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Why can't I have an orgasm?!
My boyfriend and I are completely sexually active and have been for awhile. I can always completely please him but he has never given me an orgasm. I've gotten close before when he's fingered me but then the feeling just stopped. The stuff he does feels really good so I can't understand why I don't orgasm. Are there any suggestions to help me? My boyfriend and I were both really unexperienced when we started going out so maybe there's something that he needs to be doing and we just don't know about it. Any suggestions would be appreciated!
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I have to disagree with Jack on this one. Saying that 'most women can't' is incorrect, and it wouldn't make much of a difference if you were married or not.
Everyone is different, it's true that many women do find it difficult to achieve orgasm through penetrative sex, trying different positions can remedy this. However, it's much easier and often more pleasurable through other methods. You're both inexperienced so it's normal to have this problem. If you feel comfortable doing so, try and work out for yourself what feels good and show your boyfriend. You don't need to give him a full frontal show, just gently guide his hand to the right places. Just keep trying, it's really a case of trial and error. The key is to relax, if you're all tense and focussing too much on the end result then the chances are you won't get it. You're not abnormal and you have nothing to worry about.
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See Jack?
Jack is an idiot.
Sex is a skill. Like any skill, it requires practice and attention to be good at it. Don't be daunted by inexperience, just try things. If you lack ideas then go out in search of them together, do a little googling or something.
You want to know something funny? My girlfriend and I used to have sex that lasted close to an hour. We couldn't get her to climax either. And without climax, there was always plenty of tension and desire and we had plenty of energy to go forever.
Our sex is usually now (4 years later) about 15-20 minutes. Its not because its somehow worse, its because its so much better. We can both completely satisfy each other to the point that we can't continue without resting that quickly.
Its not some magical technique, its simply having been together enough that we know what each other likes from countless trials and errors. We know exactly what the other wants and needs in bed, and it is quite frankly amazing.
Try whatever you can think of, and talk to him about it before, during, and after. Open conversations about sex between sexually active couples are exciting and often lead to new ideas and approaches and alot of very healthy relationship bonding. Ask him what he likes, tell him what you like, and talk about your fantasies a bit.
As a piece of encouragement and also something to ground you, my girlfriend couldn't achieve orgasm for over a year of our relationship, and we were sexually active the entire time.
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Most girls can't. Even most married women can't.
Don't take it too hard.
There's not really anything you can do.
--Jack
(17/m)
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