 15-20 minutes. Its not because its somehow worse, its because its so much better. We can both completely satisfy each other to the point that we can't continue without resting that quickly.
Its not some magical technique, its simply having been together enough that we know what each other likes from countless trials and errors. We know exactly what the other wants and needs in bed, and it is quite frankly amazing.
Try whatever you can think of, and talk to him about it before, during, and after. Open conversations about sex between sexually active couples are exciting and often lead to new ideas and approaches and alot of very healthy relationship bonding. Ask him what he likes, tell him what you like, and talk about your fantasies a bit.
As a piece of encouragement and also something to ground you, my girlfriend couldn't achieve orgasm for over a year of our relationship, and we were sexually active the entire time.
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Okay, so, this may be long-im sorry. But Its been on my mind for 2 years and i feel like if someone out there feels this way too, they could help me as to what to do.
2 years ago,I had a boyfriend that i really did like. He was great, we felt instantly connected. Somehow,i loved him right when i saw him...i don't know how. But back then i was shy and unhappy, so i couldn't be who i was with him-seeing as he just made me even more nervous.I recall one time,when someone actually said "All guys want is to get in your pants!" and he whispered in my ear "i would never." I knew he ment it,its just who he was. After a month or two, i wimped out and broke up with him. For reasons like-we didn't talk much,hangout,and i was positive he could find someone better. And even though it was that short of a time-i still feel like i should be with him. I've found myself liking guys that have his features. His personality is exactly like mine,now(2 years later). He's moved on,had other girlfriends. After we broke up,he was so mean to me.i told him to never talk to me again. Then he apologized and i asked him if we could ever be friends and he said no. Then months later of not talking he comes out of no where and tells me he has a girlfriend,i say "thats good :D"(obviously i'm going to be happy for him) then he signs off of aim.That was the last time we talked.(about 2 years ago? maybe)
Which brings me to now.I actually think he hates me. See,starting this year-I see him everywhere(in school). He looks away every time i look at him-so do i. I went to a dance the other day(we met at a dance)And he was there. Everything came back to me,so i decided to dance near him with my friends.And as strange as it is..it felt good to be even near him. and my friend who knows about the situation was telling me he was staring at me.I was really happy,then really sad.I've been thinking about him a lot lately. I get these feelings-and it feels like he's thinking about me too. But he hates me. So i don't know what to do,i REALLY want to smile at him or say hi to him in the halls. But i know he won't do it back.
Leading to the grand fanalie, Should I try to talk to him again? Has anyone ever felt this way before? What did you do? Is there such thing as a connection between people that have to be together? Lastly, Why do you think he hates me,even after 2 years? Anything,anything to help this feeling go away,please. Thankyou (link)
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Fuck yes you should talk to him.
The short description you gave sounds like a guy worth knowing, and your own description of yourself tells me that this is a guy you feel something real for, even if that feeling is still in its infant stages.
I recommend an honest approach. Don't beat around the bush and send him conflicting signals, or leave him wondering whats going on in his head.
You should find a way to contact him and ask to meet up. You want to do this in person so he can see your face, and so you can look him in the eye.
Tell him what you told us here. Tell him that you can understand if you hurt him too much to ever give it another shot, and you wouldn't blame him if he walks away and you will respect it if he asks you to never contact him again. But if he wants another shot you will hand him one on a silver platter, its his choice.
It will hurt if he says no. Thats something you'll have to accept. But it would hurt if you did nothing, walked away, and never took that chance.
And from what you've described, a Yes is a definite possibility. Its worth the pain to take this chance, and you will regret it if you do not. Accept the risk, and call him.
Final Note
I almost forgot to mention. Its possible that he IS hurt, and isn't over what happened. Its possible that he isn't over it _yet_. If you go the honest approach and don't get the response you want, do the following.
- Give him your number
- Tell him that anytime he'd like to call you he can
- Ask him if you can hug him before you leave.
Those three things will send a powerful message that will usually penetrate even the most stubborn hurt feelings and resentment. Its possible that you could get a hurt reaction, have him be angry, and call you a few days later.
I wish I could make you promises about results. I can't. But the good is well worth the bad, so take a chance with this.
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18 female.
guys think i'm pretty, so i have confidence but i am just the WORST when it comes to talking to a guy. i've been good friends with this guy for awhile, you would think i would be 100% comfortable with him but everytime i see him i get those butterflies and its like the first time we met all over again. i get all shy at first, i don't say much because i don't want to end up saying something stupid. when we text i always end up sounding needy, when really i'm trying to be flirty. for instance on wednesday we were wrestling and flirting and then we were texting after i left and i was like i'm soo mad at you for giving me a bruise, it's going to take alot for me to not be upset with you and he was like ha stop. and i was like no i'm mad(being like sarcastic) and i was like if you give me a massage i will not be mad ;) and he was like nah too much work and i was like wow your gonna get it next time i see you, and i'm not saying its going to be good and he was like what am i gettin haha and i was like you'll see, its not gonna be good for you lol. and then i like kept saying that he needed to like do this and that for me to not be "mad" at him. its my way of flirting but i realized i sound REALLY needy, which is going to push him away. i don't know really how to be sexy when with him in person and texting. i just end up sounding dumb. how can i change this. i want him to know i WANT him, if you know what i mean. i'm lost :( (link)
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Hmm.
First, is try to modify your "needy filter"
You know how you recognized your behavior as not coming off as what you wanted? Work on recognizing that behavior before you do it, so you can nip it in the bud. Try to remember what goes through your head BEFORE you do things like that, and try to stop yourself when you feel similar things going through your head in the future.
Ok.
So, what you did, was make a flirty suggestion and he didn't give you the affirmative response you wanted. So you kept pressing him.
Heres the thing. You want acknowledgment. You know you like him, and you're staking yourself and your emotions on getting the same response back. Its an easy thing to do.
He's teasing you back when you tease him, thats not a bad thing.
How would I recommend having handled it? After the "you'll see" line, bide my time until the next time I see him and do something fun to punish him. Extensive tickling, a nipple twist, or maybe just the hardest open handed smack on his ass you can manage.
It lets you do the flirting, follow through, but it completely avoids that "needy" atmosphere. Model future interactions on this, don't stake yourself on a specific response, because it sounds like he pretty obviously likes you.
A few specific tips.
- Smile alot. I don't know how often you smile in response to him, but if you don't smile at him regularly, start. Its good positive reinforcement.
- Make eye contact. Force yourself to not look at everything but him. Look at his eyes, see how they respond to you. Wear something a little sexier than usual and watch his eyes widen in excited surprise when he sees you, or flit over you taking you in. Recognize things like this as signs that he's very attracted to you and likes you alot.
- Come up with some subtle hints you can slip in. One of the best girl-lines I've ever seen delivered was when a girl was really close friends with a guy, and they were very affectionate, and it made her want him romantically.
So one day, he went to hug her goodbye as was custom with them, and she pushed him away. She refused the hug, smiled mischievously, and said "You have to kiss me before you can hug me"
He asked her out later that day.
I mention this because guys can be completely oblivious to hints. Without experience guys have zero clue what half of the things women do mean. We have hopes, but no actual workable idea. So we will sit there hoping for a clue we CAN understand and the girl gets frustrated at how he could miss the many varied signals she's sending.
Its not that he's not interested, or even that you're doing it wrong, we're just oblivious. If we don't know what it means half the time we won't even know to look for it.
Be a bit more blatant. Drop hints that ARENT ambiguous in their wording even if theyre ambiguous in their delivery. Ask him in a joking tone why he hasn't asked you out yet and see what comes back at you.
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okay this may be a bit long, just because i kind of have to explain something before i tell the actual story
so yes im pretty sure ive already told you about this before, but just incase you dont remember, here it is- ive been talking to this guy whom i met at my friends house back in december, weve kind of been on and off with our talking [we talk over facebook] basically ever since january, hes slowly been asking and pressuring me to do sexual things with him next time i see him at their house. which is this coming up saturday, by the way. it started out as just hooking up, then feeling me up, then it became a handjob, then it became fingering me, then he asked for a blowjob a lot [ i always said no but he thinks im going to] and now its having sex.[i would never do that with him, ever, but he really thinks we are because i cant get myself to say no because then he wont go to their house this weekend, so basically im in deep shit right now] i dont wanna get into this story too much because that isnt why im posting this. but basically, whenever im done talking with him, or while im talking with him, [he only talks to me now to have text sex and things like that. weve never really had a normal conversation, i hate it] i feel like a slut. and im always afraid people are going to find out and im going to feel so embaressed and bad about myself. basically ive been feeling like a hoe lately, he even called me that a few times so now i really am convinced that i am. :[ even when i walk down the hallways in school i feel like people look at me like they know about it.. but i think im just really paranoid. because i am..
but anyways, heres why i posted.
last weekend i went to this sweet sixteen party, and it was a lot of fun. but, well first of all i only knew a few of the people, i did become friends with some new people. but..all the new friends i made were guys. a few times during the party i would find myself being surrounded by guys, and then just me. for example, at one point i was dancing way too much so i went to go sit at a table. then one guy who im friends with came over and asked if i was okay and we were just talking. then another guy, who i met that night whos friends with the guy who was talking to me, came over and we were all talking. then another guy who im sort of friends with came out of no where and just sat with us too. then another random guy came over and was talking to me. and then another guy who im friends with came over and sat with us too. i was the only girl and they were all talking to me and they were joking about how [i dont remember how this came up] that i made a porno and that one of them bought it. or something stupid like that. and they were all talking to me and i just like..looked around and saw that everyone else was dancing but i was the only girl surrounded by all these guys and then i started feeling like a slut. i know they were kidding but the same kind of set up kept happening, even on the dance floor. i mean i was dancing kind of slutty at times, just like dropping but other people were doing that too. i dont know if its because..i dont know. but i feel like talking to this guy like that [the one who i met at my friends house] is making me like this..or maybe it isnt. i dont know. but i did kind of feel like a hoe last night. even what i was wearing..i mean it was just leggings and a shirt and small hoop earings but for some reason i just felt slutty. and these two guys who i met i was dancing around them and my friend who is a girl like most of the night, but one of the guys tried to grind with me and i didnt want to because i felt like i was being a slut. i dont know. i want to stop feeling like this, and i also feel like guys only think im hot and they dont want to actually get to know me and im starting to really not like it. i used to like it because of attention but now i know that they just talk to me because of my looks.
why do i feel like a slut now..is it because of that guy? this has just been going on for so long that i think its made an impact on me..but..i could be wrong. does it seem like i was being a slut at the party or something..i mean i wasnt..its not like i hooked up or anything, so no..right? (link)
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Hmm.
Alright. Lets dissect that second paragraph.
A bunch of guys became sexually aroused by you. You were just having fun, but the way you had fun caused a large amount of interest in you. These guys were more than likely only interested in the possibilities of sex, and yet you found the attention flattering.
You like the way it feels to be wanted, but you feel bad because you feel like a slut when you enjoy being wanted purely for sex.
Its a war between emotions. On the one side, the intellectual and intelligent side of you wants to be wanted for your personality, for who you are. On the other side, the more animalistic instinctive side of you enjoys being wanted sexually.
There can be alot of conflict between the two. Thats usually where alot of what you're feeling comes to.
I understand it. I would consider myself an intellectual, I pride myself on not being the prototypical guy, on standing out from the pack in every way I can. My girlfriend loves me more than anything because of who I am.
At the same time, I am most definitely a straight guy. Subject to all of the desires and drives of any straight male with a high sex drive.
There is nothing wrong with being wanted and enjoying being wanted. Theres nothing wrong with that flush and quickened heartbeat you get when a guy you don't know gives you a look that lets you know he wants you.
But you are an intelligent person, and you're relatively self aware. That means you are capable of self control and should exercise it. You are capable of recognizing when sexuality can be a bad thing, and you just lack the experience to know WHY its a bad thing in every situation.
What do you do? You control yourself. You don't let yourself grind hard up against a guy you don't know, you don't ever, EVER give blowjobs, hand jobs, or even a kiss on the cheek to a guy who talks with you about nothing but sex, and you wait to find a guy you care about, who you know cares about you.
You weren't being a slut the way you were acting, but you felt like a slut because you wanted to do more on some level, and knew you shouldnt.
The problem with your situation is that you feel badly about whats going on in your head. Usually, its that "I don't WANT to control myself, I want to do what I want to do" that makes you feel like you're being slutty.
This is where self control is so important. I have tendencies towards wanting to sleep with every woman who appeals to me in any way. Strong tendencies, its a very active daily desire.
I don't mind it at all, and I don't feel badly about myself for it at all. I'm in a serious relationship, she knows I have these urges, and she does not care.
The reason, is self control. I know (and she knows) that I will not act on these urges, or even on possibilities that occasionally arise. To me, choice is important. I do not do anything I do not choose to.
Think about it. You can be a sexual person, but if you only allow the guy you're in love with access to that sexuality, that puts you ahead of the curve. By choosing to only let him get to know that side of you, you make everything about your sexuality that much more special.
As a last note, about the guys you're talking about. Your instincts are correct, right now you're starting to not always like the attention because you know its purely sexually motivated, and you want more. You don't want to be with a guy who only wants you for sex, you want a guy who wants you just as much for everything else that makes up who you are as a person.
Be true to that, save yourself for the men you meet who are capable of offering you the affection, the interest, and the connection you want in additional to the rampant sexuality.
You're learning something most women don't figure out until much later. Theres nothing unique about a horny guy who wants to fuck you. Its really nothing special.
What you need to look for is a guy who wants to fuck you silly, then spend five hours talking to you and listening to what you have to say. Interest outside the bedroom thats just as strong as interest inside it.
I'll be honest, at 14-18 alot of guys simply aren't mature enough to multitask like that. Don't be surprised if you don't find alot of guys right now who meet your standards for any kid of relationship. Some of those guys just haven't grown up enough.
The answer to your problem is by recognizing that you are a sexual person and that you DO like sexual attention. Then accepting that, and knowing that its perfectly OK, because you won't act on it until you know its the right time for you, and it will mean all the things you want it to.
Once you've mastered that, you'll probably still enjoy guys having sexual interest in you, but you'll be able to recognize it for the shallow interest that it is. And wanting more than a guy who just wants to fuck you, you'll be able to control yourself a lot easier because you won't want to do anything with a guy who doesn't measure up.
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16/m
Hi well my problem is that I can't ever keep a relationship going every time we breek up within the few weeks or days I can't ever be happy, the other week I asked a girl out I thought we were doing well I was doing everything living it up enjoying my time with her, berly a week and she broke up with me... Why would this happen to me everytime especially this time I really like her I did everything differnt yet I failed, I was once told that I'm the type of guy who usually in those chick flicks gets the girl in the end I never believed it but now I think I'm beginning to understand it, it meant for me to last with a girl I would have had to been through a breakup with her meaning that this would be our second time going out, sounds dumb but I'm willing to try it, the one thing that scares me is that if she don't like me I'm going to end up waiting for years just for nothing,
When I asked why? she told me it was because she was confused and did not know if she liked me the same way as I like her, I gave her a letter and a drawing and a hug and a kiss before I walked away
I don't know what to do (link)
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Ok.
First off, its a really bad sign that you compared yourself to romantic comedies. Do I really have to point out that movies are not real life?
In real life, the guy who gets the girl is the guy who knows what the girl he's chasing wants.
You don't learn this in a day, or even necessarily in a single relationship. But if you pay attention, and start trying to figure out what real girls want in a guy, you'll find alot more success than you do now.
To give you some specific points.
If you think you have to break up and get back together in order to be together, you're an idiot. If you see that as some kind of goal, you're going to act in a way that brings about it, and obviously its working so well that you aren't even lasting a week.
At a guess, you come on way too strong. A letter, a drawing, a hug, and a kiss?
Let me give you an insight. Pretty much all women want excitement in their relationships. That excitement starts with the mutual dance around the issue of liking each other. Flirting without openly admitting you like each other. A girl wants her guy to have a little mystery.
The reason for all this BS, is that guys are usually more direct about deciding they like a girl than a girl is. Guys are logical, you see a girl who matches what you want, and you like her. Girls are emotional, they feel it out, they test the waters to see if they get those butterflies. They rely alot more to impression and their emotional reactions to you.
So what you have to do is give her time to realize she likes you. Complimenting girls, noticing things about them, smiling in reaction.
What you did, the exact thing you did, is you put out the fact that you like her before she was sure she liked you. That puts pressure on her, because now that its established that you really like her, she has to decide if she feels as strongly about it as she thinks you do. If she doesn't, she's going to run away.
Don't throw your like in people's faces so quickly. Give them time to wonder.
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Okay so I'm 14 and my boyfriend is too. And I absolutely love him ! He makes me so happy and I never felt this way about a guy before. Like he's the first guy I lasted half a year with and I'm planning to stay with him longer. But we promised each other to stay together forever but I'm just scared that it won't last. I mean everything is perfect and we did have several arguments but we came through. But does forever really happen? I'm the type of girl who can stay faithful to a guy for a long time. And he is too but do you think forever is ever going to happen? (link)
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It does not exist at your age.
One of the most overlooked and yet blatantly obvious facts about people is that people change.
You are not the same person you were four years ago. You are not the same person you were two years ago. When you're 16, when you're 18, when you're 25, you will at each point be a different person than you were at all the other ages.
There are core things about a person that persist, but alot of things including likes and dislikes, values, priorities, and many other details that make up who a person is change with time.
What does this mean? It means that just because the people you are now are compatible doesn't mean the people you will be in a year, or four, or ten will be compatible.
Theres nothing wrong with being in love. You need to think in shorter term, and I know thats especially harder for girls. The chances that you two will turn into people who are still compatible with each other down the road is incredibly small.
Right now, you aren't old enough to know what you will want when you are older. You don't have an adult perspective on the matter because you aren't an adult. I doubt you've had a relationship get to the point that you fight regularly. Thats how you really find out about a relationship.
My girlfriend and I are on her fourth year, and she's in her early 20s. The reason we aren't married is a combination of money, and not being ready to call ourselves full adults. Theres a fair bit of blissful irresponsibility before that.
But the point there, is that she was only a few years older than you when we got together, and four years later we're still hopelessly in love.
What got us here, was the awareness that our relationship wasn't "meant to be" or "fate", but rather a direct result of our _choice_ to forge a life together.
It has to be a mutual intention to communicate, work things out, and to whether the storms you will throw at each other. Before you can be with someone forever you have to want to throw them off a roof, and you have to be able to remember that you love them in the middle of it so that you don't.
Don't get caught up in finding the right person right now. Right now, you need to just date people, be in relationships, and pay attention to the things they do, what those things mean, what you like and dislike and what is a deal breaker. Right now is about two things, having fun and learning from it. Don't take things too seriously, just let yourself enjoy liking a guy, and enjoy having a guy like you back.
Last word, find someone you can talk to. I cannot, CANNOT stress how important this is. My girlfriend and I had a seven and a half hour conversation yesterday. Looking back over my life, I can relate directly how happy I was in a relationship to how well I could talk to that person.
Four years later and we can still talk to each other the way we did when we first met. If you can find that, everything else will fall into place.
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15/f
so this guy i've been hooking up with is coming over tonight. he's been too impatient to wait until this next week. theres one problem though, i'm on my period. i dont plan on having sex with him either way, but what if he tries to finger me? i'll have to stop him and then i'll seem like a prude. and it would be gross if i just let him.
should i just tell him when he's starting to do that that i cant tonight? and if he keeps asking why should i just tell him i'm on my period?
i know its natural and all of that but still i dont want to turn him off.
please help :( (link)
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Dealing with the factual existence of the female period is part of being a straight male.
Be honest with him, treat it like its not a big deal, and if he persists tell him that he needs to back off, and that you aren't comfy with it.
You know, the stupidest thing you can do with sexuality is try to present a certain image with it. You're a woman, why in Gods name would you try to pretend that you aren't, or worry about him being turned off by the fact that you are.
If he is turned off by this in a way that affects anything about the two of you, he is far too immature for you to be doing ANYTHING with.
And honestly, you're a bit young (maturity wise) to be doing what you're doing. A girl who says no is not a prude, where the hell did you get that idea?
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How long were you with your boyfriend/girlfriend before you had sex with them? (link)
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With the exception of my first girlfriend, whom I never slept with, I don't think I've ever made it past a month.
Given the answers below, I kinda feel like a man-slut now =/
::Edit::
To balance that out, my current girl and I knew each other a year before we got involved, and slept together on our first date. Four years ago this past January.
I don't recommend it, it makes early relationships alot more complicated, and requires both parties to be pretty adult about everything and an awareness in not letting the relationship become all about sex.
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Last summer when my niece turned 16 I gave her my car as a gift, as she was about to learn how to drive. It was 8 years old and had 120,000 miles on it, a perfect car for a young, new driver.
Now, partly because the economic collapse has made it a buyer's market, my brother and sister-in-law have decided to buy a new car. However they can't afford, for insurance purposes, the gifted car, which would now become a third car in their family. So with my niece's okay they decided to sell the car which I had given her as a gift.
My question is (not for legal reasons but regarding the etiquette of the situation) should I receive any money once the car is sold? I feel like I gave my niece a gift, the type of gift which a teenager rarely receives, and that gift has turned into a money-making sale for my brother and sister-in-law, which obviously was not my intention. They see the situation differently, i.e., the car is now theirs, the picture has changed, and they can do this without regard for my feelings.
Thank you for your response. (link)
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General etiquette says that once you give a gift, its gone.
Its usually bad form to sell a gift you got, but in extenuating circumstances like financial issues it should be acceptable to all parties.
As the car was a gift to her, the car is hers. Similarly, the money should be hers. Personally, my issue with this is if her parents keep the money from the car she was given, because the spirit of the gift was to give it to her.
You shouldn't be expecting to gain anything out of this, once the car passed out of your ownership its really none of your business, with the exception that you have every right to speak up to your brother and sister-in-law if they keep the money rather than using it for your niece in some way.
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20/f
This is kind of a legal question... but I put it into Etiquette because that's the closest.
I got my licence a couple of months ago (I'm not from America so I'm only a couple years late getting it!) and a month into getting it I accidently reversed into someone in a car park. I admit I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have been, and it was entirely my fault. Anyway, I got out of the car and apologised to the woman about 4 times. She was really nice and said it was fine, there was more damage to my car than hers (I had a tiny scratch on the bumper, and she had no damage.. it's a tow bar afterall) So since there was no damage, I got in the car and drove away.
A couple of weeks later my boyfriend (whos car I was driving) gets a phone call from the police. They heard about the incident and want to clear it up. I call back and the policeman who is dealing with the incident is on leave for a month, so I can't clear it up.
I haven't been able to rest ever since this happened, I'm so stressed out because I'm worried something is going to happen to me. I don't know what I've done wrong, or what is going to happen.
Should I go in and give a statement even though the policeman isn't there, just so it's off my head? Why would this woman go report me to the police? How much trouble can I get into? etc.
Hoping someone can help. Thanks. (link)
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Call back and ask them what or if you need to do anything, and see if you can find out the reason for their involvement.
You can't get in any trouble, it wasn't hit and run and its your word against hers if she pushes that angle. More than likely, she just filed a police report and they need your side of the story.
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Sorry, not a question, but until we get inboxes i think this is the only way to message other users:
I wanted to tell you i'm a fan of your column. At first I noticed most of the questions I wanted to answer already had a great response from you already, and i'm not sure "ditto" is the thoughtful response they want..
I've been busy with school the past few months but i'm ready to get more involved in the site, and I wanted to get in touch with you for some extra motivation.
It's really great that you're comfortable answering gay/bi questions, and out of the responses i've seen, i couldn't do it better myself, but if you ever get a gay question that you think might need a homo analyst, just know that i'll gladly play backup. You know, like a one-two punch, or a queer second opinion!
Let me know what you think
Sean (link)
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I'm flattered.
To be honest, I just generally log on and wade through the questions until one strikes me the right way, surf until I catch up with the questions I'e already seen, then log off. You might have noticed I don't have a "favorite columnists" page. I'm not really part of the larger community.
I appreciate the sentiment though.
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What are some good websites that would lead me to answering why gay marriage isn't legalized yet (in the U.S.)?
It's for a research paper that I am doing for my English class, and I am completely stumped as to what sites to go to, or use. Your help would be GREATLY appreciated!!! Thanks!!! (link)
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HRC.org would be a good place to start.
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20/M
I text back and forth with this girl that I like. What are some subtle things I can say to her when we text that lets her know I like her but not completely professing my feelings for her? Like "hey cutie" or others, I just want to be SUBTLE about it. I'm not afraid to tell her I like her (because she likes me). We live apart now but I move to her town in 3 months. And we're not together now/yet. So that's why I want to be subtle about it. (link)
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"I wanna lick you where you pee" always gets interesting responses.
Seriously though, you've never met, just talk to her and get to know her.
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whats some good songs to smoke to?
I know it's bad, don't lecture.
thanks. (link)
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You should post your musical tastes. Name some artists you like to give people something to mimic.
I'd lecture, but you know what they say about glass houses...
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I am 18/f. I am so attracted to my boyfriend, and I trust him with all of my heart. When we hook up, things get really heated, and I always feel like I'm restraining myself by not having sex with him. My body feels so ready, but I don't know if I am. I'm a virgin and I feel like my virginity is part of my identity and something I am proud of. How could I give it away? I don't know when I'll ever feel ready. How does one know? Should I have sex with my boyfriend? He is sexually experienced, but I know he's not pressuring me into anything. (link)
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I wondered.
I thought losing my virginity would change me. It didn't. I woke up the same person the next day, except now I was the same person who got laid.
It opens up alot of possibilities with interpersonal relationships. Some good, some bad. The biggest risk of sex is of complication. It can be alot to adjust to. Not the having sex, but the impacts it has on your relationships.
What exactly are you waiting for? Most people set some kind of goals or conditions whether they do so consciously or unconsciously.
You shouldn't ask people when you should have sex with your boyfriend. Thats the point of virginity. Its your choice. And you have to make it.
I'd say instead of focusing on the nebulous haze of "virginity" you should focus on your specific reasons for not having sex. Trust issues, is he going to be there tomorrow, physical issues, worries about STDs or pregnancy, these are all pretty common worries.
Figure out which of them or what else is your reason to say no, then you can figure out what you want to do about it a bit more easily.
My one bit of proactive advice is a few more conversations with the boy in question. Open, honest ones. You've described a guy who would probably give you some decent feedback or at least a good understanding ear, consider telling him whats on your mind.
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Hi guys!
I'm looking for a prank that I can pull on my friend using his car. NOTHING THAT WILL HARM IT PLEASE! I just want some fun, like the whole sticky notes idea. Got any others? I'd love to hear them!
Thanks! (link)
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Hideously tacky upholstery covers can be found all over the place.
We decorated everything in one guy's car with something pink and furry. Shag pink seat covers, short faux fur wheel cover, pink silk on the shifter, pink tassels stuck to the volume knobs of his stereo with ticky tack and rhinestones on every button in the car. We got pink latex to cover the dashboard, pink mats for the floor, and a giant pink blanket artfully tucked in covering the back seat, we did our best to cover every inch of that interior in pink.
Took us 4 hours to do it all, and another 4 for him to expunge the pink from his car. And another 6 months of finding rhinestones stuck to random parts of his car. Under the hood, in the fuses, on the back of all the pedals, in the glove box, under the seats, on the fold down armrest/drink holder, and my favorite was inside the steering column which it took until the guy he sold it to took it to the shop to find. I was in the room when he got that call, he fell over laughing.
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18/f
My boyfriend and I started having sex last weekend. He is really big and I am really small. The first time I bled a lot! There was blood for almost the whole rest of the night. The second time I bled for about an hour and then I was ok.
We just had sex again last night and I bled a tiny bit less than the second time.
Does this seem normal? How many times should I bleed before I go see a doctor?
The first and second time were a little painful, but the third was not.
Help! Thanks! (link)
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- The hymen doesn't always tear fully the first time, and subsequent romps can finish it off, resulting in more bleeding.
- If theres a serious size differential, areas like around your former hymen are going to stretch alot, possibly to the point of slight skin tearing. If you sleep together pretty regularly, usually it just heals over and the new tissue stretches better.
More than likely, after a few weeks/months of sex with him and it won't be as much of a problem, though one thing you want to consider is extending your foreplay. The vag stretches, but also eventually goes back to its normal size. A week without sex and you can go from being stretched out to tight again, making it hurt a bit to get things going.
More foreplay means more excitement, more excitement means you're more flexible (and more wet) which helps when you've got a guy with a pretty big unit.
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ok sooo yea my boyfriend and me took a break in december and he made out wit some girl.......she knew we were together but i guess she thought we werent anymore......so they made out and went out! my supposed bff was encouraging him i still havent forgave him but we are still together!!!! my boyfriend and her are always hanging out and then he is always ohh she is cool unlike u and ur friends ohhh she loves my family.............and she is just a bitch!!!!! what can i do??? (link)
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Sweetheart...when you go on a break, and he gets a new girlfriend, you aren't together anymore.
You can move on. Anything else is just going to drag the hurt out longer.
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