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why do i feel like a slut..
okay this may be a bit long, just because i kind of have to explain something before i tell the actual story
so yes im pretty sure ive already told you about this before, but just incase you dont remember, here it is- ive been talking to this guy whom i met at my friends house back in december, weve kind of been on and off with our talking [we talk over facebook] basically ever since january, hes slowly been asking and pressuring me to do sexual things with him next time i see him at their house. which is this coming up saturday, by the way. it started out as just hooking up, then feeling me up, then it became a handjob, then it became fingering me, then he asked for a blowjob a lot [ i always said no but he thinks im going to] and now its having sex.[i would never do that with him, ever, but he really thinks we are because i cant get myself to say no because then he wont go to their house this weekend, so basically im in deep shit right now] i dont wanna get into this story too much because that isnt why im posting this. but basically, whenever im done talking with him, or while im talking with him, [he only talks to me now to have text sex and things like that. weve never really had a normal conversation, i hate it] i feel like a slut. and im always afraid people are going to find out and im going to feel so embaressed and bad about myself. basically ive been feeling like a hoe lately, he even called me that a few times so now i really am convinced that i am. :[ even when i walk down the hallways in school i feel like people look at me like they know about it.. but i think im just really paranoid. because i am..
but anyways, heres why i posted.
last weekend i went to this sweet sixteen party, and it was a lot of fun. but, well first of all i only knew a few of the people, i did become friends with some new people. but..all the new friends i made were guys. a few times during the party i would find myself being surrounded by guys, and then just me. for example, at one point i was dancing way too much so i went to go sit at a table. then one guy who im friends with came over and asked if i was okay and we were just talking. then another guy, who i met that night whos friends with the guy who was talking to me, came over and we were all talking. then another guy who im sort of friends with came out of no where and just sat with us too. then another random guy came over and was talking to me. and then another guy who im friends with came over and sat with us too. i was the only girl and they were all talking to me and they were joking about how [i dont remember how this came up] that i made a porno and that one of them bought it. or something stupid like that. and they were all talking to me and i just like..looked around and saw that everyone else was dancing but i was the only girl surrounded by all these guys and then i started feeling like a slut. i know they were kidding but the same kind of set up kept happening, even on the dance floor. i mean i was dancing kind of slutty at times, just like dropping but other people were doing that too. i dont know if its because..i dont know. but i feel like talking to this guy like that [the one who i met at my friends house] is making me like this..or maybe it isnt. i dont know. but i did kind of feel like a hoe last night. even what i was wearing..i mean it was just leggings and a shirt and small hoop earings but for some reason i just felt slutty. and these two guys who i met i was dancing around them and my friend who is a girl like most of the night, but one of the guys tried to grind with me and i didnt want to because i felt like i was being a slut. i dont know. i want to stop feeling like this, and i also feel like guys only think im hot and they dont want to actually get to know me and im starting to really not like it. i used to like it because of attention but now i know that they just talk to me because of my looks.
why do i feel like a slut now..is it because of that guy? this has just been going on for so long that i think its made an impact on me..but..i could be wrong. does it seem like i was being a slut at the party or something..i mean i wasnt..its not like i hooked up or anything, so no..right?
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Hmm.
Alright. Lets dissect that second paragraph.
A bunch of guys became sexually aroused by you. You were just having fun, but the way you had fun caused a large amount of interest in you. These guys were more than likely only interested in the possibilities of sex, and yet you found the attention flattering.
You like the way it feels to be wanted, but you feel bad because you feel like a slut when you enjoy being wanted purely for sex.
Its a war between emotions. On the one side, the intellectual and intelligent side of you wants to be wanted for your personality, for who you are. On the other side, the more animalistic instinctive side of you enjoys being wanted sexually.
There can be alot of conflict between the two. Thats usually where alot of what you're feeling comes to.
I understand it. I would consider myself an intellectual, I pride myself on not being the prototypical guy, on standing out from the pack in every way I can. My girlfriend loves me more than anything because of who I am.
At the same time, I am most definitely a straight guy. Subject to all of the desires and drives of any straight male with a high sex drive.
There is nothing wrong with being wanted and enjoying being wanted. Theres nothing wrong with that flush and quickened heartbeat you get when a guy you don't know gives you a look that lets you know he wants you.
But you are an intelligent person, and you're relatively self aware. That means you are capable of self control and should exercise it. You are capable of recognizing when sexuality can be a bad thing, and you just lack the experience to know WHY its a bad thing in every situation.
What do you do? You control yourself. You don't let yourself grind hard up against a guy you don't know, you don't ever, EVER give blowjobs, hand jobs, or even a kiss on the cheek to a guy who talks with you about nothing but sex, and you wait to find a guy you care about, who you know cares about you.
You weren't being a slut the way you were acting, but you felt like a slut because you wanted to do more on some level, and knew you shouldnt.
The problem with your situation is that you feel badly about whats going on in your head. Usually, its that "I don't WANT to control myself, I want to do what I want to do" that makes you feel like you're being slutty.
This is where self control is so important. I have tendencies towards wanting to sleep with every woman who appeals to me in any way. Strong tendencies, its a very active daily desire.
I don't mind it at all, and I don't feel badly about myself for it at all. I'm in a serious relationship, she knows I have these urges, and she does not care.
The reason, is self control. I know (and she knows) that I will not act on these urges, or even on possibilities that occasionally arise. To me, choice is important. I do not do anything I do not choose to.
Think about it. You can be a sexual person, but if you only allow the guy you're in love with access to that sexuality, that puts you ahead of the curve. By choosing to only let him get to know that side of you, you make everything about your sexuality that much more special.
As a last note, about the guys you're talking about. Your instincts are correct, right now you're starting to not always like the attention because you know its purely sexually motivated, and you want more. You don't want to be with a guy who only wants you for sex, you want a guy who wants you just as much for everything else that makes up who you are as a person.
Be true to that, save yourself for the men you meet who are capable of offering you the affection, the interest, and the connection you want in additional to the rampant sexuality.
You're learning something most women don't figure out until much later. Theres nothing unique about a horny guy who wants to fuck you. Its really nothing special.
What you need to look for is a guy who wants to fuck you silly, then spend five hours talking to you and listening to what you have to say. Interest outside the bedroom thats just as strong as interest inside it.
I'll be honest, at 14-18 alot of guys simply aren't mature enough to multitask like that. Don't be surprised if you don't find alot of guys right now who meet your standards for any kid of relationship. Some of those guys just haven't grown up enough.
The answer to your problem is by recognizing that you are a sexual person and that you DO like sexual attention. Then accepting that, and knowing that its perfectly OK, because you won't act on it until you know its the right time for you, and it will mean all the things you want it to.
Once you've mastered that, you'll probably still enjoy guys having sexual interest in you, but you'll be able to recognize it for the shallow interest that it is. And wanting more than a guy who just wants to fuck you, you'll be able to control yourself a lot easier because you won't want to do anything with a guy who doesn't measure up.
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