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A gift to a minor becomes an unexpected sale
Last summer when my niece turned 16 I gave her my car as a gift, as she was about to learn how to drive. It was 8 years old and had 120,000 miles on it, a perfect car for a young, new driver.
Now, partly because the economic collapse has made it a buyer's market, my brother and sister-in-law have decided to buy a new car. However they can't afford, for insurance purposes, the gifted car, which would now become a third car in their family. So with my niece's okay they decided to sell the car which I had given her as a gift.
My question is (not for legal reasons but regarding the etiquette of the situation) should I receive any money once the car is sold? I feel like I gave my niece a gift, the type of gift which a teenager rarely receives, and that gift has turned into a money-making sale for my brother and sister-in-law, which obviously was not my intention. They see the situation differently, i.e., the car is now theirs, the picture has changed, and they can do this without regard for my feelings.
Thank you for your response.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Gift Giving?
Dear Mrs. Claus:
Giving your niece a car was a nice and generous gesture. It is unfortunate that she was not able to keep it.
Given the mileage, the car is not likely to sell for much. Attempting to obtain money from its sale is really not worth the risk of damaging the relationship you have with your brother and sister-in-law.
Gifts are not to be given with strings attached. Once you've given a gift, you no longer lay claim to it. The recipient can do with it as he or she pleases. You should not require nor expect any money from its sale.
If you had given the car to the parents and they no longer wanted it, I believe they should first offer it back to you prior to selling it. In terms of etiquette, that would be the right thing to do. However, you would still decline its return. It was a gift and if they'd find more use for the money, it's their prerogative to sell it.
If anything, your niece should expect money from its sale. The car was given to her and she is the one who is losing out. As you said though, she approved the decision to sell the car. Hopefully her parents will treat it as a loan from their daughter and replace the car at some point down the road.
Though I did not give you the answer for which you are looking, I hope you will find my advice useful.
Pete Peeves
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General etiquette says that once you give a gift, its gone.
Its usually bad form to sell a gift you got, but in extenuating circumstances like financial issues it should be acceptable to all parties.
As the car was a gift to her, the car is hers. Similarly, the money should be hers. Personally, my issue with this is if her parents keep the money from the car she was given, because the spirit of the gift was to give it to her.
You shouldn't be expecting to gain anything out of this, once the car passed out of your ownership its really none of your business, with the exception that you have every right to speak up to your brother and sister-in-law if they keep the money rather than using it for your niece in some way.
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I think it should be up to your niece. what is she going to drive once they sell her car? Honestly i dont think you should make a profit off the car. your niece should. you gave it to her so its not yours anymore.
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EDIT in response to feedback:
I think you are right, and so is everyone else, in thinking the sale of the car should benefit your niece in some way. HOWEVER, the point I want to make is that that benefit should be something for her and her parents to negotiate. If you think your niece is getting a bum deal, you are defiantly free to support her in making herself heard.
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No. There is no reason you should receive money.
They are correct. The car is now the young ladies, and she is free to give it to her parents to sell.
It would be unfortunate if your brother and sister-in-law where pushing the teen to do this against her own judgment, but you don't imply that they are. It seems instead, like the young lady also weighed the pros and cons and decided this would be a good choice for her family.
You can be miffed, if you would like. You can feel slighted or offended. No one can stop you from disapproving of their choices and feeling however you want. By all means if you feel your niece has been bullied into this arrangement, you should very, VERY gently remind her that the gift was to HER and that if she feels as though it's being taken from her she should speak up very firmly.
But that is as far as any 'etiquette' can allow.
Involving you in the discussion about what to be done about the car would have been courteous of them and might have spared some bad blood between you, but by no means was it required.
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